Rimnerel: Well, another lovely day!
Hilary (_): I am very upset that you act like nothing is happening.
Rimnerel: Oh, you still made over the ending of the last chapter. I have good reason for all that I do. (sees Kai) Hey! You're here for another chapter!
Kai: I had nothing better to do. So yes I came back. (look over chapter) I see you added in the whole psychological thing you were going over with Nakoruru the other day.
Rimnerel: Yep! Since my sister is currently taking Psychology, I decided to use a bit of stuff. I would love to thank Angevar, Nameless, Raven Star, Merodi, Silverm, FREAK014, Aceyl, Cat in the web, and B. Tiamat Atardecer for their reviews.
On another note, for anyone that's reading About Last Night also, I had to stopped that one for a week because I lost the inspiration for the chapter, but I promise to have it back up next week so I can finish it out and start on another story. Oh, and Angevar, Zeo is this cute green haired kid from season 2 of Beyblade who befriends Tyson (his idol) and the other Breakers, and eventually meets up with Tyson in a tournament. If I had pics of the kid, I would send them to you, but currently I don't. Now on to the story! Enjoy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kenny's heart rate skyrocketed through the roof as he stared up at Tala whose eyes were completely blank. He wasn't about to do what Kenny thought he was. . .was he? Not after everything they had been through? Not after all the time spent getting to know each other? This really wasn't happening. It couldn't be. Tala would never put him through something as horrendous as this. It had to be a bad dream. It just had to be.
"Tala. . .Tala don't look at me like this please," Kenny pleaded as Tala undid Kenny's pants. Kenny had no use of his hands since they were pinned down to the bed in a vice grip above his head. "Please Tala don't do this. I know you really don't want to."
"How do you know what I want? You have no fucking clue who I really am, or what I want kid," Tala said angrily, yanking Kenny's pants down once getting the belt undone. He wasn't about to look the brunette straight in the eyes. He would fall victim to that look once again.
If he could just focus on obtaining a hard on things would go smoothly. He didn't know why it was so difficult. He wanted to do this. He didn't care about this kid so it should be easy to do this without feeling anything.
It should have been. . .
But it wasn't easy. His heart clenched in his chest for some unexplained reason. Just the sound of Kenny's voice calling his name in that terrified, pleading manner turned his stomach.
Why?
Why couldn't he?
Why?
"Tala, look at me, please," Kenny whispered. He felt the grip on his hands loosen as Tala's entire body began shivering involuntarily. Kenny watched subconscious tears form in the male's eyes as he finally stared down at Kenny. Breaking his hands free from where they had been pinned, Kenny reached up touching his fingertips to the streaking tears. "It's okay, you can break free from whatever pain is holding you captive."
"Damn you. Why? Why won't you just understand?" Tala replied. "Why can't you just leave me the hell alone? I don't love you! Stop looking at me with those damn loving eyes!"
"Tala. . ."
"Just shut the fuck up!" Tala screamed. "Dammit, just go the hell away."
"I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes Tala. I'm not going to leave you." Kenny watched the shimmering in Tala's eyes continue for what seemed like an eternity. A fierce conflict going on, until eventually Tala's eyes became completely blank. "Tala?"
Climbing from underneath the red head he started to reach for him when Tala's hand smacked his away. The tears that had been there stopped automatically, as if some leaky faucet had been fixed suddenly. Cold, emotionless azure eyes shifted to Kenny in a slow burning gleam. The very look in his eyes froze Kenny down to the marrow. That look he had seen only once. And that had been back in Russia during the World Championships.
"Tala."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Amy crossed her arms over her chest as she stood in the hallway waiting for the young man who was looking down at his shoes to come inside. The clock on the wall read 7:38 in the evening. She knew for sure that his school had let out at four that evening. When the male showed no signs of coming inside, an impatient scowl appeared as she walked out on the porch dragging the young man inside. Slamming the door shut she hitched Kenny up against a wall.
"Where have you been you little shit? You're three hours late! Your mom called me hours ago asking what you were doing. I told her you were over one of your little friends' houses. You better call her or it's your ass," Amy hissed shoving him away from her.
"I will, I promise," Kenny said, his head still low as he walked past her.
"Hold on one second," Amy said as she grabbed him again, pushing him against a wall. She looked down at him, then noticed the handprint on his arm. "What's that on your arm?"
"It's nothing," Kenny said, not wanting to talk about any of it.
"Tell me Kenny," she demanded. "If your parents come home to find bruises on you, it's my ass. So tell me where you got it from."
"I said no where! Now leave me alone!" Snatching away from her, Kenny took off up the stairs to his room. Once inside, he locked his door, dropping all his belongings beside him. Leaning against the door, he tried to stop the rise of emotion that was starting to surface.
"Kenny?" Dizzi asked coming online.
Kenny did not answer her as he slid to the ground, drawing himself into a small ball with his knees to his chest and his head resting on his drawn up knees. For a long time he stayed like this, refusing to answer Dizzi's questions. His bit beast soon became worried, and was at ends to know what was wrong with him.
"Dizzi. . ." Kenny finally responded.
"Yes? What is it? Did something happen today? You can tell me anything. Just please let me in. This isn't like you at all."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. People who are fine don't act like you're acting," Dizzi stated.
"No really, I'm fine now. I know that he didn't mean any of it. You could tell, as if a switch came on. His eyes were so different both times," Kenny said finally lifting his head from his knees. A small sad smile rested on his lips. "Everything's fine now."
He had once come across studies in different types of books where a person had two or more types of personalities, which occurred during changes in their lives. The occurrences of these personalities often occurred when least expected. These separations of the personality sometimes are accompanied with temporary memory lose due to the change in identity, or a sense of losing control over one's own behavior. Was that what happened to Tala?
"What do you mean he didn't mean it? Who? Are you talking about Tala? What did he do to you?" Dizzi screeched. "If he hurt you I'll rip out his heart while it's beating!"
"I told you everything is fine. In his eyes you could tell he didn't mean it." Kenny looked at his computer.
"Kenny, I don't know what you're talking about, but he hurt you didn't he. Don't make excuses for him! I forbid you to see him again," Dizzi said hotly.
"He. . .he told me he never wanted to see me again," Kenny whispered. His eyes misted as he remembered the words. They had cut through him like a knife; worst than anything Tala had ever said or done.
"Good riddance then!"
"But. . ." Yet Kenny could not forget the emotion flicker through those blue eyes. It was that little action that made Kenny realized just how lost Tala really was. It also reminded the young man of that he still loved Tala.
"What do you mean but? Forget him!"
"But his eyes said different from his mouth. He was afraid. Dizzi. . .Dizzi please help me," Kenny whispered.
"Kenny." A soft glow enveloped his computer as something emerged from it. The object, that same glowing woman with golden hair, floated over to him. Her golden eyes held sympathy for her young master. Wrapping her arms around him, she felt his shoulder shake violently. "It's okay. I'm here."
"Dizzi, why is it so hard to hate him? Why can't everything be all right? I love him so much that. . ." Kenny choked, feeling the words became thick in his throat. Why was he so in love with Tala that it didn't matter what he did as long as Kenny could be with him? "I still love him, so why? I can't-"
"You can forgive him for anything he's done, can't you?" Dizzi sighed. "How can I break his hold on your heart? How can I free your mind from the spell he cast on you? I probably won't be able to stop you from going to see him will I?" She drew his head against her. "You're so stubborn at times, but so brave to continue despite how much pain he's cause you. I promise to continue watching over you for as long as I'm allowed."
Dizzi had a feeling that whatever happened was tearing her young master's heart in two with some conflict. Whatever it was hurt him because Tala continued to push him away. Love seemed to find it amusing to twist his heart into such difficult knots. She hoped that Kenny was able to withstand all of it. It would truly put to the test his love for Tala.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tala sat on the edge of the bed, his entire body shaking. He saw nothing as he stared at the wall. He had made his eyes blind to everything around him. His body felt like ice, as if he was in a huge freezer for several hours. Nothing seemed to connect. He sat in a dreamlike state, not realizing what time it was. His subconscious had a hand in this. The human body and mind were remarkable pieces of work after all. The body could function one minute, then shut down completely on its own free will the next.
The body and mind focused emotions also. Even the emotionless states were exercised by something having to do with the body and mind. What had made him think his body would cooperate with him when he was around Kenny. The name turned his stomach and he felt another wave of nausea rose into the back of this throat. Why wasn't his mind allowing him to forget about it now, like it did. . .
Heading to the bathroom, he all but made it to the toilet before bile came up once again. For a long minute Tala stayed huddled against the toilet vomiting. It was all because of the battle between what his heart screamed for, his mind was indecisive about, and his emotions hurtling towards things finally waged war. The end result of all this was a dangerous subconscious learned from being at the abbey which arose to settle things. Because of it, he now felt nausea each time thoughts of Kenny came up.
Guilt, shame, and self-disgust swept over him once he looked down into those wide teary eyes. All he had been able to say was that he never wanted to see him again. He doubted Kenny would want to for a while anyway. Some thing in him told that the brunette Bladebreaker would be back. Maybe it was a look in the boy's eyes. Or maybe his own heart's wishful hoping. Hoping he would finally stop running away from everything.
He had to admit it to himself. There was no denying what obviously he knew to be true. Somehow, some way he was starting to become attached to Kenny. He wanted the male to save him. Ease did overcome him whenever the brunette was around. The time he spent with the male ran deeper than what he admitted. Even the little jealous streak submitted into his personality directed all arrows towards feelings associated with want and affection. Yet now he had fucked all that up.
*You brought this on yourself. * His brain scolded. *You thought it would be easy to just turn and walk away when you wanted to stop playing with him. *
"Shut up," Tala muttered into the toilet. He knew he would never be able to face that young man again. The crushing weight on his soul would never allow. Nor could he allow it. This place, where his head and heart was, was not the place he should be. He could not fall in love with Kenny for the most obvious reason of all. He was who he was and that could not be changed because Kenny wanted him to. All he could do now was leave. That was all he could do for that young man and himself.
*Do you really want to continue running from human contact? You may have screwed up, but time heals all wounds? * Another part of his brain stated. This was the side that now chose to subside in his conscious. It was also this side that wanted more than anything to fall in love with Kenny. *Can you honestly expect everything will change because you leave? You ran your entire life. Stop running and accept it! *
"Accept it? I won't. I have no right to accept anything that has never belonged to me," Tala whispered. "I can't take what I can never hope to have now."
*If that's your logic of thinking then you'll always be alone and empty. *
Tala didn't respond to the voice in his head. Another wave of nausea arose and no matter how much he hoped to keep it down, it still came up. If he were to be alone, would it at least stop the suffocating pain in his chest?
The next morning Kenny heard the phone ringing down the hall. Lifting his head up from his pillow, he looked at the clock. He rubbed his red eyes from the hours of crying he had done in Dizzi's arms to look at the clock to make sure he was seeing the right time. Sure enough, the clock did read 6: 15. Didn't normal people sleep at this time? Debating on whether to stay in bed or get up and answer the phone, the young man finally decided to get up. It had to be important if someone was making house calls this early.
Walking down the hall, he answered the phone on the fourth ring. "Hello?"
"Kenny, sorry to wake you up. I have something to tell you," Kai's voice came in. It would have to be someone like Kai who always seemed to be up along with the sun.
"Kai, couldn't it have waited another hour and a half?" Kenny said, suppressing a yawn.
"I thought you would want to know immediately."
"What are you talking about?"
There was a short pause before Kai spoke. "Tala's gone."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rimnerel: Scandal! Hey, wouldn't it have been funny if Kai had told Kenny that Tala was dead instead of gone? That would have just ended everything there.
Hilary (shouting): That's still bad! And what happened to Kenny!
Kai: That we won't tell, at least for a while. Speculations of rape currently are interesting, but. . .
Rimnerel (^v^): I'll never tell! So when does the next chapter come out Kai baby?
Kai: If you never call me that again, you'll leave. The next chapter is out Monday.
Rimnerel: Okay, you heard Kai. Monday, so until then I'll let everyone think of tasty ideas of what could have happened to Kenny which cause Tala to be sick. See ya.
Hilary (_): I am very upset that you act like nothing is happening.
Rimnerel: Oh, you still made over the ending of the last chapter. I have good reason for all that I do. (sees Kai) Hey! You're here for another chapter!
Kai: I had nothing better to do. So yes I came back. (look over chapter) I see you added in the whole psychological thing you were going over with Nakoruru the other day.
Rimnerel: Yep! Since my sister is currently taking Psychology, I decided to use a bit of stuff. I would love to thank Angevar, Nameless, Raven Star, Merodi, Silverm, FREAK014, Aceyl, Cat in the web, and B. Tiamat Atardecer for their reviews.
On another note, for anyone that's reading About Last Night also, I had to stopped that one for a week because I lost the inspiration for the chapter, but I promise to have it back up next week so I can finish it out and start on another story. Oh, and Angevar, Zeo is this cute green haired kid from season 2 of Beyblade who befriends Tyson (his idol) and the other Breakers, and eventually meets up with Tyson in a tournament. If I had pics of the kid, I would send them to you, but currently I don't. Now on to the story! Enjoy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kenny's heart rate skyrocketed through the roof as he stared up at Tala whose eyes were completely blank. He wasn't about to do what Kenny thought he was. . .was he? Not after everything they had been through? Not after all the time spent getting to know each other? This really wasn't happening. It couldn't be. Tala would never put him through something as horrendous as this. It had to be a bad dream. It just had to be.
"Tala. . .Tala don't look at me like this please," Kenny pleaded as Tala undid Kenny's pants. Kenny had no use of his hands since they were pinned down to the bed in a vice grip above his head. "Please Tala don't do this. I know you really don't want to."
"How do you know what I want? You have no fucking clue who I really am, or what I want kid," Tala said angrily, yanking Kenny's pants down once getting the belt undone. He wasn't about to look the brunette straight in the eyes. He would fall victim to that look once again.
If he could just focus on obtaining a hard on things would go smoothly. He didn't know why it was so difficult. He wanted to do this. He didn't care about this kid so it should be easy to do this without feeling anything.
It should have been. . .
But it wasn't easy. His heart clenched in his chest for some unexplained reason. Just the sound of Kenny's voice calling his name in that terrified, pleading manner turned his stomach.
Why?
Why couldn't he?
Why?
"Tala, look at me, please," Kenny whispered. He felt the grip on his hands loosen as Tala's entire body began shivering involuntarily. Kenny watched subconscious tears form in the male's eyes as he finally stared down at Kenny. Breaking his hands free from where they had been pinned, Kenny reached up touching his fingertips to the streaking tears. "It's okay, you can break free from whatever pain is holding you captive."
"Damn you. Why? Why won't you just understand?" Tala replied. "Why can't you just leave me the hell alone? I don't love you! Stop looking at me with those damn loving eyes!"
"Tala. . ."
"Just shut the fuck up!" Tala screamed. "Dammit, just go the hell away."
"I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes Tala. I'm not going to leave you." Kenny watched the shimmering in Tala's eyes continue for what seemed like an eternity. A fierce conflict going on, until eventually Tala's eyes became completely blank. "Tala?"
Climbing from underneath the red head he started to reach for him when Tala's hand smacked his away. The tears that had been there stopped automatically, as if some leaky faucet had been fixed suddenly. Cold, emotionless azure eyes shifted to Kenny in a slow burning gleam. The very look in his eyes froze Kenny down to the marrow. That look he had seen only once. And that had been back in Russia during the World Championships.
"Tala."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Amy crossed her arms over her chest as she stood in the hallway waiting for the young man who was looking down at his shoes to come inside. The clock on the wall read 7:38 in the evening. She knew for sure that his school had let out at four that evening. When the male showed no signs of coming inside, an impatient scowl appeared as she walked out on the porch dragging the young man inside. Slamming the door shut she hitched Kenny up against a wall.
"Where have you been you little shit? You're three hours late! Your mom called me hours ago asking what you were doing. I told her you were over one of your little friends' houses. You better call her or it's your ass," Amy hissed shoving him away from her.
"I will, I promise," Kenny said, his head still low as he walked past her.
"Hold on one second," Amy said as she grabbed him again, pushing him against a wall. She looked down at him, then noticed the handprint on his arm. "What's that on your arm?"
"It's nothing," Kenny said, not wanting to talk about any of it.
"Tell me Kenny," she demanded. "If your parents come home to find bruises on you, it's my ass. So tell me where you got it from."
"I said no where! Now leave me alone!" Snatching away from her, Kenny took off up the stairs to his room. Once inside, he locked his door, dropping all his belongings beside him. Leaning against the door, he tried to stop the rise of emotion that was starting to surface.
"Kenny?" Dizzi asked coming online.
Kenny did not answer her as he slid to the ground, drawing himself into a small ball with his knees to his chest and his head resting on his drawn up knees. For a long time he stayed like this, refusing to answer Dizzi's questions. His bit beast soon became worried, and was at ends to know what was wrong with him.
"Dizzi. . ." Kenny finally responded.
"Yes? What is it? Did something happen today? You can tell me anything. Just please let me in. This isn't like you at all."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. People who are fine don't act like you're acting," Dizzi stated.
"No really, I'm fine now. I know that he didn't mean any of it. You could tell, as if a switch came on. His eyes were so different both times," Kenny said finally lifting his head from his knees. A small sad smile rested on his lips. "Everything's fine now."
He had once come across studies in different types of books where a person had two or more types of personalities, which occurred during changes in their lives. The occurrences of these personalities often occurred when least expected. These separations of the personality sometimes are accompanied with temporary memory lose due to the change in identity, or a sense of losing control over one's own behavior. Was that what happened to Tala?
"What do you mean he didn't mean it? Who? Are you talking about Tala? What did he do to you?" Dizzi screeched. "If he hurt you I'll rip out his heart while it's beating!"
"I told you everything is fine. In his eyes you could tell he didn't mean it." Kenny looked at his computer.
"Kenny, I don't know what you're talking about, but he hurt you didn't he. Don't make excuses for him! I forbid you to see him again," Dizzi said hotly.
"He. . .he told me he never wanted to see me again," Kenny whispered. His eyes misted as he remembered the words. They had cut through him like a knife; worst than anything Tala had ever said or done.
"Good riddance then!"
"But. . ." Yet Kenny could not forget the emotion flicker through those blue eyes. It was that little action that made Kenny realized just how lost Tala really was. It also reminded the young man of that he still loved Tala.
"What do you mean but? Forget him!"
"But his eyes said different from his mouth. He was afraid. Dizzi. . .Dizzi please help me," Kenny whispered.
"Kenny." A soft glow enveloped his computer as something emerged from it. The object, that same glowing woman with golden hair, floated over to him. Her golden eyes held sympathy for her young master. Wrapping her arms around him, she felt his shoulder shake violently. "It's okay. I'm here."
"Dizzi, why is it so hard to hate him? Why can't everything be all right? I love him so much that. . ." Kenny choked, feeling the words became thick in his throat. Why was he so in love with Tala that it didn't matter what he did as long as Kenny could be with him? "I still love him, so why? I can't-"
"You can forgive him for anything he's done, can't you?" Dizzi sighed. "How can I break his hold on your heart? How can I free your mind from the spell he cast on you? I probably won't be able to stop you from going to see him will I?" She drew his head against her. "You're so stubborn at times, but so brave to continue despite how much pain he's cause you. I promise to continue watching over you for as long as I'm allowed."
Dizzi had a feeling that whatever happened was tearing her young master's heart in two with some conflict. Whatever it was hurt him because Tala continued to push him away. Love seemed to find it amusing to twist his heart into such difficult knots. She hoped that Kenny was able to withstand all of it. It would truly put to the test his love for Tala.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tala sat on the edge of the bed, his entire body shaking. He saw nothing as he stared at the wall. He had made his eyes blind to everything around him. His body felt like ice, as if he was in a huge freezer for several hours. Nothing seemed to connect. He sat in a dreamlike state, not realizing what time it was. His subconscious had a hand in this. The human body and mind were remarkable pieces of work after all. The body could function one minute, then shut down completely on its own free will the next.
The body and mind focused emotions also. Even the emotionless states were exercised by something having to do with the body and mind. What had made him think his body would cooperate with him when he was around Kenny. The name turned his stomach and he felt another wave of nausea rose into the back of this throat. Why wasn't his mind allowing him to forget about it now, like it did. . .
Heading to the bathroom, he all but made it to the toilet before bile came up once again. For a long minute Tala stayed huddled against the toilet vomiting. It was all because of the battle between what his heart screamed for, his mind was indecisive about, and his emotions hurtling towards things finally waged war. The end result of all this was a dangerous subconscious learned from being at the abbey which arose to settle things. Because of it, he now felt nausea each time thoughts of Kenny came up.
Guilt, shame, and self-disgust swept over him once he looked down into those wide teary eyes. All he had been able to say was that he never wanted to see him again. He doubted Kenny would want to for a while anyway. Some thing in him told that the brunette Bladebreaker would be back. Maybe it was a look in the boy's eyes. Or maybe his own heart's wishful hoping. Hoping he would finally stop running away from everything.
He had to admit it to himself. There was no denying what obviously he knew to be true. Somehow, some way he was starting to become attached to Kenny. He wanted the male to save him. Ease did overcome him whenever the brunette was around. The time he spent with the male ran deeper than what he admitted. Even the little jealous streak submitted into his personality directed all arrows towards feelings associated with want and affection. Yet now he had fucked all that up.
*You brought this on yourself. * His brain scolded. *You thought it would be easy to just turn and walk away when you wanted to stop playing with him. *
"Shut up," Tala muttered into the toilet. He knew he would never be able to face that young man again. The crushing weight on his soul would never allow. Nor could he allow it. This place, where his head and heart was, was not the place he should be. He could not fall in love with Kenny for the most obvious reason of all. He was who he was and that could not be changed because Kenny wanted him to. All he could do now was leave. That was all he could do for that young man and himself.
*Do you really want to continue running from human contact? You may have screwed up, but time heals all wounds? * Another part of his brain stated. This was the side that now chose to subside in his conscious. It was also this side that wanted more than anything to fall in love with Kenny. *Can you honestly expect everything will change because you leave? You ran your entire life. Stop running and accept it! *
"Accept it? I won't. I have no right to accept anything that has never belonged to me," Tala whispered. "I can't take what I can never hope to have now."
*If that's your logic of thinking then you'll always be alone and empty. *
Tala didn't respond to the voice in his head. Another wave of nausea arose and no matter how much he hoped to keep it down, it still came up. If he were to be alone, would it at least stop the suffocating pain in his chest?
The next morning Kenny heard the phone ringing down the hall. Lifting his head up from his pillow, he looked at the clock. He rubbed his red eyes from the hours of crying he had done in Dizzi's arms to look at the clock to make sure he was seeing the right time. Sure enough, the clock did read 6: 15. Didn't normal people sleep at this time? Debating on whether to stay in bed or get up and answer the phone, the young man finally decided to get up. It had to be important if someone was making house calls this early.
Walking down the hall, he answered the phone on the fourth ring. "Hello?"
"Kenny, sorry to wake you up. I have something to tell you," Kai's voice came in. It would have to be someone like Kai who always seemed to be up along with the sun.
"Kai, couldn't it have waited another hour and a half?" Kenny said, suppressing a yawn.
"I thought you would want to know immediately."
"What are you talking about?"
There was a short pause before Kai spoke. "Tala's gone."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rimnerel: Scandal! Hey, wouldn't it have been funny if Kai had told Kenny that Tala was dead instead of gone? That would have just ended everything there.
Hilary (shouting): That's still bad! And what happened to Kenny!
Kai: That we won't tell, at least for a while. Speculations of rape currently are interesting, but. . .
Rimnerel (^v^): I'll never tell! So when does the next chapter come out Kai baby?
Kai: If you never call me that again, you'll leave. The next chapter is out Monday.
Rimnerel: Okay, you heard Kai. Monday, so until then I'll let everyone think of tasty ideas of what could have happened to Kenny which cause Tala to be sick. See ya.