"Tsukushi, it might hurt now but it'll get better. Time would heal all
wounds." Rui's gentle voice broke through the heavy silence on the ride
back home.
I tore my gaze from the window and looked at him and wondered how he never ceased to read my mind accurately for the millionth time.
"Rui, you're right...I needed to face reality. Now I can sleep better. Although it hurt to see the person I once loved tell me he loves another.but I'll be fine. As long as he's happy." I told him.
"You know, I thought I would die if I ever had to face him a few days ago, but I can honestly say now that I'll be fine."
He turned to look at me; his mesmerizing eyes stared into mine in the dark, as if searching for something. "Have you thought about my proposition?" he suddenly asked.
"What proposition?"
"About going on a holiday with me."
I totally forgot about that! "I don't know Rui, my job..." I answered hesitantly.
"You don't have to worry about that, I'll take care of that." Rui said. "It's time for you to take a break...you need it..."
I kept quiet for awhile, it was true, I needed a break...and I needed it so badly. My body and mind was already screaming for a rest.
"Okay...just be sure that if I loose my job you'll have to take care of me for the rest of your life." I answered after some time, with a tinge of humor in my voice.
Rui didn't reply but he didn't laugh either. All he did was stare at me which made me feel slightly uncomfortable for the first time ever.
"Good night Tsukushi..."He finally said and I nodded. It was my cue to get out of the car.
"Good night Rui..." I whispered before getting out of the car and walking into my little house.
I opened my room door and flopped down on my bed. My life had always been simple. I had a caring but weird mother and father, I received all the love I could get, I had good and caring friends and I was happy. That was until I met F4.
Flipping on my stomach, I grabbed my teddy bear and stared at its scrunched up face. "Mr.Bear...what am I to do? How did my life get so complicated?" I sighed loudly. "I think the only good thing about today was that I am able to face Tsukasa and found out that I can let go. But why am I feeling...I don't know what I am feeling....argh!"
I sat up and looked around my room. There were knick knacks of Tsukasa's gifts strewn around. Things that I had held so closely to my heart only to bring me pain every single time I looked at it. It was time, time for me to pack up the past and move on with the future. The first item I picked was a photo of me and Tsukasa. Even in the picture, we looked as if we were arguing.
I remembered the time we took this picture. Akira had just bought a new camera and we were all taking pictures for fun. Tsukasa wasn't too happy that I had taken a picture with Rui and Soujiro individually. As usual, we started bickering and didn't stop until Akira stepped in and tried to make us take a picture with each other. Of course we did it reluctantly, resulting with the only picture Tsukasa and I ever took to be the reminder of the kind of relationship we had.
After that, I took of the meteor chain I've worn all this while and with the picture, I placed it in the box. Next, I took the bouquet of flowers he had given me, air ticket stubs for remembrance and every little knick knacks which reminded me of him was not spared and dumped into the box.
Finally, my hands came to rest on a brown book. My diary. I started this diary when I met F4. In it, I wrote all my frustrations and anger when I was red tagged and then slowly, my writings changed its tone and manner to confusion about my relationship with Rui and Tsukasa and then finally love. Flipping through it, I also realized when I was with Tsukasa, we had argued almost every single time we met. The words I've written were punctuated with a lot of exclamation marks, and 'Baka', 'Pineapple head', 'Idiot' and 'Stupid', then at the bottom, I realized my writing became more peaceful and serene. This was how I felt after I went running to Rui every time I had a fight with Tsukasa and how he would calm me down.
Closing the book, I decided, this diary shouldn't go into the box. I placed it back into my drawer and walked back to my bed, where the box laid. I took a deep breathe and closed the lid, saying my last goodbye to Tsukasa and slid it under my bed.
Surprisingly, I didn't cry but instead I had a small smile on my face. It felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted of my shoulders. I finally felt free and at peace. My diary really opened my eyes and make me think. Maybe all these while, my relationship and Tsukasa was never meant to be. We started out as enemies, skipped being friends and leapt into a relationship almost blindly. He was the only one who could make me so angry that I wanted to punch him senselessly. Tsukasa was like a little kid, possessive of his own things but also lovable in his own way. His love and care for me was the reason why I fell in love with him. But what kind of relationship will last if there were arguments every single time we met each other? What kind of relationship is that if he doesn't trust me at all?
Now I know that what they said is true. Behind every black cloud, there's a silver lining. I would like to believe everything happened for a reason. Tsukasa loosing his memory is, him getting engaged and having my heart broken happened for a reason. And the reason was, Tsukasa and I were never meant to be.
I'll be lying to say that I wasn't hurt, I am. But I've accepted the fact. Also, Shigeru seemed to be the perfect match for Tsukasa and I, shall just go back to being plain old Makino Tsukushi.
*Ring Ring*
My handphone's ringing interrupted my thoughts and I quickly grabbed my backpack which I've thrown on the floor next to my bed and started to search for that dreaded phone. With every ring, my search became more frantic.
"Where is that stupid phone!" I screamed in frustration, finally dumping my beg and all its contents on my bed.
"AH HAH!" I grabbed my handphone but realized the ringing wasn't from it.
Frowning in confusion, I looked for the source of that ringing and finally found the handphone which was of the latest model and quickly pressed the little green button.
"Hello?"
"Hi Tsukushi!" Akira's irritatingly cheerful voice came over the speaker. "Like my gift?"
"You put the phone in my bag?!" I exclaimed.
"Yup, I knew that your handphone would be switched off and so I placed a new phone in your bag when you were with Rui." He explained patiently.
My annoyance with him, faded away. Although an avid playboy, Akira still had his soft and sweet side.
"What do you want?" I asked grumpily as I began to place back all my belonging in the bag.
"Nothing...I just wanted to see if you're alright." Akira's voice turned serious and filled with concern. "After tonight..."
"I'm fine Akira...thank you..."I cut him off mid sentence and I heard him sigh softly.
"Well, my offer still stand you know. If you need someone to talk to...I'll always be here for you." He said finally. "Would you like to meet me tomorrow for lunch?"
"Oh my...all those girls would kill me to snag one of the most eligible bachelors off the list." I teased him and heard his low laughter.
"Geez, Makino...you know you'll always be my first choice." He teased back. "So, how about lunch? Are we up for it?"
"Alright..." I decided, since tomorrow I didn't have to work, why not just have a day of fun with the person fun factor, Akira.
"Great! I'll pick you up at 12:30. Good night Tsukushi!" He ended the call.
I placed the phone on the table next to my bed and snuggled deeply into my covers thinking the exact opposite as before of how F4 made my life topsy- turvy. The truth was, F4 brought color back into my life.
I tore my gaze from the window and looked at him and wondered how he never ceased to read my mind accurately for the millionth time.
"Rui, you're right...I needed to face reality. Now I can sleep better. Although it hurt to see the person I once loved tell me he loves another.but I'll be fine. As long as he's happy." I told him.
"You know, I thought I would die if I ever had to face him a few days ago, but I can honestly say now that I'll be fine."
He turned to look at me; his mesmerizing eyes stared into mine in the dark, as if searching for something. "Have you thought about my proposition?" he suddenly asked.
"What proposition?"
"About going on a holiday with me."
I totally forgot about that! "I don't know Rui, my job..." I answered hesitantly.
"You don't have to worry about that, I'll take care of that." Rui said. "It's time for you to take a break...you need it..."
I kept quiet for awhile, it was true, I needed a break...and I needed it so badly. My body and mind was already screaming for a rest.
"Okay...just be sure that if I loose my job you'll have to take care of me for the rest of your life." I answered after some time, with a tinge of humor in my voice.
Rui didn't reply but he didn't laugh either. All he did was stare at me which made me feel slightly uncomfortable for the first time ever.
"Good night Tsukushi..."He finally said and I nodded. It was my cue to get out of the car.
"Good night Rui..." I whispered before getting out of the car and walking into my little house.
I opened my room door and flopped down on my bed. My life had always been simple. I had a caring but weird mother and father, I received all the love I could get, I had good and caring friends and I was happy. That was until I met F4.
Flipping on my stomach, I grabbed my teddy bear and stared at its scrunched up face. "Mr.Bear...what am I to do? How did my life get so complicated?" I sighed loudly. "I think the only good thing about today was that I am able to face Tsukasa and found out that I can let go. But why am I feeling...I don't know what I am feeling....argh!"
I sat up and looked around my room. There were knick knacks of Tsukasa's gifts strewn around. Things that I had held so closely to my heart only to bring me pain every single time I looked at it. It was time, time for me to pack up the past and move on with the future. The first item I picked was a photo of me and Tsukasa. Even in the picture, we looked as if we were arguing.
I remembered the time we took this picture. Akira had just bought a new camera and we were all taking pictures for fun. Tsukasa wasn't too happy that I had taken a picture with Rui and Soujiro individually. As usual, we started bickering and didn't stop until Akira stepped in and tried to make us take a picture with each other. Of course we did it reluctantly, resulting with the only picture Tsukasa and I ever took to be the reminder of the kind of relationship we had.
After that, I took of the meteor chain I've worn all this while and with the picture, I placed it in the box. Next, I took the bouquet of flowers he had given me, air ticket stubs for remembrance and every little knick knacks which reminded me of him was not spared and dumped into the box.
Finally, my hands came to rest on a brown book. My diary. I started this diary when I met F4. In it, I wrote all my frustrations and anger when I was red tagged and then slowly, my writings changed its tone and manner to confusion about my relationship with Rui and Tsukasa and then finally love. Flipping through it, I also realized when I was with Tsukasa, we had argued almost every single time we met. The words I've written were punctuated with a lot of exclamation marks, and 'Baka', 'Pineapple head', 'Idiot' and 'Stupid', then at the bottom, I realized my writing became more peaceful and serene. This was how I felt after I went running to Rui every time I had a fight with Tsukasa and how he would calm me down.
Closing the book, I decided, this diary shouldn't go into the box. I placed it back into my drawer and walked back to my bed, where the box laid. I took a deep breathe and closed the lid, saying my last goodbye to Tsukasa and slid it under my bed.
Surprisingly, I didn't cry but instead I had a small smile on my face. It felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted of my shoulders. I finally felt free and at peace. My diary really opened my eyes and make me think. Maybe all these while, my relationship and Tsukasa was never meant to be. We started out as enemies, skipped being friends and leapt into a relationship almost blindly. He was the only one who could make me so angry that I wanted to punch him senselessly. Tsukasa was like a little kid, possessive of his own things but also lovable in his own way. His love and care for me was the reason why I fell in love with him. But what kind of relationship will last if there were arguments every single time we met each other? What kind of relationship is that if he doesn't trust me at all?
Now I know that what they said is true. Behind every black cloud, there's a silver lining. I would like to believe everything happened for a reason. Tsukasa loosing his memory is, him getting engaged and having my heart broken happened for a reason. And the reason was, Tsukasa and I were never meant to be.
I'll be lying to say that I wasn't hurt, I am. But I've accepted the fact. Also, Shigeru seemed to be the perfect match for Tsukasa and I, shall just go back to being plain old Makino Tsukushi.
*Ring Ring*
My handphone's ringing interrupted my thoughts and I quickly grabbed my backpack which I've thrown on the floor next to my bed and started to search for that dreaded phone. With every ring, my search became more frantic.
"Where is that stupid phone!" I screamed in frustration, finally dumping my beg and all its contents on my bed.
"AH HAH!" I grabbed my handphone but realized the ringing wasn't from it.
Frowning in confusion, I looked for the source of that ringing and finally found the handphone which was of the latest model and quickly pressed the little green button.
"Hello?"
"Hi Tsukushi!" Akira's irritatingly cheerful voice came over the speaker. "Like my gift?"
"You put the phone in my bag?!" I exclaimed.
"Yup, I knew that your handphone would be switched off and so I placed a new phone in your bag when you were with Rui." He explained patiently.
My annoyance with him, faded away. Although an avid playboy, Akira still had his soft and sweet side.
"What do you want?" I asked grumpily as I began to place back all my belonging in the bag.
"Nothing...I just wanted to see if you're alright." Akira's voice turned serious and filled with concern. "After tonight..."
"I'm fine Akira...thank you..."I cut him off mid sentence and I heard him sigh softly.
"Well, my offer still stand you know. If you need someone to talk to...I'll always be here for you." He said finally. "Would you like to meet me tomorrow for lunch?"
"Oh my...all those girls would kill me to snag one of the most eligible bachelors off the list." I teased him and heard his low laughter.
"Geez, Makino...you know you'll always be my first choice." He teased back. "So, how about lunch? Are we up for it?"
"Alright..." I decided, since tomorrow I didn't have to work, why not just have a day of fun with the person fun factor, Akira.
"Great! I'll pick you up at 12:30. Good night Tsukushi!" He ended the call.
I placed the phone on the table next to my bed and snuggled deeply into my covers thinking the exact opposite as before of how F4 made my life topsy- turvy. The truth was, F4 brought color back into my life.