A Beauty Worth Protecting
[Sumeragi] Sui
Summary: In the last moments before the Promised Day, Kamui admires the delicate beauty of Tokyo one last time and reflects on his personal reasons for protecting it.
Disclaimer: Characters, concept, idea, basic story all © CLAMP. xD
Notes: This is a collection of feelings about the gorgeous city of Tokyo in Kamui's point of view. I'm still lacking ideas for my unfinished stories, so getting all my other thoughts down will hopefully loosen my mind and allow it to absorb new inspiration. I write this sort of nostalgically, for no apparent reason. I have never been to Tokyo [although one of my only Wishes is to go there at least once in my life] so I'm just making this up on the spot [and based on the few photos I've managed to get my hands on] and hoping that it is at least somewhat similar to the true description. There is a lot of hinted Kamui x Kotori in this, but keeping in mind the key word there, "HINTED". I don't believe in KxK at all except in terms of friendship or Kotori's one-sided love, so just don't mind those hints if you don't support KxK either… he's just reminiscently reminding himself of a very cherished friend. But anyway…
Please enjoy ^^
+ my world is ending…
Breathing in the heavily polluted atmosphere of the city, Kamui looked melancholy yet strangely satisfied. He'd thought a lot about the importance of decisions since he had made the choice to become a Ten no Ryuu, and even though he pained for the Earth, even though he knew of its quiet scream, even though…
He still wanted to protect the people, human beings. For the Earth, living, was worth nothing if he couldn't share it with those people he loved… his friends…
But what about his friends? He had so few left. There was Fuuma, of course… who, even when he wasn't busy traumatizing Kamui to the point of severe mental damage or ripping him in shreds, left behind nothing of his former self except for his appearance, which had grown more attractive but lacked the kindness Kamui had been so used to. And Kotori… Fuuma had killed her, while Kamui couldn't do anything but watch, eyes blank yet full, full of everything. Any and every emotion he'd ever experienced, and all at once. He shuddered, remembering Kotori's painful death. He didn't want to think about that again, not now. There were scarce moments before the Promised Day, when the fate of the Earth would be decided… he might never have the chance to look upon Tokyo again, with its soft elegance and poignant grace, concealed by the overwhelming hustle and bustle that filled the streets daily.
Millions of creatures crossed these streets daily, from burdened businessmen to couples on dates, from milky-white doves to disheveled stray cats. Fragile aged women, upbeat and mischievous teenage boys up to no good, studies-absorbed college students, ambitious perfectionists with unrealistically high expectations for themselves, regular people with problems of their own. Ravenous pigeons, obedient pet canines, dirtied and abandoned kittens. And the trees… the city, although crowded, still found room for a little foliage here and there, scattered unevenly throughout Tokyo.
Kamui gave a long sigh, feeling reminiscently sentimental. The city where he had spent the bulk of his childhood. Where he was pulled from by his mother, and pulled back by her death. Where he had played with Kotori and Fuuma, where he was just a kid, could live as a kid naïve enough to not have to deal with so many things… so many things, the things he had been thrown on him upon his abrupt return, covering his whole heart with nothing but pain.
There was such a huge chance that he would lose the battle of the Promised Day. Which meant he would have to say goodbye to the world, to the city, to everyone and anything he'd ever cherished in the short and short-lived years of his life.
He didn't want to think about that anymore.
Instead he just smiled sadly to himself, walking slowly past the stores and the restaurants he'd visited so many times before… no. He wouldn't have to say farewell to them. He wouldn't. He wouldn't have Fuuma win, let him win, surrender and destroy the world he was so fond of. He wouldn't have to say farewell to them…
At least… not yet.
+ my life is ending…
Fuuma and Kotori…
If Kamui truly lost Fuuma, forever… he didn't know what he would do, what he could do. Who did he have left that he truly loved? Once he'd arrived at Tokyo after his mother's death, his aunt died, and one by one he was forced to watch any person he'd ever considered his companion… gone, gone permanently from this world… but he didn't like to think about that much either.
It began with his mother's death, then Tokiko-san's… then Kotori's… then Saiki-kun's…
He didn't know what to do anymore, he was so hopeless… there were still the rest of the Seals… but what could they do for him? Subaru had left because of his own beloved's death and joined the other side—as if he cared any more or less. Sorata was destined to die for Arashi, and so he couldn't believe in him much either… he knew that Sorata would have to die sometime soon…
He wasn't very good friends or too acquainted with the female Seals, or Aoki-san either. Everyone else… had perished… and he was the one left behind.
After a while of the same pain being repeated over and over, loved ones gone or betrayed or changing because of the cruel strands of sadame… he began to become reclusive and a little bit standoffish, like how he'd been when he first returned… but worse. This wasn't to protect anybody, it was for his own Wish, his own selfishness… to bring Fuuma back, and not to be hurt so deeply—emotionally—anymore. So far it had only caused him greater pain. He took the petty philosophy of straying away from making new friends, because what's the point of loving anyone or anything if you were going to lose them some point in time, and in Kamui's case, most likely very soon?
But in his tiring and relatively fruitless efforts to isolate himself, he found he only brought himself more pain. He was beginning to open up again, but he still felt a rather uncomfortable sensation whenever discoursing with someone new. Still, it was probably for his best, and his emotional health hadn't been so great during his brief time of self-detachment either.
Kamui had began forcing himself to talk to Sorata again… he was the only one other than Fuuma that Kamui had left…
+ his life is ending…
…the glass earth! I'm going to meet it… and break it…
If the Earth must break…
Let me be the one to break instead…
If Kamui must break…
Let me be the one to break instead…
Monou Kotori had left the mortal world and ascended to a place that she could not fully describe. "Paradise", perhaps, except it lacked the two people she loved most in the world, her dearest friend Kamui and her protective big brother Fuuma. Still, she found herself at least relatively content for most of the time… it was a small little realm, and it held her other loved ones, her mother and father and countless others that had passed on, including her aunt Tohru.
She enjoyed speaking with her mother again, explaining to her so many things and her mother would laugh, and cry, and drown… hadn't her mother become a mermaid? She seemed like one, she was one in her sea of tears… or perhaps that was a dream…
Kotori returned to reality… no, it couldn't be described as "reality". It was the afterlife, a mixture of nothings and everythings and thoughts and feelings and emotions, a roller coaster of delight and puzzlement and confusion and all and blank in one.
Okasan looks so happy, she commented to herself, watching her mother giggle happily as she spoke with Tohru. She sighed, feeling alone and useless without her two best friends. Even though she was happy to be with her family again, there were still the missing parts, and those were of the living. She chose to peek on Kamui one last time, one more time before the Promised Day.
A slightly sad and serene Kamui was walking slowly along the streets of Tokyo. Oh, be careful!
He sighed, looking around one last time. Was this the final time he could touch, feel these streets again, the cool air and the bitter smog and the hard cement? Kamui…
+
Kamui glanced in every direction, taking in his last glimpses before he had to leave, and return to his miserable, lonely, solitary abode. There was nothing left to see, the city had eerily hollowed itself out. Just as he turned to walk back, he saw a snow-white dove fly swiftly onto his shoulder. Pensive and somberly remembering Kotori, he cupped the little bird into his delicate, moderately small hands and caressed its small head. Little bird… Kotori…
+ our lives are ending…
Kakyou… please… please tell them… Kamui… and my brother… that I love them… and… and that…
…the future hasn't been decided yet…
_ + E N D