It had started out as a normal Sunnydale night. A few vampires decided they felt like getting dusted, and a demon that looked suspiciously like an overgrown carrot decided to jump her. She had taken care of them all, gotten mud all over her new suede boots, and set off for home.
That's when it arrived.
It always came at the worst possible timing, which made perfect sense, because if it came at the right time, it couldn't be it. Which made no sense at all, Buffy realized.
To go home…or not. Sighing, Buffy stopped and glared at the nearest tree. There were pros to going home, of course. It was the right thing to do, she had to take care of her sister, make sure her best friend didn't go kablooey, and attempt to make breakfast the following morning, which required her to be awake and moving the following morning. So all signs pointed towards going home, crawling into bed, plugging her nose against the garlic, and falling asleep.
Which was what any normal slayer would do, therefore, it was what she would do. Right.
But…just a few feet away from her, the most gorgeous body in the world – Angel, think Angel – was probably getting trashed for the night. And it really couldn't be expected of any girl to pass that up. Especially not one who had just been dragged out of Heaven. Those kinds of girls had special privileges, Buffy was sure.
"Prepare to die, slayer!"
Annoyed, she glared at the orange demon in front of her. One that looked strangely like…hang on.
"I already killed you!" she said, stalking forward. "My job is hard enough without having to kill everything twice."
"You killed my mate," wailed carrot top.
"Oh," Buffy said, stopping to consider. "I'm sorry?"
The demon gave a great sniff before pulling something she couldn't mistake out and fiddling with it. Impatiently, Buffy watched. Was it? Yes, it was. The stupid thing had taken out knitting needles
"Slayer!"
"I didn't mean to kill your mate," Buffy threw back, not turning around until two strong arms grabbed her from behind and twisted her around.
"When did you kill Dru?" Spike demanded.
He was poised for action, every fold on the duster perfectly folded, and jaw set in a resolute expression – the big bad himself. Buffy cracked up.
"S-Sorry," she wheezed, holding her side. "I thought it was – did you say Druscilla is your mate?"
The big bad deflated and contemplated his boots.
"Dru? No, course not."
"You pig!" Buffy exclaimed. "You insufferable, lying, cheating, pig! You said you loved me and you're mated to vamp-ho?"
"You told me to get lost, remember?" he growled at her.
"Since when do you listen to me? You're already mated, it's like you're married. You…you're cheating on Dru, that's what you're doing! I was right about you, you evil, soulless twerp."
"Watch who you're calling twerp," he screeched back. "You should talk, miss – Oh, I'll never love anyone as much as I've loved my big broodying pooh bear, even though he's shacked up in LA and still thinks I'm 15 – "
"Ahem."
"Don't you ahem me, you asshole!" Buffy burst out, grabbing his ear and yanking.
"Ahem."
"Yeeeoow! Slayer, that wasn't me!"
"It wasn't?" Buffy asked, frowning.
"Ahem," came the most pronounced cough yet, and they both turned to carrot.
The demon seemed to have finished knitting what looked a big, blue, sock, and was no staring up at them, cringing.
"I'm terribly sorry, but violence disturbs me. My mate and I, we were peace loving demons," he said dreamily, then frowned. "That is, until you killed her. So I'll have to send you…yes, that's it. I'll send you there, and maybe he'll help sort you out. Because you, slayer, have some serious anger management issues."
"Were you a health teacher in your past life?" Buffy asked, astounded. The demon knew more big words than she did.
"It's impolite to ask so many questions," carot tisked. "No, don't point your finger at me with your mouth open in that unbecoming way," he corrected again. "It isn't ladylike."
"Ladylike?" Buffy shouted, turning back to Spike. "I think we should kill it."
"I agree, love," Spike nodded, getting ready for attack. "Annoying little bugger."
Buffy put on her resolve face, and tensed her muscles, preparing to spring.
"Aren't you gonna go kill it?" Spike asked after a few seconds.
"I can't move," Buffy pouted, lower lip quivering.
"That was a necessary step," the demon said, circling them and waving his sock around. "It wouldn't do your issues any good to kill me, you see, so I had to immobilize you."
"I have no issues! Tell him I have no issues, Spike!"
He looked down, biting his lip. Buffy let out an enraged shreak.
"So you think I have issues too? Someone isn't gonna get laid for the next eternity."
"Last I heard, I wasn't going to get laid for this eternity either!"
The demon kept circling, occasionally taking out a glowing substance from his sock and throwing it at the arguing couple, who were still going at it.
"You're just so damned arrogant – "
"I'm arrogant? You're the queen of the inferiority complex!"
"I don't have a complex!"
The demon threw one last pinch of the blue glitter directly at Buffy and Spike. The trees in the clearing began to shift, the ground rumbled, the grass turned more blue, and the electric poles vanished. The carrot demon smiled serenely and vanished.
"My dad cared more about his sluts than he did for me!"
"Mine was a drunk old fool and look at how normal I turned out!"
"Normal? It just proves what a freak you are that you even think that you're normal!"
"Whereas you – wait a second…"
"What?" Buffy asked, hands on her hips.
Frowning, Spike stared around at the unfamiliar surroundings.
"Where the bloody hell are we?"