Author's Notes: Second update. Oh I'm good 0_o Anyways Kat's chapter so your warned!! x_X
~*~
A loud banging on my door brings me out of my restless sleep. The alcohol sure did a number on me. I drag myself out of my makeshift bed on the floor of my bathroom. I dropped like a deer in hunting season on it, when I got home. The cab ride wasn't a smooth one. I managed the empty my stomachs contents into the toilet bowl and not the back seat of the cab. I ran like a bat out of hell upstairs, and into my apartment, just to save myself the embarrassment of vomiting in the entrance of my building, or even worse in the elevator, or stairs. I am not a frequent drinker, I believe that began to show. The night is a save for the bitter end. I make my way to the door of my one bedroom apartment, nights like this, without comes like that, are the reason I keep this place. Another knock persists, I groggily mumble an incoherent phrase, as I throw open the door. In front of me stands Abby, hair tied in a pony tail, with sweat pants on, and an over sized sweater hanging off her shoulder. Only a t-shirt to cover her, would be, bare shoulder.
"Hi" She breathes, taking in my unkempt appearance. I wipe my hand over my face, trying to focus the much, that is, my brain.
"What are you doing here?" My voice cracks, the dryness in my throat making me wince, she sighs deeply, blinks, she seems to be asking herself the same question.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." She says this with a tinch of sympathy.
"You didn't care when you kicked me out of your place earlier." I turn away from her walking into my apartment, but leaving the door open. I can hear her footsteps behind me, pushing her way through the swinging door to join me in the kitchen.
"You didn't do anything stupid did you?" I crack open the lid of my water, scoffing at her insane comment. Jesus Abby, I'm not like you. I can handle when something bad happens, I won't turn to drugs. Although I wouldn't call this bad. Unexpected, well maybe not expected so soon. But it was inevitable. It would have been nice to have Kem around though, someone to cuddle up to. We all get lonely, so with her I wasn't quite as lonely.
"Did you close the door behind you?" She looks dejected as I ignore her question altogether. Did she expect me to confide in her, after she supports Kem over me. I know I hurt Kem, but at least I was honest with her. I didn't keep this deceitful behaviours going on behind her back, which would have hurt her even more then this did. Too bad Abby can't give Zach the same respect.
She brushes the hair out of her eyes sighing defeated. "I can't believe I left my boyfriend for you." She grumbles. I shrug taking a swig of my water. Unfortunately dehydration happens after you get completely tanked, which I am. Sort of. I think the booze have worn off for the most part, now I am here with the women I love, not being able to get within three feet of her, without an over protective goon flying out of nowhere and detaching my head from my body. Acting cold towards her is the only way I can deal right now.
"I can." I say smugly, maybe too smugly. She approaches me, moving so our bodies are inches apart. My back resting against the counter top, making our faces as close as our bodies, her breath mingling with mine. She is so close I can practically taste her. The smell of her taking me over, invigorating me, encompassing me with her smell. She moves her face closer to me, anger taking over her once sadden features. "You are nothing, but a worthless piece of shit. You think you can go around fucking everyone, breaking every heart," she spits at me, pausing for a short breath. Gathering more hateful things to toss at me.
"Maybe I can." I shrug nonchalantly, not letting her finish her incomplete sentence. I just added fuel to the already out of control fire. "Maybe you can, but it doesn't matter anymore. Not to me at least. I am through with you and the shit you pull." Her voice is lower, calmer, pained, a contradiction to the way it started just a few seconds ago. I pull her in closer to me, our bodies separated somewhere during her fit. Her hand rests on my leg. "I don't love you John Carter. I can't. It hurts to much. Her fingers trace designs along my leg. Sending involuntary shivers through my spine. I can hear my heart break, because this time I know she is telling the truth. She can let go, she is strong enough to let go. I lift her chin up. Our eyes meeting as I pull her in for one last kiss. I run my tongue along her lips, memorizing her taste, the way her lips move against my own. She slowly pulls away, "Good luck." She starts, luck with what I am not so sure. She is probably saying it to ease the tension, the pain. "I-" She whispers, wiping the unshed tears, with the back of her hand. "Just don't do anything stupid." She laughs, pulling out of my embrace. She walks to the kitchen door turning to look at me once more.
"You don't have to go." I say breaking the silence. She laughs bitterly, what is this a way of mocking me, another way to rub the harshness of reality in my face. "We can go somewhere, just us. Raise a fam-" My voice breaking, tears threatening to fall.
"John don't." She says firmly, my hopes and dreams crashing around me, god we would have beautiful kids, we could raise Chris and Kassim.
"Don't do this to yourself John."
"But-" I try, but she doesn't let me continue. It is probably for the best, that she cuts me off before I slowly kill myself, letting her go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Breaking up with her the first time was the stupidest.
"I don't love you. I am finally, after nights thinking it would never happen, over you and falling in love with Zach. I never thought it would happen, but it is." It would have been easier if someone just hammered a nail through my heart, put me out of my misery sooner.
"So that kiss meant nothing to you?" I ask hopefully, knowing the answer, but trying anyways. It couldn't make me feel worse then I already do.
"Yeah, it did." She sighs, causing my ears to perk up in expectancy. "It meant closure, a last goodbye. The end of something that was only going to kill me, slowly, but surely." I watch as she turns and leaves, her shadow trailing behind her in my dimly lit apartment. The door slams as she walks out of my apartment for good. The sound of her voice telling me she doesn't love me, the door slamming, every moment we ever shared, every time we made love, argued, everything, plays through my head. Killing me. Slowly, but surely. Maybe I won't be the death of her, but she will be the death of me.
I slam my water bottle onto the counter, looking at it for a second before taking off after the women of my dreams. The women who I had, but let go. I run down the stairs, going down two or three at a time. I burst through the entrance of my apartment, there she stands in all her glory, the lights shining down on her just like an angel. A beautiful angel from heaven. Her sweater, now in her hand, she turns to look at me. Smiling weakly, her nipples evident through her white shirt. This makes me want her even more, knowing that never again will I be able to hold her in my arms. Have my way with her. She turns, opening the door of the cab, I run after her, just making it to the curb as the taxi pulls off down the street. Taking her away from me, to him.
The cab pulls to a sudden halt, stopping in the middle of the street. She gets out and slowly makes her way towards me, her sweater still in her hand. I start to walk, meeting her half way. A small smile crossing my lips, she loves me. She truly does. She stops in front of me. Her hair in a tangled mess, she tried pushing it away from her face, but it just falls forward again. She pulls the t-shirt up onto her shoulder, covering her skin. I pull it back down, tracing my finger along her bare flesh. Loving the feel of her skin on my finger tips. She watches as I do this, half of her wants to run away, be the strong one, go back to him. The other wants to succumb to her urges, to the truth. She knows she loves me. He is nothing but a void filler. Soon the void will become so big she won't be able to fill it. It will become impossible, the only one who can ease her pain, is me. I know her inside out, everything about her. At first all I needed was to feel her body against mine, make love to her. Now it is deeper, I need to be around her, hear her speak. Have her in my arms, anything. I can't loose her. Not now. Not ever.
"You came back." It is barley audible, but she catches it. Her gaze meets mine.
"I forgot my keys in your apartment." She pauses, my hand falling. She didn't come back for me. She came back so she wouldn't wake him when she went back to him. "They are on your counter."
~*~
A loud banging on my door brings me out of my restless sleep. The alcohol sure did a number on me. I drag myself out of my makeshift bed on the floor of my bathroom. I dropped like a deer in hunting season on it, when I got home. The cab ride wasn't a smooth one. I managed the empty my stomachs contents into the toilet bowl and not the back seat of the cab. I ran like a bat out of hell upstairs, and into my apartment, just to save myself the embarrassment of vomiting in the entrance of my building, or even worse in the elevator, or stairs. I am not a frequent drinker, I believe that began to show. The night is a save for the bitter end. I make my way to the door of my one bedroom apartment, nights like this, without comes like that, are the reason I keep this place. Another knock persists, I groggily mumble an incoherent phrase, as I throw open the door. In front of me stands Abby, hair tied in a pony tail, with sweat pants on, and an over sized sweater hanging off her shoulder. Only a t-shirt to cover her, would be, bare shoulder.
"Hi" She breathes, taking in my unkempt appearance. I wipe my hand over my face, trying to focus the much, that is, my brain.
"What are you doing here?" My voice cracks, the dryness in my throat making me wince, she sighs deeply, blinks, she seems to be asking herself the same question.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." She says this with a tinch of sympathy.
"You didn't care when you kicked me out of your place earlier." I turn away from her walking into my apartment, but leaving the door open. I can hear her footsteps behind me, pushing her way through the swinging door to join me in the kitchen.
"You didn't do anything stupid did you?" I crack open the lid of my water, scoffing at her insane comment. Jesus Abby, I'm not like you. I can handle when something bad happens, I won't turn to drugs. Although I wouldn't call this bad. Unexpected, well maybe not expected so soon. But it was inevitable. It would have been nice to have Kem around though, someone to cuddle up to. We all get lonely, so with her I wasn't quite as lonely.
"Did you close the door behind you?" She looks dejected as I ignore her question altogether. Did she expect me to confide in her, after she supports Kem over me. I know I hurt Kem, but at least I was honest with her. I didn't keep this deceitful behaviours going on behind her back, which would have hurt her even more then this did. Too bad Abby can't give Zach the same respect.
She brushes the hair out of her eyes sighing defeated. "I can't believe I left my boyfriend for you." She grumbles. I shrug taking a swig of my water. Unfortunately dehydration happens after you get completely tanked, which I am. Sort of. I think the booze have worn off for the most part, now I am here with the women I love, not being able to get within three feet of her, without an over protective goon flying out of nowhere and detaching my head from my body. Acting cold towards her is the only way I can deal right now.
"I can." I say smugly, maybe too smugly. She approaches me, moving so our bodies are inches apart. My back resting against the counter top, making our faces as close as our bodies, her breath mingling with mine. She is so close I can practically taste her. The smell of her taking me over, invigorating me, encompassing me with her smell. She moves her face closer to me, anger taking over her once sadden features. "You are nothing, but a worthless piece of shit. You think you can go around fucking everyone, breaking every heart," she spits at me, pausing for a short breath. Gathering more hateful things to toss at me.
"Maybe I can." I shrug nonchalantly, not letting her finish her incomplete sentence. I just added fuel to the already out of control fire. "Maybe you can, but it doesn't matter anymore. Not to me at least. I am through with you and the shit you pull." Her voice is lower, calmer, pained, a contradiction to the way it started just a few seconds ago. I pull her in closer to me, our bodies separated somewhere during her fit. Her hand rests on my leg. "I don't love you John Carter. I can't. It hurts to much. Her fingers trace designs along my leg. Sending involuntary shivers through my spine. I can hear my heart break, because this time I know she is telling the truth. She can let go, she is strong enough to let go. I lift her chin up. Our eyes meeting as I pull her in for one last kiss. I run my tongue along her lips, memorizing her taste, the way her lips move against my own. She slowly pulls away, "Good luck." She starts, luck with what I am not so sure. She is probably saying it to ease the tension, the pain. "I-" She whispers, wiping the unshed tears, with the back of her hand. "Just don't do anything stupid." She laughs, pulling out of my embrace. She walks to the kitchen door turning to look at me once more.
"You don't have to go." I say breaking the silence. She laughs bitterly, what is this a way of mocking me, another way to rub the harshness of reality in my face. "We can go somewhere, just us. Raise a fam-" My voice breaking, tears threatening to fall.
"John don't." She says firmly, my hopes and dreams crashing around me, god we would have beautiful kids, we could raise Chris and Kassim.
"Don't do this to yourself John."
"But-" I try, but she doesn't let me continue. It is probably for the best, that she cuts me off before I slowly kill myself, letting her go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Breaking up with her the first time was the stupidest.
"I don't love you. I am finally, after nights thinking it would never happen, over you and falling in love with Zach. I never thought it would happen, but it is." It would have been easier if someone just hammered a nail through my heart, put me out of my misery sooner.
"So that kiss meant nothing to you?" I ask hopefully, knowing the answer, but trying anyways. It couldn't make me feel worse then I already do.
"Yeah, it did." She sighs, causing my ears to perk up in expectancy. "It meant closure, a last goodbye. The end of something that was only going to kill me, slowly, but surely." I watch as she turns and leaves, her shadow trailing behind her in my dimly lit apartment. The door slams as she walks out of my apartment for good. The sound of her voice telling me she doesn't love me, the door slamming, every moment we ever shared, every time we made love, argued, everything, plays through my head. Killing me. Slowly, but surely. Maybe I won't be the death of her, but she will be the death of me.
I slam my water bottle onto the counter, looking at it for a second before taking off after the women of my dreams. The women who I had, but let go. I run down the stairs, going down two or three at a time. I burst through the entrance of my apartment, there she stands in all her glory, the lights shining down on her just like an angel. A beautiful angel from heaven. Her sweater, now in her hand, she turns to look at me. Smiling weakly, her nipples evident through her white shirt. This makes me want her even more, knowing that never again will I be able to hold her in my arms. Have my way with her. She turns, opening the door of the cab, I run after her, just making it to the curb as the taxi pulls off down the street. Taking her away from me, to him.
The cab pulls to a sudden halt, stopping in the middle of the street. She gets out and slowly makes her way towards me, her sweater still in her hand. I start to walk, meeting her half way. A small smile crossing my lips, she loves me. She truly does. She stops in front of me. Her hair in a tangled mess, she tried pushing it away from her face, but it just falls forward again. She pulls the t-shirt up onto her shoulder, covering her skin. I pull it back down, tracing my finger along her bare flesh. Loving the feel of her skin on my finger tips. She watches as I do this, half of her wants to run away, be the strong one, go back to him. The other wants to succumb to her urges, to the truth. She knows she loves me. He is nothing but a void filler. Soon the void will become so big she won't be able to fill it. It will become impossible, the only one who can ease her pain, is me. I know her inside out, everything about her. At first all I needed was to feel her body against mine, make love to her. Now it is deeper, I need to be around her, hear her speak. Have her in my arms, anything. I can't loose her. Not now. Not ever.
"You came back." It is barley audible, but she catches it. Her gaze meets mine.
"I forgot my keys in your apartment." She pauses, my hand falling. She didn't come back for me. She came back so she wouldn't wake him when she went back to him. "They are on your counter."