Chapter Five: Nowhere To Turn
Frieza's office…
"And you wish to enter my contest?" Frieza asked the beautiful humanoid woman smoothly. For the past hour, the cruel despot had been openly drooling over the latest beauty pageant contestant. She had introduced herself as Cypress, a Mid-Elite soldier from King Cold's army. She was a tall, shapely humanoid woman with wavy, flaming scarlet hair, lavender eyes, honey-brown skin, and long, long legs; the only non-humanoid feature she possessed was a long, scarlet, fluffy tail similar to that of a Persian cat.
"That I do, Lord Frieza, sire," Cypress crooned sweetly, and Frieza nearly melted. "So, would you say I qualify?"
"Oh, definitely!" Frieza exclaimed. "Without a doubt. I'll give you the forms." He serenely handed Cypress the forms while covertly staring at her chest, which was somewhat restrained by her armor.
"Thank you, Lord Frieza," Cypress told him with a fetching smile. "I'm looking forward to entering," she added coyly.
"And I'm looking forward to seeing you there, my dear. I will personally cheer you on," Frieza promised her, as he casually drew his finger along the smooth surface of his table seductively.
He was making tentative plans to try to seduce Cypress when a knock rapped on his metal sliding door. "Yes?" he bellowed impatiently.
"It's Vegeta. You summoned me to be debriefed on the last planetary purging mission I had completed."
Frieza sighed, "Come in." He would have preferred to insist that Vegeta come back later, but business always had to come first-even with a gorgeous potential conquest in front of him.
When Vegeta was allowed to enter, his pointed jaw dropped the moment he laid his eyes on Cypress. A wicked, sexy smile raided his handsome face, as he forgot all about informing Frieza about his last purging mission and sauntered breezily over to the newcomer. Cypress was a good foot and a half taller than he was, but he didn't let that stop him. His tail swished delightedly, as he anticipated on just how he would "get better acquainted" with this new female.
"Hello, beautiful," Vegeta purred, as he leisurely looked her and her perfect body over. "I believe I've never seen you here before."
"Hello, yourself, handsome," Cypress cooed. "I believe I have heard of you, even though we've never met. You're Prince Vegeta, am I correct?"
"You are good!" Vegeta chuckled. "And may I ask who you are?"
She gave him her name was a seductive smile and a low, husky tone. Vegeta was more enamored than ever.
"Are you entering Lord Frieza's contest?" Vegeta asked.
"Absolutely!" Cypress enthused.
"Well, I'd like to sponsor you, my dear, but unfortunately, I already have a contestant that I convinced to enter, but I will at least be cheering for you to win first runner-up."
"I'll try not to disappoint you then, Prince," Cypress replied with a soft, gentle laugh. Vegeta chuckled, long and low and deep.
Meanwhile, Frieza was furious over this flirtatious exchange between his new lust interest and the Saiyan prince. How dare Vegeta become interested in a woman that Frieza was planning to seduce? His expression hard, he narrowed his eyes at Vegeta and said coldly, "Vegeta, aren't you supposed to be informing me about the completed planet Lexic mission?"
Vegeta said daringly, "Surely, that could wait until later, couldn't it? I think that I should show Cypress around."
"No, I don't think so," Frieza snapped. He turned to Cypress, softening his expression, "My dear Cypress, Vegeta and I have some things to discuss in private, so I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave for now. I would like to contact you sometime; perhaps you could give me your scouter number?"
Cypress replied, "I'm afraid that my scouter isn't working at this time, but I will see you around. Since King Cold will be here for a while, I'll stop by to visit before the contest. By the way, have a Happy Birthday in advance, sire."
"Why thank you!" Frieza gushed, and Vegeta openly gagged at the sight. But he cleared his throat, and he strolled over to Cypress, who was heading out the door. He levitated up to her ear and whispered his scouter number into it.
Cypress said sweetly, "Thank you, Prince. I wouldn't mind seeing you again as well. Goodbye now." And she left.
After Cypress was gone, Frieza told Vegeta icily, "Let's get one thing straight, Vegeta: I have my eyes on Cypress, and I have plans for her."
"Planning to fix the contest so that she'll win?" Vegeta taunted.
"No, Vegeta, believe it or not, even I have my principles. No, I am planning on getting to know her a bit more intimately-and I don't like competition for my women! Understand?"
Vegeta said mockingly, "And what would make you think that an exquisite creature such as Cypress would want you when she could have a handsome royal stud such as myself?"
Frieza snarled, "You're pushing it, Vegeta! Cypress is mine, is that clear? You can easily find another young thing to bed, but I saw Cypress first!"
"Whatever you say," Vegeta told Frieza casually. Of course, the Saiyan prince had no intention of honoring that particular demand of his sire; Frieza's interest in Cypress surely wouldn't last for long, and if Vegeta did have his way with the lovely soldier of King Cold's…what Frieza didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
As he mindlessly told Frieza about the planet Lexic mission, Vegeta's mind wandered to his fantasies on just how to "conquer" Cypress.
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Several hours later…
A giant man lurked along the corridors of the ship, wearing a huge, thick brown cloak that covered most of his face. He slid surreptitiously along the smooth, metal walls, as if he were hiding-which he was.
He reached a water fountain, and since his scouter picked up no ki signals, he decided that it was safe to take a quick drink. The quick drink, however, turned into an attempt to drink all the water that the fountain could give him. Taking long, luxurious slurps, he drank greedily as two young women, Low Levels, strolled past him.
The twin girls each resembled blue foxes with three pale green eyes apiece, but they had very humanoid-like feminine hourglass figures. One girl said to her sister, "Ocean, have you seen Raditz or Nappa around?"
"Nope, Sky, I can't say that I have," the other young lady said despondently. "I was hoping to give them our photos."
"So was I," Ocean sighed. "I was told that Raditz and Nappa hung around in this section regularly, so that's why I suggested that we come here."
"I just know they are going to choose me for the winner! I would excel in the talent portion with the way that I can dance and sing."
"You!" Ocean scoffed. "My one-act play is going to steal the show-and the hearts of those hunky Saiyans!"
"Well we have to find them first," Sky snapped. "And then we can let them see us." She then tapped the shoulder of the hooded man drinking out of the water fountain. "Excuse me, sir. Have you seen any Saiyans around here lately?"
"No," a high-pitched, obviously falsetto, squeaky voice croaked. "Can't say that I have, no Saiyans here. Why would you want them anyway?"
"So we can meet them! And introduce ourselves, so our chances of winning the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest will increase!" Ocean gushed.
"Beauty contests are…very overrated, yes that's it. You ladies should find better ways to occupy your time other than entering a silly beauty contest. Why not go clear a planet or two…it can be very therapeutic. If I were you two, I would forget about entering."
"And just why should we?" Sky fumed indignantly. "We're just as beautiful as those other girls entering!"
"Yes, you ladies are," continued the falsetto feminine voice. "But beauty contests are shallow…all those oversexed, crazed, hormone-driven men panting after your bodies…"
"That's the best part!" Ocean cooed.
"No it's not," the squeaky female voice told her. "You ladies deserve better than that. So don't enter the contest, pretty please! Listen to me and find something else better to do!"
"Is there a reason that you don't want us to enter?" Sky asked coolly.
"You can enter, but I wouldn't recommend it, no, no!" the high-pitched voice squeaked. "Now you two pretty things run along, so I can finish my drink!"
"Okay, fine, whatever," Sky huffed. But before she and Ocean could leave, they noticed a long, furry monkeylike tail poking out from under the cloak.
"A monkey tail?" Ocean wondered.
"No," Sky said, and a big smile spread across her face. "It's a Saiyan tail! Ocean, we found a Saiyan trying to hide from us!" And triumphantly, Sky yanked the cloak off to reveal an embarrassed Nappa.
"NAPPA!" the girls squealed in delight.
"Sorry, ladies, but I have to go!" Nappa cried, as he pushed past the two women. But Sky and Ocean were as fast as he was, if not as strong. The two desperate twins clung to Nappa's arms.
"Let go of me!" he ordered.
"But Nappa, we want you!"
"Yes, Nappa, now tell us…who do you think is prettier? My sister, Ocean, or me, the exquisitely ravishing Sky!"
"Sorry ladies, you'll have to wait like everyone else!" Nappa cried out, as he tried to pry the girls off of his limbs.
"Please tell us!" Ocean begged.
"Umm…why don't you ladies ask Raditz instead? He's just right around the corner. He's a better judge of beauty than I am-bye!"
And with one hard shake, Nappa flung the girls off of him, and before Ocean and Sky could determine whether or not Nappa was telling the truth, Nappa was around the corner, out of their sight.
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"WE WANT RADITZ! WE WANT RADITZ! WE WANT RADITZ!"
"No you don't, no you don't," Raditz groaned, as he leaned against the door of the men's restroom, trying desperately to keep a mob of crazed young women from breaking it down and coming in after him. The ladies were pushing and shoving at the door in order to get to their Saiyan judge.
"Excuse me, ladies," a shrill, feminine voice squeaked. "I am the repairperson, and I must fix a toilet in here, so you ladies will have to move out of the way!"
"But we want Raditz!" a girl screamed.
"Too bad, ladies. Now let me by-thank you!"
"Tell Raditz to come out!" another female soldier ordered.
"Will do, now let me pass."
Raditz was afraid to open the door, but several demanding knocks from the repairperson failed to cease, so the Saiyan reluctantly opened the door. And to his everlasting relief, Nappa rushed in!
Both Saiyans wasted no time in sitting against the door of the men's room to keep the crowd of potential beauty contest entrants from coming. Nappa panted with relief. "You don't know how glad I am to see you! Women haven't been able to keep their hands off of me!"
"Same here," Raditz groaned. "And I remember a time when I used to think that would actually be flattering."
"Listen, Raditz," Nappa sighed. "We have a problem."
"Tell me about it," Raditz replied. "There's something that I have to tell you."
"Same here."
"You first."
"Well, Raditz, the beauty contest is going to have to be fixed."
"Why?" Raditz demanded to know, as he nervously listened to the girls screaming out his and Nappa's names.
"I was abducted yesterday and taken to Coola," Nappa told him.
"Coola! Oh, Kami, Nappa, and you're still alive to tell about it?"
"Yeah, barely. I give the lizard credit though; he does know how to feed guests. But that's not why he had his Armored Squadron bring me to him."
"Then what is it?"
Nappa sighed, "Raditz, we have to declare Coola's little mistress, Karilyn, the winner at the contest, or we'll lose our balls-literally!"
"Karilyn?"
"Yeah, Coola seems to be crazy about her-crazy enough to force us to declare her Miss Frieza."
Raditz crossed his arms and looked at Nappa contemptuously. "Nappa, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, giving in to a lizard-freak like Coola! What kind of Elitist Saiyan are you, to be intimidated by Frieza's ugly older brother?"
"Not much of one," Nappa admitted. "But I'd rather keep my balls-and the other equipment that comes with them."
"Well, Nappa, you'd be a fool, if you let yourself be forced to vote for Coola's new favorite whore. We must withstand Coola's threats and pick a contestant that is truly worthy of winning! Saiyans are not cowards to be stepped on or kicked around, right?"
Nappa felt braver. "Right! Of course!"
"And we must stick it to Coola, and let him know that we can find a girl who deserves to win, on her own merit!"
"Yeah! I agree, Raditz!"
"We will pick a candidate of our own choosing, no matter how much Coola pressures us!"
"That's right! Coola can kiss my tail!"
"That's the spirit, Nappa! So we agree that we won't pick this Karilyn just 'cause Coola says so?"
"Yeah!"
"Good for you," Raditz told him triumphantly. "We will not be pressured into voting for Karilyn."
"That's right."
"Instead we will be pressured into voting for Lady Snowflake, King Cold's daughter."
"You bet we will-hey wait a minute!" Nappa seethed. "You're saying that we have to vote for Lady Snowflake?"
Raditz nodded, grinning sheepishly. "That's right, Nappa. Lady Snowflake is the best choice to win Miss Frieza, so let's just go with her."
Nappa flung himself onto Raditz and seized him by his throat. "Do you mean to tell me, Raditz, that King Cold blackmailed you into voting for his daughter, Coola and Frieza's little sister?"
Raditz chuckled nervously. "Umm…yeah, something like that."
"Then you're no better than I am! How dare you put me down for giving into blackmail when you've done the same thing?"
"Because I don't want to wind up dead, that's why!"
"Well, I'm not voting for Lady Snowflake!"
"And I'm not voting for Karilyn!"
"So, what in the hell are we suppose to do then?"
"I don't know, but I'm not voting for Karilyn."
"And I'm not voting for Lady Snowflake."
"Well, I'm not having Coola strip me of my balls!"
"And I'm not having King Cold strip me of my life!"
"And I'm not-" But Nappa was interrupted by the sound of angry pounding on the door.
"Raditz, Nappa, open this door immediately! I have to go!" Vegeta's voice hissed.
"Tell Raditz and Nappa to come out!" a girl's voice ordered Vegeta.
Vegeta was heard snarling at her. "Are you girls that desperate to get to my men that you can't even let them relieve themselves in peace? Now go away and leave us alone before Frieza ends up with a few less women in his army!"
"You wouldn't!" a foolish female cried.
The sound of a ki ball forming was heard, and the girls cried out, "Please, we're going, Prince Vegeta, don't hurt us!"
"Get away now!" Vegeta hissed at them.
"We are, we are!" the frightened young women screamed, as their frantic footsteps were heard running further and further away. Only when they were certain that the women had fled did Raditz and Nappa open the door and let Vegeta in.
"You two are pathetic, hiding from women who only hold one quarter of your strength," Vegeta mocked. "My, my, I'm starting to think that maybe you two aren't the Saiyans that I thought you were."
Nappa chuckled. "You're probably right, Prince, you're probably right."
"Thanks, Vegeta," Raditz dared to say.
Vegeta snorted, as he began to head for a stall. But before he could reach it, Nappa caught his arm. "Vegeta, Raditz and I have to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
"Well, we're sort of in trouble…"
"Why am I not surprised? Continue."
"Okay, Vegeta," Raditz told him. "You see, yesterday, King Cold had me abducted, and Coola had Nappa abducted. And basically they blackmailed us. If we don't vote for Karilyn, Coola's new favorite, we're in for it. And if we don't vote for Lady Snowflake, Frieza's little sister, we're in for it then too."
"Hmm…" Vegeta said thoughtfully.
"So what do we do, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.
"That's easy," Vegeta told them. "Choose neither girl."
"WHAT?" both Nappa and Raditz exclaimed.
"You two are not going to vote for Karilyn, and you two are not going to vote for Lady Snowflake."
"Coola and King Cold don't make idle threats," Raditz pointed out.
"Yes, I know," Vegeta told him calmly. "But if you don't vote for the girls, what good would it do for King Cold and Coola to do anything? If you two are that worried about it, you can have them put as runner-ups. I doubt the two girls mentioned even know what King Cold and Coola have planned for them, so they would likely be happy with being runner-ups. And besides Frieza wouldn't want anyone intervening with his precious beauty contest, especially his own annoying kin. So you two men pick whom you feel is best."
"Thanks, Vegeta," Nappa said, relieved. "Raditz and I do feel better now."
"Now we just have to decide whom we feel is best," Raditz added.
"Why that's easy," Vegeta told them casually. "You two men will not vote for Karilyn."
"Yeah!" both men confirmed happily.
"And you will not vote for Lady Snowflake."
"That's right!" Raditz declared.
"Instead, you two will vote for Reccoom."
"WHAT?" both men yelled and nearly fell over.
"That's right," Vegeta affirmed. "You two will vote for Reccoom. I am entering him in the beauty contest, and I want him to win."
"Vegeta, have you lost your mind?" Nappa exclaimed.
"Yeah, Vegeta, you have to be kidding, right?" Raditz asked. "I mean, come on, Reccoom is a man. Men can't enter!"
Vegeta smirked. "There are no rules saying that men cannot enter the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. And I have a bet going with Zarbon, a bet that I intend to win. Reccoom will become the first Mister Miss Frieza. Is that clear, gentlemen?"
"But Vegeta-" Nappa began.
"But nothing, Nappa. Reccoom will win, right?" Nappa and Raditz were silent until Vegeta gave them his deadliest glare. "RIGHT?"
"Right," Vegeta's two men said unenthusiastically.
"Good," Vegeta told them. "Now, if you two will excuse me, I would like to relieve myself." And with that, Vegeta entered a stall to do his business. As he was doing so, Raditz and Nappa snuck out.
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"Great," Nappa muttered after leaving the men's room. "Now what are we going to do?"
"Right now…I'm trying to think who will give us the quickest death," Raditz replied.
"What if we were to withdraw as judges?" Nappa asked.
"Hmm…" Raditz said thoughtfully. "Not a bad idea. But, Nappa, just who would be foolish enough to want to take our places?"
At this point, Hectar and Rectaurus, the two perverted, yet powerful Sistrai Top Elite officers came strolling down the hall in the direction of the men's room. Hectar was bragging to Rectaurus about a possibly nonexistent sexual conquest with a female Elite soldier. Raditz and Nappa shook their heads in disgust; they both mutually agreed that the Sistrai men had in Vegeta's words, "more dick than brain".
"Normally, I don't think much of those two monkeys, Raditz and Nappa," Rectaurus was saying to Hectar, "but I'd sure would love to be in their shoes right about now…judging all those beauties."
"Yeah, me too," Hectar replied, drooling.
"There's gotta be a way to switch with those monkeys; there's just gotta be," Rectaurus groaned.
Usually, Raditz and Nappa would have been furious over being called "monkeys", but this time the two Saiyans grinned evilly at each other.
"Hey, Hectar and Rectaurus!" Nappa shouted warmly to the Sistrai men. "Raditz and I have a little proposition for you…"
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Zarbon's office…
"And you are certain this is going to work, Diamonique?"
Diamonique leaned back luxuriously in the chair across from Zarbon, who was sitting at his desk. "I'm positive, Zarbon, darling, absolutely positive. Once I do this, Reccoom will definitely be out of the contest, and I guarantee you personally that once Reccoom's out of the running, Vegeta will be wearing Journa's nightie every time he serves you breakfast."
"I thought you had a thing for Vegeta," Zarbon commented. "Exactly why would you agree to go against him?"
"To teach Vegeta a lesson in manners," Diamonique cooed. She then held up a small pink jar with a white lid on top. "This is the best skin cream available on planet Gemstar. I plan to give this to Reccoom."
"And why are you telling me this? How is a new beauty treatment going to put Reccoom out of commission?"
Diamonique laughed merrily, running a finger along the flawless perfection of her face. "Because, dear Zarbon, in this cream, I put a special herbal chemical in it…one that's guaranteed to give any humanoid who uses it a nasty, blistering rash…one that will last for a month. Naturally, Reccoom's chances of winning will be greatly reduced, and so, he'll have to drop out…and Vegeta will lose that silly bet you gentlemen have."
Zarbon chuckled. "I'll admit, Diamonique, you did think of everything…except on how to deliver the cream to Reccoom."
"Oh, I'll have my dear cousin, Eclipse, deliver it. She uses the cream regularly, and I'll suggest that she give this jar to Reccoom. Eclipse won't be the wiser when she brings it to Reccoom. And by the time, Reccoom figures out it was the cream that gave him the rash, it won't trace back to us."
"But that will implicate Eclipse, wouldn't it?"
"Not necessary, Zarbon. Eclipse will honestly be able to say that she didn't know."
"Hmm…" Zarbon commented thoughtfully. "I feel sort of guilty for what I'm allowing here, Diamonique."
"So? You and I both know that Vegeta will demand that Nappa and Raditz pick Reccoom as the winner, so if we didn't do this, Reccoom would win, and you'd be forced to be Vegeta's servant boy in drag for a month. Let's not caught it cheating…let's call it…taking precautions."
"Very well, Diamonique, as long as this scheme doesn't get back to us."
"I promise you, it won't. The fallout of this will be…unforgettable."
Frieza's office…
"And you wish to enter my contest?" Frieza asked the beautiful humanoid woman smoothly. For the past hour, the cruel despot had been openly drooling over the latest beauty pageant contestant. She had introduced herself as Cypress, a Mid-Elite soldier from King Cold's army. She was a tall, shapely humanoid woman with wavy, flaming scarlet hair, lavender eyes, honey-brown skin, and long, long legs; the only non-humanoid feature she possessed was a long, scarlet, fluffy tail similar to that of a Persian cat.
"That I do, Lord Frieza, sire," Cypress crooned sweetly, and Frieza nearly melted. "So, would you say I qualify?"
"Oh, definitely!" Frieza exclaimed. "Without a doubt. I'll give you the forms." He serenely handed Cypress the forms while covertly staring at her chest, which was somewhat restrained by her armor.
"Thank you, Lord Frieza," Cypress told him with a fetching smile. "I'm looking forward to entering," she added coyly.
"And I'm looking forward to seeing you there, my dear. I will personally cheer you on," Frieza promised her, as he casually drew his finger along the smooth surface of his table seductively.
He was making tentative plans to try to seduce Cypress when a knock rapped on his metal sliding door. "Yes?" he bellowed impatiently.
"It's Vegeta. You summoned me to be debriefed on the last planetary purging mission I had completed."
Frieza sighed, "Come in." He would have preferred to insist that Vegeta come back later, but business always had to come first-even with a gorgeous potential conquest in front of him.
When Vegeta was allowed to enter, his pointed jaw dropped the moment he laid his eyes on Cypress. A wicked, sexy smile raided his handsome face, as he forgot all about informing Frieza about his last purging mission and sauntered breezily over to the newcomer. Cypress was a good foot and a half taller than he was, but he didn't let that stop him. His tail swished delightedly, as he anticipated on just how he would "get better acquainted" with this new female.
"Hello, beautiful," Vegeta purred, as he leisurely looked her and her perfect body over. "I believe I've never seen you here before."
"Hello, yourself, handsome," Cypress cooed. "I believe I have heard of you, even though we've never met. You're Prince Vegeta, am I correct?"
"You are good!" Vegeta chuckled. "And may I ask who you are?"
She gave him her name was a seductive smile and a low, husky tone. Vegeta was more enamored than ever.
"Are you entering Lord Frieza's contest?" Vegeta asked.
"Absolutely!" Cypress enthused.
"Well, I'd like to sponsor you, my dear, but unfortunately, I already have a contestant that I convinced to enter, but I will at least be cheering for you to win first runner-up."
"I'll try not to disappoint you then, Prince," Cypress replied with a soft, gentle laugh. Vegeta chuckled, long and low and deep.
Meanwhile, Frieza was furious over this flirtatious exchange between his new lust interest and the Saiyan prince. How dare Vegeta become interested in a woman that Frieza was planning to seduce? His expression hard, he narrowed his eyes at Vegeta and said coldly, "Vegeta, aren't you supposed to be informing me about the completed planet Lexic mission?"
Vegeta said daringly, "Surely, that could wait until later, couldn't it? I think that I should show Cypress around."
"No, I don't think so," Frieza snapped. He turned to Cypress, softening his expression, "My dear Cypress, Vegeta and I have some things to discuss in private, so I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave for now. I would like to contact you sometime; perhaps you could give me your scouter number?"
Cypress replied, "I'm afraid that my scouter isn't working at this time, but I will see you around. Since King Cold will be here for a while, I'll stop by to visit before the contest. By the way, have a Happy Birthday in advance, sire."
"Why thank you!" Frieza gushed, and Vegeta openly gagged at the sight. But he cleared his throat, and he strolled over to Cypress, who was heading out the door. He levitated up to her ear and whispered his scouter number into it.
Cypress said sweetly, "Thank you, Prince. I wouldn't mind seeing you again as well. Goodbye now." And she left.
After Cypress was gone, Frieza told Vegeta icily, "Let's get one thing straight, Vegeta: I have my eyes on Cypress, and I have plans for her."
"Planning to fix the contest so that she'll win?" Vegeta taunted.
"No, Vegeta, believe it or not, even I have my principles. No, I am planning on getting to know her a bit more intimately-and I don't like competition for my women! Understand?"
Vegeta said mockingly, "And what would make you think that an exquisite creature such as Cypress would want you when she could have a handsome royal stud such as myself?"
Frieza snarled, "You're pushing it, Vegeta! Cypress is mine, is that clear? You can easily find another young thing to bed, but I saw Cypress first!"
"Whatever you say," Vegeta told Frieza casually. Of course, the Saiyan prince had no intention of honoring that particular demand of his sire; Frieza's interest in Cypress surely wouldn't last for long, and if Vegeta did have his way with the lovely soldier of King Cold's…what Frieza didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
As he mindlessly told Frieza about the planet Lexic mission, Vegeta's mind wandered to his fantasies on just how to "conquer" Cypress.
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Several hours later…
A giant man lurked along the corridors of the ship, wearing a huge, thick brown cloak that covered most of his face. He slid surreptitiously along the smooth, metal walls, as if he were hiding-which he was.
He reached a water fountain, and since his scouter picked up no ki signals, he decided that it was safe to take a quick drink. The quick drink, however, turned into an attempt to drink all the water that the fountain could give him. Taking long, luxurious slurps, he drank greedily as two young women, Low Levels, strolled past him.
The twin girls each resembled blue foxes with three pale green eyes apiece, but they had very humanoid-like feminine hourglass figures. One girl said to her sister, "Ocean, have you seen Raditz or Nappa around?"
"Nope, Sky, I can't say that I have," the other young lady said despondently. "I was hoping to give them our photos."
"So was I," Ocean sighed. "I was told that Raditz and Nappa hung around in this section regularly, so that's why I suggested that we come here."
"I just know they are going to choose me for the winner! I would excel in the talent portion with the way that I can dance and sing."
"You!" Ocean scoffed. "My one-act play is going to steal the show-and the hearts of those hunky Saiyans!"
"Well we have to find them first," Sky snapped. "And then we can let them see us." She then tapped the shoulder of the hooded man drinking out of the water fountain. "Excuse me, sir. Have you seen any Saiyans around here lately?"
"No," a high-pitched, obviously falsetto, squeaky voice croaked. "Can't say that I have, no Saiyans here. Why would you want them anyway?"
"So we can meet them! And introduce ourselves, so our chances of winning the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest will increase!" Ocean gushed.
"Beauty contests are…very overrated, yes that's it. You ladies should find better ways to occupy your time other than entering a silly beauty contest. Why not go clear a planet or two…it can be very therapeutic. If I were you two, I would forget about entering."
"And just why should we?" Sky fumed indignantly. "We're just as beautiful as those other girls entering!"
"Yes, you ladies are," continued the falsetto feminine voice. "But beauty contests are shallow…all those oversexed, crazed, hormone-driven men panting after your bodies…"
"That's the best part!" Ocean cooed.
"No it's not," the squeaky female voice told her. "You ladies deserve better than that. So don't enter the contest, pretty please! Listen to me and find something else better to do!"
"Is there a reason that you don't want us to enter?" Sky asked coolly.
"You can enter, but I wouldn't recommend it, no, no!" the high-pitched voice squeaked. "Now you two pretty things run along, so I can finish my drink!"
"Okay, fine, whatever," Sky huffed. But before she and Ocean could leave, they noticed a long, furry monkeylike tail poking out from under the cloak.
"A monkey tail?" Ocean wondered.
"No," Sky said, and a big smile spread across her face. "It's a Saiyan tail! Ocean, we found a Saiyan trying to hide from us!" And triumphantly, Sky yanked the cloak off to reveal an embarrassed Nappa.
"NAPPA!" the girls squealed in delight.
"Sorry, ladies, but I have to go!" Nappa cried, as he pushed past the two women. But Sky and Ocean were as fast as he was, if not as strong. The two desperate twins clung to Nappa's arms.
"Let go of me!" he ordered.
"But Nappa, we want you!"
"Yes, Nappa, now tell us…who do you think is prettier? My sister, Ocean, or me, the exquisitely ravishing Sky!"
"Sorry ladies, you'll have to wait like everyone else!" Nappa cried out, as he tried to pry the girls off of his limbs.
"Please tell us!" Ocean begged.
"Umm…why don't you ladies ask Raditz instead? He's just right around the corner. He's a better judge of beauty than I am-bye!"
And with one hard shake, Nappa flung the girls off of him, and before Ocean and Sky could determine whether or not Nappa was telling the truth, Nappa was around the corner, out of their sight.
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"WE WANT RADITZ! WE WANT RADITZ! WE WANT RADITZ!"
"No you don't, no you don't," Raditz groaned, as he leaned against the door of the men's restroom, trying desperately to keep a mob of crazed young women from breaking it down and coming in after him. The ladies were pushing and shoving at the door in order to get to their Saiyan judge.
"Excuse me, ladies," a shrill, feminine voice squeaked. "I am the repairperson, and I must fix a toilet in here, so you ladies will have to move out of the way!"
"But we want Raditz!" a girl screamed.
"Too bad, ladies. Now let me by-thank you!"
"Tell Raditz to come out!" another female soldier ordered.
"Will do, now let me pass."
Raditz was afraid to open the door, but several demanding knocks from the repairperson failed to cease, so the Saiyan reluctantly opened the door. And to his everlasting relief, Nappa rushed in!
Both Saiyans wasted no time in sitting against the door of the men's room to keep the crowd of potential beauty contest entrants from coming. Nappa panted with relief. "You don't know how glad I am to see you! Women haven't been able to keep their hands off of me!"
"Same here," Raditz groaned. "And I remember a time when I used to think that would actually be flattering."
"Listen, Raditz," Nappa sighed. "We have a problem."
"Tell me about it," Raditz replied. "There's something that I have to tell you."
"Same here."
"You first."
"Well, Raditz, the beauty contest is going to have to be fixed."
"Why?" Raditz demanded to know, as he nervously listened to the girls screaming out his and Nappa's names.
"I was abducted yesterday and taken to Coola," Nappa told him.
"Coola! Oh, Kami, Nappa, and you're still alive to tell about it?"
"Yeah, barely. I give the lizard credit though; he does know how to feed guests. But that's not why he had his Armored Squadron bring me to him."
"Then what is it?"
Nappa sighed, "Raditz, we have to declare Coola's little mistress, Karilyn, the winner at the contest, or we'll lose our balls-literally!"
"Karilyn?"
"Yeah, Coola seems to be crazy about her-crazy enough to force us to declare her Miss Frieza."
Raditz crossed his arms and looked at Nappa contemptuously. "Nappa, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, giving in to a lizard-freak like Coola! What kind of Elitist Saiyan are you, to be intimidated by Frieza's ugly older brother?"
"Not much of one," Nappa admitted. "But I'd rather keep my balls-and the other equipment that comes with them."
"Well, Nappa, you'd be a fool, if you let yourself be forced to vote for Coola's new favorite whore. We must withstand Coola's threats and pick a contestant that is truly worthy of winning! Saiyans are not cowards to be stepped on or kicked around, right?"
Nappa felt braver. "Right! Of course!"
"And we must stick it to Coola, and let him know that we can find a girl who deserves to win, on her own merit!"
"Yeah! I agree, Raditz!"
"We will pick a candidate of our own choosing, no matter how much Coola pressures us!"
"That's right! Coola can kiss my tail!"
"That's the spirit, Nappa! So we agree that we won't pick this Karilyn just 'cause Coola says so?"
"Yeah!"
"Good for you," Raditz told him triumphantly. "We will not be pressured into voting for Karilyn."
"That's right."
"Instead we will be pressured into voting for Lady Snowflake, King Cold's daughter."
"You bet we will-hey wait a minute!" Nappa seethed. "You're saying that we have to vote for Lady Snowflake?"
Raditz nodded, grinning sheepishly. "That's right, Nappa. Lady Snowflake is the best choice to win Miss Frieza, so let's just go with her."
Nappa flung himself onto Raditz and seized him by his throat. "Do you mean to tell me, Raditz, that King Cold blackmailed you into voting for his daughter, Coola and Frieza's little sister?"
Raditz chuckled nervously. "Umm…yeah, something like that."
"Then you're no better than I am! How dare you put me down for giving into blackmail when you've done the same thing?"
"Because I don't want to wind up dead, that's why!"
"Well, I'm not voting for Lady Snowflake!"
"And I'm not voting for Karilyn!"
"So, what in the hell are we suppose to do then?"
"I don't know, but I'm not voting for Karilyn."
"And I'm not voting for Lady Snowflake."
"Well, I'm not having Coola strip me of my balls!"
"And I'm not having King Cold strip me of my life!"
"And I'm not-" But Nappa was interrupted by the sound of angry pounding on the door.
"Raditz, Nappa, open this door immediately! I have to go!" Vegeta's voice hissed.
"Tell Raditz and Nappa to come out!" a girl's voice ordered Vegeta.
Vegeta was heard snarling at her. "Are you girls that desperate to get to my men that you can't even let them relieve themselves in peace? Now go away and leave us alone before Frieza ends up with a few less women in his army!"
"You wouldn't!" a foolish female cried.
The sound of a ki ball forming was heard, and the girls cried out, "Please, we're going, Prince Vegeta, don't hurt us!"
"Get away now!" Vegeta hissed at them.
"We are, we are!" the frightened young women screamed, as their frantic footsteps were heard running further and further away. Only when they were certain that the women had fled did Raditz and Nappa open the door and let Vegeta in.
"You two are pathetic, hiding from women who only hold one quarter of your strength," Vegeta mocked. "My, my, I'm starting to think that maybe you two aren't the Saiyans that I thought you were."
Nappa chuckled. "You're probably right, Prince, you're probably right."
"Thanks, Vegeta," Raditz dared to say.
Vegeta snorted, as he began to head for a stall. But before he could reach it, Nappa caught his arm. "Vegeta, Raditz and I have to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
"Well, we're sort of in trouble…"
"Why am I not surprised? Continue."
"Okay, Vegeta," Raditz told him. "You see, yesterday, King Cold had me abducted, and Coola had Nappa abducted. And basically they blackmailed us. If we don't vote for Karilyn, Coola's new favorite, we're in for it. And if we don't vote for Lady Snowflake, Frieza's little sister, we're in for it then too."
"Hmm…" Vegeta said thoughtfully.
"So what do we do, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.
"That's easy," Vegeta told them. "Choose neither girl."
"WHAT?" both Nappa and Raditz exclaimed.
"You two are not going to vote for Karilyn, and you two are not going to vote for Lady Snowflake."
"Coola and King Cold don't make idle threats," Raditz pointed out.
"Yes, I know," Vegeta told him calmly. "But if you don't vote for the girls, what good would it do for King Cold and Coola to do anything? If you two are that worried about it, you can have them put as runner-ups. I doubt the two girls mentioned even know what King Cold and Coola have planned for them, so they would likely be happy with being runner-ups. And besides Frieza wouldn't want anyone intervening with his precious beauty contest, especially his own annoying kin. So you two men pick whom you feel is best."
"Thanks, Vegeta," Nappa said, relieved. "Raditz and I do feel better now."
"Now we just have to decide whom we feel is best," Raditz added.
"Why that's easy," Vegeta told them casually. "You two men will not vote for Karilyn."
"Yeah!" both men confirmed happily.
"And you will not vote for Lady Snowflake."
"That's right!" Raditz declared.
"Instead, you two will vote for Reccoom."
"WHAT?" both men yelled and nearly fell over.
"That's right," Vegeta affirmed. "You two will vote for Reccoom. I am entering him in the beauty contest, and I want him to win."
"Vegeta, have you lost your mind?" Nappa exclaimed.
"Yeah, Vegeta, you have to be kidding, right?" Raditz asked. "I mean, come on, Reccoom is a man. Men can't enter!"
Vegeta smirked. "There are no rules saying that men cannot enter the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. And I have a bet going with Zarbon, a bet that I intend to win. Reccoom will become the first Mister Miss Frieza. Is that clear, gentlemen?"
"But Vegeta-" Nappa began.
"But nothing, Nappa. Reccoom will win, right?" Nappa and Raditz were silent until Vegeta gave them his deadliest glare. "RIGHT?"
"Right," Vegeta's two men said unenthusiastically.
"Good," Vegeta told them. "Now, if you two will excuse me, I would like to relieve myself." And with that, Vegeta entered a stall to do his business. As he was doing so, Raditz and Nappa snuck out.
*************************************************************************************************
"Great," Nappa muttered after leaving the men's room. "Now what are we going to do?"
"Right now…I'm trying to think who will give us the quickest death," Raditz replied.
"What if we were to withdraw as judges?" Nappa asked.
"Hmm…" Raditz said thoughtfully. "Not a bad idea. But, Nappa, just who would be foolish enough to want to take our places?"
At this point, Hectar and Rectaurus, the two perverted, yet powerful Sistrai Top Elite officers came strolling down the hall in the direction of the men's room. Hectar was bragging to Rectaurus about a possibly nonexistent sexual conquest with a female Elite soldier. Raditz and Nappa shook their heads in disgust; they both mutually agreed that the Sistrai men had in Vegeta's words, "more dick than brain".
"Normally, I don't think much of those two monkeys, Raditz and Nappa," Rectaurus was saying to Hectar, "but I'd sure would love to be in their shoes right about now…judging all those beauties."
"Yeah, me too," Hectar replied, drooling.
"There's gotta be a way to switch with those monkeys; there's just gotta be," Rectaurus groaned.
Usually, Raditz and Nappa would have been furious over being called "monkeys", but this time the two Saiyans grinned evilly at each other.
"Hey, Hectar and Rectaurus!" Nappa shouted warmly to the Sistrai men. "Raditz and I have a little proposition for you…"
*************************************************************************************************
Zarbon's office…
"And you are certain this is going to work, Diamonique?"
Diamonique leaned back luxuriously in the chair across from Zarbon, who was sitting at his desk. "I'm positive, Zarbon, darling, absolutely positive. Once I do this, Reccoom will definitely be out of the contest, and I guarantee you personally that once Reccoom's out of the running, Vegeta will be wearing Journa's nightie every time he serves you breakfast."
"I thought you had a thing for Vegeta," Zarbon commented. "Exactly why would you agree to go against him?"
"To teach Vegeta a lesson in manners," Diamonique cooed. She then held up a small pink jar with a white lid on top. "This is the best skin cream available on planet Gemstar. I plan to give this to Reccoom."
"And why are you telling me this? How is a new beauty treatment going to put Reccoom out of commission?"
Diamonique laughed merrily, running a finger along the flawless perfection of her face. "Because, dear Zarbon, in this cream, I put a special herbal chemical in it…one that's guaranteed to give any humanoid who uses it a nasty, blistering rash…one that will last for a month. Naturally, Reccoom's chances of winning will be greatly reduced, and so, he'll have to drop out…and Vegeta will lose that silly bet you gentlemen have."
Zarbon chuckled. "I'll admit, Diamonique, you did think of everything…except on how to deliver the cream to Reccoom."
"Oh, I'll have my dear cousin, Eclipse, deliver it. She uses the cream regularly, and I'll suggest that she give this jar to Reccoom. Eclipse won't be the wiser when she brings it to Reccoom. And by the time, Reccoom figures out it was the cream that gave him the rash, it won't trace back to us."
"But that will implicate Eclipse, wouldn't it?"
"Not necessary, Zarbon. Eclipse will honestly be able to say that she didn't know."
"Hmm…" Zarbon commented thoughtfully. "I feel sort of guilty for what I'm allowing here, Diamonique."
"So? You and I both know that Vegeta will demand that Nappa and Raditz pick Reccoom as the winner, so if we didn't do this, Reccoom would win, and you'd be forced to be Vegeta's servant boy in drag for a month. Let's not caught it cheating…let's call it…taking precautions."
"Very well, Diamonique, as long as this scheme doesn't get back to us."
"I promise you, it won't. The fallout of this will be…unforgettable."