Author's notes:: I remembered to update. Well actually the ten reviews I had in my mailbox motivated me to update, so please review and I will keep updating. This chapter is Kat's, so enough said :o) It's a great chapter, enjoy, and please review when you'll all done.
~*~
I run the brush quickly through my hair, staring disapprovingly at the reflection staring back at me, I realize I am no longer the man I once thought I was, the man I once wanted to become. I am changed, I do not know who I am. Kem loved the John Carter she met in the Congo, the one she found to be romantic, yet goofy and clumsy. I was perfect to her. Now, I don't know. I don't think she will like the man I have become, the hurtful, deceitful, cheater. I kissed another women, if she hadn't stopped me I would have done more. I don't know what came over me, but at the time it felt so... right, something uncontrollable. Being in her arms, her embrace, was something I had wanted for so long, when I had it, it had not gone as planned. Now I am wrecking something perfect for something that was never meant to be. I toss the brush on the counter top, sighing frustrated. I give up.
The stairs make a satisfying 'clunk' as my feet pound against the hard wood. Grabbing my brief case I head for my jeep, the days don't stop for my misery, so I am forced to work. I would much rather curl up into a ball, crying myself into an uneasy sleep.
The hospital is crowded, as usual. I head for the lounge, my favorite spot right now. I can hear bickering come from inside, I do not recognize the voice, so I continue on my way. The door easily swings open, causing the two figures to stop their arguing and stare at me. Great. Just what I need right now, I turn to leave, but the man, whose name I have yet to learn, calls for me to stop. "I know this asshole has something to do with all this?" He spit harshly at Abby, yet watching my intently. I reluctantly look at a tearful Abby. "Zach-" That's it Zach. "Wait, it has nothing to do with Carter. Okay? Its just me." What the hell is she talking about? Do I even care, not really. "My fucking girlfriend wants to take a fucking break cause of you dick wad." He is practically spitting as he screeches at me. "I didn't do anything." I fib, it doesn't seem as though Abby has told him anything, but I can't be sure. He throws his hands into the air, surrendering to Abby. I watch as the tears trickle down her cheeks, he walks towards the door, which I am conveniently standing in front of. He shoves me violently out of the way, I clench my jaw, not succumbing to his childish ways. Abby stares at me, hate written all over her face, and quite evident in her eyes. "He knows?" I say barley audible.
"No he doesn't know!" She says gruffly.
"Then what was all that about?" I approach her slowly, she doesn't move from her sturdy position in the middle of the lounge. I stand about a foot away, figuring this is a safe enough distance. "None of your business." She whispers, her eyes on the floor, I reach my hand out, wiping a tear that falls down her cheek, she shoves my hand away, then proceeds to shove me away. "Fuck you Carter." She yells.
"What the hell happened Abby?" I walk closer to her again.
"You want to know what the hell happened?" I hesitant, then nod, not really sure whether I really want to know. "You kissed me. He knew you were at my place. I don't know how." Her gaze meets mine, she opens her mouth, as if she is going to ask me a question, then closes it, not uttering a word. "Keep going..." I push her for more information.
"He said he was going to his summer house for the weekend, to give me space." She bites her bottom lip. "He said he wanted me to tell him on my own time-" She reaches up, wiping her tear stained face, a job I tried to do. "On my way to work I called him, telling him I need sometime. A break. Just a little time to sort my head." She swallows, gauging my reaction, making sure I feel guilty, I don't, well maybe a little. "He rushed over here, arguing with me. Saying this was your fault. That you said something to change my mind about us-" She is getting angrier by the second. I can't let her finish.
"Go after him." I say lightly, as though I am suggesting a type of butter for her to use on her toast. "Nothing will ever happen between us Abby, not again. Don't waste your time on me, go after Zach. He loves you. I don't. You are meaningless to me." I am not sure how true that statement was, but it sure as hell made me feel better. "Fuck you Carter." She walks out of the lounge, stopping in the doorway. "By the way, it wasn't for you. I do nothing for you. Your just a prick, and a mistake. A bigger mistake then Richard."
I watch her walk away, I don't give a fuck about her either. She is meaningless to me, the only thing that matters to me is my son and fiancee, one who may break up with me, but I will still love her.
I hate this place, I wish I was back in Africa with Kem, just Kem and I, and our beautiful baby boy. I open my locker, ending the day where it started, in this fateful room, I am not sure what happened after Abby ran after her boyfriend, Zach, I do know that I don't care about her, or him for that matter. We have been over for a while now. Over a year, hell maybe even two I don't know. I lost track, well, I wasn't even keeping track. My eyes wander to the side of my locker door, the picture of Kem and our son, Kas. He's beautiful, his dark hair on his head, such a sweet looking boy. I take a deep breath feeling horrible, I still can't believe what I did. I haven't spoken to her much today, at all actually. After this morning. I feel so lost now, my life was on the right track, I guess it was too good too be true. I lost everything. I am losing my life. I don't know what is going on, I feel as though I am spiraling out of control, this is a familiar feeling, one I felt when Abby and I parted ways, but I found Africa, there I found myself. I found my life. Maybe I didn't though, maybe it was all an allusion, something that wasn't real. I made it up in my mind. Thinking back, I probably shouldn't have left like that, not only Abby, but my life. I took off, without a look back, but it seemed right at the time.
Nothing seems right any more. I close my locker door, heading out into the night. I pull my jacket tighter around my body, the ambulance doors shut tightly, a sound erupting from them, causing a stir in the peaceful night, off in a corner of the ambulance bay I can see two figures arguing, I recognize her immediately, not again. I can't take it now. I need to get out of here before her psycho boyfriend sees me. I look back at the hospital one more time, it would be a safe place to hide from him, but then I am just taking the cowards way out, say she has told him, then I should face the music. Not only with him, but with Kem. I can tell her it was a momentary memory lapse or some load of shit. The truth might be the best thing to do right now, but it never seems right, it makes things more complicated. I had complicated situations, that's why I got rid of Abby in the first place, she was just to complex. She is his problem now. He can deal with her family, her issues, everything. I can't anymore. Kem is perfect, she is feisty, friendly, beautiful, warm. Everything anyone could ask for. I dig my hands deeper into my pockets, heading towards the L, well even if something does happen between Zach and I, at least I am at a hospital. Not a very good one, but a hospital none the less.
~*~ Review Responses ~*~
(I only responded to the reviews I had my mailbox, so I left you out, I'm sorry! I'll get to you.. I promise.. And please please please continue to review!)
Tilde8884:: No you can still hope... :o) Hope is what seems to hold me week through week. I need Carby... I"m going to go through withdrawls very soon...But, that would be way to easy. We wanna keep Zach around because well we sorta like him. I mean he's not that bad is he??? But don't worry... You'll see alot of things in the upcoming chapters. I'm going to try to post as often as I can, so stick with us. I think Kat is currently working on chapter 22...
CamilaC:: I know Zach hasn't done anything... But don't worry.. It will get more interesting. Zach's not a bad guy, he's just not THE guy for Abby...
TooLazyToSignIn:: I'm really not in the mood to argue with you. Haiti is a usual spot for Carribean cruises. Yes, you were right when you said it was a third-world country, but their economy thrives on the tourist industry. Kat's sister returned from a cruise, and she had been in Haiti. Also, one of my best friends went on a cruise and she too, stopped in Haiti for two days. If this does still not convince you, go here:
"Haiti." Columbus World Travel Guide. 06 Feb. 2004. http://www.worldtravelguide.net/data/hti/hti460.asp
"Social Profile Nightlife: There is plenty of choice ranging from casinos to African drum music and modern Western music and dance. There is something happening in at least one major hotel every evening with the main attraction being folkloric groups and voodoo performances. On Saturday nights bamboche, a peasant-style dance, can be seen in one of the open-air dance halls. Hotels can give further up-to-date information on local nightlife" "Haiti".
And before you go off about citing, that was cited correctly in MLA format. Unless you prefer APA format, which I can also do. I'm not a bad person, but as many people find out the hard way, very passionate. I do not want to argue. I understand you want to review, but you do not have to be rude. And just for your future knowledge, Haiti does not even make the list as one of the poorest countries in the world, so for your future papers, "one of the top..." is extremely vague..
"Haiti: Facts." Aneki. 06 Feb. 2004.www.aneki.com/poorest.html
"About 80% of the population lives in abject poverty" "Haiti: Facts".
I have personally been to the Bahamas and Belieze. They are also poor countries, yet they are tourist attractions. People do not go to Haiti to set up a life there. They go for the beaches and attractions. Tourism is extremely important to the survivial of those countries, but I'm assuming you did not know that.
~*~
I run the brush quickly through my hair, staring disapprovingly at the reflection staring back at me, I realize I am no longer the man I once thought I was, the man I once wanted to become. I am changed, I do not know who I am. Kem loved the John Carter she met in the Congo, the one she found to be romantic, yet goofy and clumsy. I was perfect to her. Now, I don't know. I don't think she will like the man I have become, the hurtful, deceitful, cheater. I kissed another women, if she hadn't stopped me I would have done more. I don't know what came over me, but at the time it felt so... right, something uncontrollable. Being in her arms, her embrace, was something I had wanted for so long, when I had it, it had not gone as planned. Now I am wrecking something perfect for something that was never meant to be. I toss the brush on the counter top, sighing frustrated. I give up.
The stairs make a satisfying 'clunk' as my feet pound against the hard wood. Grabbing my brief case I head for my jeep, the days don't stop for my misery, so I am forced to work. I would much rather curl up into a ball, crying myself into an uneasy sleep.
The hospital is crowded, as usual. I head for the lounge, my favorite spot right now. I can hear bickering come from inside, I do not recognize the voice, so I continue on my way. The door easily swings open, causing the two figures to stop their arguing and stare at me. Great. Just what I need right now, I turn to leave, but the man, whose name I have yet to learn, calls for me to stop. "I know this asshole has something to do with all this?" He spit harshly at Abby, yet watching my intently. I reluctantly look at a tearful Abby. "Zach-" That's it Zach. "Wait, it has nothing to do with Carter. Okay? Its just me." What the hell is she talking about? Do I even care, not really. "My fucking girlfriend wants to take a fucking break cause of you dick wad." He is practically spitting as he screeches at me. "I didn't do anything." I fib, it doesn't seem as though Abby has told him anything, but I can't be sure. He throws his hands into the air, surrendering to Abby. I watch as the tears trickle down her cheeks, he walks towards the door, which I am conveniently standing in front of. He shoves me violently out of the way, I clench my jaw, not succumbing to his childish ways. Abby stares at me, hate written all over her face, and quite evident in her eyes. "He knows?" I say barley audible.
"No he doesn't know!" She says gruffly.
"Then what was all that about?" I approach her slowly, she doesn't move from her sturdy position in the middle of the lounge. I stand about a foot away, figuring this is a safe enough distance. "None of your business." She whispers, her eyes on the floor, I reach my hand out, wiping a tear that falls down her cheek, she shoves my hand away, then proceeds to shove me away. "Fuck you Carter." She yells.
"What the hell happened Abby?" I walk closer to her again.
"You want to know what the hell happened?" I hesitant, then nod, not really sure whether I really want to know. "You kissed me. He knew you were at my place. I don't know how." Her gaze meets mine, she opens her mouth, as if she is going to ask me a question, then closes it, not uttering a word. "Keep going..." I push her for more information.
"He said he was going to his summer house for the weekend, to give me space." She bites her bottom lip. "He said he wanted me to tell him on my own time-" She reaches up, wiping her tear stained face, a job I tried to do. "On my way to work I called him, telling him I need sometime. A break. Just a little time to sort my head." She swallows, gauging my reaction, making sure I feel guilty, I don't, well maybe a little. "He rushed over here, arguing with me. Saying this was your fault. That you said something to change my mind about us-" She is getting angrier by the second. I can't let her finish.
"Go after him." I say lightly, as though I am suggesting a type of butter for her to use on her toast. "Nothing will ever happen between us Abby, not again. Don't waste your time on me, go after Zach. He loves you. I don't. You are meaningless to me." I am not sure how true that statement was, but it sure as hell made me feel better. "Fuck you Carter." She walks out of the lounge, stopping in the doorway. "By the way, it wasn't for you. I do nothing for you. Your just a prick, and a mistake. A bigger mistake then Richard."
I watch her walk away, I don't give a fuck about her either. She is meaningless to me, the only thing that matters to me is my son and fiancee, one who may break up with me, but I will still love her.
I hate this place, I wish I was back in Africa with Kem, just Kem and I, and our beautiful baby boy. I open my locker, ending the day where it started, in this fateful room, I am not sure what happened after Abby ran after her boyfriend, Zach, I do know that I don't care about her, or him for that matter. We have been over for a while now. Over a year, hell maybe even two I don't know. I lost track, well, I wasn't even keeping track. My eyes wander to the side of my locker door, the picture of Kem and our son, Kas. He's beautiful, his dark hair on his head, such a sweet looking boy. I take a deep breath feeling horrible, I still can't believe what I did. I haven't spoken to her much today, at all actually. After this morning. I feel so lost now, my life was on the right track, I guess it was too good too be true. I lost everything. I am losing my life. I don't know what is going on, I feel as though I am spiraling out of control, this is a familiar feeling, one I felt when Abby and I parted ways, but I found Africa, there I found myself. I found my life. Maybe I didn't though, maybe it was all an allusion, something that wasn't real. I made it up in my mind. Thinking back, I probably shouldn't have left like that, not only Abby, but my life. I took off, without a look back, but it seemed right at the time.
Nothing seems right any more. I close my locker door, heading out into the night. I pull my jacket tighter around my body, the ambulance doors shut tightly, a sound erupting from them, causing a stir in the peaceful night, off in a corner of the ambulance bay I can see two figures arguing, I recognize her immediately, not again. I can't take it now. I need to get out of here before her psycho boyfriend sees me. I look back at the hospital one more time, it would be a safe place to hide from him, but then I am just taking the cowards way out, say she has told him, then I should face the music. Not only with him, but with Kem. I can tell her it was a momentary memory lapse or some load of shit. The truth might be the best thing to do right now, but it never seems right, it makes things more complicated. I had complicated situations, that's why I got rid of Abby in the first place, she was just to complex. She is his problem now. He can deal with her family, her issues, everything. I can't anymore. Kem is perfect, she is feisty, friendly, beautiful, warm. Everything anyone could ask for. I dig my hands deeper into my pockets, heading towards the L, well even if something does happen between Zach and I, at least I am at a hospital. Not a very good one, but a hospital none the less.
~*~ Review Responses ~*~
(I only responded to the reviews I had my mailbox, so I left you out, I'm sorry! I'll get to you.. I promise.. And please please please continue to review!)
Tilde8884:: No you can still hope... :o) Hope is what seems to hold me week through week. I need Carby... I"m going to go through withdrawls very soon...But, that would be way to easy. We wanna keep Zach around because well we sorta like him. I mean he's not that bad is he??? But don't worry... You'll see alot of things in the upcoming chapters. I'm going to try to post as often as I can, so stick with us. I think Kat is currently working on chapter 22...
CamilaC:: I know Zach hasn't done anything... But don't worry.. It will get more interesting. Zach's not a bad guy, he's just not THE guy for Abby...
TooLazyToSignIn:: I'm really not in the mood to argue with you. Haiti is a usual spot for Carribean cruises. Yes, you were right when you said it was a third-world country, but their economy thrives on the tourist industry. Kat's sister returned from a cruise, and she had been in Haiti. Also, one of my best friends went on a cruise and she too, stopped in Haiti for two days. If this does still not convince you, go here:
"Haiti." Columbus World Travel Guide. 06 Feb. 2004. http://www.worldtravelguide.net/data/hti/hti460.asp
"Social Profile Nightlife: There is plenty of choice ranging from casinos to African drum music and modern Western music and dance. There is something happening in at least one major hotel every evening with the main attraction being folkloric groups and voodoo performances. On Saturday nights bamboche, a peasant-style dance, can be seen in one of the open-air dance halls. Hotels can give further up-to-date information on local nightlife" "Haiti".
And before you go off about citing, that was cited correctly in MLA format. Unless you prefer APA format, which I can also do. I'm not a bad person, but as many people find out the hard way, very passionate. I do not want to argue. I understand you want to review, but you do not have to be rude. And just for your future knowledge, Haiti does not even make the list as one of the poorest countries in the world, so for your future papers, "one of the top..." is extremely vague..
"Haiti: Facts." Aneki. 06 Feb. 2004.www.aneki.com/poorest.html
"About 80% of the population lives in abject poverty" "Haiti: Facts".
I have personally been to the Bahamas and Belieze. They are also poor countries, yet they are tourist attractions. People do not go to Haiti to set up a life there. They go for the beaches and attractions. Tourism is extremely important to the survivial of those countries, but I'm assuming you did not know that.