Some of you may recall (in fact, you probably do) that last summer I went on vacation, during which I happened to be on a plane. A few chapters later, Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Jones took a plane ride. This summer, I went to Disneyland. Three guesses where our dear characters are going on shore leave.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, nor do I own Disney. They were created, respectively, by Gene Roddenberry and Walt Disney. Two very dissimilar yet equally great men. Oh yeah. Paramount. Can't forget them.
Chapter Forty-Two:
The Happiest Place on Earth
After their difficult mission with the Romulans (which followed their difficult mission with the tribbles, which followed their difficult mission with the Klingons, which followed…well, you've read the story, it's been a bit difficult), it was high time the Enterprise had some shore leave. And, as we can be sure they haven't been back to Earth since at least last August, it was time to pull into the homeport for a little vacation. The next question became, what do we do with it all? A question Kirk was down in Sickbay trying to answer.
"So, Bones, plan your shore leave yet?"
"Parts of it. Have you?"
"Parts of it," Kirk agreed. "Got a day free to do something?"
"I'll pencil you in," McCoy said dryly. "Thinking of doing anything in particular?"
"Well…" Kirk hesitated. "This may sound a little strange, but bear with me."
"I've been on your ship for four years, remember? Nothing sounds strange to me anymore."
"Well, I was thinking Disneyland."
McCoy blinked. "Disneyland?"
"It would be a change of pace," Kirk pointed out. "An excellent stress reliever. You're always telling me I have too much stress."
McCoy was doubtful. "I haven't been to Disneyland since Joanna was a kid."
"All the more reason to go. It'll be fun. It's not just a kid's place you know."
"I don't know, Jim…" McCoy said skeptically.
"Let me phrase it differently," Kirk suggested. "We could take Spock to Disneyland."
McCoy's eyes lit up. "I'm sold, let's go."
The most remarkable thing about it all isn't that Kirk wanted to go to Disneyland, or that he convinced McCoy. It's that they really did manage to take Spock. Spock stated that it would be an interesting opportunity to study human culture. McCoy was convinced that he just wanted to go to Disneyland, but, being Spock, wouldn't admit it. Either way, they all went to Anaheim on the third day of shore leave.
[A/N: I see no reason at all why Disneyland won't still be around in the 2260s. Granted, it probably wouldn't resemble today's Disneyland all that closely. Nevertheless, I am going to ignore that little factual detail, and send them on a jaunt through modern day Disneyland. It's more fun that way.]
The first thing they went on wasn't actually in Disneyland, but in California Adventure. Specifically, "Soarin' Over California," for the simple reason that everyone on the planet says it's the best ride in both parks and everyone on the planet is right. They then went to the Hollywood Back Lot replica, which they all thought looked vaguely familiar for reasons they couldn't identify. After that it was on to the board walk section, and the only roller coaster in Disneyland.
From the end of the line (of course there was a line; this is Disneyland, remember) Spock studied the roller coaster critically. "Are you quite certain this is safe?"
"I'm sure it's fine," Kirk said.
"But what guarantee of that do we have?" Spock persisted.
"Don't be a chicken, Spock," McCoy said absently. If he'd been thinking about it, he never would have said it. But he wasn't thinking and so he did. Say it, that is.
Spock considered. "Doctor, please explain in what way I am being poultry." Only a Vulcan could say that with a straight face.
It left McCoy without the faintest idea how to answer. He stared at Spock for a moment, and finally said, "Stop laughing, Jim."
"Who's laughing?"
"You are. Now let's stop talking about this and just ride the roller coaster, all right?"
So Spock never did find out in what way he was being poultry.
The line moved eventually, and sooner or later they got near the roller coaster. And Spock made a closer examination of it.
"I really do not think this is structurally sound."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "Spock, it's a roller coaster. Thousands of people ride it every day. I'm sure it's 'structurally sound.'"
"I am not certain. The lateral supports do not look sufficient to support the track. The kinetic energy would negate some portion of the gravitational energy, but in order to remain at a safe speed and prevent unanticipated vertical veering, the kinetic energy would have to be below certain levels, leaving the gravitational energy above those levels. Therefore, the structure remains unsound."
"In English, Spock." That was McCoy, of course.
Spock looked at him impassively. "The structure does not appear strong enough to support the weight of the ride. Therefore leading to potential crashes."
McCoy groaned quietly to himself, while Kirk attempted to look at it more reasonably. "I'm sure Disney knows what they're doing when they build roller coasters."
"That is a valid point," Spock acknowledged. "However, blind faith in the Disney Corporation does not alter the fact of the apparent instability."
The rest of the line was not completely unaware of the ongoing conversation. The man directly behind them injected himself into the conversation. "Hey, do you mean all of that gobbledygook?"
Spock's eyebrow rose. "Pardon?"
"All that stuff about crashing and burning. Do you mean it?"
"Burning, no. Crashing seems to be a possibility though."
"And you actually understand all that bunk about kinetic energy, and lateral speed, and…whatever?" someone else asked.
"It is basic physics," Spock said.
The word was passed on to the people farther back along the line, in murmurs and half-caught phrases.
"Hey, this guy up here thinks the roller coaster isn't safe."
"That's silly, what's he know?"
"I dunno, he sure sounds like he knows what he's talking about."
"So?"
"And he's Vulcan. Don't Vulcans usually know what they're talking about?"
"Oh, this one always knows what he's talking about," McCoy snapped.
A little paradoxically, this just added to the growing tumult.
"If it's unsafe, why are going on this ride?"
"Has anybody ever gotten hurt?"
"No, but they're saying it's unsafe."
"I think we should leave."
"I think we should sue."
"Yeah, let's sue!"
"Things seem to be becoming a trifle chaotic," Spock observed. "I would not have expected even humans to become this emotionally charged in so short a time."
A trifle chaotic did not do it justice. Riotous was closer. The vast majority of the line had become utterly convinced that the ride was unsafe, and something should be done. The issue of where this information had come from did not seem to matter.
"We should do something," Kirk said.
"Such as?" McCoy asked.
"I have no idea."
So they watched as chaos surged around them and the crowd of peaceful vacationers turned into a riot demanding the head of the president of the Disney Corporation. It wasn't long before Disney Security turned up, trying to quell the chaos, and demanding to know who had started the whole business in the first place.
"That's it," McCoy announced, "we're getting out of here. I did not come on shore leave to be arrested for accessory to creating mass panic."
"I do not think, Doctor, that that is an actual charge capable of being brought against—"
McCoy ignored him, employed as he was in pushing his way through the crowd. Spock cocked an eyebrow, Kirk shrugged, and they both followed McCoy out. It took awhile, but they finally made it out of the riot that had turned into a mob. They watched from a distance as the security called in reinforcements.
"Honestly, Spock," McCoy complained, "I can't take you anywhere. Jim, stop laughing!"
* * *
They made it out of the riot scene easily enough, and Disney Security failed to apprehend them. They abandoned the roller coaster entirely in favor of the Ferris Wheel, which was supposed to provide excellent views of the park. And, as an added plus, it didn't have an uprising around it.
However, it had its own problems, as they discovered when they were about halfway through the line (and of course there was a line). That was when the Ferris Wheel stopped to let off passengers and failed to start up again.
After a short period of uncertain waiting, the attendant got a bullhorn, and announced, "We seem to be having some technical difficulties. There is no cause for concern. We hope to have the Ferris Wheel running again very soon."
"This isn't our day, is it?" McCoy commented.
"Could be worse," Kirk pointed out. "We could be the guy stuck in the top car."
The guy stuck in the top car was having similar thoughts. And, though it was faint, his shouting was identifiable even on the ground. "Technical difficulties?! I'm trapped! And I hate heights!"
"Uh, there is no cause for concern. We'll have everyone down shortly. In the meantime…sit tight," the attendant said uncertainly.
"No cause for concern? I'm doomed!"
Kirk was shaking his head. "No. Absolutely not. Can't be. The odds are astronomical."
"Uh…please…stay calm…" The attendant had no idea what to do, and he wasn't helping anything.
"Doomed, I tell you! Doomed!" came the hysterical shriek.
"Billions of people on the planet. Millions of places he could have gone. Thousands of people just in this park. And it's got to be Jones," Kirk said bleakly.
"The kid has rotten luck," McCoy mused.
"Yeah. Let's get out of here before it spreads."
"That is not logical, Captain."
"Jones rarely is. Come on, I'm leaving. The Ferris Wheel, the boardwalk, even the park. Time we got over to Disneyland anyway."
"Are you sure we should just abandon Jones?" McCoy asked, looking upward at the marginally calmer but still distressed ensign.
"What are we gonna do, climb up and haul him down? Disney'll take care of it, that is their job."
"Good point."
"Right. They'll send Mickey or something. Let's go."
* * *
They left California Adventure, crossed the plaza, and waited in line to get into the other park. Showing their tickets at the gate, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy entered Disneyland. The first thing to see was a giant flowerbed, with flowers grown in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head. The inevitable mouse.
Walking through an archway, they came out on Main Street, Sleeping Beauty's Castle looming in the distance at the end of the street.
Strolling down the street, McCoy read a sign over a door on their right. "'Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln.' Should we check that out?"
Kirk grinned. "Wouldn't miss it."
Spock nodded. "It could be instructive."
Inside, the great moment proved to be the Gettysburg address—a great moment to be sure. Delivered by a very realistic animatronic Lincoln, it was impressive to say the least.
"Well, that was impressive," McCoy said, as they walked back into the sunshine.
"I've always found it stirring," Kirk agreed with the utmost solemnity.
"Lincoln was one of the more noteworthy products of your species," Spock said calmly.
"Anyway, impressive," McCoy repeated. They walked a few more steps. "Of course," McCoy continued, "it doesn't compare to the real thing."
"No, of course not," Kirk agreed, nodding sagely. "Impressive, still impressive. But not as impressive as the actual man, of course."
"Except for having met him, I'd find it really very extraordinary."
"I'd have to agree. And it's not Disney's fault that one or two—well, three—of their guests happened to have met the great man himself."
"No, can't blame Disney, they do very well. I thought the likeness was very good."
"And we'd be in a position to know."
"We would. And y'know, I think we're attracting stares, Jim."
Kirk looked around. "We are indeed," he observed. They were indeed. Quite a lot of stares, in fact. "Maybe we should continue to 'Great Moments with Mr. Cochrane.'"
"He probably won't compare to the real thing either though," McCoy pointed out.
"No, but he'll be impressive," Kirk countered.
"Oh, indubitably."
They continued on, leaving more than a few odd looks behind them.
"You did that deliberately," Spock observed.
"Yeah, we did," Kirk agreed.
"That's where the fun is."
* * *
They saw Great Moments with Mr. Cochrane (which was impressive) and then continued down Main Street. They passed the statue of Walt and Mickey [A/N: My personal favorite spot in Disneyland.], and headed on through the castle. This put them in Fantasyland. Which is very picturesque [A/N: And another of my favorite parts of Disneyland; hey, once you pass the archway, everybody's a kid.], but not really the best place for our dear characters. After all, as cute as "Peter Pan's Flight" might be, it's not really the sort of thing they'd go on. The Matterhorn was a better possibility. They weren't the only ones to think so, as there was, naturally, a long line (and while waiting in it they were told repeatedly—that is to say, again and again and again and again and again until Kirk wanted to shoot the loudspeaker except that he had left his phaser on the ship—to "please keep your hands, arms, feet, legs, tails, and snouts inside the vehicle at all times. And watch your children!") And after the Matterhorn, there was always the inevitable.
"So do we want to go on Smallgalaxy?" McCoy asked. "It's corny, but it's a classic."
Kirk shook his head. "Singing Klingons? No thanks. And if I never see another Romulan…"
"Never mind, bad idea. We could go in the Haunted Mansion instead. It's equally corny and equally classical, and not a Romulan in sight."
"Sounds good."
Spock's eyebrow rose. "A 'haunted' mansion?"
"Don't ask, Spock, you'll see."
And he did see, fairly soon. They naturally had to walk from Fantasyland over to New Orleans's Square, but nowhere's too far from anywhere else in Disneyland. And then there was the line, because there's always a line, but it does always move, and fairly quickly. So, sooner rather than later, they got inside the mansion.
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and what felt like 3,000 other people squeezed into the circular room. The doors slid shut, and they were left in a small, wood-paneled chamber, with a row of pictures hanging along the top. The lights dimmed, and the pictures began to stretch longer and longer.
"We seem to be in an elevator," Spock observed.
"That's not the point," McCoy said.
They stopped moving downwards. There were no doors. Which the booming voice was quick to point out.
"You will see," it boomed, "that there are no doors, and no windows. How will you get out?"
"Transporter," Kirk said immediately.
"And transporters can't penetrate the magical layer either," it continued.
"Oh well, guess we're trapped for eternity," Kirk said lightly.
"Of course," the voice said with a malicious laugh, "there's always my way!"
The evil laughter continued, and the room was plunged into darkness. Naturally half the occupants felt the need to scream. Spock found it illogical.
After a moment the lights returned, a panel slid open, and the crowd proceeded along a dark passageway, to finally board the seats that would carry them along the rest of the ride. Each vehicle could seat up to two.
By a whim of Fate (or Fanfiction writer), the Starfleet officers didn't end up aligned in the best possible arrangement. Kirk had his own. Which put Spock and McCoy together.
Kirk derived more entertainment from listening to them in the car ahead of him than he did from the ride itself.
They rode past a lot of skeletons and rattling doors. They soon got to the most memorable part—the banquet hall filled with dancing ghosts.
"Holographic projections, no doubt. Or perhaps three-dimensional images on screens. Quite good effect."
"Shut up, Spock."
Next came the graveyard.
"Animatronic figures rising from holes hidden behind tombstones. I would assume their intended value lies in surprise."
"Shut up, Spock."
Next came the singing plaster busts.
"Hmm. I am uncertain if these are animatronic or holographic. Perhaps a combination."
"Shut up, Spock."
"At the end, the booming voice was back to explain, laughing all the time, about how ghosts like to 'hitchhike.' Which led into the row of mirrors featuring ghosts in the middle of every car.
"Obviously three-dimensional images, timed to match the traveling speed of the cars."
"Shut. Up. Spock."
They dismounted at the end of the ride, and exited back into the sunlight of Disneyland.
"So, enjoy the ride?" Kirk asked, grinning.
"It's a little difficult," McCoy snapped, "to enjoy it when every blasted thing is being explained as you go!"
Spock was a little puzzled. "I am not comprehending your problem. Surely you were not under the impression that these were actually spectral beings?"
"No! Of course not, but…that's not the point! Jim, explain it to him!"
"No, thank you, I'm staying out of this one. I'm here to relax, remember?"
* * *
When the dusk settled in and the fireworks started lighting the sky over the Castle, the Starfleet officers decided it was time they headed home. They walked out the main gate and down the boulevard towards the transport station, and Kirk asked something he'd been wanting to know all day.
"So, Spock, in the final analysis: what do you think of Disneyland?"
Spock considered. "It is not a simple matter to pronounce judgment on the entire park. Some exhibits were better than others. Some were quite instructive, while others were most unrealistic."
"I told you, the flying elephants aren't supposed to be real." That was McCoy. (And no, they didn't ride those anyway.)
"As I was saying," Spock continued, "it varied. I did note one over all theme though, which I believe will allow me to make a final conclusion."
"Okay. So what do you think of Disneyland?" Kirk repeated.
"It seems to be a large-scale commercial enterprise dedicated to the glorification of a mouse."
Kirk and McCoy looked at him. They looked at each other. They looked back at him.
"You know…" McCoy said slowly, "much as I hate to admit it…that's really not very far off."
Wedge Antilles: You see by now, I'm sure, why I was somewhat surprised when you made a suggestion related to Disney. I wrote most of this while I was still on vacation, predating your suggestion. Coincidence.
Shameeka: There's definitely a market for varying kinds of tribbles going untouched here…
Unrealistic: Yay, a new reviewer hung around for at least two chapters! Usually they review once and vanish. (feel free to do that, actually, anyone who's reading this and not reviewing, it's better than nothing) Anyway, we just might get a look at that psyche file…we'll see.
Beedrill: You are much, much too good for my ego. How am I supposed to remain humble and unassuming? Oh well, I love it… As to your question, how much I plan ahead varies. For example, the Romulans initially turned up for the simple fact that I knew I would need to get rid of the tribbles somehow, and beaming them onto an enemy ship is the easiest way. Hence the Romulans almost complete lack of motivation, in contrast to the Klingons. As for using the tribbles on the Romulans, I'm not sure when I thought of that, but it was definitely a matter of how can I use the types of mutant tribbles, not what types of mutant tribbles should I create to use on the Romulans. And I didn't think of running the Romulans over until I came to it. Conclusion: Some was planned, and some was completely blind luck.
Silverfang: So…is the SPCR still happy with me, or was the Ferris Wheel not terribly nice?
Alania: I love referring back to chapters too. That's what makes it a serial. : ) And I agree it's a dreadful thing when video stores don't have the desired episodes. Of course, on the other hand, how many TV shows do they have any episodes of? Star Trek's about the only ones at my video store.
I believe that's all. I expect to be posting again soon. In the meantime, review!