Buffy began to gently shake as she felt her tears begin to cease. The whole time Xander didn't say much, just told her she had done the right thing to come here, and that she wasn't a whore. She was a decent person, who for a moment had been lost. But she was back now; she had been found, by people who loved her.
Then his phone rang; he listened to Anya say that she was worried, since he hadn't come home for over an hour. He explained he was with Buffy catching up, and Anya reluctantly told him to take his time. She knew Buffy held a place in his heart; she knew that he loved Buffy like he could never her. But in a different way to how her grip on his heart laid, Buffy held his heart like a sister, or mother would.
Before Anya had shown her interest in the construction worker, he had loved Buffy, he had wanted to make her happy, but there was no way it would have ever worked. They were to close, and even now, as he sat in some service station, she knew no matter how lonely Buffy got, or how upset, Xander would never make love to her, he wouldn't be able to. Anya didn't know why he couldn't… or should that be wouldn't she thought to herself.
Buffy sobs had stopped completely. She looked at Xander's face, noticing the open pores on his nose, his stubble, trying to grow under his chin. She felt an urge to tell him more about her hidden life, and almost as if reading her mind Xander opened his mouth to talk.
"So, you gonna tell me about you and Spike? There was a lot of tension between you two." He smiled to soften his words.
"I met earlier this morning, I went for a run and he went for a walk. He fell and hurt himself, so I went back and cleaned him up. Not much more to tell really."
"So do you recon he'll be a good tenant?" the secret meaning beneath his words didn't go unnoticed by Buffy, he wasn't asking her approval, he wanted to know if Buffy felt anything for him, and depending on how she answered his question, he would know.
"Yea, he should be ok. I mean there's no way I'd really know, but he seems a nice enough man."
"Yea seems alright." Xander took a sip of his now freezing coffee, pulling a face as he spat it back into the polystyrene cup. Buffy exploded with laughter and Xander raised his hands up…
"What? You think me drinking coffees funny?" as her laughter increased Xander put his coat on.
"Come on giggle goat. Lets get you home to bed." Buffy put her coat on, her laughter dying slowly. Once they were back in the comfy warm confinements of Xander's car, they both chatted about nothing. Xander not wanting Buffy to think that he felt anything less for her from her from her revelations. Once back at the Giles, Xander handed Buffy a ripped piece of paper. Before she opened it he looked at her.
"Buffy I want you happy, we all do, and I think you and Spike, you could be good together…" Buffy opened her mouth to interject. He held his finger to his lips in a sign to be quiet.
"…That's his address and number, and if I know Spike the nights still young, think about ringing him." He kissed her cheek before giving her a slight nudge.
"Now get out, you heard Anya, I have obligations I'm to be held to, and your holding them up." With that they both laughed, all tears forgotten about. She got out and before closing the door looked once more into her best friends eyes.
"Thanks Xander, you the best." With that she left him, walking to the front door.
Once inside she heard Xander pull away. Looking at her place of dwelling, she noticed all lights turned out, and soft snoring sounds coming from upstairs, walking to the kitchen Buffy saw the note on the refrigerator, telling her the couple sleeping upstairs had called in for an early night. Opening the door she felt the cool air greet her, she slipped her had in and pulled out the carton of orange juice, after pouring herself a glass, she made her way to the sitting room where finally she opened the torn piece of paper. Scribbled in Xander's handwriting in bold letters stood:
Spike-01604 557558
28D the Bunk
Northants.
Ring him!
Xxx
Buffy blushed, Xander the matchmaker! Usually, he hated her with other guys, he was protective, scared they would hurt her. Every time she came over to England, she had some male try and latch on, but he would scare them away. That was until he got married.
She remembered the telephone call like it was yesterday. Xander was on the other end sounding tense as he invited her to the wedding, but she couldn't make it. She had tried to move heaven and earth to get over to England, but Riley wouldn't let her, she might lose her job if she up and left. Then they would have no income and no home. But on the day of the wedding, she had gone around to her moms, who had let her use the phone. And she sat and listened to the wedding march, hearing the sighs as Anya had walked up the aisle. But then the panic when Oz had pulled Willow aside. The phone had been stuffed in Willows pocket; Buffy forgotten about as she listened to the muffled panic in the best mans voice. She heard Oz tell his girlfriend that Xander had 'hopped it'. Buffy felt the ice fingers grip her as her mobile rang, to see the international call number flash. Hanging up her mothers phone, she picked up hers.
"Hey Xand…" Buffy tried to say casually.
"Hey Buff," His voice high and on edge.
"Aren't you supposed to be getting married?" Buffy asked feeling her hope slide away.
"Um, Yes. I think Anya's standing under the Gazebo about now." He chuckled harshly before adding.
"I can't do it."
"Yes you can Xander… You love her." Buffy tried to reason.
"Do I?"
"Of course you do. Or else why did you ask her to marry you?" 'Good Buffy' she thought, 'reasoning's a good thing'.
"Honestly… height of passion."
"Oh Xand." She said sadly. "Really?"
"Well, you should have seen her face, she looked so beautiful. When I asked her, she lit up, like it was the most important question she had ever been asked. And I hadn't the heart to say I didn't really mean it… so I thought 'I know, long engagement.' But she wanted it to happen straight away, no matter what I said."
"But… you love her, you know all her bad parts, right? And still you were with her yesterday… so she's not that bad."
"No Buffy, she perfect. Too perfect, I'm frightened that I won't be all she deserves. Buff I can't marry her. It's all too much way to soon. I mean am I ready to, I don't know have kids?"
"Xander, you don't have to have kids the minute you get married, it could be just you and Anya. Happy, together… in love." Buffy's voice grew quieter, as she realised the fear gripping her best friends heart. A panic that she to felt whenever Riley talked about 'rugrats' and marriage. She wanted to tell him to run, and never look back. But she had no right to put her own fears into his life.
"Xander. Honey listen, do what you think best. I'll always be there for you." She listened for any noise, a sign he was still there, and it came in a form of a sniff, then another until she could hear him wail.
"Xand, Xander don't cry, come on sweetie, everything will be alright, you just need to clear your head."
After more endearments from Buffy, Xander finally stopped.
"I've been wondering around for nearly forty-five minutes, and not once have I thought, 'I'll go back. Get married' I don't want to be tied down."
For nearly thirty minutes Buffy and Xander spoke, Buffy trying to get Xander to be happy, Xander trying to get his point across, both in the end getting their succeeding. Xander decided to travel for a while, he was going to phone Willow, leave a voicemail for Anya, and disappear for a while.
And he did. Nobody heard from him for nearly four months, and then he came back. Anya was dealing, not very well at first, but soon after being left at the alter; she became a little better at coping. When they first bumped into each other at Bar Life, the local nightclub, apparently the atmosphere was thick, Anya wanted an apology and Xander wouldn't give one. He said he did the right thing, she said he broke her heart in two.
She had stormed off that night and brought a bottle of vodka, she had gone to a derelict house, waiting to be knocked down. She drank her worries away, not knowing a thing about where she was, or what was due to happen. At nearly three in the morning she had woke up the last of the vodka sitting to her right, she picked up the nearly empty bottle and drained it into her mouth. Trying once again to wash away all the pain one Xander Harris had caused. Just as blackness began to take her again, she felt a presence, and then heard heavy footsteps. A cold hand gripped her insides, making her tense up. She was drunk but still alert.
Then she saw them, three lads smoking very bright cigarettes in the dark room. She watched them walk towards her hoping they would miss her completely. Not notice her tiny frame. She stopped breathing and held the vodka bottle tightly in her right hand.
The first bloke was tall, blonde hair with a cap balanced to the left, his baggy trousers making him look skinnier than he was, a short sleeve shirt covering a black long sleeve top.
The second had jet-black hair, he to was small framed, skinny, but the muscles protruded from his tight cream top, rippling as he walked. He obviously had broken his nose earlier that night, as they all laughed at the blood still dripping onto his top.
The third was the most scariest, he was stunning, had the looks of a Greek God (although he was fully English) he had the tightest muscles Anya had ever seen, he was huge, his head a little to small for his body, yet still his baby blues shone with authority, he was boasting about a little blonde he had just fucked and dumped all in the same night, making the others laugh. He was the big boy, he was the boss of the small group, and they were hard, if not evident by the muscles but the tone of their voice.
"Hey up. What we got 'ere then? Johnny I think someone's stumbled onto our territory."
The other two laughed as Anya panicked. She couldn't see them any more; they had come to far into the shadows.
"You know, I like blondes." Said a voice to her left.
Anya felt fingers run through her hair softly, she closed her eyes scared to look. The fingers curled into a balled fist, and she felt herself being pulled into a standing position. Her eyes opened as the pain ran through her head, her hand gripped the one holding her locks, and she murmured about the pain.
"What that love? You think this hurts?" Anya nodded to afraid to say anything.
"Johnny, go get the lights… wanna see if she's worth fucking." Ice fingers left her hair and held her chin, panic took aver her body as she trembled with fear. She wanted to scream, but knew there was no use. Another ice hand grabbed her bare shoulder fingers digging into the skin.
The room lit up as two torches wandered it. The false light now illuminated Johnny's face, his piercing visible, his eyes clear, his bloody nose still dripping.
"Go clean yourself up, then you can play. I get to go first."
"Ok, Paul. I get to go second, Dils a messy fucker." With that the torches were passed over and pointing directly into Anya's eyes temporarily blinding her.
"Please…" She muttered, trying hard to make her voice heard.
"Oh she speaks, what's your name sweetie? Huh I liked to scream it out as I fuck you. Makes it kinda romantic." The two left in the room laughed as she let out a squeak.
"Well I'm waiting." His hand began to caress her face. Making her skin crawl, he traced her eyes then down her nose across to her right cheek. As he traced her lips Anya opened her mouth, and as his fingers began to slip in, she bit down as hard as she could.
He screamed out in pain, withdrawing his fingers holding them to his chest, cursing obscenities under his breath. Seeing her means of escape Anya ran, tying to avoid the lights held by the other man. She ran into what must have been the kitchen, and straight into Johnny. He wrapped his arms tight around her waist making her scream as she saw the ringleader walk towards her. With all his might he slapped her, leaving her ears ringing, and her cheek immediately red, she screamed again as Johnny lifted her up off her feet, her back digging into his chest.
She head butted his nose, making the blood pour once again. He dropped her to the ground and she crumbled to the floor and felt a kick in the ribs.
"You Fucking Bitch!" Johnny screamed, as he kicked her for the second time.
Anya cried as all three began to kick her. She felt one rib break, then another, the vodka bottle was still in the other room, and she had no way of defending herself.
The kicks still rained over Anya's body and she tried to stand, the men finally laid off. Blood was all over her, she felt her bones scream in agony, her head seemed to make her feel dizzy and sick. As she stood tall she threw up over Paul's shoes. As she heaved for the final time, pain so painful it became numb, she looked into the eyes of the Dil. He didn't seem to do anything, just seemed to be along for the ride, she searched his eyes with her puffed out black ones, and tried to search out the goodness from within him. He just laughed as Paul made a comment about his new Doc Martians; once again she searched his eyes as Johnny pushed her against the wall.
As he licked up her neck, she still searched his eyes begging him for help. At the same time vowing revenge on all three, that was if she managed to get away alive. She shuddered as he nipped her tender flesh under her ear. All energy seemed to leave her body, she was beaten, her body sagged as he fingered her breasts. Trying to lift her awkward top up, but failing he settled for feeling them under the material.
She heard a cackle of a girl and another male, walking by past the house, and the spirit within her rose. She screamed and shouted help. When her closest attacker covered her mouth, she kneed Johnny in the family jewels. Slowly and in great pain she ran. She jumped through a pane-less window, landing on grass, a girl noticing her and shouted to her boyfriend. She ran over to see if Anya was all right, and stopped when she saw a lifeless girl covered in blood.
The minute Xander heard he was at the hospital. He sat by her side until she woke up, and whilst he waited, he vowed to make everything better. If she would let him, he asked her to marry her the first time they made love when she got out of hospital. She declined, and when he asked her again, she agreed, after a few months they were wed, and Buffy was able to be there. Angel had let her have the time off. That was the last time she had seen her friends up till now. So much had changed, she just hoped she could handle them all grown up, when inside she still felt like an 18 year old.
*-*-*-*-*-*
She had decided to take a big step. So what if he turned her down… so what if he didn't, either way she was going to see Spike.
After a shower, a shave, a wash, and shampoo. She lotioned her body with her favourite vanilla moisturiser, she styled her hair and put on a tight pair of jeans and a small top. Spraying her favourite perfume, she left.
Jumping in a cab had been easy, as had pulling up outside the block of flats. It was knocking on the door that was hard. For nearly five minutes she stood facing the wooden door. Her hand perched ready to knock. But she couldn't. When she lent against the door her hard bag knocked the door, causing her to jump and cover her mouth, she tried with her fist to make it an even knock… so she didn't look that stupid.
The door swung open wide, and Buffy's mouth went dry. There he stood, his toned muscles flexing on their own accord whilst the moonlight washed over him, his legs standing tall, watching her face.
"Sorry did I wake you?" Buffy asked, frightened in case she had made a big mistake.
"Yes goldilocks, what do you want?" His voice was rough and sexy, sleep still hanging around in his features; Buffy felt her body tremble at his words. She hated the name goldilocks, but when he used it, everything bad about it seemed to disappear.
"Well I thought that, well umm," She coughed and stared into his eyes. "I thought that we got on ok this morning and that tonight was not right."
He raised his eyebrow. A small scar making itself present.
"Coming in?" he asked interested, wondering whether his fantasy was going to come true.
Stepping over the threshold Buffy felt comfortable, Spike walked through to the living area and Buffy followed, gently they both sat down, eager to feel each other, but not daring to make the first move. So sitting at opposite sides of the couch, the waited a moment before eventually Buffy spoke up.
"So… how come you were in the hotel room this morning when you had this place." She looked around gazing at the class of the place.
"Only got fixed up today, Whelps got some good taste, I haven't looked around yet." She smiled
"Well what you waiting for?" She smiled seductively, and Spike knew what ever she'd ask… He'd do.