Author's Notes: Kat's Chapter. Please hit that cute little review button.
~*~
Leaving the women at one point I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is the hardest thing. Never in my life would I have thought that one person could bring so much pain. Its like a knife digging into me over, and over, and over. Never ending, it twists turns. The pain it brings makes me cringe. I try to erase her from my memory, forgetting anything that has ever happened between us. Trying to forget how our sweaty body pounded against one another last night. I could hear her scream out in pain, yelping, moaning. We continue, not stopping, both enjoying the physical pain we were forcing upon another. Her nails digging into my back, ripping through my skin, dragging them up and down my body. As I forced myself in and out of her, we hurt each other emotionally, it was only time until the physical pain came. Neither one of us enjoying, what would usually be a sweet release. She screeched, I swear I saw a tear make its way down her cheek, but I made no effort to wipe it away. I climbed off of her and we drove in silence back to the hospital. Where she met up with Zach, presumably committing the same act with him. I can't even think about it. I don't want to.
Taking one glance back at the lounge, the place which she sits, mentally killing me. Hating me, ripping my body apart. I head on my way. I don't know if I am doing the right thing, leaving here. Running away from my problems. Isn't that what got us in this predicament in the first place, running away. Pushing the truth out of our minds, erasing every thought, feeling, memory. If only it had ended different. If only it hadn't ended at all. Could we truly have made it? Loved one another for all we were worth, I don't think so. Too many obstacles. It is all better now, we have it out of our systems. The urge to be with each other, inside her. Last night was our last time. The last time I got to hold her in my arms, feel her soft lips upon mine. It was the be all and end all of our life together. I trudge through the ambulance bay, walking slowly, morosely reminiscing on our life together, for that short year. "Doctor Carter, you off?" Gallant asks cheerfully. I smile at him, a tight forced smile. "Yeah, I'm -uh I'm going back to Africa." I sigh, rubbing my chin, the area Zach hit. "Well I'll see you the next time your in town." He smiles.
"Uh- I'm moving to Africa, for good." I say sadly, not wanting to think about this being the wrong thing to do. "Oh, well that's too bad we're going to miss you around here. All of us." He says genuinely, why do I get the feeling that is not true. That people don't really need me here. I am not a necessity. Not anymore at least, there are other doctors, better doctors who can lead the pack. Gallant shakes my hand, then walks off towards the hospital. I turn around, hoping, thinking, that maybe, just maybe she will come running out, begging with me to stay. Not to leave her, telling me that really am the one she wants. I watch for a few more seconds, the doors open, out walks Luka, he smiles at me, silently acknowledging my presence, but making no effort to say hello. I take a deep breath then head for the L, as the ambulance sirens sound in the air. I am off to see my son, the love of my life. I use to think Kem was the one for me. Not anymore. She is no longer the women for me, I don't think she ever really was. I used her as an escape, from what is real. Abby and I can never be, not again. So I must make do with what I have, as awful, callous, and heartless as that may sound, it is my only chance at happiness. Something everyone wants, most can not have it. But I have a chance, one shot at it. I am not going to blow it. Not this time, not like I did the last time. This is it.
My hand grasps tighter around my bag, the one that holds everything I have collected from my days at county. Sadly, a stethoscope, a few sheets of paper, and a couple articles of clothing are the only things I have to show for the time I spent, the hours I put in. Not even a party, nothing. I have on small thing that will forever remind me of Abby, a picture, the only one I kept. The other I tossed at her angrily. The picture does not represent the love we shared, not for me at least. It represents the heart breaks, the anger. The way she kicked me out of her apartment on that fateful day. Nothing but pain. Why I kept it is beyond me. The stairs leading up to the L, are dirty and mucky, I walk up them, the sole person in the building. I wait on the platform, as a train pulls up, just in time. I enter, its virtually empty, save for a mother and her whining son. I watch as she rocks the small boy in her arms, trying to settle him. He looks to be about two, a full head of brown hair. A cute little guy. He pulls at her earrings, and smacks her in the face once, just as she grabs his hands forcing them to his side. The boy fusses more, causing the mother to shout at him. "Shut the hell up Christopher." She hollers at him, he stops, tears filling his tiny eyes. Her loud, abrupt attempt of trying to calm her son causes me to jump. How anyone could treat their child like this is beyond me. "Um excuse me miss." I say in attempt to stop her verbal abuse towards him. "What?" She brats back, the mother looks to be about eight teen. They both are poorly dressed, her son is probably hungry. That is why he is screaming so loudly. "Um- do you need help?" I could afford to feed the kid, but I don't want to seem like I am insulting them. "You wanna help?" She spits at me. I have a feeling this is not going to be a good encounter. "You can find this kids father, who just took off so he could go fuck some other women. That's how you ca help." I watch as the single mother fights with her son. I realise what I am doing to Kem every time I have left. Sure I leave her with money. But if I were to leave her for Abby, for a relationship that will never be, this is what could happen to Kassim. "I'm sorry." I mutter under my breath. She glares at me again. "Yeah, well so am I. I get stuck with this brat while he is fucking every women in sight. I would of like to have some fun to." She says angrily, her words sting. How could this women not want her child, that innocent little boy, I can tell the life he is going to endure is not going to be a good one. This reminds me off Abby, how she had to fight to survive. I never want anything like this for Kassim, he is such a great kid, granted I don't know him as well as I could, or should for that matter. I think I take being a father for granted. Neither his mother or I really worked out all the kinks before he was born. Which should have discussed in greater depth how us living on different continents was going to effect his life. How it is effecting our own lives. "Why are you still staring?" The mother says through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking about my son." I smile at the thought of Kassim. "You have a son?" She says a little more curious. I nod, still smiling. "I bet he is better then this brat." She shoves her son into the seat beside her. I watch as the boy tries to climb back onto his mothers luck, she keeps pushing him away. Some people just shouldn't have children. I shake my head watching them. She gets angry look on her face, and is about to speak her mind, but my phone starts ringing.
"Hello?" I answer, thankful that the caller has freed me of this mothers sass.
"John-" Abby's tired voice scratches over the loud fuzz, that is telling me soon the phone will not work.
"Abby." I sigh, not sure whether to be happy over this call or not.
"Where are you?" Her voice is more muffled then before.
"On the L." I answer dryly, not wanting to sound too enthused.
"Oh." We stay quiet, neither knowing what to say, or how the other will react to the others words. I sit watching the mother, as she stares at me. Obviously curious as to who I am on the phone with. "Abby." I start. I want to know why she is calling me, is she going to try and talk me out of going? It won't work. I have to, for Kassim. I can no longer be selfish, I can't live in the past. "Yeah."
"Why are you calling me?" I sound angry, but I'm not. Confused, yes, but not angry.
"I don't know." She answers truthfully. "I just-" She is starting to cry, "I can't stop thinking about you. I want nothing to do with you, yet your always on my mind. My only thought." She seems to be sniffling. "But your leaving."
"Yeah I am." I answer firmly.
"Well, I'm happy for you. We had our moments." She sighs, "just stay safe." I nod, although she can't see me, I do it anyways. "Don't call me." She finishes.
"I won't." I assure her. The mother watches me, then huffs silently, she wants my attention, but I refuse to give it to her. "Is that your whore?" She spits, I don't know her and already she is onto me. "Who is that?" Abby asks.
"No one." I sigh rolling my eyes.
"Fuck you, you insult me for the way I raise my kid, now your thinking I'm beneath you." The women gets up, as the train comes to a halt. She tosses her son over her shoulder, he squirms trying to break free. "Carter, what's going on?" Abby asks, if she'd be quiet for just a second I could figure out what this lady was going to do to her kid. "Um- I don't know." I answer. The lady approaches me and thrusts the boy into my lap then takes off out of the train. "Abby?"
"Yeah."
"I think I have another kid."
~*~
Leaving the women at one point I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is the hardest thing. Never in my life would I have thought that one person could bring so much pain. Its like a knife digging into me over, and over, and over. Never ending, it twists turns. The pain it brings makes me cringe. I try to erase her from my memory, forgetting anything that has ever happened between us. Trying to forget how our sweaty body pounded against one another last night. I could hear her scream out in pain, yelping, moaning. We continue, not stopping, both enjoying the physical pain we were forcing upon another. Her nails digging into my back, ripping through my skin, dragging them up and down my body. As I forced myself in and out of her, we hurt each other emotionally, it was only time until the physical pain came. Neither one of us enjoying, what would usually be a sweet release. She screeched, I swear I saw a tear make its way down her cheek, but I made no effort to wipe it away. I climbed off of her and we drove in silence back to the hospital. Where she met up with Zach, presumably committing the same act with him. I can't even think about it. I don't want to.
Taking one glance back at the lounge, the place which she sits, mentally killing me. Hating me, ripping my body apart. I head on my way. I don't know if I am doing the right thing, leaving here. Running away from my problems. Isn't that what got us in this predicament in the first place, running away. Pushing the truth out of our minds, erasing every thought, feeling, memory. If only it had ended different. If only it hadn't ended at all. Could we truly have made it? Loved one another for all we were worth, I don't think so. Too many obstacles. It is all better now, we have it out of our systems. The urge to be with each other, inside her. Last night was our last time. The last time I got to hold her in my arms, feel her soft lips upon mine. It was the be all and end all of our life together. I trudge through the ambulance bay, walking slowly, morosely reminiscing on our life together, for that short year. "Doctor Carter, you off?" Gallant asks cheerfully. I smile at him, a tight forced smile. "Yeah, I'm -uh I'm going back to Africa." I sigh, rubbing my chin, the area Zach hit. "Well I'll see you the next time your in town." He smiles.
"Uh- I'm moving to Africa, for good." I say sadly, not wanting to think about this being the wrong thing to do. "Oh, well that's too bad we're going to miss you around here. All of us." He says genuinely, why do I get the feeling that is not true. That people don't really need me here. I am not a necessity. Not anymore at least, there are other doctors, better doctors who can lead the pack. Gallant shakes my hand, then walks off towards the hospital. I turn around, hoping, thinking, that maybe, just maybe she will come running out, begging with me to stay. Not to leave her, telling me that really am the one she wants. I watch for a few more seconds, the doors open, out walks Luka, he smiles at me, silently acknowledging my presence, but making no effort to say hello. I take a deep breath then head for the L, as the ambulance sirens sound in the air. I am off to see my son, the love of my life. I use to think Kem was the one for me. Not anymore. She is no longer the women for me, I don't think she ever really was. I used her as an escape, from what is real. Abby and I can never be, not again. So I must make do with what I have, as awful, callous, and heartless as that may sound, it is my only chance at happiness. Something everyone wants, most can not have it. But I have a chance, one shot at it. I am not going to blow it. Not this time, not like I did the last time. This is it.
My hand grasps tighter around my bag, the one that holds everything I have collected from my days at county. Sadly, a stethoscope, a few sheets of paper, and a couple articles of clothing are the only things I have to show for the time I spent, the hours I put in. Not even a party, nothing. I have on small thing that will forever remind me of Abby, a picture, the only one I kept. The other I tossed at her angrily. The picture does not represent the love we shared, not for me at least. It represents the heart breaks, the anger. The way she kicked me out of her apartment on that fateful day. Nothing but pain. Why I kept it is beyond me. The stairs leading up to the L, are dirty and mucky, I walk up them, the sole person in the building. I wait on the platform, as a train pulls up, just in time. I enter, its virtually empty, save for a mother and her whining son. I watch as she rocks the small boy in her arms, trying to settle him. He looks to be about two, a full head of brown hair. A cute little guy. He pulls at her earrings, and smacks her in the face once, just as she grabs his hands forcing them to his side. The boy fusses more, causing the mother to shout at him. "Shut the hell up Christopher." She hollers at him, he stops, tears filling his tiny eyes. Her loud, abrupt attempt of trying to calm her son causes me to jump. How anyone could treat their child like this is beyond me. "Um excuse me miss." I say in attempt to stop her verbal abuse towards him. "What?" She brats back, the mother looks to be about eight teen. They both are poorly dressed, her son is probably hungry. That is why he is screaming so loudly. "Um- do you need help?" I could afford to feed the kid, but I don't want to seem like I am insulting them. "You wanna help?" She spits at me. I have a feeling this is not going to be a good encounter. "You can find this kids father, who just took off so he could go fuck some other women. That's how you ca help." I watch as the single mother fights with her son. I realise what I am doing to Kem every time I have left. Sure I leave her with money. But if I were to leave her for Abby, for a relationship that will never be, this is what could happen to Kassim. "I'm sorry." I mutter under my breath. She glares at me again. "Yeah, well so am I. I get stuck with this brat while he is fucking every women in sight. I would of like to have some fun to." She says angrily, her words sting. How could this women not want her child, that innocent little boy, I can tell the life he is going to endure is not going to be a good one. This reminds me off Abby, how she had to fight to survive. I never want anything like this for Kassim, he is such a great kid, granted I don't know him as well as I could, or should for that matter. I think I take being a father for granted. Neither his mother or I really worked out all the kinks before he was born. Which should have discussed in greater depth how us living on different continents was going to effect his life. How it is effecting our own lives. "Why are you still staring?" The mother says through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking about my son." I smile at the thought of Kassim. "You have a son?" She says a little more curious. I nod, still smiling. "I bet he is better then this brat." She shoves her son into the seat beside her. I watch as the boy tries to climb back onto his mothers luck, she keeps pushing him away. Some people just shouldn't have children. I shake my head watching them. She gets angry look on her face, and is about to speak her mind, but my phone starts ringing.
"Hello?" I answer, thankful that the caller has freed me of this mothers sass.
"John-" Abby's tired voice scratches over the loud fuzz, that is telling me soon the phone will not work.
"Abby." I sigh, not sure whether to be happy over this call or not.
"Where are you?" Her voice is more muffled then before.
"On the L." I answer dryly, not wanting to sound too enthused.
"Oh." We stay quiet, neither knowing what to say, or how the other will react to the others words. I sit watching the mother, as she stares at me. Obviously curious as to who I am on the phone with. "Abby." I start. I want to know why she is calling me, is she going to try and talk me out of going? It won't work. I have to, for Kassim. I can no longer be selfish, I can't live in the past. "Yeah."
"Why are you calling me?" I sound angry, but I'm not. Confused, yes, but not angry.
"I don't know." She answers truthfully. "I just-" She is starting to cry, "I can't stop thinking about you. I want nothing to do with you, yet your always on my mind. My only thought." She seems to be sniffling. "But your leaving."
"Yeah I am." I answer firmly.
"Well, I'm happy for you. We had our moments." She sighs, "just stay safe." I nod, although she can't see me, I do it anyways. "Don't call me." She finishes.
"I won't." I assure her. The mother watches me, then huffs silently, she wants my attention, but I refuse to give it to her. "Is that your whore?" She spits, I don't know her and already she is onto me. "Who is that?" Abby asks.
"No one." I sigh rolling my eyes.
"Fuck you, you insult me for the way I raise my kid, now your thinking I'm beneath you." The women gets up, as the train comes to a halt. She tosses her son over her shoulder, he squirms trying to break free. "Carter, what's going on?" Abby asks, if she'd be quiet for just a second I could figure out what this lady was going to do to her kid. "Um- I don't know." I answer. The lady approaches me and thrusts the boy into my lap then takes off out of the train. "Abby?"
"Yeah."
"I think I have another kid."