Chapter 8: The Cold Winds of Despair

Time was an interesting thing.

In less than a year, Felix had grown taller and stronger, his thin muscles building as he worked daily to try and learn swordsmanship. His hair was longer as well; his once-short ponytail had grown into an impressive brown mane like a lion's, framing his face and hiding his eyes. He had even taken to shaving the small amounts of facial hair that he grew.

Kiana, meanwhile, had become beautiful. Her wiry frame was beginning to fill out as she grew taller and thinner, catching up to her overgrown hands and feet. She had become a gorgeous young woman, developing curves that many of the other girls were jealous of. She had let her hair get longer, often letting it hang and sweep against her hips as she walked. She had also begun wearing some substance Felix had seen Jenna use from time to time. It was fairly foreign to him; all he knew was that girls wore it on occasion to make themselves look nice or something like that and that the stuff smelled awful. Kiana also managed to cover up the stink of what she called "cosmetics" using something else she called perfume that was just a bit too flowery for Felix's tastes.

He had finally decided that he'd never understand women.

Alex seemed to be a different story; he had gone out with some of the Proxian women, though he told Felix he rather fancied being by himself. Felix didn't doubt that he might have even gone with Karst on one of these dates of his; he had become rather popular with the young ladies of the village.

Tomorrow was the second Sun Festival since Felix had arrived, and after that, the group was planning to head to Atteka.

They had talked to Puelle last week about what they should do. Should they head straight to Vale, and then look for the Jupiter Adept they were in such desperate need of? Or should they hunt one down first and go on from there?

Puelle, in turn, had turned down both ideas, instead suggesting that they go to Contigo in Atteka. He recalled something about the blood of the Anemos running in Contigo, and the Anemos were the Jupiter Adepts of legend. Perhaps, he had reasoned, there would be some Jupiter Adepts in the little village. Along with that, it was fairly close to Jupiter Lighthouse according to the elder's maps. They'd kill two birds with one stone, checking for Jupiter Adepts at the same time they took a look at Jupiter Lighthouse. Saturos and Menardi had agreed, thinking perhaps the people of Contigo would be more receptive to their mission than those of Vale had been. Felix had no disagreements with going; he had always wanted to see all of Weyard. Alex hadn't been there to vote, and, as Saturos said, "It's not like we should care for that blue-headed dolt's opinion anyway."

Felix had decided to meet Kiana today and have a picnic with her in the mountains. It had been a long while since any monsters had attacked, and Felix knew that Saturos, Menardi, and Alex could fight any beasts off, even without the help of Agatio and Karst, who were also mighty warriors.

He was currently headed to Kiana's house, hoping to have a short visit with his parents before heading to the mountains. Only two months ago, they had come out of their comas into amazingly fast recovery, along with Kyle. They had suffered short-term amnesia from the head wounds they had suffered so long ago in Vale. Kyle, luckily, had forgotten the seawater plunge he had taken on the way to the small village. He was still very unnerved about being in the "cursed North," as he called it, but had begun to make friends with Kiana's father and some of the other villagers. He was even growing a bit fond of Saturos, chatting with him whenever he came by. Felix was glad to see that the three adults were beginning to see the Proxians as he did: as real people. Saturos had told him what had happened when the group had first entered Vale, and Felix almost felt ashamed to be from that village. How could anyone be so blind as to deny what lay before their eyes?

Before he knew it, he was standing before Kiana's door. A picnic basket swung in one hand, while the other was raised. With a flick of his wrist, he knocked three times on the wooden door.

Kiana answered and smiled when she saw the face of her visitor. "Felix! I was wondering if you'd come by today!" She leapt up, wrapping her skinny arms around his neck and smiling.

"Easy, girl!" There was another thing he liked about time; it had allowed his voice to crack and deepen. "If you're going to do that, at least let me put this basket down first so I don't spill food all over the snow!"

She squealed. "Food? Felix, do you mean that we're going on a picnic?"

He threw her a wink. "Exactly."

She released him, giving him a moment to put down the basket before spontaneously throwing herself at him again. "Oh, Felix, how did you know? It's what I've been wanting to do for months!"

"Well, it's not snowing very hard today, and I knew you liked going up to the mountains, so I thought . . ." He shrugged.

A man with sand-brown hair over Angaran features emerged from the staircase. "Ah! Felix!"

"Hello, Kyle!" Felix called, pulling Kiana upward and carrying her into her own home. "How are you today?"

"A bit hungry, but other than that, fine," Kyle laughed. "Your parents aren't up yet, I'm afraid. Still a bit early for them."

"But it's almost midday!" Felix exclaimed, putting Kiana back on her own feet, despite her protests.

"They've been helping prepare for this Festival for days," Kyle said. "They're probably just a bit exhausted. It sounds like it's going to be fun."

Recalling last year's festival, Felix grinned. "You have no idea, Kyle."

"I'll have to see, won't I?" the other man asked with a gruff chuckle. "Well, you two, get going. You've got a picnic to go on! You'd best get all the time together you can, seeing as Felix is leaving in two days."

"To get the Elemental Stars," Felix sighed. A moment of pain and conflict flashed in Kyle's eyes.

"You know, when you do go to Vale, you must bring Isaac back to Prox to see me!" Kyle said. "And Dora! And Jenna, of course. She'll want to see her parents after so long."

Felix smiled. "Well, it has been a year since we arrived here, and according to Puelle's math, when we arrive in Vale it will have been three years since the boulder fell."

"Three years," Kyle said. "I wonder if Isaac even remembers me?"

"I'm sure he does. How can a boy forget his father?" Felix said.

"Well, do you promise?" Kyle asked. "Do you swear that you'll bring Isaac, Dora, and Jenna back with you?" He held out his hand.

"If they do not want to come, there's nothing I can do about it," Felix warned.

"Of course, of course. I mean if they are willing," Kyle replied. Felix smiled and took Kyle's hand, and the two shook on it.

"Now, we'd best be going," Felix said.

"Of course! Dear me, I shouldn't keep you so long. Have fun, you two!"

Felix picked Kiana back up in his arms and backed out of the door, nodding to Kyle. Kiana threw one arm into the air and waved, calling, "So long, Mr. Kyle!" Kyle smiled and waved at both of them, gently shutting the door as they left.

"So just where in the mountains are we going?" Kiana asked.

"Why don't you pick a place? You know them much better than I do."

"Oh, just about anywhere's fine!" She leapt out of his arms and skipped toward the mountains as he picked up his picnic basket.

Kiana's father came running up, his eyes wide. "Run! Go to the mountains!" he said, his breath supply dangerously short.

"Jykro?" Felix muttered, calling the orange-skinned man by name. "We are going to the mountains. What's wrong?"

Jykro's eyes were wide with fear; other villagers were running by the small hill his house sat upon. "There are monsters!"

"Well, there's no need to worry about that," Felix replied. "I'm sure Saturos and Menardi can handle--"

Jykro was wildly shaking his head. "No! They're-- they're Grand Chimeras--" Something leapt onto his beck, shoving him down into the snow and digging silver claws into his back. Jykro screamed wildly as the creature mauled him. His long silver hair was soon stained by his blood as the creature dug a snarling lion snout into his skin. It turned for a moment and snarled at Felix and Kiana, as if they might take its prey at any moment.

Felix had heard of Grand Chimeras before, but had never seen one up close. It was a blue-furred animal with a massive white mane around three necks. One head was like a goat's, with a short snout and long silver horns. The second was a falcon's head, all navy feathers with beady red eyes and a sharp, hooked beak. The third head, that of a lion, was still buried deep in Jykro's back, its silver fangs glistening with saliva and the Proxian man's blood. Its front legs ended in not paws, but talons, and it had a hissing snake for a tail. Two dark blue, batlike wings spread from its beck, just behind its mane.

It growled at them, sounding far too much like a lion for Felix's liking. What was a Grand Chimera doing here? They hadn't attacked the village in all the time Felix had been there, but now everything seemed to be changing.

Kiana drew close to Felix, screaming and turning away from the bloody sight of her dead father.

The Chimera leapt at them, leaving Kiana's father lying in a pool of blood in the crisp snow. Its jaws snapped hungrily as it charged at them. A sudden jet of water exploded from the ice-covered ground as Alex appeared in a shimmer of blue light, glowing with Psynergy and holding his hands outward. The Chimera flew skyward, propelled by Alex's magical attack.

"Alex!" Felix yelled. "What's going on? How did they get here?"

"The Grand Chimeras came from near the river! The Firebirds, however, are from the Lighthouse!" Alex replied, keeping his concentration on the Chimera. "Saturos thinks they must be running low on food--neither of these species have ever attacked Prox before!"

"Firebirds?" Felix looked up to see a few violet-feathered birds swarming in the air, their beaks covered in blood. While Alex distracted the Chimera, the birds dove to Jykro's body and began tearing it apart with their sharp talons. Felix drew back, covering Kiana's eyes with one hand.

"Saturos, Menardi, Agatio, and Karst are also fighting," Alex said, "but it's going to take some work to beat these monsters off! Get going!"

Felix and Kiana didn't move until Alex turned around and let his attack momentarily fade, his blue eyes full of fury and desperation. "Go! Now!" He pointed toward the mountains, then turned around just as the Chimera lunged at him. He pulled a sword from a sheath on his belt and quickly began battling.

"What about Kyle and my parents?" Felix whispered.

Stone pillars erupted from the ground, blocking the door to Kiana's home. The ground near the window also rose into a sort of wall, but not before Felix saw Kyle standing there, his eyes closed as golden Psynergy flowed around his body.

"They'll be fine!" Alex yelled, standing before the Chimera with his sword drawn. "You must go, or you'll be in greater danger!"

Felix picked Kiana up and ran, leaving the food from the picnic basket scattered in the snowdrifts. He leapt off the hill and sprinted through the snow, hoping that Alex and the others would be all right.

He was running with the rest of the Proxians toward the mountains, Kiana in his arms. There were sharp spikes all around the foot of the mountains, laid there to deter the monsters from climbing after them. The paths into the mountains were steep and icy, and it was much colder in their heights than it was in Prox.

Felix began to wish that he had worn long sleeves and gloves today, but he had grown so immune to the cold that he hadn't even thought about it. Who could have anticipated Chimeras and Firebirds attacking in the same day, when neither species had ever attacked the village before?

He remembered Jykro's mangled body and felt some strange emotion building in him. He wasn't strong enough. If he had been just a bit stronger, he could have fought off the Chimera instead of leaving it to devour the helpless man. He wanted to return to the village, to fight and prove that he was strong, that he could save people.

But right now, Kiana was his priority.

She was limp in his arms, not crying, but not speaking either. He held her tighter against him as he climbed up the slopes, toward a high cave that would be just big enough for both of them.

"Kiana, are you all right?" he whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around her to protect her from the cold.

"My father, Felix . . ." she said in a quavering whisper, but could continue no further. She remained silent, her eyes wide in her pale face. She shook, but did not give way to sobs or screams.

They soon reached the cave, and Felix lowered Kiana to the ground with the gentle touch that only a family member could have. She pulled into a fetal position against the cave wall, and Felix sat down next to her. He looked around for a moment, then gathered some small branches from the cave walls, where mice and other creatures had built nests out of them. Arranging them before him, he placed one hand on Kiana's shoulder.

"Could you make a fire? It might cheer you up a bit, and I know it would keep you from getting cold." He motioned to the pile of sticks. Kiana looked up and pointed one finger at the wood, whispering a Flare spell. The branches caught fire at once, and she returned to her previous position of isolated silence.

The snow was still very soft upon the sky outside. The wind was beginning to pick up, and a storm was brewing in the distance, but Felix was only worried about keeping his sister safe and warm.

She curled against him eventually, still not crying. She rested her head on his chest, her eyes closed.

"Was this what it was like for you when you got separated from your village?" she asked.

"Sort of," he replied, "but not nearly as bad as what you're going through. My parents are still alive. It was more like a sense of longing than a sense of loss. No one close to me died"--he remembered Jenna-- "not really, anyway. But it's sort of like that, because I was told I would never see them again."

Kiana shook her head slightly. "I'm scared, Felix."

"I know," Felix whispered. "I am as well."

"You don't think they're going to . . . come after us, do you?"

"I hope not, Kiana." His mind was filled with some sort of new sorrow--if he was stronger, she wouldn't need to be afraid. Stirred together with his frustration at not being able to save Jykro, this feeling made Felix believe he was an absolute weakling.

After a pause, Kiana opened her eyes and looked up at him. "You can't blame the animals, you know. It's not their fault that the North is so desolate. They were just hungry. It doesn't happen much, but you can't blame the animals for needing food. Or for taking villagers as prey. They don't know what some people feel when other people die."

"But, Kiana," he protested, "they killed your father."

She closed her eyes again and gently grasped at Felix's tunic with shaking hands. "I know," she said. "That's what I don't understand. Why did it have to be my father? He was all I had left."

Felix was amazed that she still did not cry. He pulled her upward into a tight embrace and rocked her against his body, humming a soft melody his mother had sung to him as a lullaby years ago.

For a long time they sat there, gazing at the fire. Felix could her the distant roars of the Chimeras, the shrieks of the Firebirds, and occasionally a battle cry from one of the Proxian warriors or Alex.

After awhile, everything went silent. He and Kiana both sat up, looking out of the cave in hopes of news coming to them. Nothing came, and the fire slowly died.

"Do you think the monsters are gone now?" Kiana asked after a few minutes, her voice still shaking. Felix couldn't blame her for being afraid. The image of her father's mauled body was stained into his own mind like blood: thick, horrid, ugly, and hard to get rid of. These beasts couldn't be commonplace, to make it past Saturos and Menardi.

Felix had a fleeting thought that they might be dead as well, and shuddered.

He remembered what Kiana had said about the beasts running short of food and shook all his ugly thoughts away. They were just animals. They didn't have any idea of the pain they had caused. It was just as Kiana herself had said.

"I think they're gone, all right," he said, poking his head out of the cave's entrance and glancing around. He could see the other villagers; they had already climbed down from the mountains and were heading back for the village. He nodded and crawled out of the cave, reaching back in to help Kiana. "They're gone. Let's get going back to Prox."

She nodded and took his hand, pulling close to him as she climbed out. "Do you think your parents are all right?" she asked. "And Saturos, Menardi, Agatio and Karst? And Alex?"

He was mildly amused when he heard her group Alex by himself. "I'm sure they're fine," he said, gently stroking her hair. "Even if they're not, I'll still protect you. I'm still here for you."

It was then that her sobs came through her tight wall of worry, and she collapsed against him in frantic tears that wreaked her entire body. "My father, Felix, he's--"

His eyes stung with his own tears. "I know, Kiana, I know. I'm sorry, but there was nothing we could do." He wished that he could have done something, fought the monster, healed Jykro, but all he knew was Quake and Cure, and he knew that wouldn't have been enough.

They embraced as the snowstorm began to change from a soft flurry into a blizzard. Felix realized that other people might be getting worried about them, and gently pushed Kiana away as she let out the cries she had held in for so long.

"We have to get back to town," he said, and began to lead her by the hand, carefully walking down the icy slopes of the mountain. The snow was getting worse every moment, and now the harsh wind was rolling in some sort of fog, which only served to make the ice on the trail more treacherous.

"It's really cold, huh?" Felix tried to joke, his teeth chattering in the harsh Proxian wind. "One would think that it'd get warmer since tomorrow's the festival and all." He again cursed himself for not wearing warmer clothing.

He heard Kiana speak, but the wind changed her voice into a muffled murmur.

"What was that, Kiana?" He started to turn around, then felt a sharp tug on his hand and heard her shriek. His heart nearly stopped when he realized that she wasn't there anymore.

He whirled around and dove to his knees, finding Kiana hanging onto the edge of the steep trail. "Kiana! Hold on!"

Her eyes were very wide. "Felix, help! I'm scared!" She was crying harder than ever now. Her fingers grasped at the rock, finding little to hold onto that didn't immediately give way under her weight.

He wrapped his hands around her wrists. "Someone help!" he yelled. "Anyone! Please!"

The wind muted his voice before it strayed very far from his mouth.

"Felix, pull me up! I'm scared!" Kiana's voice was trembling worse as the snow flew into her wet red eyes, stinging at her cheeks and turning her hands red with numb pain.

"I've got you!" he said. "It's all right!"

A part of his mind was frantic. He kept thinking about how high up they were, and the spike fields the Proxians had laid at the foot of the mountain. It was very slick. It was very cold. It was very windy. Kiana probably hadn't been able to see her next step, or had taken a wrong step, slipping over the edge of the thin trail. And were the beasts really gone? One of them could be coming up behind him now, or even waiting for Kiana to fall so she could be devoured. . . .

He tried to calm himself down, but there wasn't much that seemed to help.

"Grab my wrists, Kiana! Hurry!" The snow was turning to sleet, and his ungloved hands were beginning to ache.

She desperately moved her hands, trying to grip Felix's wrists so he could pull her back onto the path easier. The movement only made it harder for him to hold on, however, and he could feel himself beginning to slip.

He pulled, trying to use his weight to bring her back up to the trail, but found that he just wasn't strong enough.

"Felix," she whispered in her wavering voice, her eyes closed now to keep out the sleet, "am I going to fall?"

Her wrists slipped from his grip.

He lunged over the edge after her, but found that he wasn't fast enough to grab her arms or even fingertips. Leaning over the edge of the trail, he stared after her as she vanished into the white fog below.

From somewhere at the foot of the mountain, he heard a sickening crack.

He managed to make his way down the trail safely, though the wind still howled and the fog only got worse.

She was still alive when he found her.

The fall had impaled her on a couple of sharp rocks, one going through her left arm while another penetrated her right hip. Blood was running from her mouth, and her clothes were ripped from scraping against the rocks around her. All that Felix could see under the torn clothing was heavy bruising and ugly blotches; he suspected she was suffering internal bleeding. Her right arm seemed to be broken, along with both her legs and possibly several of her ribs. Another wound across her forehead was a bad scrape, letting blood course over her eyes and lips.

He gently pulled her off of the rocks and began to carry her back toward the village. Her blood, flowing freely with the rocks out of her body, soaked his arms and tunic.

"Am I going to die?" she whispered, her head sinking to her chest. She coughed once, bringing more blood to run down her chin.

"You won't die," he said. "I'll find Alex. He can heal you. Or, here--Cure!" The golden light flowed from his body into her.

She coughed again. Her blood was thicker now, and her wounds weren't healing any.

Worried that he might have done it wrong, he tried again. "Cure!"

A single Cure wasn't enough to seal Kiana's wounds. She leaned against him, crying.

"You won't die!" he said once more, cradling her gently in his arms.

"Stupid snowstorm," she choked. "Stupid monsters." She cried into his shoulder, her arms weakly wrapped around his neck. "Now I'll probably have to stay home during the Festival tomorrow."

Felix was silent.

"Do you think that Agatio might win tomorrow?" she muttered, her voice sounding slightly strangled and somewhat detached. "Actzir always wanted to see Agatio win just once."

Still, Felix said nothing.

"I hope Alex can make it so it doesn't hurt anymore," Kiana said, her face limply resting on Felix's shoulder. "I mean, it doesn't really hurt right now, but a minute ago . . ."

She trailed off. Her eyes fluttered to a close, and she collapsed, her head falling off of Felix's shoulder to rest on her own chest.

"I never realized just how cold it is here in the North," her faint whisper came.

Soon, her arms fell from their position around his neck.

And something in Felix's heart withered and died.

He carried a corpse into Prox that afternoon among blinding snow and rolling fog.

He left her in the snow near her house and retreated to the old couple's cabin, curling into a ball on his bed and shaking silently, thinking that if he stifled his cries they would go unnoticed.

The funeral pyre was held that night, exactly one year after the pyre mourning Prox's lost warriors. Kiana and Jykro had not been the only ones to die; Saturos' own mother had not escaped the wrath of the hungry beasts. Nor had several of the teenagers Felix's age. Saturos was the one to comfort Felix that night; the two embraced and cried together, Kiana's blood still on Felix's clothing and Saturos covered in his own scars from battling the creatures.

Alex also comforted him, while others were saying things like "if you had just been a bit closer" and "if you had only gone a little faster." Felix knew that their words were meant to comfort him, but he didn't want to be reminded anymore of what he hadn't been able to do. So he was grateful when Alex was silent and just let Felix cry on his shoulder.

Aftera moment, Alex whispered to him, "You did all you could. That's all she would want." But Felix shrugged off the words, knowing all he could do would never be enough.

The village was getting smaller and smaller, losing more citizens every day to an untimely death.

Bodies burned, sending spirals of smoke up to the heavens.

Felix hoped that Kiana was with Actzir and that both of them were living somewhere where it was sunny much of the time, but where it also rained. He wanted her so to see Angaran rain. Lightning and thunder.

He had promised to show her someday, and now he never could.

His tears nursed him into sleep later that night.

He slept through the whole Sun Festival the next day. Not even Saturos and Menardi could rouse him from his nightmare-governed slumber, and Alex thought it best that he be allowed to sleep. All three of them knew about Felix's connection with Kiana, and none of them wanted him to deprive him of what he needed most--time alone.

The day after the festival, the Felix who emerged from the cabin was a different person.

The Felix who was ready to travel to Contigo had partially died with his beloved sister Kiana.

Felix's Journal

June 20, Year of the Phoenix, Prox Village, Northern Weyard

She died.

It's all my fault. I couldn't save her, I'm the one who took her up so high into the hills, I should have let her walk in front of me instead of behind me.

She fell off of the mountain. It was slick with ice and cold, and the wind was bad. Fog was rolling in, and the snow was everywhere. She fell off of the mountain and onto the sharp rocks below.

I should have been the one to fall. Everyone in Vale thinks I'm dead anyway, but Kiana had a life ahead of her, a whole world to go explore, and now she'll never have the chance.

I'll never get to show her the rain, or the lightning as it cleaves the heavens in two. She'll never see the sun for more than that one day a year. She didn't even get to see it this year. I killed her too soon.

I can't feel anything. I'm numb all over. Her pyre was awful. So many people were buried. Saturos lost his mother, and many others lost their brothers and sisters, sons and daughters.

Why must this village undergo such suffering? Is this part of the Proxian curse Saturos told me about? Does the curse of the North that "marks" them also cause them to have such grief? Does that same curse starve the beasts of this land until they feed on people because there is nothing else to eat?

The Proxians are such good people. . . . why do they have to experience such pain?

Kiana, I miss you already. Can you ever forgive me for not being able to save you? I tried, Kiana. Please forgive my lack of strength.

If those monsters hadn't come along, nothing would have happened.

Why couldn't I save her? If I was just a bit stronger, then things would be different. Kiana's father would have survived. I wouldn't have had to run from the beasts.

If I was just a bit stronger, Kiana would still be alive now.