Spike sighed; he was exhausted, which was not helped by the pounding hangover that was developing, neither did it help that Buffy wanted a tour of his flat. When she had entered his apartment, he had slipped a shirt and jeans on. Walked back and tried a conversation, Buffy still insisted (in little hints) that she wanted a tour.
"So don't you wanna know what your apartments like?" she asked as he tried to change the subject again.
This time he was already up waiting for her to stand. When she looked at him quizzically he offered her a hand, and awaited her contact.
"What? Your actually up for it?" Buffy asked rather surprised, she never thought he would really want to show her around when it was obvious he had only been in contact with the bedroom.
"Why not?" was his response, his hand still begging to be touched as he held it out in a kind gesture.
She looked at it, wanting to take it, and lead him through the door that led to the bedroom. Knowing that she probably would do that if she did take his hand, she got up on her own accord, smiling as she did, so hopefully he wouldn't think anything of it.
"Right then, lets see what we 'av through 'ere." Spike's English accent rolled of his tongue with ease. Sending little tingles through Buffy at every word.
They walked into the kitchen. Cabinets covered the walls, and right in the middle was a cooker, obviously brand new. A manual was sitting on the glass cover, and a new pair of oven mitts with the label still on, hung over the bar for the oven door. Buffy walked over to them and picked them up. Two little vampires were chasing a brunette through a graveyard, whilst she held an apple pie.
"Ahh Spike. Do you like little vampires?" Buffy teased.
"Whelp musta' brought It." He shied away from her gaze and continued his study of his flat.
The Fridge was silver, with a drinks slot in it, a freezer at the bottom and the fridge at the top. He opened it to find it empty, then the freezer to find that that was also missing any food.
"Sod." He mumbled.
"What was that?" Buffy asked walking up behind him, until she was in direct view of his rear end, as he searched the fridge again.
It wiggled ever so slightly as he moved. It was firm and she was betting soft. She would love to just… 'Bad Buffy!' he mind cursed. She moved her gaze up a notch to where his lower back was peeping through the lifted up part of his shirt. His pale skin shining in the moonlight, her heart skipped a beat and she watched for a second before he turned and she blushed turning her head to look at silver sink.
"Sod…" he said again, this time taking in Buffy's blushing features. She turned her face to him, looking at him.
"What?" her eyes wide, as if he had insulted her.
"You asked what I said, I said Sod. You didn't listen so I said it again. Are you ok?" he ducked his eyebrows and his chin, so he was on eyelevel with the temptress in front of him.
"Uh huh." Was her only response, every other word in the dictionary seemed to drift out of her brain as he stared into her soul. He took a small step forward as did she. Their faces centimetres apart as his hand rose to hold her cheek.
"Uh huh." He mimicked as he went for the kill. He swooped down to kiss the plump pink lips covered in lip-gloss. And as they touched in the sweetest of kisses, Buffy felt all fears and worries disappear into space. Spike felt heaven invite him in and turned it down just to stay with her lips.
The kiss by now had lasted maybe thirty seconds, although to the pair sharing it, time seemed to freeze. Everything else that was known to them of felt by them in the past before gracing each other's lips was forgotten. Buffy felt the warm feeling travel up her as his other hand slipped around her back, pulling her in tighter. She felt all the ease of the moment disappear as she felt the loving tender kiss turn into a romance, a commitment. She saw little ones running around their feet, and her mum crying at their wedding.
She heard Xander preaching how he had set the two lovebirds up. She heard 'wings beneath my wings' playing as they danced their first dance of marriage. She saw all her friends' happy faces. She felt the bile rise in her throat, she tried to enjoy the kiss, as panic took her over, and as she pulled away, she saw the complete opposite in Spikes eyes.
She saw his eyes speak in a language of love, and promises. Pie crust ones, which she was so use to, she saw her world stopping for this man in front of her, all for it to crumble away.
She stepped back, afraid at being so close. At what her actions might be. Because the attraction was still there, still calling her to the flame. And how she wanted to be burnt by him, just once. But she couldn't. If she did she'd fall for him. Like she did Parker, Riley and Angel. Buffy took another step back. She looked into his face and shook her head…
"I…I… I can't do this… sorry." And she ran. Ran from the apartment, into the street, where a load of lads whistled at her as she jumped into a parked cab.
She told him the address of the Giles' and sat back. As they pulled of she cried. Soon heart wrenching sobs wracked her body once again, as she realised how screwed up she really was.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Spike paced the kitchen.
"She was 'ere. Then she weren't." his eyes searched the room, and his brain for some sort of explication of the events that had just uncurled.
"Right, she was 'ere being all sweet, smelling pretty…looking pretty. Then she came in here. I said Sod. We kissed…"
He remembered the kiss, all the emotion running through his veins. It was just a kiss, no tongues, no gropes of any kind, nothing but the feeling of her against him. And she had fitted. Fitted perfectly, like no other. But she had ran away.
"I Can't…. I'm Buffy and I get scared…" Spike imitated a female American accent. He stalked through to the bedroom, stripping off all clothing; he lay down, the sheet making him curl up. He closed his eyes and felt her kiss him again; afraid to lose her this time he kept them shut tightly. He felt her lips disappear and her say sorry.
"Bugger this!" he growled getting out of bed and heading for what must be the bathroom.
He walked straight in, and noticed his shower. Pristine and white, jumping in without looking for towels, he turned the shower in cold. He jumped as the water hit him. And when he was done, he slid down the tiled wall letting the freezing water hit him. He felt like crying, felt a fool. He'd let her use his feelings, let her kiss him, let his feelings take over push his head aside. And now his heart was paying.
She had walked away. Not him. He was the one feeling a fool, and he would have slept with her, and the idea still thrilled him. He wanted the little blonde so badly, and in the same day as meeting her, he had hurt her, she had hurt him. Was this what would happen if they got together? Would it just be constant pain?
The cold hit him once again. As he remembered where he was… what he needed was a good lay. To get her out of his system, he hadn't slept with someone for nearly two months and even though he had gone longer, he needed a bird to be wriggling on top of him… a nice little blonde. He never really liked blonde's… preferred the brunettes dark and mysterious. 'Well' he thought as he put on his black jeans and black T-shirt. 'Time for a little change.' He slipped on his duster and picked up his keys, fags, wallet and lighter.
*-*-*-*-*-*
"STOP!"
Buffy shouted as they drove closer to the Giles'. Slamming the breaks down the cabbie swore.
"What?" he asked, not taking a liking to the little blonde in the back.
"I want to get out here." She wiped away the tears that had run violently down her cheeks.
"Darling, it's the middle of the night, and you think I'm letting a little thing like you walk the streets. You must be joking. Now sit back and I'll take you home." He started the dead engine up and started to slip the gear into first, when Buffy's small voice sounded in the back of his head.
"Sorry 'Darling', but here's your money, thanks for the lift." Buffy imitated the English word quite convincingly.
As she stepped out the taxi and blocked out his nasty words, she felt the nights cool air dance around her, she walked back in the direction she had just come from, not thinking anything. She watched her nails as she wandered aimlessly.
Her mind started to come back to her as she felt her lips being kissed. She felt the hand wrap around her to pull her in deeper, and how much she wanted to respond, how she felt right kissing the pale lips that belonged to Spike.
She began to walk faster as she started to imagine him sitting at his apartment, wondering what had gone on.
Then she started to slow. It would be great to go back there, she had almost gone for it. But Spike had been the recipient to her confusing mind. She had wanted him, and then ditched him. She had been frightened, scared almost terrified.
She looked into the stars that were playing hide and seek with the moving clouds, in the dark nights' sky. She mentally begged them for an answer, to tell her what to do. But she felt nothing.
She looked at the path she was walking and sat on a signpost, it was times like this she wished she smoked.
*-*-*-*-*-*-
Spike sat in the town centre, and at this time of night, late night partiers surrounded him, the nightclubs were closing and drunken ladies were filing out. As one took his fancy, he walked up to her. She giggled as he put her arm around her, and whispered in her ear.
She was pretty enough. The type he knew would be up for in, Blonde hair, short skirt, skimpy top. She had it written over her face, her lipstick smudged just a little.
"So luv. What's a pretty thing like you doing out here?" he cooed as she waved goodbye to her friends.
"Well me and my friends were celebra…celebr… umm, having a good time." She finished.
"So…" he pursed his lips together, thoughts of the other little blondes he had only just kissed in his flat, flooding his mind. Quickly he pushed them away.
"Where's your boyfriend?" he looked into her dull eyes, noticing the drying mascara clumping on her eyelashes.
"I umm… I don't have one." Spike jumped away from her, and put his hands in the air.
"You are joking. A gorgeous bird with no bloke, no ties. Serious?" she giggled as she drank in his complements. Surly this had to be harder Spike thought.
"No I had one, but he left me, about a month ago… I've *hiccup* been single before that too."
"No!" Spike put his hand up to his heart as he swooped in until he was barely a millimetre away from her ear.
"Do you want me to fill you in on what you've been missing?"
She was putty in his hands now, all her feelings were exposed and she nearly fainted against him, as he gently kissed her earlobe.
*-*-*-*-*
Buffy sat next to the big church on The Drapery. Giles had shown her this place so many times when she was here last. She had loved it; the church seemed to bring her some sort of peace, even if at this time of night it had a barrier to keep unwanted guests out. To her right she could see a MacDonald's and was seriously considering getting a burger. She was surprised it was open at 2am in the morning. To her left she could see where all the pubs/nightclubs were. There were more to her right as well as behind and in front.
Three men so far had tried it on, their words slurred and breaths smelling as she sat in the corner watching. So she had disregarded the rules and jumped the barrier, keeping people away. She wanted peace, a few minutes to be the real Buffy Summers, she wanted to watch others doing their own things. People fascinated her drunk or sober. She liked to watch as they went about their business. She had always wanted to be normal… whatever that was. She wanted to be a normal person, with a normal job, with a normal boyfriend, who she normally loved. She watched a couple shaded by the dark, as the girl giggled when her boyfriend whispered in her ear.
They stepped towards the MacDonald's and they were illuminated. She sighed as she saw the girl snuggled into his manly chest. She wished in all her heart that she could be comfortable doing that in public. Not worrying what others thought. Caring what her friends, mom and dad thought was holding her back. Angel had been her rebelling from her 'normal guy' phase with Riley. He had been the perfect 'Son in law'; something caught her eye as the fore mentioned couple walked under the bright yellow and red sign. It was the shocking blonde hair that made her hold her breath, and as he continued to walk she noticed the duster and boots. His sharp features displayed beautifully as they walked into the fast food chain, hugging the blonde tight.
Suddenly Buffy was very hungry.