Title: Impromptu
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Feedback: Well, duh. I mean, yes please! :)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Angel doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the idiots at Mutant Enemy.
Classification: Angel; Fluff; C/A
Spoilers: It's set in season 3, but nothing really.
Written: April 3, 2003 - March 10, 2004
Site: Bound (http://www.geocities.com/cassandra_mulder)
Summary: To impress his old friends, Wesley introduces Cordelia as his fiancee. But when they volunteer to stay for the wedding, they have to go through with it. An idea Angel doesn't like at all.
~*~*~*~*~
"What's up, Wesley?" Cordelia said, curiously trying to peer at the piece of paper Wesley was holding in his hand.
"Oh, nothing," he said casually. "This," he said, waving the paper in the air,"is just the phone number of a couple of old friends of mine. Stephen and I were friends at university. He left his number on my machine this morning. I don't know how he found me..." He shook his head absently. "Anyway, apparently he's married to another of my old mates, Eugenia, now, and they're going to be coming to LA this week. They wanted to get together."
"Huh. That's cool. You had friends in college, Wesley?"
Wesley just shot her a dirty look.
"Sheesh. Sorry, just asking," she said, rolling her eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Angel, did we just forget about that case involving the Disinja demon, or what? This file has been on my desk for a month, and it's still unsolved."
"It disappeared," Angel said, offhandedly.
"It disappeared? So it just disappeared, we forget about it, no case solving?"
"Cordy, they do that. They never inhabit the same place twice, so it solved itself. You can close the file."
Cordelia just looked puzzled. "Uh, yeah. Then why did they call it in in the first place?"
"They didn't know that."
"Angel?"
"Yeah?"
"You're weird."
Angel had nothing to say to that, so Cordelia just blew out a frustrated breath, stamped the file solved, and shoved it into her filing drawer.
"I'll be upstairs for awhile," Angel said, wandering off.
"What*ever*," Cordelia called after him.
She plopped herself down at her desk again, and tried to figure out and clear away the other files in her way.
A few minutes later she looked up to see a very confused looking man and woman in the lobby of the hotel.
Getting up and starting toward them she asked, "May I help you?"
"Um, yes, is this Angel Investigations?" the man asked doubtfully.
"Yes, yes it is," Cordelia replied with a bright smile.
Just then, Wesley wandered past, his nose in a book. He'd almost left the lobby before he stopped and turned around.
Taking his glasses off, he tossed the book on the lobby desk, and went over to join the threesome.
"Stephen? Eugenia? You didn't call, I wasn't expecting you this afternoon," he said, but he was smiling. "Look at you two, I can't believe it..." he trailed off, giving the other man's hand a hearty shake and the woman a hug.
Meanwhile, Cordelia was standing by, trying to keep the smile on her face, impatiently waiting to be introduced.
"Oh! Where have my manners gone?" Wesley exclaimed. He took Cordelia by the hand and pulled her closer. "This is my... fiancée, Cordelia Chase."
Cordelia was currently gaping at him, wide eyed. Suddenly, she snapped out of it for the moment. With an evil look at Wesley, she turned to the smiling couple, and extended her hand.
"Nice to meet you," she said in a voice as sweet as sugar, acting as if nothing was wrong at all.
Stephen and Eugenia shook her hand, and then Stephen clapped Wesley on the shoulder.
"It looks like you've done well for yourself, old boy," he said with a big grin. "She's beautiful."
"Thank you," Wesley said, looking anywhere but at Cordelia.
"Um, why don't you two have a seat?" She turned to Wesley. "*Sweetie*, I need to talk to you for just a minute," she said, taking him by the arm and leading him to Angel's office.
She'd barely closed the door before she started in on him.
"Just *what* the hell was *that*?"
"Well, uh..."
"Don't 'uh' me, mister. That wasn't spur of the moment, except for *me*, so what is going on? Spill. It."
"I just... I just didn't want them to think that after all this time I was still just a lonely bookworm."
"But you *are*, Wesley," she hissed. "What is your problem?"
"Cordelia, please? They're only here till tomorrow night. Can't you just pretend? It would be good practice of your acting skills..."
Cordelia scowled at him. "Maybe if you tell me WHY you want to lie to your friends first."
"I told you already."
"Well, I don't believe that's the only reason, Wesley. Not by a longshot. And I will find out, you can guarantee that. You've already stuck your foot in it, so I'll go along, but only for the next twenty-four hours. Got it, buddy?"
She still sounded very angry, so Wesley just nodded.
"Come on, you freak, let's go back out there and play nice. You owe me *so* big for this."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel exited his room a little more relaxed. If Cordelia didn't stop questioning him about every file on her desk, then he wouldn't be responsible for what happened to her. It was *her* job to keep up with that stuff after all, not his.
He sighed, and just as he hit the landing to the stairs, what he saw below him in the lobby made him stop cold.
Angel blinked, shook his head, and blinked again. It couldn't be.
Wesley and Cordelia were kissing. In fact, they were all *over* each other.
Cordelia's voice drifted up to the stunned vampire.
"Yeah, we worked together for two years, and by then we just couldn't deny ourselves anymore. I never thought I'd find anyone like him, he's so amazing to me. Treats me like a princess."
Angel pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. What was going on? He disappeared for half an hour and Cordelia and Wesley were in love?
He hadn't heard a bang or felt anything that would indicate a spell had been performed. He had to get to the bottom of this before his non-existent blood pressure hit the roof.
Coming down the stairs as casually as possible, Angel tried to smile at the two couples, one he had no clue what they were doing there.
"Wes, Cordy," he said with a nod. "Do we have company?"
He was being polite, but all he really wanted was to get them alone so he could get to the bottom of this bizarre scene playing out in front of him.
Wesley made the necessary introductions, and Angel was still unclear about what was going on.
The man that had been introduced to him as Stephen Halloway gave him a genuine smile.
"You sure this isn't a matchmaking service you're running?" the taller, darker man kidded.
Angel laughed rather falsely. "Actually, no, last time I checked," he said, his eyes trained on the brand spanking new couple he'd had no clue about.
He thought he saw Cordelia's smile waver for just a second.
"Cordelia, I don't mean to be rude and take you away from Wesley's friends, but there's a pressing case I need to have a word with you about," he said, turning towards his office.
"If you'll excuse me..." Cordelia said, following him.
He turned on her as she shut the door.
"Well?" he said, his arms crossed.
"Well, what?" Cordelia said, looking at a spot on the wall to the left of his head. She hardly felt like explaining this madness.
"What was going on out there?" he asked, barely controlled now.
Cordelia stared at him, an intentionally blank look on her face.
"You... and Wes... and the kissing!" he finished, throwing his right hand in the air.
"Oh... that. Well, uh... Well, we're pretending to be engaged." There. She'd said it. She felt supremely stupid about going along with it, but she'd said it.
"Oh, well, that explains everything," Angel replied dryly.
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "What, are you jealous or something?"
"No!" he answered a little too quickly. "I just... saw you guys on the landing, and it was weird."
"Yeah, well, you're not the only one it's weird for."
Angel snapped out of his shock finally. "Why exactly are you two pretending to be engaged?"
"Wesley wants to impress his friends for some reason. It's only till tomorrow night, or so he says. Of course, I'm going to kill him for dragging me into this after, but he's already lied to them, so it would be hard to get out of it now."
Angel just had a look of disbelief on his face. "A warning would have been nice."
"No time."
"Hmmm."
"Is that all, Mr. Jealousy, 'cause I need to get back out there."
"I'm not... I wasn't jealous, Cordy."
"Uh huh," she said, turning and leaving.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel was going through the paperwork on his desk as Wesley, Cordelia, and Wesley's friends had late afternoon tea.
He wasn't sure what to make of them, as the conversation he'd been eavesdropping on implied that Stephen and Eugenia knew Wesley had been a Watcher, and all that his current lifestyle implied.
Maybe they're not all uptight about the underworld in jolly old England, Angel thought to himself blandly.
He still glanced up to check on Wesley and Cordelia every now and then. Pretending or not, they were still a little too cozy for his comfort. He kept telling himself he wasn't jealous. As if *that* was working.
Eugenia's voice drifted into Angel's thoughts. "When is the happy occasion?" he heard her ask.
"Uh, next Saturday, actually," Wesley replied, stupidly.
Eugenia turned to Stephen. "Darling, we should stay," she smiled, turning back to Wesley. "We don't mean to invite ourselves, but really, we'd love to stay if it's all right, Wesley."
Cordelia was glaring at him. He could see her "Way to go, idiot" stamped all over her face.
"Why, yes. Yes, of course, you're invited," Wesley covered. "We wouldn't think of not having you. I just didn't know if you'd be able to stay the extra days."
"Of course, anything for an old friend," Stephen finally piped up.
All Angel could do was sit in his office and stare at the foursome, dumbfounded.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Their company had been long gone, but Cordelia was still tearing into Wesley.
"You know what?"
"No, what?" Wesley replied.
"You're retarded."
"I am not."
"Oh yes, you are. You couldn't say something that would save us like, 'Oh, the wedding's six months from tomorrow'. You had to say it was *four days away*! God, if they wanted to come back for the wedding in six months, we could just 'break up'," she ranted, complete with air quotes. "But now we actually have to go through with the damn thing, or they'll know you're a big, fat liar.
"Why did you drag me into this?"
"Fred's not a good actress?" he answered lamely.
"You're unbelievable. Just freaking unbelievable. You know, if you *had* dragged Fred into this, then you could've married her, and at least there would be some truth to it."
Wesley blushed.
"Oh, I know. I know all about that, Wesley. What I don't know that I would like to know is why the heck you think you had to be engaged in front of your friends in the first place."
He was awfully focused on his lap now.
"Well? And I want the truth, Wes. Anyone who's going to have to plan a wedding in four days needs to know the truth."
"I was engaged to Eugenia at one time," he said quietly.
"Oooooohhhhhh," Cordelia said, realization dawning on her perfectly. "I totally should've suspected something like that."
Wesley merely fixed her with a glare.
"No, I should've. I'm usually good with this stuff. Stephen stole her away from you, and this was your macho way of screaming in his face, 'Hey, man, I'm not a loser!'"
He sighed.
"Admit it. It was, wasn't it?"
"Something like that," he admitted.
"Well, I got news for ya. This wasn't the way to do it," she said, finally picking up her purse to go home.
"Now you tell me," Wesley said bitterly to her retreating back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Days Later...
Cordelia wasn't having any luck finding a dress. If she had to go to one more resale shop, she was going to vomit.
"Why don't they rent wedding dresses?" she said, turning to Fred.
"I dunno. I guess 'cause most girls wanna keep 'em after the wedding's over."
"Hmmm, well, apparently a lot of girls got a little divorce and wanted to trash theirs. But why they have to be tacky, I don't know. It seems like some rich chick with taste could toss hers. I may not be really getting married, but I'm not even getting fake married looking like this," she said with a wrinkle of her nose, picking at the sequins on the gaudy top of the fifth dress she'd tried on this morning.
"Well, we gotta find somethin', 'cause your sham wedding is in less than thirty-six hours, and you can't show up in jeans and a t-shirt."
"I can if this is my only option," Cordelia muttered, going back to the dressing room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel, who didn't really feel like talking at all, was on his cell phone with Wesley.
"I told you my measurements, just bring the thing back here with you. And next time, pick a best man who can go out in the daylight," he said crossly.
He didn't feel like going to this wedding either, even if it was pretend. He definitely had to agree with Cordelia, Wesley was stupid.
He'd had to put up with three days of them kissing and snuggling and all sorts of other things when Wesley's friends were around. He had to give it to Cordelia though, she was a much better actress than he'd thought. She'd had to be to pull this charade off. In fact, she was a little too good at times, in his opinion.
At least he'd finally admitted to himself that he was jealous. Even if it wasn't real, Wesley was getting things from Cordelia that Angel had wanted for some time now.
He usually didn't worry about it, given Cordelia's lack of a dating life, but he found himself worrying about it now. Her talk with him about it all hadn't done him any good either. Even though he knew it wasn't real, it still felt real every time his heart twisted in his chest at the sight of them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Wedding Day
"Dum, dum, dum, dum..." Cordelia muttered under her breath, mocking the Wedding March. "Yup, that's Wesley. Dumb."
Fred giggled. "Oh, come on, it's almost over with, you're still mad at him?"
"I'll be mad at him as long as I like, thank you very much," she huffed, trying to get her short hair to stay within the confines of the bobby pins. The bobby pins that were sticking into her scalp, giving her murderous thoughts of Wesley with every jab.
With one final moan of disgust, she got her hair in place as Fred carefully put her veil on.
"There. Now you're ready to go," Fred smiled at her in the mirror.
"Yay, fun," Cordelia replied flatly.
"C'mon, Cordy, lighten up. It's only pretend. You're an actress, you should live for this stuff."
"Yeah, yeah."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Should I be nervous? I'm not even really getting married," Wesley wondered, as much to himself as Angel.
"You should be if I see you kissing Cordy again," Angel scowled.
Wesley looked at him, his face blank, but only for a second. Then he let out a chuckle that took Angel completely by surprise.
"What are you laughing at, Wesley?"
"You, Angel. You are head over heels for Cordelia, but you're either too stubborn or too dumb to admit it. You should just remember this doesn't mean anything. We're good friends, but by no means are we in love with each other. So calm down and play best man, all right?"
Angel just stared after Wesley in stunned silence as he left the room. He rolled his eyes, in true Cordelia fashion. What did he know anyway?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cordelia clutched her small bouquet of tea roses, and sighed. "A few more hours and I have my life back."
"What life?" Fred asked, before thinking. All that earned her was a patented Cordelia Death Glare.
"I'm sorry," Fred said before she scurried behind Cordelia to readjust her train.
Cordelia could see Wesley and Angel at the end of the makeshift aisle going down the hotel lobby. They'd made up some goofy excuse they'd wanted to get married where they met, so the hotel was swathed in more decorations than any of them had ever seen in their lives. Eugenia had been more than enthusiastic about helping out.
She noticed that Angel looked nervous, and couldn't figure out why. The only thing she was nervous about was pulling this fiasco off, getting Wesley's friends on their way back to England, and getting a quickie divorce. Which basically meant *not* pretending to be married to Wesley anymore, as their preacher was as phoney as everything else.
The Wedding March began, and Cordelia walked down the aisle with all the grace of a real bride.
When she reached Wesley, she took his hand and turned to face the "preacher", who was really just an actor she'd met doing a bit part in a soap opera. He was older and balding, and looked appropriate for the part, so Wesley had promised to pay him if he'd just go along.
"Dearly Beloved..." the phoney father started, and Angel began to panic. No matter how many times he reminded himself that this wasn't real, the fact remained that he was watching Cordelia marry another man. A man that wasn't him.
It was his worst nightmare in technicolor, right in front of his eyes. The problem was, it had taken that nightmare coming true to make him realize what he really wanted. *Who* he really wanted.
The objection part of the ceremony was coming, and he told himself to just keep his mouth shut. To not do anything retarded, as Cordelia would say.
Cordelia... Smiling at Wesley... Holding his hand...
"I OBJECT!"
There was total silence as everyone turned to look at Angel. He just stared, stunned, in disbelief that the words he'd been thinking had just popped out of his mouth.
Cordelia looked at him in such a way as to make him glad that all the sharp objects had been put away for the ceremony. Otherwise, she might be chopping his head off at this very moment.
Wesley looked at him, his mouth opening and closing, making him look like a fish that had found himself unexpectedly on dry land. When he finally found his voice, all he could manage was, "You... you *what*?"
Angel was looking anywhere but at his friends, and the floor suddenly looked quite lovely. It was too late now. "I object," he repeated, more quietly this time.
"I..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "*I* love Cordelia."
He thought he heard Cordelia gasp, but it was all so surreal, he wasn't sure if any of this was happening at all. He certainly didn't know what had gotten into him, he didn't expect anyone else to try to figure it out.
"You WHAT?" was all he heard before he felt a violent tug on his arm. Before anyone could really register what was going on, Cordelia was dragging her lunkhead of a vampire up the hotel stairs, headed right for his suite. Angel knew no good was going to come of this.
"Do you know what you just did?" Cordelia hissed at him as soon as she'd shut the door. "You BLEW everything! God only knows what Wesley's doing down there right now. The idea was *not* to embarrass him."
Angel seemed to have taken up navel gazing, so Cordelia smacked him on the back of the head.
"What is wrong with you? Are you deficient?"
Silence.
"SAY SOMETHING!" she demanded angrily.
He looked up at her, trying desperately to think of something, anything, to say. "What's left to say, Cordy?"
"Did you mean that? Because after everything that's just been blown to pieces, you better have meant that."
"Wesley knew better than to tell a lie like that anyway. He's supposed to be the smart one around here," Angel said, mainly to stall for time.
"Angel..."
"Yes, Cordy, I meant it, okay? I don't know what I was thinking when I just blurted it out in front of everyone, but I meant it."
The young woman before him, who easily could've been dubbed the Queen of Gab, was dumbstruck.
Then she began to laugh uncontrollably. "All it took was a fake wedding?!" she exclaimed, so immersed in her own mirth, that she didn't see Angel's jaw drop open.
When she finally calmed down, she put her finger under his chin, and shut his mouth. "You really *were* jealous." It was a statement, not a question.
Angel just rolled his eyes, knowing he'd never live this down.
Cordelia finally took pity on him, and decided not to leave him hanging anymore.
"Believe me, I don't know why, but I love you, too, Angel."
She closed the space between them, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
The look on Angel's face when they broke the kiss could only be described as relieved.
"I'm sorry, Cordy, but I just couldn't watch you with Wesley. Real or pretend, it was killing me."
"Oh, no! Wesley!" Cordelia said with a frown. "Like it or not, buddy, we have to go out and face them."
Angel sighed. He *had* gotten them into this.
They walked back down the stairs cautiously, afraid of what they were about to find. But all they found was Wesley and Fred, both draped over folding chairs, looking depressed.
"Even my fake girlfriends get stolen," Wesley lamented.
"Where did everyone go?" Cordelia asked, confused.
"I told them there wouldn't be a wedding after you left," Wesley informed them. "They all think I've been dumped at the altar."
Cordelia tried desperately to hold her inappropriate laughter in. "Oh, Wesley, I'm so sorry! But you had to know the chances of this working were slim."
"I know. It doesn't matter anyway. They'll go back to England and forget about it. At least I don't have to watch you two dance around each other anymore," Wesley added, with a roll of his eyes.
Cordelia made a slightly disgusted noise as she watched her former faux fiancé wander off to start cleaning up the world's largest supply of tulle. Fred got up to join him, leaving the newly formed couple to their own devices.
"Watch *us* dance around each other," Cordelia ranted. "I never..."
Angel pulled her into his arms. "Sure you never," he said with a laugh.
"Well, honestly, Angel. That is *so* the pot and kettle syndrome, don't you think? I mean, you see the way that he and Fred..."
Angel cut her off with a kiss. "No more scheming, Cordy. We're lucky enough that this one turned out all right."
"But they..."
He kissed her again. If this was the only way he could shut her up, he wished they'd gotten here sooner. It was even more fun than listening to her ramble.
Fin
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Feedback: Well, duh. I mean, yes please! :)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Angel doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the idiots at Mutant Enemy.
Classification: Angel; Fluff; C/A
Spoilers: It's set in season 3, but nothing really.
Written: April 3, 2003 - March 10, 2004
Site: Bound (http://www.geocities.com/cassandra_mulder)
Summary: To impress his old friends, Wesley introduces Cordelia as his fiancee. But when they volunteer to stay for the wedding, they have to go through with it. An idea Angel doesn't like at all.
~*~*~*~*~
"What's up, Wesley?" Cordelia said, curiously trying to peer at the piece of paper Wesley was holding in his hand.
"Oh, nothing," he said casually. "This," he said, waving the paper in the air,"is just the phone number of a couple of old friends of mine. Stephen and I were friends at university. He left his number on my machine this morning. I don't know how he found me..." He shook his head absently. "Anyway, apparently he's married to another of my old mates, Eugenia, now, and they're going to be coming to LA this week. They wanted to get together."
"Huh. That's cool. You had friends in college, Wesley?"
Wesley just shot her a dirty look.
"Sheesh. Sorry, just asking," she said, rolling her eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Angel, did we just forget about that case involving the Disinja demon, or what? This file has been on my desk for a month, and it's still unsolved."
"It disappeared," Angel said, offhandedly.
"It disappeared? So it just disappeared, we forget about it, no case solving?"
"Cordy, they do that. They never inhabit the same place twice, so it solved itself. You can close the file."
Cordelia just looked puzzled. "Uh, yeah. Then why did they call it in in the first place?"
"They didn't know that."
"Angel?"
"Yeah?"
"You're weird."
Angel had nothing to say to that, so Cordelia just blew out a frustrated breath, stamped the file solved, and shoved it into her filing drawer.
"I'll be upstairs for awhile," Angel said, wandering off.
"What*ever*," Cordelia called after him.
She plopped herself down at her desk again, and tried to figure out and clear away the other files in her way.
A few minutes later she looked up to see a very confused looking man and woman in the lobby of the hotel.
Getting up and starting toward them she asked, "May I help you?"
"Um, yes, is this Angel Investigations?" the man asked doubtfully.
"Yes, yes it is," Cordelia replied with a bright smile.
Just then, Wesley wandered past, his nose in a book. He'd almost left the lobby before he stopped and turned around.
Taking his glasses off, he tossed the book on the lobby desk, and went over to join the threesome.
"Stephen? Eugenia? You didn't call, I wasn't expecting you this afternoon," he said, but he was smiling. "Look at you two, I can't believe it..." he trailed off, giving the other man's hand a hearty shake and the woman a hug.
Meanwhile, Cordelia was standing by, trying to keep the smile on her face, impatiently waiting to be introduced.
"Oh! Where have my manners gone?" Wesley exclaimed. He took Cordelia by the hand and pulled her closer. "This is my... fiancée, Cordelia Chase."
Cordelia was currently gaping at him, wide eyed. Suddenly, she snapped out of it for the moment. With an evil look at Wesley, she turned to the smiling couple, and extended her hand.
"Nice to meet you," she said in a voice as sweet as sugar, acting as if nothing was wrong at all.
Stephen and Eugenia shook her hand, and then Stephen clapped Wesley on the shoulder.
"It looks like you've done well for yourself, old boy," he said with a big grin. "She's beautiful."
"Thank you," Wesley said, looking anywhere but at Cordelia.
"Um, why don't you two have a seat?" She turned to Wesley. "*Sweetie*, I need to talk to you for just a minute," she said, taking him by the arm and leading him to Angel's office.
She'd barely closed the door before she started in on him.
"Just *what* the hell was *that*?"
"Well, uh..."
"Don't 'uh' me, mister. That wasn't spur of the moment, except for *me*, so what is going on? Spill. It."
"I just... I just didn't want them to think that after all this time I was still just a lonely bookworm."
"But you *are*, Wesley," she hissed. "What is your problem?"
"Cordelia, please? They're only here till tomorrow night. Can't you just pretend? It would be good practice of your acting skills..."
Cordelia scowled at him. "Maybe if you tell me WHY you want to lie to your friends first."
"I told you already."
"Well, I don't believe that's the only reason, Wesley. Not by a longshot. And I will find out, you can guarantee that. You've already stuck your foot in it, so I'll go along, but only for the next twenty-four hours. Got it, buddy?"
She still sounded very angry, so Wesley just nodded.
"Come on, you freak, let's go back out there and play nice. You owe me *so* big for this."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel exited his room a little more relaxed. If Cordelia didn't stop questioning him about every file on her desk, then he wouldn't be responsible for what happened to her. It was *her* job to keep up with that stuff after all, not his.
He sighed, and just as he hit the landing to the stairs, what he saw below him in the lobby made him stop cold.
Angel blinked, shook his head, and blinked again. It couldn't be.
Wesley and Cordelia were kissing. In fact, they were all *over* each other.
Cordelia's voice drifted up to the stunned vampire.
"Yeah, we worked together for two years, and by then we just couldn't deny ourselves anymore. I never thought I'd find anyone like him, he's so amazing to me. Treats me like a princess."
Angel pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. What was going on? He disappeared for half an hour and Cordelia and Wesley were in love?
He hadn't heard a bang or felt anything that would indicate a spell had been performed. He had to get to the bottom of this before his non-existent blood pressure hit the roof.
Coming down the stairs as casually as possible, Angel tried to smile at the two couples, one he had no clue what they were doing there.
"Wes, Cordy," he said with a nod. "Do we have company?"
He was being polite, but all he really wanted was to get them alone so he could get to the bottom of this bizarre scene playing out in front of him.
Wesley made the necessary introductions, and Angel was still unclear about what was going on.
The man that had been introduced to him as Stephen Halloway gave him a genuine smile.
"You sure this isn't a matchmaking service you're running?" the taller, darker man kidded.
Angel laughed rather falsely. "Actually, no, last time I checked," he said, his eyes trained on the brand spanking new couple he'd had no clue about.
He thought he saw Cordelia's smile waver for just a second.
"Cordelia, I don't mean to be rude and take you away from Wesley's friends, but there's a pressing case I need to have a word with you about," he said, turning towards his office.
"If you'll excuse me..." Cordelia said, following him.
He turned on her as she shut the door.
"Well?" he said, his arms crossed.
"Well, what?" Cordelia said, looking at a spot on the wall to the left of his head. She hardly felt like explaining this madness.
"What was going on out there?" he asked, barely controlled now.
Cordelia stared at him, an intentionally blank look on her face.
"You... and Wes... and the kissing!" he finished, throwing his right hand in the air.
"Oh... that. Well, uh... Well, we're pretending to be engaged." There. She'd said it. She felt supremely stupid about going along with it, but she'd said it.
"Oh, well, that explains everything," Angel replied dryly.
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "What, are you jealous or something?"
"No!" he answered a little too quickly. "I just... saw you guys on the landing, and it was weird."
"Yeah, well, you're not the only one it's weird for."
Angel snapped out of his shock finally. "Why exactly are you two pretending to be engaged?"
"Wesley wants to impress his friends for some reason. It's only till tomorrow night, or so he says. Of course, I'm going to kill him for dragging me into this after, but he's already lied to them, so it would be hard to get out of it now."
Angel just had a look of disbelief on his face. "A warning would have been nice."
"No time."
"Hmmm."
"Is that all, Mr. Jealousy, 'cause I need to get back out there."
"I'm not... I wasn't jealous, Cordy."
"Uh huh," she said, turning and leaving.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel was going through the paperwork on his desk as Wesley, Cordelia, and Wesley's friends had late afternoon tea.
He wasn't sure what to make of them, as the conversation he'd been eavesdropping on implied that Stephen and Eugenia knew Wesley had been a Watcher, and all that his current lifestyle implied.
Maybe they're not all uptight about the underworld in jolly old England, Angel thought to himself blandly.
He still glanced up to check on Wesley and Cordelia every now and then. Pretending or not, they were still a little too cozy for his comfort. He kept telling himself he wasn't jealous. As if *that* was working.
Eugenia's voice drifted into Angel's thoughts. "When is the happy occasion?" he heard her ask.
"Uh, next Saturday, actually," Wesley replied, stupidly.
Eugenia turned to Stephen. "Darling, we should stay," she smiled, turning back to Wesley. "We don't mean to invite ourselves, but really, we'd love to stay if it's all right, Wesley."
Cordelia was glaring at him. He could see her "Way to go, idiot" stamped all over her face.
"Why, yes. Yes, of course, you're invited," Wesley covered. "We wouldn't think of not having you. I just didn't know if you'd be able to stay the extra days."
"Of course, anything for an old friend," Stephen finally piped up.
All Angel could do was sit in his office and stare at the foursome, dumbfounded.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Their company had been long gone, but Cordelia was still tearing into Wesley.
"You know what?"
"No, what?" Wesley replied.
"You're retarded."
"I am not."
"Oh yes, you are. You couldn't say something that would save us like, 'Oh, the wedding's six months from tomorrow'. You had to say it was *four days away*! God, if they wanted to come back for the wedding in six months, we could just 'break up'," she ranted, complete with air quotes. "But now we actually have to go through with the damn thing, or they'll know you're a big, fat liar.
"Why did you drag me into this?"
"Fred's not a good actress?" he answered lamely.
"You're unbelievable. Just freaking unbelievable. You know, if you *had* dragged Fred into this, then you could've married her, and at least there would be some truth to it."
Wesley blushed.
"Oh, I know. I know all about that, Wesley. What I don't know that I would like to know is why the heck you think you had to be engaged in front of your friends in the first place."
He was awfully focused on his lap now.
"Well? And I want the truth, Wes. Anyone who's going to have to plan a wedding in four days needs to know the truth."
"I was engaged to Eugenia at one time," he said quietly.
"Oooooohhhhhh," Cordelia said, realization dawning on her perfectly. "I totally should've suspected something like that."
Wesley merely fixed her with a glare.
"No, I should've. I'm usually good with this stuff. Stephen stole her away from you, and this was your macho way of screaming in his face, 'Hey, man, I'm not a loser!'"
He sighed.
"Admit it. It was, wasn't it?"
"Something like that," he admitted.
"Well, I got news for ya. This wasn't the way to do it," she said, finally picking up her purse to go home.
"Now you tell me," Wesley said bitterly to her retreating back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Days Later...
Cordelia wasn't having any luck finding a dress. If she had to go to one more resale shop, she was going to vomit.
"Why don't they rent wedding dresses?" she said, turning to Fred.
"I dunno. I guess 'cause most girls wanna keep 'em after the wedding's over."
"Hmmm, well, apparently a lot of girls got a little divorce and wanted to trash theirs. But why they have to be tacky, I don't know. It seems like some rich chick with taste could toss hers. I may not be really getting married, but I'm not even getting fake married looking like this," she said with a wrinkle of her nose, picking at the sequins on the gaudy top of the fifth dress she'd tried on this morning.
"Well, we gotta find somethin', 'cause your sham wedding is in less than thirty-six hours, and you can't show up in jeans and a t-shirt."
"I can if this is my only option," Cordelia muttered, going back to the dressing room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel, who didn't really feel like talking at all, was on his cell phone with Wesley.
"I told you my measurements, just bring the thing back here with you. And next time, pick a best man who can go out in the daylight," he said crossly.
He didn't feel like going to this wedding either, even if it was pretend. He definitely had to agree with Cordelia, Wesley was stupid.
He'd had to put up with three days of them kissing and snuggling and all sorts of other things when Wesley's friends were around. He had to give it to Cordelia though, she was a much better actress than he'd thought. She'd had to be to pull this charade off. In fact, she was a little too good at times, in his opinion.
At least he'd finally admitted to himself that he was jealous. Even if it wasn't real, Wesley was getting things from Cordelia that Angel had wanted for some time now.
He usually didn't worry about it, given Cordelia's lack of a dating life, but he found himself worrying about it now. Her talk with him about it all hadn't done him any good either. Even though he knew it wasn't real, it still felt real every time his heart twisted in his chest at the sight of them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Wedding Day
"Dum, dum, dum, dum..." Cordelia muttered under her breath, mocking the Wedding March. "Yup, that's Wesley. Dumb."
Fred giggled. "Oh, come on, it's almost over with, you're still mad at him?"
"I'll be mad at him as long as I like, thank you very much," she huffed, trying to get her short hair to stay within the confines of the bobby pins. The bobby pins that were sticking into her scalp, giving her murderous thoughts of Wesley with every jab.
With one final moan of disgust, she got her hair in place as Fred carefully put her veil on.
"There. Now you're ready to go," Fred smiled at her in the mirror.
"Yay, fun," Cordelia replied flatly.
"C'mon, Cordy, lighten up. It's only pretend. You're an actress, you should live for this stuff."
"Yeah, yeah."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Should I be nervous? I'm not even really getting married," Wesley wondered, as much to himself as Angel.
"You should be if I see you kissing Cordy again," Angel scowled.
Wesley looked at him, his face blank, but only for a second. Then he let out a chuckle that took Angel completely by surprise.
"What are you laughing at, Wesley?"
"You, Angel. You are head over heels for Cordelia, but you're either too stubborn or too dumb to admit it. You should just remember this doesn't mean anything. We're good friends, but by no means are we in love with each other. So calm down and play best man, all right?"
Angel just stared after Wesley in stunned silence as he left the room. He rolled his eyes, in true Cordelia fashion. What did he know anyway?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cordelia clutched her small bouquet of tea roses, and sighed. "A few more hours and I have my life back."
"What life?" Fred asked, before thinking. All that earned her was a patented Cordelia Death Glare.
"I'm sorry," Fred said before she scurried behind Cordelia to readjust her train.
Cordelia could see Wesley and Angel at the end of the makeshift aisle going down the hotel lobby. They'd made up some goofy excuse they'd wanted to get married where they met, so the hotel was swathed in more decorations than any of them had ever seen in their lives. Eugenia had been more than enthusiastic about helping out.
She noticed that Angel looked nervous, and couldn't figure out why. The only thing she was nervous about was pulling this fiasco off, getting Wesley's friends on their way back to England, and getting a quickie divorce. Which basically meant *not* pretending to be married to Wesley anymore, as their preacher was as phoney as everything else.
The Wedding March began, and Cordelia walked down the aisle with all the grace of a real bride.
When she reached Wesley, she took his hand and turned to face the "preacher", who was really just an actor she'd met doing a bit part in a soap opera. He was older and balding, and looked appropriate for the part, so Wesley had promised to pay him if he'd just go along.
"Dearly Beloved..." the phoney father started, and Angel began to panic. No matter how many times he reminded himself that this wasn't real, the fact remained that he was watching Cordelia marry another man. A man that wasn't him.
It was his worst nightmare in technicolor, right in front of his eyes. The problem was, it had taken that nightmare coming true to make him realize what he really wanted. *Who* he really wanted.
The objection part of the ceremony was coming, and he told himself to just keep his mouth shut. To not do anything retarded, as Cordelia would say.
Cordelia... Smiling at Wesley... Holding his hand...
"I OBJECT!"
There was total silence as everyone turned to look at Angel. He just stared, stunned, in disbelief that the words he'd been thinking had just popped out of his mouth.
Cordelia looked at him in such a way as to make him glad that all the sharp objects had been put away for the ceremony. Otherwise, she might be chopping his head off at this very moment.
Wesley looked at him, his mouth opening and closing, making him look like a fish that had found himself unexpectedly on dry land. When he finally found his voice, all he could manage was, "You... you *what*?"
Angel was looking anywhere but at his friends, and the floor suddenly looked quite lovely. It was too late now. "I object," he repeated, more quietly this time.
"I..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "*I* love Cordelia."
He thought he heard Cordelia gasp, but it was all so surreal, he wasn't sure if any of this was happening at all. He certainly didn't know what had gotten into him, he didn't expect anyone else to try to figure it out.
"You WHAT?" was all he heard before he felt a violent tug on his arm. Before anyone could really register what was going on, Cordelia was dragging her lunkhead of a vampire up the hotel stairs, headed right for his suite. Angel knew no good was going to come of this.
"Do you know what you just did?" Cordelia hissed at him as soon as she'd shut the door. "You BLEW everything! God only knows what Wesley's doing down there right now. The idea was *not* to embarrass him."
Angel seemed to have taken up navel gazing, so Cordelia smacked him on the back of the head.
"What is wrong with you? Are you deficient?"
Silence.
"SAY SOMETHING!" she demanded angrily.
He looked up at her, trying desperately to think of something, anything, to say. "What's left to say, Cordy?"
"Did you mean that? Because after everything that's just been blown to pieces, you better have meant that."
"Wesley knew better than to tell a lie like that anyway. He's supposed to be the smart one around here," Angel said, mainly to stall for time.
"Angel..."
"Yes, Cordy, I meant it, okay? I don't know what I was thinking when I just blurted it out in front of everyone, but I meant it."
The young woman before him, who easily could've been dubbed the Queen of Gab, was dumbstruck.
Then she began to laugh uncontrollably. "All it took was a fake wedding?!" she exclaimed, so immersed in her own mirth, that she didn't see Angel's jaw drop open.
When she finally calmed down, she put her finger under his chin, and shut his mouth. "You really *were* jealous." It was a statement, not a question.
Angel just rolled his eyes, knowing he'd never live this down.
Cordelia finally took pity on him, and decided not to leave him hanging anymore.
"Believe me, I don't know why, but I love you, too, Angel."
She closed the space between them, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
The look on Angel's face when they broke the kiss could only be described as relieved.
"I'm sorry, Cordy, but I just couldn't watch you with Wesley. Real or pretend, it was killing me."
"Oh, no! Wesley!" Cordelia said with a frown. "Like it or not, buddy, we have to go out and face them."
Angel sighed. He *had* gotten them into this.
They walked back down the stairs cautiously, afraid of what they were about to find. But all they found was Wesley and Fred, both draped over folding chairs, looking depressed.
"Even my fake girlfriends get stolen," Wesley lamented.
"Where did everyone go?" Cordelia asked, confused.
"I told them there wouldn't be a wedding after you left," Wesley informed them. "They all think I've been dumped at the altar."
Cordelia tried desperately to hold her inappropriate laughter in. "Oh, Wesley, I'm so sorry! But you had to know the chances of this working were slim."
"I know. It doesn't matter anyway. They'll go back to England and forget about it. At least I don't have to watch you two dance around each other anymore," Wesley added, with a roll of his eyes.
Cordelia made a slightly disgusted noise as she watched her former faux fiancé wander off to start cleaning up the world's largest supply of tulle. Fred got up to join him, leaving the newly formed couple to their own devices.
"Watch *us* dance around each other," Cordelia ranted. "I never..."
Angel pulled her into his arms. "Sure you never," he said with a laugh.
"Well, honestly, Angel. That is *so* the pot and kettle syndrome, don't you think? I mean, you see the way that he and Fred..."
Angel cut her off with a kiss. "No more scheming, Cordy. We're lucky enough that this one turned out all right."
"But they..."
He kissed her again. If this was the only way he could shut her up, he wished they'd gotten here sooner. It was even more fun than listening to her ramble.
Fin