"Wahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Jamal, Won, and Saibara grabbed at their sides, tears rolling down their aching cheeks. They had been smoking pot for over an hour now, and outside, the church bells tolled in the distance, announcing it was 6 o'clock.
"Shhsuhhshhuushhhuuuu," Won slurred sloppily, swishing his finger like a windshield wiper over his mouth. "Quiet, sirs! Quiet! Do you hear that? Shhuhshh!"
Jamal and Saibara, respectively the new owner of the Seaside Lodge and Mineral Village's blacksmith, fell to a quiet hush as the bell tolled for the final time almost morosely, then faded away into the wind. "Whuzzatshit, man?" Jamal hiccupped accidentally, from too much laughter.
"Izza church bells!" Won replied, then slapped his knee as he cracked up again. The other two were only too willing to join him, filling the room with their laughter once more.
"Eh hehh heh heh, heuh... er. I don't get it," Saibara said, scratching his head.
"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the trio cracked up even more loudly.
Won and Jamal slapped each other on the backs, as Saibara shrugged and placed his mouth over the mouth of the bong. He sucked in all of the smoke till his cheeks swelled up like round, red balloons.
Jamal snorted painfully through his nose as he pointed at the face-bloated blacksmith, trying to stop laughing for just a minute. "Hah! You look like my blow up doll!"
Won stopped laughing abruptly, as his face scrunched up at Jamal. "Your what?," he asked almost seriously, but he gave in and began tittering, which caused another eruption of laughter all around the tiny stockroom in the Seaside Lodge. Saibara, who'd been holding in the smoke for as long as he could, gave up and swallowed the cheekfulls of marijuana smoke, and coughed lamely, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Oh man," Saibara wheezed, as the laughter finally subdued into quiet and mindless giggles. "This stuff is great, Jamal! Thank you for inviting me over!"
"Hey, brutha! No problem, ya hear me?" Jamal wiped the sweat out of his eyes, he had been laughing so hard. "Shit, man, this is fun. We gotta do this more often."
"I hear ya, bro!" Won said, in his typically heavy Chinese accent, just as an electronic beeping filled the darkened room.
Saibara grinned, but resisted the urge to call him a "flaming yellow pansy," as Jamal reached behind over and pulled out a cellular phone from his rear pants pocket.
"Oh shit, man!" Jamal exclaimed as he looked at the CallerID. "It's that herb dude!"
"Jack?" Saibara snickered, sending Won into a peal of laughter so that he fell backwards over his bean bag chair.
"Naw, man! That's 'nature boy'! It's that herb dude, y'know, thyme! Shit, whuzzisname?"
"Oh, you mean Basil!" Saibara snorted through his nose loudly. "Another blasted nilly-willy, if ever I saw one. But his daughter's a cutie, that's for sure!"
"Amen!" Jamal seconded, as he flipped his phone open. "Yo, herb dude! Talk to me!"
On the other end of the line, Basil, Mineral Village's only herbologist, stared at the phone. "Whadja call me? Who ya callin' a herb?" he asked loudly.
"Wahahahahaha!" the trio at the Seaside Lodge broke out again into fits of uncontrollable laughter, as Jamal tried hopelessly to quiet them with a wave of his hand.
"Shit, man! Shaddup already! Can't hear the herb dude on the other end of the line! Whassup, man? Watcha want?"
"Daddy, are you sure you're alright?" Mary's voice could be made out through the other end of the phone, concern filling her voice.
"Shit, woman! I said quiet already!" Basil snapped at his daughter, then giggled over the phone. "Er. Sorryry aboot that, man. The bitch just won't be quiet. Who are you, anyway?" he asked Mary.
"Daddy!"
"Hey man," Jamal said. "If you've got female probs, c'mon over to da lodge. Shit man, herb virgin and grumpy bald dude are already over here."
"Sxnrt!" Won snorted through his nose at that, which earned him a slap up the backside of his head from Saibara. "Begging your thousand pardons, sir, but I am no longer an herb virgin!"
"Huh?" Basil asked over the phone.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah.... hmmm," Jamal rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "We gotta get a new name for ya, dat's right." He shrugged. "Well, we'll think of one later."
"Just what's going on over there?" Basil managed to get out, between suppressed giggles. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, the usual. Drinking some Bud, smoking some bud," Jamal began, then froze. "Hey! You heard that? I rhymed! I was a poet, and didn't even know it!"
Basil, along with Won and Saibara on the other end of the phone, cracked up again. As soon as the laughter subsided, Basil screamed into the phone. "Whaaasaaaap?"
"Whazzzaaaaap?" Jamal screamed back in reply, wagging his tongue, then held the phone up in the air.
"Whut's uuupppp?," Saibara asked, as Won asked, "What iiisss uppppp?" Jamal smacked himself in the face and grinned hopelessly.
"Daddy! That's enough now! Hang up the phone and let's go right back home!" Mary pleaded on the other end. "What ever it is that you smoked, I don't like it one bit! Let's go home, daddy! Mother will be very upset!"
"Shit, that old broad? Who needs that fat old cow--? *click!*" Basil asked, and all of a sudden, the phone went dead in Jamal's hand.
"Hullo?" Jamal asked, as Won and Saibara continued tittering. "Hullo? Herb dude? You there?"
"You called him 'herb dude' again!" Won pointed, screaming in laughter, and then Jamal shrugged and threw the phone over his shoulder and went right back to smoking up.
----------------------------------------------
"That's enough for you," Doug said, his moustache bristling angrily. "I don't know what makes you think you can talk to your daughter in that manner, but it's just not like you, Basil!" Doug, the innkeeper of the Winespring Inn, wiped his glasses behind the counter nearly as furiously as the looks he was giving the herbologist.
"Now, you can't use my phone anymore until you go home and sober up," he added. "And jeezus, take a bath! You smell rancid."
"Sure thing, Dougie Wougie," Basil said, leaning on the bar counter. He was having a hard time keeping his face straight. "'Fore I go, I need ta ask ya for some food. Frankly, I'm starving. It seems hunger is a side effect of smoking that new kind of medicinal herb that Jamal sent me." Basil blinked, and wondered how he managed to get all of that out without cracking up once. "In any case, ya got anything to eat?"
"Well, this is more like it!" Doug put down the filthy glass behind the counter. It was clean enough. Besides, he had a customer to tend to now. "Making rowdy phone calls on my telephone is one thing, but making money for me is another! What'll you have?"
"I'll have a rotisserie chicken," Basil ordered, ignoring his daughter pulling in a futile effort on his arm. As if right on cue, his stomach rumbled wildly and loudly, startling Jeff, the town's grocer, who was sitting at a nearby table with a glass of grape juice in his hand (his kidney stones wouldn't let him handle anything stronger than that).
Both Basil and Doug stared, and even Mary seemed frozen to the spot. "Er, I'll have three of those," Basil said, sheepfacedly.
[to be continued ]
Jamal, Won, and Saibara grabbed at their sides, tears rolling down their aching cheeks. They had been smoking pot for over an hour now, and outside, the church bells tolled in the distance, announcing it was 6 o'clock.
"Shhsuhhshhuushhhuuuu," Won slurred sloppily, swishing his finger like a windshield wiper over his mouth. "Quiet, sirs! Quiet! Do you hear that? Shhuhshh!"
Jamal and Saibara, respectively the new owner of the Seaside Lodge and Mineral Village's blacksmith, fell to a quiet hush as the bell tolled for the final time almost morosely, then faded away into the wind. "Whuzzatshit, man?" Jamal hiccupped accidentally, from too much laughter.
"Izza church bells!" Won replied, then slapped his knee as he cracked up again. The other two were only too willing to join him, filling the room with their laughter once more.
"Eh hehh heh heh, heuh... er. I don't get it," Saibara said, scratching his head.
"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the trio cracked up even more loudly.
Won and Jamal slapped each other on the backs, as Saibara shrugged and placed his mouth over the mouth of the bong. He sucked in all of the smoke till his cheeks swelled up like round, red balloons.
Jamal snorted painfully through his nose as he pointed at the face-bloated blacksmith, trying to stop laughing for just a minute. "Hah! You look like my blow up doll!"
Won stopped laughing abruptly, as his face scrunched up at Jamal. "Your what?," he asked almost seriously, but he gave in and began tittering, which caused another eruption of laughter all around the tiny stockroom in the Seaside Lodge. Saibara, who'd been holding in the smoke for as long as he could, gave up and swallowed the cheekfulls of marijuana smoke, and coughed lamely, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Oh man," Saibara wheezed, as the laughter finally subdued into quiet and mindless giggles. "This stuff is great, Jamal! Thank you for inviting me over!"
"Hey, brutha! No problem, ya hear me?" Jamal wiped the sweat out of his eyes, he had been laughing so hard. "Shit, man, this is fun. We gotta do this more often."
"I hear ya, bro!" Won said, in his typically heavy Chinese accent, just as an electronic beeping filled the darkened room.
Saibara grinned, but resisted the urge to call him a "flaming yellow pansy," as Jamal reached behind over and pulled out a cellular phone from his rear pants pocket.
"Oh shit, man!" Jamal exclaimed as he looked at the CallerID. "It's that herb dude!"
"Jack?" Saibara snickered, sending Won into a peal of laughter so that he fell backwards over his bean bag chair.
"Naw, man! That's 'nature boy'! It's that herb dude, y'know, thyme! Shit, whuzzisname?"
"Oh, you mean Basil!" Saibara snorted through his nose loudly. "Another blasted nilly-willy, if ever I saw one. But his daughter's a cutie, that's for sure!"
"Amen!" Jamal seconded, as he flipped his phone open. "Yo, herb dude! Talk to me!"
On the other end of the line, Basil, Mineral Village's only herbologist, stared at the phone. "Whadja call me? Who ya callin' a herb?" he asked loudly.
"Wahahahahaha!" the trio at the Seaside Lodge broke out again into fits of uncontrollable laughter, as Jamal tried hopelessly to quiet them with a wave of his hand.
"Shit, man! Shaddup already! Can't hear the herb dude on the other end of the line! Whassup, man? Watcha want?"
"Daddy, are you sure you're alright?" Mary's voice could be made out through the other end of the phone, concern filling her voice.
"Shit, woman! I said quiet already!" Basil snapped at his daughter, then giggled over the phone. "Er. Sorryry aboot that, man. The bitch just won't be quiet. Who are you, anyway?" he asked Mary.
"Daddy!"
"Hey man," Jamal said. "If you've got female probs, c'mon over to da lodge. Shit man, herb virgin and grumpy bald dude are already over here."
"Sxnrt!" Won snorted through his nose at that, which earned him a slap up the backside of his head from Saibara. "Begging your thousand pardons, sir, but I am no longer an herb virgin!"
"Huh?" Basil asked over the phone.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah.... hmmm," Jamal rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "We gotta get a new name for ya, dat's right." He shrugged. "Well, we'll think of one later."
"Just what's going on over there?" Basil managed to get out, between suppressed giggles. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, the usual. Drinking some Bud, smoking some bud," Jamal began, then froze. "Hey! You heard that? I rhymed! I was a poet, and didn't even know it!"
Basil, along with Won and Saibara on the other end of the phone, cracked up again. As soon as the laughter subsided, Basil screamed into the phone. "Whaaasaaaap?"
"Whazzzaaaaap?" Jamal screamed back in reply, wagging his tongue, then held the phone up in the air.
"Whut's uuupppp?," Saibara asked, as Won asked, "What iiisss uppppp?" Jamal smacked himself in the face and grinned hopelessly.
"Daddy! That's enough now! Hang up the phone and let's go right back home!" Mary pleaded on the other end. "What ever it is that you smoked, I don't like it one bit! Let's go home, daddy! Mother will be very upset!"
"Shit, that old broad? Who needs that fat old cow--? *click!*" Basil asked, and all of a sudden, the phone went dead in Jamal's hand.
"Hullo?" Jamal asked, as Won and Saibara continued tittering. "Hullo? Herb dude? You there?"
"You called him 'herb dude' again!" Won pointed, screaming in laughter, and then Jamal shrugged and threw the phone over his shoulder and went right back to smoking up.
----------------------------------------------
"That's enough for you," Doug said, his moustache bristling angrily. "I don't know what makes you think you can talk to your daughter in that manner, but it's just not like you, Basil!" Doug, the innkeeper of the Winespring Inn, wiped his glasses behind the counter nearly as furiously as the looks he was giving the herbologist.
"Now, you can't use my phone anymore until you go home and sober up," he added. "And jeezus, take a bath! You smell rancid."
"Sure thing, Dougie Wougie," Basil said, leaning on the bar counter. He was having a hard time keeping his face straight. "'Fore I go, I need ta ask ya for some food. Frankly, I'm starving. It seems hunger is a side effect of smoking that new kind of medicinal herb that Jamal sent me." Basil blinked, and wondered how he managed to get all of that out without cracking up once. "In any case, ya got anything to eat?"
"Well, this is more like it!" Doug put down the filthy glass behind the counter. It was clean enough. Besides, he had a customer to tend to now. "Making rowdy phone calls on my telephone is one thing, but making money for me is another! What'll you have?"
"I'll have a rotisserie chicken," Basil ordered, ignoring his daughter pulling in a futile effort on his arm. As if right on cue, his stomach rumbled wildly and loudly, startling Jeff, the town's grocer, who was sitting at a nearby table with a glass of grape juice in his hand (his kidney stones wouldn't let him handle anything stronger than that).
Both Basil and Doug stared, and even Mary seemed frozen to the spot. "Er, I'll have three of those," Basil said, sheepfacedly.
[to be continued ]