Frodo Finds the Ring Annoying

            "Bring out the Ring Frodo!" said Gandalf solemnly.  "The time has come.  Hold it up, and then Boromir will understand the remainder of his riddle."

            Frodo laid the Ring on the table, at once loath to release it, and yet glad the matter was now out of his hands.  Immediately, the Ring began to protest.

            "Frodo Baggins," whispered the Ring directly into his mind, "you come right back here and pick me up.  You hear, young man?"

            Just ignore it, thought Frodo.

            "Ignore me how?  I'm in your head, genius.  Now come back here and get me.  All these creepy people are staring at me."

            "The Ring must be destroyed!" shouted Elrond, completely oblivious to the Ring's attempt to get back in Frodo's possession.

            "And now they want me dead!" cried the Ring.  "You don't want that, do you?"

            Actually, thought Frodo, that would be nice.

            "How mean!  Has our time together meant nothing to you then?"

            Frodo noticed a brief squabble had broken out in the Council.  "Gondor has no king," declared the slightly scary human, Boromir, if Frodo's memory served.  "Gondor needs no king."

            "'Gondor needs no king,'" mocked the Ring.  "C'mon, Frodo.  Don't tell me you want me to end up in this dink's hands?"

            I am not talking to you, thought Frodo.

            "I'll corrupt your friends if you don't.  You can watch them turn slowly to darkness.  I can do that, you know.  I promise power, and then feed on their pathetic souls.  I'll start with that friend of yours…was it Sam?  Yes, I'll promise him…"

            All the land he can possibly garden? thought Frodo contemptuously.

            "…shut up," said the Ring.  "Okay, how about the heir of Isildur then?  He should be easy enough to corrupt.  I did get Isildur, after all.  And all I had to promise him was dominion over the world of Men.  And all the corn chips he could eat.  Oh, and that he didn't have to wear that ridiculous crown of Gondor.  I did mange to follow on that promise, I did."

            You can't corrupt Strider, thought Frodo confidently.

            "Gandalf…"

            Frodo just laughed.

            "…"

            Gotcha, thought Frodo.  There's nothing left to say.

            "I'll sing."

            What? thought Frodo, believing he must have misheard.

            "You heard me.  Pick me up again, or I'll sing."

            You've got to be kidding me, thought Frodo.

            "You see, I've been working on this musical.  I think I'll get it produced when I rule over all of Middle Earth.  I haven't come up with a title yet.  I've been thinking 'The Fourth Age.'  We are getting to the forth age, right?  Or is it the third?  But that title may be a little mundane."

            Frodo was so bewildered he couldn't even think.

            "But I've been working on the music."  The Ring began to sing, "Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul…"

            Frodo sat in stunned silence.

            "I'll keep going if you don't do anything.  Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh…"

            I can't take this, thought Frodo.  This ridiculous.

            "…burzum-ishi krimpatul!"

            "Shut up!" shouted Frodo.  "Shut up!  Stupid Ring!  If you don't knock it off, I'll drop you in a volcano!"

            "Excellent!" said Elrond.  "Frodo has volunteered to take the Ring.  Who will go with him?"

            "What?" asked Frodo.