Well here it is...you guys have been bugging me for ages, and I've finally
decided to hang the homework and revision and coursework and continue with
the fic! I'll be updating...pretty soon, I hope...to Pirates of the
Mausoleum as well...
Thank you, all my devoted loyal peeps, who gave me some splendunkulous reviews.. I hope this meets up to your expectations!
Chapter 2:
Snape scanned the corridor with his eyes, his poisonous gaze finally locating a group of students standing huddled in the corner. He recognised Potter's scar and Weasley's hair, and marched towards them, a malicious smile fixed firmly upon his face.
He stood behind the group for a second, then...
"Potter," he drawled lazily, seeing with some satisfaction the shock on the boy's face. If Granger's involved in the spying, I bet young Potter will be in on it too, he thought. But...I wonder...he seems naturally surprised that I should seek him out...then Snape saw the fleeting glimpse that passed between the boy wonder and his red-haired friend, and smiled to himself.
"Yes, sir?" affected Potter, trying to look polite and attentive.
How can I seem to play right into your hands? I must give you a reason to give me a detention, so I can try and find out who you like and tell all my friends...
How can I get you to play right into my hands? You will give me a reason to give you a detention, so I can fool you and all your pathetic, student friends...
"Potter, I...I thought..." Snape cursed inwardly. Damn, but he was sounding like a mumbling girl! I must get Potter to insult me...
...I must provoke Snape...
With a sudden gesture, Harry stepped forward and slapped Snape smartly around the face. "Shall we say pistols at dawn, sir?!"
Snape turned back to him, his eyes dark and confused above the vivid handprint on his cheek. "What just...happened here...?" he managed, replaying the last five seconds in his mind. Maybe Potter was actually hankering after a detention; yes, that would be it. Better not disappoint the boy...
With a sharp movement he stepped forward and slapped Harry round the cheek. "No, boy! We will say detention at six! My dungeon!"
He saw the boys exchange exultant glances out of the corner of his eye, and Ron's slightly disappointed look. Turning to go, he felt the air shift behind him, and then a hand sharply connected with his...albeit poorly- fleshed backside.
Snape squealed like a firework, fell over and got tangled up in his voluminous black robes. He stood up with bad grace, like an unfolding coathanger, and turned around to the giggling group of students with a dire expression on his face. He noticed Ron, with his hand still outstretched, grin triumphantly and wait for the oncoming detention.
Instead, Snape swallowed his anger and smiled seductively at the infuriating boy. "Now now, Weasley, we all know you want to join us. Try and keep your jealousy under control...because I'm not into threesomes!"
* * *
Harry poked his head around the dungeon door, peering around to catch a glimpse of Snape. Seeing nothing, he edged cautiously inside and started to walk slowly towards the front. The dungeon was dark and damp, and the sun had long been abed, so all the pillars threw flickering shadows over the deep dark blue of the stone floor.
Silence.
Harry kept walking slowly up the aisle, his heartbeat sounding awfully loud in his ears. As he got to the front he felt a soft displacement of air, and whirled round to see...
...nothing.
His heart hammering loudly with fright, Harry continued up to the front desk. Now he saw the dungeons at night, he could start to see the glimmerings of truth in some of the more dire and bizarre rumours he had heard...who knew what mystery was to be found here, at night, in the favourite haunt of an 'ex' death eater, the notorious, mysterious, professor Severus Snape!
Not Harry, certainly...
He turned again at another soft swish, closer now, that seemed to come from right behind him. He was terrified now, and reached for a taper that was lying on the desk. He lifted it and magically lighted it with his wand, but the light given off was too weak, so he reached it forward to touch the wick of the lantern hanging on the wall... his terror was everything, now, and the horrors he imagined in store for him almost made him defecate with fear...a vampire, a banshee, one of those people with the belly buttons that sticks out....
...the room flooded with light. And there, in front of Harry, was the last thing he had imagined.
He screamed.
There, in front of him, was...
...
... Snape...
...
...in a red herring suit. (heh, told you!)
Immediately, Snape darted forward and clamped a hand over his mouth. "Quiet, you idiot! I don't want you attracting anyone who could see me dressed like this! Understand?"
Harry nodded, trying not to breathe in the perfumed essence of Snape's hand. As soon as the hand was removed he looked his Professor up and down.
"Erm...sir...why are you dressed like that?"
Snape opened his mouth angrily. "Foolish boy! Why am I dressed like this? I'll bloody well tell you why I'm dressed like this! I..."
He paused, and his face fell out of its contortions, his upraised finger slowly descending. "...er...why am I dressed like this?" he asked with some embarrassment. He looked down at his costume, then shook his fist in the air. "I mean, a herring? Why? I'm Severus Snape, not some kind of wet fish! Couldn't it have been some kind of more majestic animal like a....a platypus? Or...a lion..." He caught sight of Harry's amused smirk, and then stared in horror as a huge finger descended from a gaping hole in the roof and yea, verily, a voice was heard throughout the land...
-"Oi! I'm the writer, Sev-dude, I can do what I bloody well want! If I want you to be in a herring suit, I can do it! It's not your place to question me! I can make you do anything I want...here, watch this!" –
Severus started to prance gaily around the room, waving his hands around in a girly fashion. "Why are you doing this to me?" he wailed, skipping circles around the astonished Harry. "What have I ever done to you?" he moaned, as pink flowers cascaded from his wand and attached themselves in pretty rows around his previously threatening, bleak dungeon.
"Say who's the boss here!" –
Snape started to do the Macarena, doing extra-provocative butt-wiggles at Harry. "I'll say it! Anything! Just please, let me have my body back!"
"Say it! Or I'll make you make out with the boy..." –
Harry gasped in terror as Snape's face loomed close to his own, lips puckered for a long, extra-squelchy smooch. "You're the boss!" the professor squeaked, his mouth almost close enough to brush Harry's. "You're the boss, the super-almighty-merciful-beautiful-wonderful-queen-of- everything!"
With a gasp Snape straightened up, rubbing his mouth violently with one hand. The giant finger prodded him sharply in his herring-stomach.
"And don't you forget it! Now, on with the show!" –
"I feel unclean!" whimpered Harry, retching on the floor, "so unclean! Uncleeeeeean..." Then he realised his original purpose, and, with one last spit on the floor, he stood and faced his professor.
"Sir, that must have been a terrible ordeal for you, sir," he said sympathetically, oozing smarm. "Maybe you've got something to tell me...something you'd like to get off your chest, perhaps?"
Snape became aware that it was time to put phase two, the Potter phase of his plan, into progress. "Well, yes..." he admitted, with a theatrical sob. "But...oh, I shouldn't tell you, after all, I'm your teacher and you're my student..." he sniffed a little self-consciously and looked soulfully at Potter.
Harry walked forward slightly, laying his hand supportively on Snape's shoulder. "You can tell me, sir...what is it? Someone you don't like? Someone been picking on you? Someone you like, maybe....?"
Severus inwardly flinched at having the Potter boy's hand on his shoulder, but forced his voice out in a low, breathy gasp.
"Actually...if I tell you, you promise not to tell?" he rasped.
"I promise, sir," replied Harry, smiling gently back.
Snape looked deep into his eyes and whispered, "Actually, I was kind of hoping that we would be forced to kiss...not that I'd need any forcing!" He licked his lips and raised his thin eyebrow in a lewd suggestion.
He listened with smug satisfaction to Potter's screams, gradually becoming more distant, over the noise of the banging dungeon door.
Thank you, all my devoted loyal peeps, who gave me some splendunkulous reviews.. I hope this meets up to your expectations!
Chapter 2:
Snape scanned the corridor with his eyes, his poisonous gaze finally locating a group of students standing huddled in the corner. He recognised Potter's scar and Weasley's hair, and marched towards them, a malicious smile fixed firmly upon his face.
He stood behind the group for a second, then...
"Potter," he drawled lazily, seeing with some satisfaction the shock on the boy's face. If Granger's involved in the spying, I bet young Potter will be in on it too, he thought. But...I wonder...he seems naturally surprised that I should seek him out...then Snape saw the fleeting glimpse that passed between the boy wonder and his red-haired friend, and smiled to himself.
"Yes, sir?" affected Potter, trying to look polite and attentive.
How can I seem to play right into your hands? I must give you a reason to give me a detention, so I can try and find out who you like and tell all my friends...
How can I get you to play right into my hands? You will give me a reason to give you a detention, so I can fool you and all your pathetic, student friends...
"Potter, I...I thought..." Snape cursed inwardly. Damn, but he was sounding like a mumbling girl! I must get Potter to insult me...
...I must provoke Snape...
With a sudden gesture, Harry stepped forward and slapped Snape smartly around the face. "Shall we say pistols at dawn, sir?!"
Snape turned back to him, his eyes dark and confused above the vivid handprint on his cheek. "What just...happened here...?" he managed, replaying the last five seconds in his mind. Maybe Potter was actually hankering after a detention; yes, that would be it. Better not disappoint the boy...
With a sharp movement he stepped forward and slapped Harry round the cheek. "No, boy! We will say detention at six! My dungeon!"
He saw the boys exchange exultant glances out of the corner of his eye, and Ron's slightly disappointed look. Turning to go, he felt the air shift behind him, and then a hand sharply connected with his...albeit poorly- fleshed backside.
Snape squealed like a firework, fell over and got tangled up in his voluminous black robes. He stood up with bad grace, like an unfolding coathanger, and turned around to the giggling group of students with a dire expression on his face. He noticed Ron, with his hand still outstretched, grin triumphantly and wait for the oncoming detention.
Instead, Snape swallowed his anger and smiled seductively at the infuriating boy. "Now now, Weasley, we all know you want to join us. Try and keep your jealousy under control...because I'm not into threesomes!"
* * *
Harry poked his head around the dungeon door, peering around to catch a glimpse of Snape. Seeing nothing, he edged cautiously inside and started to walk slowly towards the front. The dungeon was dark and damp, and the sun had long been abed, so all the pillars threw flickering shadows over the deep dark blue of the stone floor.
Silence.
Harry kept walking slowly up the aisle, his heartbeat sounding awfully loud in his ears. As he got to the front he felt a soft displacement of air, and whirled round to see...
...nothing.
His heart hammering loudly with fright, Harry continued up to the front desk. Now he saw the dungeons at night, he could start to see the glimmerings of truth in some of the more dire and bizarre rumours he had heard...who knew what mystery was to be found here, at night, in the favourite haunt of an 'ex' death eater, the notorious, mysterious, professor Severus Snape!
Not Harry, certainly...
He turned again at another soft swish, closer now, that seemed to come from right behind him. He was terrified now, and reached for a taper that was lying on the desk. He lifted it and magically lighted it with his wand, but the light given off was too weak, so he reached it forward to touch the wick of the lantern hanging on the wall... his terror was everything, now, and the horrors he imagined in store for him almost made him defecate with fear...a vampire, a banshee, one of those people with the belly buttons that sticks out....
...the room flooded with light. And there, in front of Harry, was the last thing he had imagined.
He screamed.
There, in front of him, was...
...
... Snape...
...
...in a red herring suit. (heh, told you!)
Immediately, Snape darted forward and clamped a hand over his mouth. "Quiet, you idiot! I don't want you attracting anyone who could see me dressed like this! Understand?"
Harry nodded, trying not to breathe in the perfumed essence of Snape's hand. As soon as the hand was removed he looked his Professor up and down.
"Erm...sir...why are you dressed like that?"
Snape opened his mouth angrily. "Foolish boy! Why am I dressed like this? I'll bloody well tell you why I'm dressed like this! I..."
He paused, and his face fell out of its contortions, his upraised finger slowly descending. "...er...why am I dressed like this?" he asked with some embarrassment. He looked down at his costume, then shook his fist in the air. "I mean, a herring? Why? I'm Severus Snape, not some kind of wet fish! Couldn't it have been some kind of more majestic animal like a....a platypus? Or...a lion..." He caught sight of Harry's amused smirk, and then stared in horror as a huge finger descended from a gaping hole in the roof and yea, verily, a voice was heard throughout the land...
-"Oi! I'm the writer, Sev-dude, I can do what I bloody well want! If I want you to be in a herring suit, I can do it! It's not your place to question me! I can make you do anything I want...here, watch this!" –
Severus started to prance gaily around the room, waving his hands around in a girly fashion. "Why are you doing this to me?" he wailed, skipping circles around the astonished Harry. "What have I ever done to you?" he moaned, as pink flowers cascaded from his wand and attached themselves in pretty rows around his previously threatening, bleak dungeon.
"Say who's the boss here!" –
Snape started to do the Macarena, doing extra-provocative butt-wiggles at Harry. "I'll say it! Anything! Just please, let me have my body back!"
"Say it! Or I'll make you make out with the boy..." –
Harry gasped in terror as Snape's face loomed close to his own, lips puckered for a long, extra-squelchy smooch. "You're the boss!" the professor squeaked, his mouth almost close enough to brush Harry's. "You're the boss, the super-almighty-merciful-beautiful-wonderful-queen-of- everything!"
With a gasp Snape straightened up, rubbing his mouth violently with one hand. The giant finger prodded him sharply in his herring-stomach.
"And don't you forget it! Now, on with the show!" –
"I feel unclean!" whimpered Harry, retching on the floor, "so unclean! Uncleeeeeean..." Then he realised his original purpose, and, with one last spit on the floor, he stood and faced his professor.
"Sir, that must have been a terrible ordeal for you, sir," he said sympathetically, oozing smarm. "Maybe you've got something to tell me...something you'd like to get off your chest, perhaps?"
Snape became aware that it was time to put phase two, the Potter phase of his plan, into progress. "Well, yes..." he admitted, with a theatrical sob. "But...oh, I shouldn't tell you, after all, I'm your teacher and you're my student..." he sniffed a little self-consciously and looked soulfully at Potter.
Harry walked forward slightly, laying his hand supportively on Snape's shoulder. "You can tell me, sir...what is it? Someone you don't like? Someone been picking on you? Someone you like, maybe....?"
Severus inwardly flinched at having the Potter boy's hand on his shoulder, but forced his voice out in a low, breathy gasp.
"Actually...if I tell you, you promise not to tell?" he rasped.
"I promise, sir," replied Harry, smiling gently back.
Snape looked deep into his eyes and whispered, "Actually, I was kind of hoping that we would be forced to kiss...not that I'd need any forcing!" He licked his lips and raised his thin eyebrow in a lewd suggestion.
He listened with smug satisfaction to Potter's screams, gradually becoming more distant, over the noise of the banging dungeon door.