Well, I hope you like what's been goin' down so far. I still have
no clue as to where I'm going with this. But I am determined to finish. I
have a few ideas but I don't quite know how to put it all together yet. I
NEED GUIDANCE. Please fuel my desire to keep writing by R&R! TANKIE
TANKIE!! ~Kitrina
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where the hell could she be? Thought Catrina, becoming more irritated as each moment went by. She was the one that talked me into doing the goddamn thing! She began to pace around the living room in a state of utter frustration and restlessness. She didn't want to admit it, but she knew half of her fury stemmed from her own nerves and self-doubts. Not even two months they had been living in Chicago and her mother was already signing her up for everything from ballet class, to school choir, and now to this ridiculous talent show. Its not that she didn't love to dance, and sing, and showoff...On the contrary. She quite enjoyed being the center of attention, and proving beyond a shadow of a doubt just how much better she was than everybody else. But she didn't need some trophy and surrounding crowd of miss prims bowing at her feet, to tell her so. She was the cat's meow, and she knew it.
Oh, who was she trying to kid? She knew she was scared. Just plain scared...And she HATED it. Not that Chicago was that different from her hometown of Boston, it was just that she didn't know anybody here in Chicago. She had started school barely a week ago, and if all the kids at her new school decided to take a flying leap off the Cortland Street Bridge, frankly she didn't give a damn.
Misconstruing her shyness for a poor attitude, none of the girls bothered to look at her, let alone talk to her. And the boys, she was surprised to find, were afraid of her. She couldn't even get a good game of ball out of 'em. Ok, so maybe their coolness towards her derived from her "Mess with me and I'll kick all your little greaseball asses to Mexico." remark.
"Ooooh." Catrina sighed when she thought of her opening line. Poor Cathy- Fly certainly didn't mean to make waves with all her classmates, but unfortunately for her, many people seem to take offense to that kind of comment. She only said it because she knew how people always try to take advantage of the new kid. And she couldn't allow that to happen to her, now could she? No, definitely not. Her mother wouldn't have any of it, and neither would she.
So now that was it. It was too late for her to try and make friends. She simply didn't have anyone. Suddenly she began to feel as though some one was jabbing pins and nails into her stomach like a pincushion. She couldn't stand it. She didn't want to have to deal with so much. Her crap new school, her mother constantly at work, her beloved grandfather's recent death, which for the record, had partly brought on their move from the one place she felt that she had had an ounce of control. To top everything off, she felt like she didn't have a family. She felt like an illegitimate. Well, truth be told, she was exactly that. She didn't have a father, she didn't even know who the hell he was.
The more she thought about it the more she felt like a volcano on the verge of erupting, about to spew lava on an unsuspecting victim. And at the moment, she wanted to do just that...right on top of her mother! Time and time again she had asked about her father, and her mother's reply was always the same. "He's not important, he doesn't care about us, so leave it alone." This left Catrina with only one truism that she could ever use to discover the truth of her father's identity, and still her mother wouldn't comment. Catrina's last name. No not Kelly, like her mother's...But Flynn.
Whatever else Catrina could discern from the very brief conversations they had concerning the topic, was that a rare nerve was struck in her mother when anything having to do with her father or her own mysterious past was mentioned. She knew her mother all too well. The slightest change was visible to her, and when Velma was annoyed, or better yet truly grieve-stricken, it was all too obvious to Catrina through her mother's facial contortions and immediate change in mood.
She did feel bad for her mother, however. She knew she had been hurt bad somewhere far back, and often Catrina believed that her mother had experienced a multitude of betrayals. She was a smart young girl and always had been, not always an advantage when you know more than you're supposed to at such a young age. Still the sympathy she felt for Velma did nothing to stifle her yearning to know about the past and why she didn't have anyone to hold her and call "Daddy."
To not confuse the situation, let it be noted that Catrina was not the most sweet-tempered, amicable, or mushy of souls. No, she was definitely not mushy! At times, like her mother, she could be down right obnoxious. But, deep down in her heart of gold she was a genuinely passionate individual, though she hid it well. And like any normal teenager all she wanted was to feel the security and devotion which comes from having a non-broken family.
All of a sudden, the door flung open to show her mother still in her maid's uniform, the usual look of irritation on her face. "OOH!" Catrina whispered to herself in a furious intonation, "Is she ever gonna get it now." "Well I hope you're ready to go." Velma said in a scornful manner. "READY TO GO? READY TO GO?!?" Catrina was ready to EXPLODE! "I run home from school like a madman to get ready early like you say...Do my own hair, do my own makeup, get all my stuff ready for this stupid competition that I don't even wanna be in, and then you're not even here to bring me to it! Better yet you come home two hours after you're supposed to, I have no idea where you are, and I obviously can't leave without you, and of course now I'm late!"
"Listen here you little nitwit!" yelled Velma. "If you didn't want to be in this thing, you should have just told me earlier. All I wanted you to do was experience all the glory in this business that could be yours. You're everything I ever was and so much more! You actually have a chance to fulfill your dreams." Catrina noticed tears beginning to shine in her mother's big brown eyes. "As for being late, you ungrateful little cretin, do you think I like being down on my hands and knees from dawn 'till dusk cleaning up after people, whom, when I actually had a life, I wouldn't have given the time of day. Do you know what it feels like, to be me, *THE* Velma Kelly, to have to be disgraced like this...To have to bite my tongue when some one insults me, my family, my life! I rather crawl under a rock and never come out, but I can't..Because of you!! Who do you think I do this for?! Why do you think I stayed longer today? FOR MY HEALTH?! The O'Briens asked me to, and I couldn't refuse. We needed the money... You know I had a real job once, Catrina. I was beautiful, I was famous...HERE..In this town! I was in show business! And then you came along..."
Catrina knew her mother's words were only words, and she knew her mother loved her, yet she did feel bad, but not for herself. As she saw her mother cry for maybe the third time in her life, tears of anguish gushing from her eyes like Herculean rapids, Catrina could only whisper, "I'm sorry, mom." Her mother not able to answer, motioned for her to come to her, and hugged her close. The emotions she so smoothly hid her whole life, which had been slowly eating away at her, came crashing down upon Catrina. She couldn't pretend anymore, at least not now in front of her mother. She cried in her arms for what seemed like hours.
Finally her mother lifted her daughter's chin and said, "Come on babe. We have to be strong. That's the one thing we can always be proud of." Catrina nodded and paused for a moment. After theorizing to herself for a few minutes, she went into her bedroom and came out with her dance bag and jacket. "You don't have to do this, Cat." Said Velma. "I suppose it was a mistake to sign you up for this." "Are you kidding, mom? I love singing and dancing, this is gonna be cake. I'm gonna show those snooty little Pollyannas who the new queen bee is. After all, I've got your genes." Velma took great pride in her daughter's assertion, and was soon feeling back to her holier-than-thou egotistical self. "Anyway, mistakes are the dirt that legends grow out of." She flashed her mom a wink and hurried out the door. Velma watched in awe as her little ball of fire strolled defiantly down the hall to the stairs where she waited for her mother, brushing her hair back in the smuggest of manners. My confidence, and your wit, Velma thought as she watched her daughter grow more impatient by the stairs. Oh Billy, if you could see your baby now. "Come on MOM!" "I'm coming hon," Velma retorted now in a much more cheerful mood. "And all that jazz!" she sung out loud. "No offense mom, but I told you...It's all about swing now." said Catrina to her mother as they made their way down the stairs to the main entrance. "Oh really?" Velma asked grinning. She shrugged her shoulders. "Hmph. The kids nowadays."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where the hell could she be? Thought Catrina, becoming more irritated as each moment went by. She was the one that talked me into doing the goddamn thing! She began to pace around the living room in a state of utter frustration and restlessness. She didn't want to admit it, but she knew half of her fury stemmed from her own nerves and self-doubts. Not even two months they had been living in Chicago and her mother was already signing her up for everything from ballet class, to school choir, and now to this ridiculous talent show. Its not that she didn't love to dance, and sing, and showoff...On the contrary. She quite enjoyed being the center of attention, and proving beyond a shadow of a doubt just how much better she was than everybody else. But she didn't need some trophy and surrounding crowd of miss prims bowing at her feet, to tell her so. She was the cat's meow, and she knew it.
Oh, who was she trying to kid? She knew she was scared. Just plain scared...And she HATED it. Not that Chicago was that different from her hometown of Boston, it was just that she didn't know anybody here in Chicago. She had started school barely a week ago, and if all the kids at her new school decided to take a flying leap off the Cortland Street Bridge, frankly she didn't give a damn.
Misconstruing her shyness for a poor attitude, none of the girls bothered to look at her, let alone talk to her. And the boys, she was surprised to find, were afraid of her. She couldn't even get a good game of ball out of 'em. Ok, so maybe their coolness towards her derived from her "Mess with me and I'll kick all your little greaseball asses to Mexico." remark.
"Ooooh." Catrina sighed when she thought of her opening line. Poor Cathy- Fly certainly didn't mean to make waves with all her classmates, but unfortunately for her, many people seem to take offense to that kind of comment. She only said it because she knew how people always try to take advantage of the new kid. And she couldn't allow that to happen to her, now could she? No, definitely not. Her mother wouldn't have any of it, and neither would she.
So now that was it. It was too late for her to try and make friends. She simply didn't have anyone. Suddenly she began to feel as though some one was jabbing pins and nails into her stomach like a pincushion. She couldn't stand it. She didn't want to have to deal with so much. Her crap new school, her mother constantly at work, her beloved grandfather's recent death, which for the record, had partly brought on their move from the one place she felt that she had had an ounce of control. To top everything off, she felt like she didn't have a family. She felt like an illegitimate. Well, truth be told, she was exactly that. She didn't have a father, she didn't even know who the hell he was.
The more she thought about it the more she felt like a volcano on the verge of erupting, about to spew lava on an unsuspecting victim. And at the moment, she wanted to do just that...right on top of her mother! Time and time again she had asked about her father, and her mother's reply was always the same. "He's not important, he doesn't care about us, so leave it alone." This left Catrina with only one truism that she could ever use to discover the truth of her father's identity, and still her mother wouldn't comment. Catrina's last name. No not Kelly, like her mother's...But Flynn.
Whatever else Catrina could discern from the very brief conversations they had concerning the topic, was that a rare nerve was struck in her mother when anything having to do with her father or her own mysterious past was mentioned. She knew her mother all too well. The slightest change was visible to her, and when Velma was annoyed, or better yet truly grieve-stricken, it was all too obvious to Catrina through her mother's facial contortions and immediate change in mood.
She did feel bad for her mother, however. She knew she had been hurt bad somewhere far back, and often Catrina believed that her mother had experienced a multitude of betrayals. She was a smart young girl and always had been, not always an advantage when you know more than you're supposed to at such a young age. Still the sympathy she felt for Velma did nothing to stifle her yearning to know about the past and why she didn't have anyone to hold her and call "Daddy."
To not confuse the situation, let it be noted that Catrina was not the most sweet-tempered, amicable, or mushy of souls. No, she was definitely not mushy! At times, like her mother, she could be down right obnoxious. But, deep down in her heart of gold she was a genuinely passionate individual, though she hid it well. And like any normal teenager all she wanted was to feel the security and devotion which comes from having a non-broken family.
All of a sudden, the door flung open to show her mother still in her maid's uniform, the usual look of irritation on her face. "OOH!" Catrina whispered to herself in a furious intonation, "Is she ever gonna get it now." "Well I hope you're ready to go." Velma said in a scornful manner. "READY TO GO? READY TO GO?!?" Catrina was ready to EXPLODE! "I run home from school like a madman to get ready early like you say...Do my own hair, do my own makeup, get all my stuff ready for this stupid competition that I don't even wanna be in, and then you're not even here to bring me to it! Better yet you come home two hours after you're supposed to, I have no idea where you are, and I obviously can't leave without you, and of course now I'm late!"
"Listen here you little nitwit!" yelled Velma. "If you didn't want to be in this thing, you should have just told me earlier. All I wanted you to do was experience all the glory in this business that could be yours. You're everything I ever was and so much more! You actually have a chance to fulfill your dreams." Catrina noticed tears beginning to shine in her mother's big brown eyes. "As for being late, you ungrateful little cretin, do you think I like being down on my hands and knees from dawn 'till dusk cleaning up after people, whom, when I actually had a life, I wouldn't have given the time of day. Do you know what it feels like, to be me, *THE* Velma Kelly, to have to be disgraced like this...To have to bite my tongue when some one insults me, my family, my life! I rather crawl under a rock and never come out, but I can't..Because of you!! Who do you think I do this for?! Why do you think I stayed longer today? FOR MY HEALTH?! The O'Briens asked me to, and I couldn't refuse. We needed the money... You know I had a real job once, Catrina. I was beautiful, I was famous...HERE..In this town! I was in show business! And then you came along..."
Catrina knew her mother's words were only words, and she knew her mother loved her, yet she did feel bad, but not for herself. As she saw her mother cry for maybe the third time in her life, tears of anguish gushing from her eyes like Herculean rapids, Catrina could only whisper, "I'm sorry, mom." Her mother not able to answer, motioned for her to come to her, and hugged her close. The emotions she so smoothly hid her whole life, which had been slowly eating away at her, came crashing down upon Catrina. She couldn't pretend anymore, at least not now in front of her mother. She cried in her arms for what seemed like hours.
Finally her mother lifted her daughter's chin and said, "Come on babe. We have to be strong. That's the one thing we can always be proud of." Catrina nodded and paused for a moment. After theorizing to herself for a few minutes, she went into her bedroom and came out with her dance bag and jacket. "You don't have to do this, Cat." Said Velma. "I suppose it was a mistake to sign you up for this." "Are you kidding, mom? I love singing and dancing, this is gonna be cake. I'm gonna show those snooty little Pollyannas who the new queen bee is. After all, I've got your genes." Velma took great pride in her daughter's assertion, and was soon feeling back to her holier-than-thou egotistical self. "Anyway, mistakes are the dirt that legends grow out of." She flashed her mom a wink and hurried out the door. Velma watched in awe as her little ball of fire strolled defiantly down the hall to the stairs where she waited for her mother, brushing her hair back in the smuggest of manners. My confidence, and your wit, Velma thought as she watched her daughter grow more impatient by the stairs. Oh Billy, if you could see your baby now. "Come on MOM!" "I'm coming hon," Velma retorted now in a much more cheerful mood. "And all that jazz!" she sung out loud. "No offense mom, but I told you...It's all about swing now." said Catrina to her mother as they made their way down the stairs to the main entrance. "Oh really?" Velma asked grinning. She shrugged her shoulders. "Hmph. The kids nowadays."