Author's Notes: Kat's Chapter BEWARE
~*~
The streets are abandoned, not a soul in sight. Right now that's how I like it. No one to bother me. Although a little ruckus would be nice, something to get me out of my own head. I have a trapped feeling, I feel like I am in a dead end, there is no way out. The more I try to push the further back I go. When I do nothing, I go no where. There seems to be no way out of the predicament I have, somehow, gotten myself into. I am digging myself a grave. Every time I think I may be able to let go, drop that shovel, something, or rather someone, prompts me to pick it back up again. I walk through the dark back streets of Chicago. Refusing to go on the L again, afraid of what might happen. I have had enough excitement for one night. I trudge my way out onto a main street, hailing down a cab. I yank open the stuck door, of the beat up yellow automobile. I shuffle in, scraping my bottom along the crusty seat. The driver looks at me through his rear view mirror. His brown eyes the only visible body part, apart from strands of grey hair that are sticking up messily. "Where to?" His voice deep and raspy. I think of a place I can go, anywhere. The mansion, not the mansion. I will just get lost in my own disturbing thoughts, I can't go there. "To the bar on fifth please." I slump down in my seat as the driver nods at me. I watch as he slowly makes his way down the empty streets. A few scarce people walk in and out of buildings, but for the most part it is deserted. The cap comes to a slow stop, I reach into my pocket digging for money. I hand the driver a twenty knowing that he was over paid. He says a simple thank you, another nod of his head. I slam the rusty door shut, he feels down the street, going much faster then he did when I was in the car.
I walk into the dingy bar, sitting down on the stool. People crowd around the dance floor, music blaring through the speakers, vibrating the wood floor. I look to my right, an over weight man chewing on peanuts, he does not seem the type to be in a bar like this. My left a women mid thirties, who is smiling at me flirtatiously. I smile back, a friendly smile. The bar tender slings me a beer. I take one sip, cringing at the bitter taste upon my lips. Abby is with her boyfriend... Well fiancee now, and new addition to the family. I know she doesn't really love him, it was evident in her eyes, in her hesitance when he proposed. She doesn't love him like I don't love Kem. At least I can admit it. I have come to terms with my love for Abby, she has yet to vocally admit her feelings for me. Although I know they are there. But we can never be together. It is impossible now. We both know it. Maybe that is why she is so reluctant to admit any resurfacing feelings. What are the odds of us being able to act on them. She is the smart one. I am the fool. None the less I have to have her. I need her, when I am around her, near her. In her. Everything just seems so right, all my problems fade away. She's perfect. Although she may not see it. She is. She is not like Kem, Kem is different. Kem was a breath of fresh air for me. At first she was all I needed. She was beautiful, perfect. Perfect in everyway. Not like Abby who is imperfectly perfect. She has flaws, but is perfect in my eyes.
I set down my beer glass. The Fourth of the night, that won't do. No not tonight. I need more. God I need more. I toss my glass out in front of the bar tender who gets the idea to refill. I look at the women, who at the beginning of the night did not look so attractive. She smiles again, this time I smile back wider. I take another sip of my beer. Although this girl is appearing to be tempting. I can't, I don't want her I want Abby. "Abby-" I slur. She rolls her eyes at me, getting up and walking away. I watch her walk away, funny how beer can help people look better. I bet that's how she gets laid. I bow my head, looking at the peanut shells scattered around the bar. "You think you've had enough?" The scruffy bar tender asks me. I shake my head no. "Abby-" I say once more, I can see her beautiful face now. The way she tucks her hair behind her ears nervously. How her smile is so rare, but so sweet and pure when it finally appears. "Why don't you go home to Abby." The husky man suggests. I finish of the beer, then take the mans advice. I stumble out of the bar, hailing down a cab, this time heading straight for Abby's. The cab seems to be going faster, whizzing by everything. I fiddle in my pocket, trying to find the exact change this time. Alcohol must make me cheap. I hand the man the money, he grunts at me disappointingly, as I slam the metal door. I grab onto the railing, steadying myself. I take it one step at a time up the stairs. I need profess my love for Abby. I need to let her know how I truly feel, even if she doesn't love me too, which she does. I need for her to know. Before I go away forever to Africa.
I walk up the stairs to her condo. The apartment is dimly lit, I knock on the door. Not taking a minute to think. Thoughts only seem to be corrupting me these days. I need to run on instinct, my gut feeling. Abby opens the door looking at me stunned. "John." She says more shocked then upset. Her _expression immediately changes, to one of anger. "Abby." I slur again. Her name, the only word I manage to say throughout my drunken state. "You're drunk." She sighs. "Look, you have to go home. Zach will be here any minute." She says trying to shoo me away.
"I love you." I spit out. Chris mumbles incoherent words in the background. Abby turns her head back to see the little boy smiling in a makeshift crib set up in their living room.
"Just go John." She says firmly. Her eyes dart back to a beaming Chris. I can't believe Luka would turn to them over me. I saved the damn mans life.
"Listen Abby-" She doesn't let me finish. frantically waves her hands in the air.
"John, go home." I support myself against the door frame. Running my fingers through my tousles of hair.
"Not until you tell me you don't love me." She shakes her head at me. I stand up right, immediately stumbling into the apartment. She reaches out grabbing my arm. I wrap my arms around her waist.
"John Stop." She pushes me again. I don't believe she doesn't love me. She loves me just as much as I love her. She would tell me if she didn't. She can't tell me, because she can't lie to me. She never could. I am her weakness, she is mine. She balances me. "I am calling the mansion, getting a car for you." She says helping me over to the couch. I slouch down, watching Chris. His eyes are slowly closing.
"I love you Abby." She rolls her eyes at me, dialling the mansion number. She still remembers it, after all the time apart she remembers my number. If that's not true love, what the hell is? She fiddles with paper on the counter top impatiently as the phone rings. I watch her intently. She is so damn beautiful, even in that simple outfit with her hair tied up. "Love you Abby." I say once more. Just as she starts talking into the phone.
"Kem???" She says shocked. I bolt upright, Kem. My Kem, the Kem I 'supposedly love.' Abby looks scared. "No, no. Sorry, um he didn't mean that. Uh." She stumbles over words. She is having a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. "Look, he is very drunk." She says, he face scrunched up. "Can you send a car to come get him." I slouch back down into the couch. I don't care what Kem says or does, I don't love her. I love Abby.
"No really, you don't have to come and get him." Abby looks annoyed now, just in time for Zach to open the door, only to see me sitting on his couch, his fiancee mere feet away. "Okay, I'll tell him." Abby hangs up, she concentrates on me, her eyes locked on my glazed eyes.
"Kem, is coming to get you John." She swings around facing Zach, whose facial expression has not changed over the course of a few seconds. "Abby-" His voice threatening.
"Don't worry, Zach." She reassures, with a phoney smile. He watches as she stares intently at him, they are attempting to speak through facial expressions, through eye contact. They can't. They don't have the chemistry too. Not like Abby and I did. Abby and I were great at it, we had everything together. We are the perfect match.
"Look, I don't want him-" He starts to say, but Abby cuts him off with a wave of the hand, as she spin around to pick up a suddenly fussing Christopher. Funny, as soon as Zach enters the room Chris starts to get upset. Chris has an excellent Asshole radar.
"He's drunk." She states it plainly, as though she is talking about scuffed up shoes needing polish. She sits down next to me, I watch as they interact, preferring to be the bystander then involved in this soon to be heated conversation. I will have my chance when Kem gets here. Whom I have no idea why she is here. I was suppose to come home, why would she come here? This is making no sense, but in this state nothing at all seems to be making sense.
"I don't care if he's high off every drug in the city. I don't want him near my house, you or Chris." He screams, Chris cries, I attempt to take him from Abby, but she pushes my hand away. Her boob is close enough for me to grab, but I pass up that urge, not wanting Zach's shoe imprinted on my face.
"Zach he came here." He rolls his eyes, he knew I came to her. Hell thats the way it always goes. She never comes to me, I am the desperate pathetic one. Who is suddenly realising what a fuck up they really are. Abby on the other hand is beautiful, intelligent, a women of today. One who jus doesn't know how damn good she has it. She has everything, everything she could ever want. Accept for one thing. Me. I know she does, but she is afraid to admit it.
"Fuck, I know that Abby." He says getting angrier and angrier by the second." Abby looks a little taken a back by his actions, preceding to scoot closer to me. I extend my arm over the back of the couch as a protective force for her.
"Don't say that in front of Christopher." She mumbles, brushing his short hair to the side. Zach rolls his eyes, preparing to speak just as someone knocks on the door. I know who it is, we all do. If they thought their fight was bad, well get ready for round two. Kem isn't stupid, she knows something's up, its just a matter of time.
~*~
The streets are abandoned, not a soul in sight. Right now that's how I like it. No one to bother me. Although a little ruckus would be nice, something to get me out of my own head. I have a trapped feeling, I feel like I am in a dead end, there is no way out. The more I try to push the further back I go. When I do nothing, I go no where. There seems to be no way out of the predicament I have, somehow, gotten myself into. I am digging myself a grave. Every time I think I may be able to let go, drop that shovel, something, or rather someone, prompts me to pick it back up again. I walk through the dark back streets of Chicago. Refusing to go on the L again, afraid of what might happen. I have had enough excitement for one night. I trudge my way out onto a main street, hailing down a cab. I yank open the stuck door, of the beat up yellow automobile. I shuffle in, scraping my bottom along the crusty seat. The driver looks at me through his rear view mirror. His brown eyes the only visible body part, apart from strands of grey hair that are sticking up messily. "Where to?" His voice deep and raspy. I think of a place I can go, anywhere. The mansion, not the mansion. I will just get lost in my own disturbing thoughts, I can't go there. "To the bar on fifth please." I slump down in my seat as the driver nods at me. I watch as he slowly makes his way down the empty streets. A few scarce people walk in and out of buildings, but for the most part it is deserted. The cap comes to a slow stop, I reach into my pocket digging for money. I hand the driver a twenty knowing that he was over paid. He says a simple thank you, another nod of his head. I slam the rusty door shut, he feels down the street, going much faster then he did when I was in the car.
I walk into the dingy bar, sitting down on the stool. People crowd around the dance floor, music blaring through the speakers, vibrating the wood floor. I look to my right, an over weight man chewing on peanuts, he does not seem the type to be in a bar like this. My left a women mid thirties, who is smiling at me flirtatiously. I smile back, a friendly smile. The bar tender slings me a beer. I take one sip, cringing at the bitter taste upon my lips. Abby is with her boyfriend... Well fiancee now, and new addition to the family. I know she doesn't really love him, it was evident in her eyes, in her hesitance when he proposed. She doesn't love him like I don't love Kem. At least I can admit it. I have come to terms with my love for Abby, she has yet to vocally admit her feelings for me. Although I know they are there. But we can never be together. It is impossible now. We both know it. Maybe that is why she is so reluctant to admit any resurfacing feelings. What are the odds of us being able to act on them. She is the smart one. I am the fool. None the less I have to have her. I need her, when I am around her, near her. In her. Everything just seems so right, all my problems fade away. She's perfect. Although she may not see it. She is. She is not like Kem, Kem is different. Kem was a breath of fresh air for me. At first she was all I needed. She was beautiful, perfect. Perfect in everyway. Not like Abby who is imperfectly perfect. She has flaws, but is perfect in my eyes.
I set down my beer glass. The Fourth of the night, that won't do. No not tonight. I need more. God I need more. I toss my glass out in front of the bar tender who gets the idea to refill. I look at the women, who at the beginning of the night did not look so attractive. She smiles again, this time I smile back wider. I take another sip of my beer. Although this girl is appearing to be tempting. I can't, I don't want her I want Abby. "Abby-" I slur. She rolls her eyes at me, getting up and walking away. I watch her walk away, funny how beer can help people look better. I bet that's how she gets laid. I bow my head, looking at the peanut shells scattered around the bar. "You think you've had enough?" The scruffy bar tender asks me. I shake my head no. "Abby-" I say once more, I can see her beautiful face now. The way she tucks her hair behind her ears nervously. How her smile is so rare, but so sweet and pure when it finally appears. "Why don't you go home to Abby." The husky man suggests. I finish of the beer, then take the mans advice. I stumble out of the bar, hailing down a cab, this time heading straight for Abby's. The cab seems to be going faster, whizzing by everything. I fiddle in my pocket, trying to find the exact change this time. Alcohol must make me cheap. I hand the man the money, he grunts at me disappointingly, as I slam the metal door. I grab onto the railing, steadying myself. I take it one step at a time up the stairs. I need profess my love for Abby. I need to let her know how I truly feel, even if she doesn't love me too, which she does. I need for her to know. Before I go away forever to Africa.
I walk up the stairs to her condo. The apartment is dimly lit, I knock on the door. Not taking a minute to think. Thoughts only seem to be corrupting me these days. I need to run on instinct, my gut feeling. Abby opens the door looking at me stunned. "John." She says more shocked then upset. Her _expression immediately changes, to one of anger. "Abby." I slur again. Her name, the only word I manage to say throughout my drunken state. "You're drunk." She sighs. "Look, you have to go home. Zach will be here any minute." She says trying to shoo me away.
"I love you." I spit out. Chris mumbles incoherent words in the background. Abby turns her head back to see the little boy smiling in a makeshift crib set up in their living room.
"Just go John." She says firmly. Her eyes dart back to a beaming Chris. I can't believe Luka would turn to them over me. I saved the damn mans life.
"Listen Abby-" She doesn't let me finish. frantically waves her hands in the air.
"John, go home." I support myself against the door frame. Running my fingers through my tousles of hair.
"Not until you tell me you don't love me." She shakes her head at me. I stand up right, immediately stumbling into the apartment. She reaches out grabbing my arm. I wrap my arms around her waist.
"John Stop." She pushes me again. I don't believe she doesn't love me. She loves me just as much as I love her. She would tell me if she didn't. She can't tell me, because she can't lie to me. She never could. I am her weakness, she is mine. She balances me. "I am calling the mansion, getting a car for you." She says helping me over to the couch. I slouch down, watching Chris. His eyes are slowly closing.
"I love you Abby." She rolls her eyes at me, dialling the mansion number. She still remembers it, after all the time apart she remembers my number. If that's not true love, what the hell is? She fiddles with paper on the counter top impatiently as the phone rings. I watch her intently. She is so damn beautiful, even in that simple outfit with her hair tied up. "Love you Abby." I say once more. Just as she starts talking into the phone.
"Kem???" She says shocked. I bolt upright, Kem. My Kem, the Kem I 'supposedly love.' Abby looks scared. "No, no. Sorry, um he didn't mean that. Uh." She stumbles over words. She is having a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. "Look, he is very drunk." She says, he face scrunched up. "Can you send a car to come get him." I slouch back down into the couch. I don't care what Kem says or does, I don't love her. I love Abby.
"No really, you don't have to come and get him." Abby looks annoyed now, just in time for Zach to open the door, only to see me sitting on his couch, his fiancee mere feet away. "Okay, I'll tell him." Abby hangs up, she concentrates on me, her eyes locked on my glazed eyes.
"Kem, is coming to get you John." She swings around facing Zach, whose facial expression has not changed over the course of a few seconds. "Abby-" His voice threatening.
"Don't worry, Zach." She reassures, with a phoney smile. He watches as she stares intently at him, they are attempting to speak through facial expressions, through eye contact. They can't. They don't have the chemistry too. Not like Abby and I did. Abby and I were great at it, we had everything together. We are the perfect match.
"Look, I don't want him-" He starts to say, but Abby cuts him off with a wave of the hand, as she spin around to pick up a suddenly fussing Christopher. Funny, as soon as Zach enters the room Chris starts to get upset. Chris has an excellent Asshole radar.
"He's drunk." She states it plainly, as though she is talking about scuffed up shoes needing polish. She sits down next to me, I watch as they interact, preferring to be the bystander then involved in this soon to be heated conversation. I will have my chance when Kem gets here. Whom I have no idea why she is here. I was suppose to come home, why would she come here? This is making no sense, but in this state nothing at all seems to be making sense.
"I don't care if he's high off every drug in the city. I don't want him near my house, you or Chris." He screams, Chris cries, I attempt to take him from Abby, but she pushes my hand away. Her boob is close enough for me to grab, but I pass up that urge, not wanting Zach's shoe imprinted on my face.
"Zach he came here." He rolls his eyes, he knew I came to her. Hell thats the way it always goes. She never comes to me, I am the desperate pathetic one. Who is suddenly realising what a fuck up they really are. Abby on the other hand is beautiful, intelligent, a women of today. One who jus doesn't know how damn good she has it. She has everything, everything she could ever want. Accept for one thing. Me. I know she does, but she is afraid to admit it.
"Fuck, I know that Abby." He says getting angrier and angrier by the second." Abby looks a little taken a back by his actions, preceding to scoot closer to me. I extend my arm over the back of the couch as a protective force for her.
"Don't say that in front of Christopher." She mumbles, brushing his short hair to the side. Zach rolls his eyes, preparing to speak just as someone knocks on the door. I know who it is, we all do. If they thought their fight was bad, well get ready for round two. Kem isn't stupid, she knows something's up, its just a matter of time.