Author's Notes: My mission::: Update at least once a day. Kat will keep me in line. Enjoy!
~*~
I reach the bottom of the stairs, a screaming and squirming Christopher in my arms and a elated Carter on my heels. I don't know why I'm going. I shouldn't, Zach probably is right. This might be another trick of his to get together with me. Why did he come to me instead of the hospital? It makes absolutely no sense. I stop right before opening the main door. I turn around, placing Christopher in Carter's arms.
"I can't do this. There is a man upstairs that I love. I'm not willing to sacrifice loosing him..."
I see the look on his face turn to a dejected one, Chris not adding to the moment. He starts to cry again, I position him better so Carter is not touching him anywhere that might hurt him.
"I'm sorry."
I start to walk off, but I hear Carter's voice, a low whisper behind me.
"I'm sorry, too."
I don't stop because I know if I do, I will probably go running back there. But all he stands for is heartbreak and pain. A chapter of my life that I have closed once and for all. I get to our door and hesitate for a minute, what will Zach say. I never even thought about how this is affecting him. I open the door and walk in, he's standing looking out the window. He hears me come in, and his hand goes up to wipe the tear that had fallen. He might have thought I didn't see it, but I did. I walk up to him, wrapping my arms around him. I feel a kiss on my head, my body begins to melt into his.
"I love you."
He pulls me in closer to him, his arms running up and down my back. This feels so right, but not complete. It's complicated to explain. I wish I could explain it to myself.
"You look beautiful."
I give him a small smile. Regret is a one way street right now. If I had gone with Carter, I would have regret leaving Zach behind. And I regret letting Carter take Chris by himself. Zach's arms let go of me, and we lean in for kiss, slow, delicate, passionate. It's always like that. I'll never get sick of it. He pulls away, he seems to be in control tonight.
"Go get changed, I'll go wtih you."
I look at him, what is he talking about?
"To the hospital."
I nod my head, why does he become more perfect by the second? I start towards the bedroom, Zach behind me, pulling on the zipper of my dress. I start to laugh, well at least he got to take the thing off. He pulls me back into his arms for a second, another stolen kiss.
"I love you, too."
He lets me go and a I search for a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. He watches me change, I would ordinarily be creeped out, but I've grown so used to him. The sparkle in his eyes every time he looks at me. He pretends not to do it, but I know he does. His eyes tell me more than his words ever could. I pull on a pair of shoes and I grab his hand, pulling him towards the door. We take his car, the fastest way. Within a few minutes we turn the corner to the hospital parking lot and leave the car. We walk towards the ER, his arm over my shoulder, my hand in his. I push my code into the door, gaining admittance to the busy ward. I walk towards the main desk, running my eyes over the board, but I don't see anything related to Carter or Chris.
"Jerry, did Carter bring a baby in?"
He nods his head, I silently thank god it was Jerry not Frank. Frank has a bitter sarcastic attitude.
"He's in the suture room."
I push Zach's arms off me but I hold on to his hand. I walk towards the room, saying hi to a few friends, and appreciating the glances that are directly totallly towards Zach. I know he's handsome and adorable, no need to remind me.
I push the door open, walking towards Luka and Carter. What an awkward moment. My two ex boyfriends and my current boyfriend. Zach and Luka shake hands, they have met before, and actually got along. I was a bit worried about the first time, but Luka is quite happy with Sam, and a friendship formed between them. I walk towards Chris and direct Luka's attention back to the baby. I glanced at Carter earlier, not a sight I want to repeat. He's not exactly thrilled to have Zach and Luka here. Probably much less that the two got along. Chris is squirming a bit, but for the most part he has calmed down.
"We have him on IV fluids, I just ran bloodwork."
I nod my head, knowing the procedure. I take Chris's hands and start to play with him, diverting his attention towards me. He starts to smile a bit, he's actually quite cute. I don't understand how a mother would just be able to ditch her child into the arms of another. Carter could have been a drug dealer for all she knew. I feel Zach's hands run up and down my shoulders, I look up at him and he's smiling. He takes Chris's other hand and starts to play with him as well. We had never talked about kids. Hell I barely said I love you to him yesterday. Its complicated, but I guess I just figured out he likes them. Our finger games with Chris start to bore him, and he starts to cry again, probably from discomfort. I start to pick him up, but Zach stops me, reaching in and bringing him into his arms. He rocks him back and forth. I give Zach's arm a reassuring squeeze and turn towards Luka.
"Have you called Adele yet?"
I watch the tall Croatian nod his head, but he doesn't have a promising look on his face.
"She's searching for a home for him. We can't do anything to the mother because of the Child Abandonment Act. We need to find a special needs home and most of them seem to filled up right. He's going to require alot of attention, he's been neglected. Dyhydration, malnutrition, infection, diaper rash...."
I nod my head, he might end up being here for a while. He doesn't require actual hospitalization, but that's the only thing that they can do right now before finding a home for him.
"Why don't we take him?"
I hear Zach's voice behind me, and I turn around. Chris has fallen sleep in his arms, he's rocking his small figure in his arms. I walk over to him and look at him questioningly. I turn back towards Luka.
"Call Adele, ask her if we can temporary placement until they find him a stable home."
Luka nods his head and starts to head towards the phone. I think all of us had forgotten about the fifth body in the room.
"Wait.. He was dropped into my arms."
I turn my body a bit, looking at him. He's leaning against the metal cabinet, as if watching the action playing out, and taking no part in it.
"You're going back to Africa tomorrow."
I state it plainly for him. He knows he has a loosing battle. I turn back towards Luka and nod towards him to call.
"I'll stay."
I roll my eyes and look at Zach. Carter does not know when to stop. Zach hands Christopher to me, and then he puts his arm around me. I lean into him, this looks like the picture perfect family from the outside. Luka dials Adele's number and all I can do is pray that Adele agrees. I listen to the conversation, of course it's only one ended.
"Adele? About the baby that was brought in by Carter, any luck?... He's on IV fluids and antibiotics and has to stay on them for a few days... No, bloodwork came up negative... Actually, that's why I'm calling. Dr. Lockhart is here with her fiancee."
I was going to interrupt him, but I ignored it. Its not going to strengthen our chances if I interrupt, and I can tell this is something Zach really wants. I just lean my head back against his arms.
"... Yes I do feel they are qualified ... He's a surgeon at Loyola... Okay, thank-you..."
He hangs up the phone and gives us a reassuring glance.
"It's not a usual thing, but Adele will try to pull some strings and you might get lucky. She said it might take a few hours to confirm."
I nod my head and look towards Zach, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"But don't get your hopes up."
I give Luka a small smile and he starts walking towards the door. I feel Zach let go of me and he follows Luka out the door. I'm left alone with Christopher. And Carter. This can only spell out disaster.
I put Chris down on the bed, my arms are getting incredibly tired. I hold on to his tiny hand, brushing the hair out of his face.
"Fiancee?"
Carter's voice seems to echo through the room.The door swings open, and Zach comes back in. He walks up to me, putting his hand around my waist.
"Fiancee... If you'll have me?"
I turn around towards Zach. He's joking right? I mean he can't be serious. I cheated on him, I lied to him, I'm the worst possible person to marry, ever. I'm absoultely awestruck and skeptical at the same time.
"Your kidding..."
He starts to smile, shaking his head.
"Abby... I love you, you know that... I want to spend the rest of my life with you.. Will you... Will you give me the honor of being your husband?"
I almost reflexively look towards Carter. He seems as confused and shocked as I do. I see the terror etched in his eyes. I know how much pain I am capable of right now. I know my interior motive, but neither of them will ever know. I break away from Carter and look back at Zach.
"Yes."
I hear Carter's shoes hit the lineoleum floor and squeak slightly, he rushes out of the room, attempting to slam the swing door behind him. I devert my gaze back to Zach and his smiling expression. I lean into his arms and regret the biggest mistake of my life.
~*~
I reach the bottom of the stairs, a screaming and squirming Christopher in my arms and a elated Carter on my heels. I don't know why I'm going. I shouldn't, Zach probably is right. This might be another trick of his to get together with me. Why did he come to me instead of the hospital? It makes absolutely no sense. I stop right before opening the main door. I turn around, placing Christopher in Carter's arms.
"I can't do this. There is a man upstairs that I love. I'm not willing to sacrifice loosing him..."
I see the look on his face turn to a dejected one, Chris not adding to the moment. He starts to cry again, I position him better so Carter is not touching him anywhere that might hurt him.
"I'm sorry."
I start to walk off, but I hear Carter's voice, a low whisper behind me.
"I'm sorry, too."
I don't stop because I know if I do, I will probably go running back there. But all he stands for is heartbreak and pain. A chapter of my life that I have closed once and for all. I get to our door and hesitate for a minute, what will Zach say. I never even thought about how this is affecting him. I open the door and walk in, he's standing looking out the window. He hears me come in, and his hand goes up to wipe the tear that had fallen. He might have thought I didn't see it, but I did. I walk up to him, wrapping my arms around him. I feel a kiss on my head, my body begins to melt into his.
"I love you."
He pulls me in closer to him, his arms running up and down my back. This feels so right, but not complete. It's complicated to explain. I wish I could explain it to myself.
"You look beautiful."
I give him a small smile. Regret is a one way street right now. If I had gone with Carter, I would have regret leaving Zach behind. And I regret letting Carter take Chris by himself. Zach's arms let go of me, and we lean in for kiss, slow, delicate, passionate. It's always like that. I'll never get sick of it. He pulls away, he seems to be in control tonight.
"Go get changed, I'll go wtih you."
I look at him, what is he talking about?
"To the hospital."
I nod my head, why does he become more perfect by the second? I start towards the bedroom, Zach behind me, pulling on the zipper of my dress. I start to laugh, well at least he got to take the thing off. He pulls me back into his arms for a second, another stolen kiss.
"I love you, too."
He lets me go and a I search for a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. He watches me change, I would ordinarily be creeped out, but I've grown so used to him. The sparkle in his eyes every time he looks at me. He pretends not to do it, but I know he does. His eyes tell me more than his words ever could. I pull on a pair of shoes and I grab his hand, pulling him towards the door. We take his car, the fastest way. Within a few minutes we turn the corner to the hospital parking lot and leave the car. We walk towards the ER, his arm over my shoulder, my hand in his. I push my code into the door, gaining admittance to the busy ward. I walk towards the main desk, running my eyes over the board, but I don't see anything related to Carter or Chris.
"Jerry, did Carter bring a baby in?"
He nods his head, I silently thank god it was Jerry not Frank. Frank has a bitter sarcastic attitude.
"He's in the suture room."
I push Zach's arms off me but I hold on to his hand. I walk towards the room, saying hi to a few friends, and appreciating the glances that are directly totallly towards Zach. I know he's handsome and adorable, no need to remind me.
I push the door open, walking towards Luka and Carter. What an awkward moment. My two ex boyfriends and my current boyfriend. Zach and Luka shake hands, they have met before, and actually got along. I was a bit worried about the first time, but Luka is quite happy with Sam, and a friendship formed between them. I walk towards Chris and direct Luka's attention back to the baby. I glanced at Carter earlier, not a sight I want to repeat. He's not exactly thrilled to have Zach and Luka here. Probably much less that the two got along. Chris is squirming a bit, but for the most part he has calmed down.
"We have him on IV fluids, I just ran bloodwork."
I nod my head, knowing the procedure. I take Chris's hands and start to play with him, diverting his attention towards me. He starts to smile a bit, he's actually quite cute. I don't understand how a mother would just be able to ditch her child into the arms of another. Carter could have been a drug dealer for all she knew. I feel Zach's hands run up and down my shoulders, I look up at him and he's smiling. He takes Chris's other hand and starts to play with him as well. We had never talked about kids. Hell I barely said I love you to him yesterday. Its complicated, but I guess I just figured out he likes them. Our finger games with Chris start to bore him, and he starts to cry again, probably from discomfort. I start to pick him up, but Zach stops me, reaching in and bringing him into his arms. He rocks him back and forth. I give Zach's arm a reassuring squeeze and turn towards Luka.
"Have you called Adele yet?"
I watch the tall Croatian nod his head, but he doesn't have a promising look on his face.
"She's searching for a home for him. We can't do anything to the mother because of the Child Abandonment Act. We need to find a special needs home and most of them seem to filled up right. He's going to require alot of attention, he's been neglected. Dyhydration, malnutrition, infection, diaper rash...."
I nod my head, he might end up being here for a while. He doesn't require actual hospitalization, but that's the only thing that they can do right now before finding a home for him.
"Why don't we take him?"
I hear Zach's voice behind me, and I turn around. Chris has fallen sleep in his arms, he's rocking his small figure in his arms. I walk over to him and look at him questioningly. I turn back towards Luka.
"Call Adele, ask her if we can temporary placement until they find him a stable home."
Luka nods his head and starts to head towards the phone. I think all of us had forgotten about the fifth body in the room.
"Wait.. He was dropped into my arms."
I turn my body a bit, looking at him. He's leaning against the metal cabinet, as if watching the action playing out, and taking no part in it.
"You're going back to Africa tomorrow."
I state it plainly for him. He knows he has a loosing battle. I turn back towards Luka and nod towards him to call.
"I'll stay."
I roll my eyes and look at Zach. Carter does not know when to stop. Zach hands Christopher to me, and then he puts his arm around me. I lean into him, this looks like the picture perfect family from the outside. Luka dials Adele's number and all I can do is pray that Adele agrees. I listen to the conversation, of course it's only one ended.
"Adele? About the baby that was brought in by Carter, any luck?... He's on IV fluids and antibiotics and has to stay on them for a few days... No, bloodwork came up negative... Actually, that's why I'm calling. Dr. Lockhart is here with her fiancee."
I was going to interrupt him, but I ignored it. Its not going to strengthen our chances if I interrupt, and I can tell this is something Zach really wants. I just lean my head back against his arms.
"... Yes I do feel they are qualified ... He's a surgeon at Loyola... Okay, thank-you..."
He hangs up the phone and gives us a reassuring glance.
"It's not a usual thing, but Adele will try to pull some strings and you might get lucky. She said it might take a few hours to confirm."
I nod my head and look towards Zach, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"But don't get your hopes up."
I give Luka a small smile and he starts walking towards the door. I feel Zach let go of me and he follows Luka out the door. I'm left alone with Christopher. And Carter. This can only spell out disaster.
I put Chris down on the bed, my arms are getting incredibly tired. I hold on to his tiny hand, brushing the hair out of his face.
"Fiancee?"
Carter's voice seems to echo through the room.The door swings open, and Zach comes back in. He walks up to me, putting his hand around my waist.
"Fiancee... If you'll have me?"
I turn around towards Zach. He's joking right? I mean he can't be serious. I cheated on him, I lied to him, I'm the worst possible person to marry, ever. I'm absoultely awestruck and skeptical at the same time.
"Your kidding..."
He starts to smile, shaking his head.
"Abby... I love you, you know that... I want to spend the rest of my life with you.. Will you... Will you give me the honor of being your husband?"
I almost reflexively look towards Carter. He seems as confused and shocked as I do. I see the terror etched in his eyes. I know how much pain I am capable of right now. I know my interior motive, but neither of them will ever know. I break away from Carter and look back at Zach.
"Yes."
I hear Carter's shoes hit the lineoleum floor and squeak slightly, he rushes out of the room, attempting to slam the swing door behind him. I devert my gaze back to Zach and his smiling expression. I lean into his arms and regret the biggest mistake of my life.