Authors' notes: Yippie I updated!!!
~*~
I watch Zach open the door slowly, trying to be nice to the woman he was meeting for the first time. I've seen her before, and we exchange acknowleding glances. I stand up, moving away from Carter. I'm not going to fight with him right now. He's drunk, much drunker than I've ever been. At least when I'm drunk I pass out in my bed and wait for the headache in the morning. I move towards Zach and hand Christopher to him. I walk over to Kem, she's sitting on the couch next to a very unhappy looking Carter. I sit on the opposite side of him, she doesn't look exactly pleased with the condition she found him in. I shrug my shoulders, its not my fault, I did nothing to bring this on. She starts to rub his shoulders, wanting to soothe him out of the condo slowly, but he quickly pushes her off.
"John, what's wrong?"
I get off the couch and head back over to Zach, a few feet away. I start to push him away towards the room, giving him a pleading _expression. He looks enfuriated but he complies anyway. I shut the door, and move back towards the living room. He doesn't have to hear the conversation, but I think I do. I lean against the wall, in the deep shadows, hoping they won't know I'm here. I focus my attention on the conversation they are having.
"Why are you here?"
Well at least she is here, I don't understand why he's acting like this towards her. He was practically calling her a goddess last time he was here. I don't know what I would have done with him had Kem not been here. Zach would have murdered him.
"I missed you. Kassim missed you."
I hear him whimper a bit but move away from her more.
"I love you, John. Please..."
I see him turn his head towards me, we lock eyes. I don't know how he knew I was standing back here, but he knew. His eyes control me, summon me, pull me towards him. I walk out of the shadows, and he quickly diverts his gaze away from me. His body language would be enough for me, but she keeps on persisting.
"John?"
I lean against the counter, I want to take a gun and put the two poor miserable creatures out of their misery once and for all.
"I don't love you."
I hear it, it sounds like a thousand angels singing the most beautiful sound on the planet. He's said it. She doesn't hear it. Or pretends not to. Or doesn't want to. He's being so inconsiderate to the poor woman. I'm supposed to hate her, but I hate him. She's the mother of his child, raising him on her own while he runs around in Chicago chasing a lost dream. That lost dream may be me, but I still sympathize with her. I hear him rephrase his statement, this time only louder. He looks back at me, I simply take the statement as a lie, giving Kem a look that said I had nothing to do with this. She knows I'm the one he's in love with.
"You're an idiot, Carter."
I don't know why I choose to interject, it seemed like the perfect time. I could see the pained look on Kem's face, I couldn't take it anymore. One woman who had her heart broken by him is enough. As much as I detested her earlier, no one should go through the pain and suffering that I went through.
"You have a beautiful, passionate, loving woman in front of you, and you're going to throw it all away? I'm engaged, Carter. There is no us. There never will be."
Kem and I suddenly and silently have a better appreciation for each other. I move towards the window, away from the two. She's the one that is moving herself away from him now. I give her a reassuring glance, and she knows what she's going to do. She's strong, she's young, she can do better.
"I never want to see you again. I'll send the papers for sole custody to you when I return to Africa."
I watch him bury his head into his hands, hiding the tears that I know have begun to fall. I feel sorry for him for a minute, but that is suddenly relieved when I know I have what I want with Zach. I know that Zach will always be there, will love me for who I am, will not try to change me.
"Get out Carter."
He looks at me, two heartbreaks in one sitting is evident on his face. I give him a nonchallant look, and he looks at Kem. But none of us respond to him. I walk towards the door, opening it for him, and he trudges out, still a little drunk. I could care less. He can fall down teh stairs and break his neck. He gives me one last glace before I slam the door straight in his face.
I move my attention back to Kem. She's standing in the middle of my living room, trying to stay strong long enough for him to get out of earshot. I trot towards her, my hand going on her shoulder. She turns around and I pull her towards the couch. I see her eyes beginning to brim with salty tears, and I sit down, pulling her into my arms. Her body starts to shake and I run my hand up and down her shoulders and back. I feel so sorry for her. No one deserves to be put through so much torture. She really loved him.
I hear the door squeak open and Zach emerges, a victorious look on his face. He probably got Chris to sleep all by himself. I mouth to him to get a blanket and a pillow. He responds quickly, bringing them out of the hall closet. I pull myself away from Kem, and I place the pillow under her head. I throw the blanket over her shaking figure. Zach understands and leaves us alone. I lean down to her, taking her hand.
"I know what you went through. And believe me, he's not worth it."
She digs her head deeper into the pillow, giving my hand a squeeze signifying she knows.
"You'll find a better man, who will love you for everything you are. You deserve it. You and your son both do."
She nods her head this time, meeting gazes with me.
"I'm sorry."
I shake my head, giving her a small smile.
"Don't worry about it. Get some rest and I'll help you figure out arrangements in the morning."
I get up off the couch, letting her collect her thoughts and be alone for a while. I go back into our bedroom, Zach lying on the bed, reading a book. He's really sexy right now, with nothing but his boxers on. I take off my sweaty clothes, and climb into bed next to him. I lay my head down on his stomach, he plays with my hair. I look up at him and can't help but smile. He's different. A good different. He puts his book down and takes his hands and runs them over my body. We shouldn't be doing this, but I can't help it. I'm incredible turned on by him. His fingers were tracing patterns along by back but they suddenly seemed to change course and run over my neck, then my chest. He takes my nipple inbetween his two fingers and starts to tease it, driving me insane. I pull my body closer to him. He gives me a kiss, and continues a trail down to where his fingers had just been. He starts to suck, it feels good but painful at the same time. And its defintley not supposed to feel like that. I let him do it for a few minutes longer because it feels wonderful. Then the pain starts again. He stops and turns the lamp off, sending the room into blackness. He lies down and pulls me even closer to him, intertwining our legs and arms.
"What's wrong?"
I shrug my shoulders, it's probably just horomones or stress.
"I don't know, my breasts hurt."
He starts to laugh a little and I really want to hit him.
"What? They seem bigger."
I roll my eyes, thankfully he cannot see any of my eye rolling in this light. I let myself melt into his arms, he looks absolutyl perfect in the dull moonlight, my arms wrapped around his body, my legs twisting with his. Yet strangely the last image that pops into my head is of Carter, the picture of him when I was a med student, when I saw him shooting up for the first time. It's an image I have to forget, but I can't. I take a deep sigh, and pull away from Zach. Damn him. Why the hell does he have to control my every action? I get out of bed, searching for my clothes in the dull light.
"Abby? What's going on?"
I pull on my top, forgetting about a bra at all. I don't care. I go over to his side of the bed, giving him another kiss.
"I'll be back. I promise. I love you."
I hear his head plop down on the pillow.
"You've got to let the asshole go."
I walk out of the room, but before I do I look back at him.
"I will when I know he's okay."
I hear him call out my name, but I'm long gone. I pass Kem's sleeping figure on the sofa. Why the hell did I have to get in the middle of this. Why did I have to love him? Why did I wish everything would work out? Now everything's more confusing than ever, and I shouldn't even be going after him. I shouldn't care about him. But I do, and it scares me that I can't stop. I will always worry about him.
~*~
I watch Zach open the door slowly, trying to be nice to the woman he was meeting for the first time. I've seen her before, and we exchange acknowleding glances. I stand up, moving away from Carter. I'm not going to fight with him right now. He's drunk, much drunker than I've ever been. At least when I'm drunk I pass out in my bed and wait for the headache in the morning. I move towards Zach and hand Christopher to him. I walk over to Kem, she's sitting on the couch next to a very unhappy looking Carter. I sit on the opposite side of him, she doesn't look exactly pleased with the condition she found him in. I shrug my shoulders, its not my fault, I did nothing to bring this on. She starts to rub his shoulders, wanting to soothe him out of the condo slowly, but he quickly pushes her off.
"John, what's wrong?"
I get off the couch and head back over to Zach, a few feet away. I start to push him away towards the room, giving him a pleading _expression. He looks enfuriated but he complies anyway. I shut the door, and move back towards the living room. He doesn't have to hear the conversation, but I think I do. I lean against the wall, in the deep shadows, hoping they won't know I'm here. I focus my attention on the conversation they are having.
"Why are you here?"
Well at least she is here, I don't understand why he's acting like this towards her. He was practically calling her a goddess last time he was here. I don't know what I would have done with him had Kem not been here. Zach would have murdered him.
"I missed you. Kassim missed you."
I hear him whimper a bit but move away from her more.
"I love you, John. Please..."
I see him turn his head towards me, we lock eyes. I don't know how he knew I was standing back here, but he knew. His eyes control me, summon me, pull me towards him. I walk out of the shadows, and he quickly diverts his gaze away from me. His body language would be enough for me, but she keeps on persisting.
"John?"
I lean against the counter, I want to take a gun and put the two poor miserable creatures out of their misery once and for all.
"I don't love you."
I hear it, it sounds like a thousand angels singing the most beautiful sound on the planet. He's said it. She doesn't hear it. Or pretends not to. Or doesn't want to. He's being so inconsiderate to the poor woman. I'm supposed to hate her, but I hate him. She's the mother of his child, raising him on her own while he runs around in Chicago chasing a lost dream. That lost dream may be me, but I still sympathize with her. I hear him rephrase his statement, this time only louder. He looks back at me, I simply take the statement as a lie, giving Kem a look that said I had nothing to do with this. She knows I'm the one he's in love with.
"You're an idiot, Carter."
I don't know why I choose to interject, it seemed like the perfect time. I could see the pained look on Kem's face, I couldn't take it anymore. One woman who had her heart broken by him is enough. As much as I detested her earlier, no one should go through the pain and suffering that I went through.
"You have a beautiful, passionate, loving woman in front of you, and you're going to throw it all away? I'm engaged, Carter. There is no us. There never will be."
Kem and I suddenly and silently have a better appreciation for each other. I move towards the window, away from the two. She's the one that is moving herself away from him now. I give her a reassuring glance, and she knows what she's going to do. She's strong, she's young, she can do better.
"I never want to see you again. I'll send the papers for sole custody to you when I return to Africa."
I watch him bury his head into his hands, hiding the tears that I know have begun to fall. I feel sorry for him for a minute, but that is suddenly relieved when I know I have what I want with Zach. I know that Zach will always be there, will love me for who I am, will not try to change me.
"Get out Carter."
He looks at me, two heartbreaks in one sitting is evident on his face. I give him a nonchallant look, and he looks at Kem. But none of us respond to him. I walk towards the door, opening it for him, and he trudges out, still a little drunk. I could care less. He can fall down teh stairs and break his neck. He gives me one last glace before I slam the door straight in his face.
I move my attention back to Kem. She's standing in the middle of my living room, trying to stay strong long enough for him to get out of earshot. I trot towards her, my hand going on her shoulder. She turns around and I pull her towards the couch. I see her eyes beginning to brim with salty tears, and I sit down, pulling her into my arms. Her body starts to shake and I run my hand up and down her shoulders and back. I feel so sorry for her. No one deserves to be put through so much torture. She really loved him.
I hear the door squeak open and Zach emerges, a victorious look on his face. He probably got Chris to sleep all by himself. I mouth to him to get a blanket and a pillow. He responds quickly, bringing them out of the hall closet. I pull myself away from Kem, and I place the pillow under her head. I throw the blanket over her shaking figure. Zach understands and leaves us alone. I lean down to her, taking her hand.
"I know what you went through. And believe me, he's not worth it."
She digs her head deeper into the pillow, giving my hand a squeeze signifying she knows.
"You'll find a better man, who will love you for everything you are. You deserve it. You and your son both do."
She nods her head this time, meeting gazes with me.
"I'm sorry."
I shake my head, giving her a small smile.
"Don't worry about it. Get some rest and I'll help you figure out arrangements in the morning."
I get up off the couch, letting her collect her thoughts and be alone for a while. I go back into our bedroom, Zach lying on the bed, reading a book. He's really sexy right now, with nothing but his boxers on. I take off my sweaty clothes, and climb into bed next to him. I lay my head down on his stomach, he plays with my hair. I look up at him and can't help but smile. He's different. A good different. He puts his book down and takes his hands and runs them over my body. We shouldn't be doing this, but I can't help it. I'm incredible turned on by him. His fingers were tracing patterns along by back but they suddenly seemed to change course and run over my neck, then my chest. He takes my nipple inbetween his two fingers and starts to tease it, driving me insane. I pull my body closer to him. He gives me a kiss, and continues a trail down to where his fingers had just been. He starts to suck, it feels good but painful at the same time. And its defintley not supposed to feel like that. I let him do it for a few minutes longer because it feels wonderful. Then the pain starts again. He stops and turns the lamp off, sending the room into blackness. He lies down and pulls me even closer to him, intertwining our legs and arms.
"What's wrong?"
I shrug my shoulders, it's probably just horomones or stress.
"I don't know, my breasts hurt."
He starts to laugh a little and I really want to hit him.
"What? They seem bigger."
I roll my eyes, thankfully he cannot see any of my eye rolling in this light. I let myself melt into his arms, he looks absolutyl perfect in the dull moonlight, my arms wrapped around his body, my legs twisting with his. Yet strangely the last image that pops into my head is of Carter, the picture of him when I was a med student, when I saw him shooting up for the first time. It's an image I have to forget, but I can't. I take a deep sigh, and pull away from Zach. Damn him. Why the hell does he have to control my every action? I get out of bed, searching for my clothes in the dull light.
"Abby? What's going on?"
I pull on my top, forgetting about a bra at all. I don't care. I go over to his side of the bed, giving him another kiss.
"I'll be back. I promise. I love you."
I hear his head plop down on the pillow.
"You've got to let the asshole go."
I walk out of the room, but before I do I look back at him.
"I will when I know he's okay."
I hear him call out my name, but I'm long gone. I pass Kem's sleeping figure on the sofa. Why the hell did I have to get in the middle of this. Why did I have to love him? Why did I wish everything would work out? Now everything's more confusing than ever, and I shouldn't even be going after him. I shouldn't care about him. But I do, and it scares me that I can't stop. I will always worry about him.