Author's Notes: Chapter Two.. We got six reviews!!! Yippie!!! So I'm doing really quick thank-you's to AbbyFan, Tilde8884, Princess5, Meg, Tracey, and JasonsGurl07... You guys are great, thank you so much for taking the time to review... This is Kat's chapter, since we're switching off like we did for Hate to Love and Back.. I have the odd numbered chapters in Abby's POV and Kat has the even numbered chapters in Carter's POV for this story.. A nice change of pace for all of us.. I hope.. Anyways on to the main presentation, and please please please review!!!!!
~*~
The points on the black metal fence fade into the black of the night, a shiver runs through my spine. Just coming here brings back memories, memories I would rather forget, especially at a time like this. I usually wouldn't come here, but this are unusual circumstances. I take a deep ragged breath, preparing myself for whatever lies before me. I don't exactly know what brought me here, was it some force, some unknown pull dragging me towards this place. I look around no one is in sight. A rumble of thunder fills the quiet night. I carefully push the gate open, my shoes squishing into the green turf. So much for new clean shoes. The mud spills over, hitting the cuff of my pants. Kem won't exactly be pleased. She will nag me about this, asking me where I would go to get my pants dirty. I would wash my pants myself, but while we are in Chicago she insists that she does all the housework, which floors me because she is not the type to want to stay at home, she must think I have some jaded American view of how a women is suppose to take care of her man. I should probably inform her that we don't live in the stone ages and I can do my own laundry. Not that I don't love what she does for me, or to me. I slowly approach the big cement grey tombstone sticking out of the ground. I kneel down and trace my finger along the poem engraved into the tombstone. I sigh, thinking of all the times we had together, be it good or bad, she was my strength at my weakest hour. I didn't think I could live without her. Yet here I am with a son and my fiancee and I think- I think I'm doing okay. I think she would be proud of me too, maybe she would like Kem, god knows she didn't like Abby. Their conversations were humorous at least. Never any hateful words exchanged. I shake my head, trying to free myself of all Abby related topics.
I look at the letters perfectly placed on my grandmothers grave, reciting them to myself.
"To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower . . .hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour . . ." I don't know exactly why I chose that one, be it that life can come and go so quickly. I am not sure if it even relates to Gamma in any way, shape, or form. I guess at the time I felt it best suited. I take one last look at the grave, "Love you Gamma." I turn my back to the hard cement, heading towards the L train. It has been exactly a year today since Gamma died. I miss her, she was one of the reasons I left for the Congo, I guess I can thank her for meeting Kem. Maybe I should thank Abby too, I mean she is part of the reason I left, also. I am just grateful I have Kem now. It has been such a hard journey, finding someone to love, to love me. It is over though, can't say I miss it. I slowly walk up the stairs, I look around at the neighborhood. It's Abby's I think, I am not sure though. She lives with some guy. I have no clue who he is. Can't say I care. I am glad she is back in med school though, she should never have quit. Her new boyfriend's a surgeon. Bah, a surgeon. I walk up to the platform just as the train pulls in. I step forward, then realize maybe I should go pay her a visit. I mean it has been what? A few months since I've seen her. It's just me in Chicago this time, I am picking up a few shifts at County. I wanted Kem and Kassim to come, but she wanted to stay with her family, she didn't want him flying yet, either. I feel a bit bad for not informing Abby of Kem being pregnant and just springing it on her at work. I head for her apartment, I don't really know why I am going here really. I tell myself it is to apologize for something I did months ago, it seems like tonight forces are taking me places, leading me places I don't necessarily want to go, but need to maybe go? I walk up the stairs, it's quite late, she might not even be up. I knock on the door, just realizing that her boyfriend could be home, and not too pleased about me showing up at his place after midnight. I have never met him, only heard about him. Not directly from Abby of course, we don't talk about personal matters that much anymore. We do talk, just not as much and as frivolously as we once did. I hope I am at the right apartment, I have never been here, she just informed that she moved and told me the neighborhood. The door swings open, and there stands Abby looking disheveled and tired in sweats and a sweater. "Carter?" She asks it more then says it. "Hey." I shyly reply, wracking my brain for an excuse as to why I came here so late at night, or at all even. "What the hell are you doing here?" Well she's pleasant. "Uh-" I am at a loss for a reason, an excuse. Anything would be nice right now.
"What do you want John?" I search her face for clues, clues to how she really is feeling right now, because I can tell that voice is a mask of some sort. Covering her pain? Fear? I don't know. "I just thought I should stop in and apologize." I cover quickly.
"For?" She doesn't seem to be moving, or wanting to let me in.
"Can I come in?" She thinks this over, her eyes locked on mine.
"Yeah." She sighs under her breath. I walk into the small condo, its neat, clean, it smells like her, but her and a man. I smile a small smile, she doesn't reciprocate, instead I get a cold stare. "Look John, its late and I have a shift tomorrow, so if you need something-"
I watch as she speaks, she looks beautiful, I haven't thought about her like this since, well, before we broke up. I watch as she has one hand on her hip and the other running carelessly through her long hair. Its slowly returning back to its natural brown. I lean down and place a small kiss on her mouth. I have no idea what I am doing or why I am doing it, for that matter. My lips part allowing entrance for her, instead she violently pushes me off, I fall back a bit. "What the fuck are you doing?" She screams at me. I wish I had an answer. I watch as she stares intently at me. I lick my lips, tasting her, smelling the scent that is filled in the apartment. "Fuck Carter!" She paces the apartment, looking up at me every once in a while. "I have something great, with a great guy. One of the things that draws me to him most, is that he is not YOU!" It's like a knife if the heart, I never knew hearing those words from her could actually cause that much pain, considering I don't love her, not that I ever did. "Fine." I run my fingers through my hair. She wipes her mouth and cheek. "Fuck your fucking beard was fucking scratching me." I roll my eyes, what the hell? She goes from bitching about me kissing her to bitching about my beard. "Fuck I bet I have a scratch mark, or some sort of contaminated beard disease."
"Oh would you shut the fuck up." I scream back at her. She stops her crusade, and walking to look at me. "I don't know why the fuck I kissed you Abby, believe me I don't want to be with you, just as much, or more, then you want to be with me. Okay so fuck. Quit your fucking tirade."
Our eyes lock for a moment, I don't know what to say, neither does she. I got myself into this predicament, maybe I should get myself out. "Don't tell Kem." Is all I can manage to say. "Fuck, what the hell." She shakes her head. "You try to shove your tongue down my fucking throat and all your worried about is your relationship with your fucking girlfriend."
"And my son." I realize after I said that, that wasn't an appropriate comment to make at that moment. "Fuck Carter. You kissed me. I did not kiss you."
"I don't even know why I am here!" I say watching her fidget with her clothes, pulling on the sleeve of her sweater. She walks closer to me, staring me in the eye, preparing to say something, nothing comes out at first. She is mulling over her thoughts, she speaks slowly, quietly. "Then why don't you go? You ran away the first time things went tough between us." She says this calmly, but I can sense the anger in her voice. The hate she has for me. The sleepless nights she spent coming up with a plan to kill me, and how to dispose of the body without anyone knowing. "Okay." I state it simply, not moving a muscle.
We watch each other, waiting for the other to move, I don't want to move though, something is comfortable about this situation and I wish I knew what it was. She brings her fingers up and touches my face, trying to avoid my beard, not succeeding. She cringes at the feel of the beard against her skin. "Issay." She whispers.
"It's an African word for hairy, I had an African boyfriend once and that's what his parents named his little brother." She smiles slightly.
I lean down bring my lips to hers once more, this time our kiss deepens, this is wrong, but it feels right.
~*~
The points on the black metal fence fade into the black of the night, a shiver runs through my spine. Just coming here brings back memories, memories I would rather forget, especially at a time like this. I usually wouldn't come here, but this are unusual circumstances. I take a deep ragged breath, preparing myself for whatever lies before me. I don't exactly know what brought me here, was it some force, some unknown pull dragging me towards this place. I look around no one is in sight. A rumble of thunder fills the quiet night. I carefully push the gate open, my shoes squishing into the green turf. So much for new clean shoes. The mud spills over, hitting the cuff of my pants. Kem won't exactly be pleased. She will nag me about this, asking me where I would go to get my pants dirty. I would wash my pants myself, but while we are in Chicago she insists that she does all the housework, which floors me because she is not the type to want to stay at home, she must think I have some jaded American view of how a women is suppose to take care of her man. I should probably inform her that we don't live in the stone ages and I can do my own laundry. Not that I don't love what she does for me, or to me. I slowly approach the big cement grey tombstone sticking out of the ground. I kneel down and trace my finger along the poem engraved into the tombstone. I sigh, thinking of all the times we had together, be it good or bad, she was my strength at my weakest hour. I didn't think I could live without her. Yet here I am with a son and my fiancee and I think- I think I'm doing okay. I think she would be proud of me too, maybe she would like Kem, god knows she didn't like Abby. Their conversations were humorous at least. Never any hateful words exchanged. I shake my head, trying to free myself of all Abby related topics.
I look at the letters perfectly placed on my grandmothers grave, reciting them to myself.
"To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower . . .hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour . . ." I don't know exactly why I chose that one, be it that life can come and go so quickly. I am not sure if it even relates to Gamma in any way, shape, or form. I guess at the time I felt it best suited. I take one last look at the grave, "Love you Gamma." I turn my back to the hard cement, heading towards the L train. It has been exactly a year today since Gamma died. I miss her, she was one of the reasons I left for the Congo, I guess I can thank her for meeting Kem. Maybe I should thank Abby too, I mean she is part of the reason I left, also. I am just grateful I have Kem now. It has been such a hard journey, finding someone to love, to love me. It is over though, can't say I miss it. I slowly walk up the stairs, I look around at the neighborhood. It's Abby's I think, I am not sure though. She lives with some guy. I have no clue who he is. Can't say I care. I am glad she is back in med school though, she should never have quit. Her new boyfriend's a surgeon. Bah, a surgeon. I walk up to the platform just as the train pulls in. I step forward, then realize maybe I should go pay her a visit. I mean it has been what? A few months since I've seen her. It's just me in Chicago this time, I am picking up a few shifts at County. I wanted Kem and Kassim to come, but she wanted to stay with her family, she didn't want him flying yet, either. I feel a bit bad for not informing Abby of Kem being pregnant and just springing it on her at work. I head for her apartment, I don't really know why I am going here really. I tell myself it is to apologize for something I did months ago, it seems like tonight forces are taking me places, leading me places I don't necessarily want to go, but need to maybe go? I walk up the stairs, it's quite late, she might not even be up. I knock on the door, just realizing that her boyfriend could be home, and not too pleased about me showing up at his place after midnight. I have never met him, only heard about him. Not directly from Abby of course, we don't talk about personal matters that much anymore. We do talk, just not as much and as frivolously as we once did. I hope I am at the right apartment, I have never been here, she just informed that she moved and told me the neighborhood. The door swings open, and there stands Abby looking disheveled and tired in sweats and a sweater. "Carter?" She asks it more then says it. "Hey." I shyly reply, wracking my brain for an excuse as to why I came here so late at night, or at all even. "What the hell are you doing here?" Well she's pleasant. "Uh-" I am at a loss for a reason, an excuse. Anything would be nice right now.
"What do you want John?" I search her face for clues, clues to how she really is feeling right now, because I can tell that voice is a mask of some sort. Covering her pain? Fear? I don't know. "I just thought I should stop in and apologize." I cover quickly.
"For?" She doesn't seem to be moving, or wanting to let me in.
"Can I come in?" She thinks this over, her eyes locked on mine.
"Yeah." She sighs under her breath. I walk into the small condo, its neat, clean, it smells like her, but her and a man. I smile a small smile, she doesn't reciprocate, instead I get a cold stare. "Look John, its late and I have a shift tomorrow, so if you need something-"
I watch as she speaks, she looks beautiful, I haven't thought about her like this since, well, before we broke up. I watch as she has one hand on her hip and the other running carelessly through her long hair. Its slowly returning back to its natural brown. I lean down and place a small kiss on her mouth. I have no idea what I am doing or why I am doing it, for that matter. My lips part allowing entrance for her, instead she violently pushes me off, I fall back a bit. "What the fuck are you doing?" She screams at me. I wish I had an answer. I watch as she stares intently at me. I lick my lips, tasting her, smelling the scent that is filled in the apartment. "Fuck Carter!" She paces the apartment, looking up at me every once in a while. "I have something great, with a great guy. One of the things that draws me to him most, is that he is not YOU!" It's like a knife if the heart, I never knew hearing those words from her could actually cause that much pain, considering I don't love her, not that I ever did. "Fine." I run my fingers through my hair. She wipes her mouth and cheek. "Fuck your fucking beard was fucking scratching me." I roll my eyes, what the hell? She goes from bitching about me kissing her to bitching about my beard. "Fuck I bet I have a scratch mark, or some sort of contaminated beard disease."
"Oh would you shut the fuck up." I scream back at her. She stops her crusade, and walking to look at me. "I don't know why the fuck I kissed you Abby, believe me I don't want to be with you, just as much, or more, then you want to be with me. Okay so fuck. Quit your fucking tirade."
Our eyes lock for a moment, I don't know what to say, neither does she. I got myself into this predicament, maybe I should get myself out. "Don't tell Kem." Is all I can manage to say. "Fuck, what the hell." She shakes her head. "You try to shove your tongue down my fucking throat and all your worried about is your relationship with your fucking girlfriend."
"And my son." I realize after I said that, that wasn't an appropriate comment to make at that moment. "Fuck Carter. You kissed me. I did not kiss you."
"I don't even know why I am here!" I say watching her fidget with her clothes, pulling on the sleeve of her sweater. She walks closer to me, staring me in the eye, preparing to say something, nothing comes out at first. She is mulling over her thoughts, she speaks slowly, quietly. "Then why don't you go? You ran away the first time things went tough between us." She says this calmly, but I can sense the anger in her voice. The hate she has for me. The sleepless nights she spent coming up with a plan to kill me, and how to dispose of the body without anyone knowing. "Okay." I state it simply, not moving a muscle.
We watch each other, waiting for the other to move, I don't want to move though, something is comfortable about this situation and I wish I knew what it was. She brings her fingers up and touches my face, trying to avoid my beard, not succeeding. She cringes at the feel of the beard against her skin. "Issay." She whispers.
"It's an African word for hairy, I had an African boyfriend once and that's what his parents named his little brother." She smiles slightly.
I lean down bring my lips to hers once more, this time our kiss deepens, this is wrong, but it feels right.