Chapter 7- ( the red diary) no umbrella
She is a thief. She is leading a double life. By day she is a diligent student, a quiet worker, a faithful servant. By night, she creeps through the darkness, a lonely hunter…
Physical exhaustion is nothing. It is when we are emotionally troubled that the life is sucked out of our chests. I am tired; the lessons are getting harder and harder everyday, but the bruises I have obtained on my arms and legs are nothing compared to the storm that clouds my mind. On top of that, we must also study our English phrases. We only have an hour or so a day for ourselves, and this is when I take out this little book and write for myself, trying to make sense out of what we are doing, what we are becoming.
Rest is rare here. Mistress goes about as if there are no enough hours in the day to do everything she wants. I don't think she ever gets any sleep at all. At night I see her pacing around her chambers, or else, roaming around the corridors, like a sentinel over her little soldiers.
I should stop talking about these things, for we are forbidden to speak of ( omitted by author). My mind is also getting tired of it- it is so much a part of me, of us, that I want to leave it be. I want to think of other things.
Yesterday, I was coming home from master feung's on an errand mistress sent me to do. On my back I carried the tiger blade wrapped in green velvet. Its weight is a constant reminder of its presence, but I have gotten quite used to carrying it. And I should, for the tiger blade is mine…is going to be mine, once I master it. It started to rain, and so with quite an effort I had managed to open my umbrella, carry the tiger blade and weave through the crowds unnoticed. It's funny how people regard you as invisible when you think you are.
And then as I turned the corner, I saw him. Our newspaper boy, seeking shelter from the rain in a tight spot. His hair was plastered on his forehead, and my heart went out to him immediately. I walked toward him and smiled. I don't think he recognized me, but after a few seconds, his face broke into a small smile. I beckoned him to share my umbrella, and he did.
"thanks," he said, in that funny voice I have now come to look forward to hearing. Then, noticing the heavy looking thing I had slung over my shoulder, made a move to carry it for me. "let me get that for you," he said.
I pulled back my shoulder and shook my head. He looked back at me quizzically, but I had handed him the umbrella instead for him to hold. I would die first before I allow anybody to touch my tiger blade.
We walked on, without speaking. I could feel his eyes stray to look at me, but I kept my head bowed. Suddenly I felt tongue-tied, and, although I was dying to ask him what his name was, I could not find the words to do so.
I walked on, leading the way back to the edge of this town, to where I guessed he was on his way. He asked no questions, and followed my lead.
"well, this is where I get off," the boy said, as we reached the mean between little italy and china town. "thanks for the umbrella." He looked at me like he didn't know what to make of me. " I don't think you gave me your name. I'm anthony. What's you name?"
I looked up at him for the first time. I told him my name, and to this he said, " that's pretty." He smiled at me again, before handing me back my umbrella and making his exit.
I watched him go, scampering once again for shade. I would have brought him to the other side, but mistress didn't like us walking alone across the arches.
Anthony. I said it once to myself before heading back. Anthony. I had his name, at least.
I had to hurry back, lest someone see me and tell mistress. This heart has been keeping secrets all its life, and here is yet another…
She has been looking for him in streets she is forbidden to walk on, an intruder in walls she is not welcome in, she knows he is there, but cannot yet see. She knows where he lives. She watches them all sleep, she plants kisses on their bodies. She takes from them without their knowledge. She is a thief. She is a bandit.
The bandit is me.
She is a thief. She is leading a double life. By day she is a diligent student, a quiet worker, a faithful servant. By night, she creeps through the darkness, a lonely hunter…
Physical exhaustion is nothing. It is when we are emotionally troubled that the life is sucked out of our chests. I am tired; the lessons are getting harder and harder everyday, but the bruises I have obtained on my arms and legs are nothing compared to the storm that clouds my mind. On top of that, we must also study our English phrases. We only have an hour or so a day for ourselves, and this is when I take out this little book and write for myself, trying to make sense out of what we are doing, what we are becoming.
Rest is rare here. Mistress goes about as if there are no enough hours in the day to do everything she wants. I don't think she ever gets any sleep at all. At night I see her pacing around her chambers, or else, roaming around the corridors, like a sentinel over her little soldiers.
I should stop talking about these things, for we are forbidden to speak of ( omitted by author). My mind is also getting tired of it- it is so much a part of me, of us, that I want to leave it be. I want to think of other things.
Yesterday, I was coming home from master feung's on an errand mistress sent me to do. On my back I carried the tiger blade wrapped in green velvet. Its weight is a constant reminder of its presence, but I have gotten quite used to carrying it. And I should, for the tiger blade is mine…is going to be mine, once I master it. It started to rain, and so with quite an effort I had managed to open my umbrella, carry the tiger blade and weave through the crowds unnoticed. It's funny how people regard you as invisible when you think you are.
And then as I turned the corner, I saw him. Our newspaper boy, seeking shelter from the rain in a tight spot. His hair was plastered on his forehead, and my heart went out to him immediately. I walked toward him and smiled. I don't think he recognized me, but after a few seconds, his face broke into a small smile. I beckoned him to share my umbrella, and he did.
"thanks," he said, in that funny voice I have now come to look forward to hearing. Then, noticing the heavy looking thing I had slung over my shoulder, made a move to carry it for me. "let me get that for you," he said.
I pulled back my shoulder and shook my head. He looked back at me quizzically, but I had handed him the umbrella instead for him to hold. I would die first before I allow anybody to touch my tiger blade.
We walked on, without speaking. I could feel his eyes stray to look at me, but I kept my head bowed. Suddenly I felt tongue-tied, and, although I was dying to ask him what his name was, I could not find the words to do so.
I walked on, leading the way back to the edge of this town, to where I guessed he was on his way. He asked no questions, and followed my lead.
"well, this is where I get off," the boy said, as we reached the mean between little italy and china town. "thanks for the umbrella." He looked at me like he didn't know what to make of me. " I don't think you gave me your name. I'm anthony. What's you name?"
I looked up at him for the first time. I told him my name, and to this he said, " that's pretty." He smiled at me again, before handing me back my umbrella and making his exit.
I watched him go, scampering once again for shade. I would have brought him to the other side, but mistress didn't like us walking alone across the arches.
Anthony. I said it once to myself before heading back. Anthony. I had his name, at least.
I had to hurry back, lest someone see me and tell mistress. This heart has been keeping secrets all its life, and here is yet another…
She has been looking for him in streets she is forbidden to walk on, an intruder in walls she is not welcome in, she knows he is there, but cannot yet see. She knows where he lives. She watches them all sleep, she plants kisses on their bodies. She takes from them without their knowledge. She is a thief. She is a bandit.
The bandit is me.