EPILOGUE: Much Ado About...A Girdle?
Three days later…
"Hey there, beautiful! Love the nightgown! Can you tell me where to get one for my woman?"
"You're looking good, Head Commander!"
"Hope Commander Chestra doesn't mind you wearing her nightie!"
"If Commander Zarbon looks hot, imagine what Commander Chestra must look like in that thing! Maybe I should ask, if she'll try it on for me one day!" a brown Lower Elite doglike soldier hooted.
He would have said more, but a pale green hand shot out and seized his throat. The Lower Elite gulped, as he stared into the angry gold eyes of Head Commander Zarbon. Zarbon's circlet jewel dangled menacingly across his folded forehead, as he used his capable thumbs to squeeze the soldier's throat tighter.
"Any other comments you'd like to make about my attire or my mate?" he asked coolly.
The Lower Elite sweated, and he whimpered, "No, Commander."
"Anything else you would like to say?" Zarbon added.
"Umm…I'm sorry?"
Zarbon released him and thrust him against the slick metal wall. "Apology accepted," he said icily. He looked towards his other commentators, a mix of Lower-Elites and Mid-Elites and glared at them, daring them to say anything else. The others mumbled hasty apologies, hoping that their Head Commander would not pick today to end their lives. Fortunately for them, Zarbon turned away from all of them and stormed away down the corridors, trying to remain as dignified as possible in his short, black satin-and-lace teddy that just barely went down to his knees.
Even after three days and numerous threats from him, most of his subordinates and colleagues dared to mock and make fun of him every time they saw him dressed in Chestra's nightwear. Biting his lip agitatedly, he wondered what ever happened to the high respect that a Top Elite, especially the Head Commander, was supposed to receive, no matter how ridiculous he or she behaved or appeared.
As he walked towards the Elite sleeping quarters, he was greeted with more whistles, snickers and lecherous comments. Of course, most of those remarks and noises were silenced once Zarbon threatened a few of them, but even then, he knew they would go on making fun of him behind his back.
Grumbling and making covert plans to give some of the more serious offenders extra purging and raiding assignments, Zarbon stomped past Dodoria's door, just as the huge, pink minion was coming out. Dodoria was standing in black satin pajamas (decorated with a small silk-screened picture of Frieza's face on the left front); today, he actually had a day off, and the way his corpulent body jiggled reminded Zarbon of something that he had to ask his colleague.
"Dodoria," Zarbon whispered, waving his finger towards himself. "I need to ask you something. There's something I need to borrow, if you'll let me."
Grinning, Dodoria joked, "Sure, Zarbon! I might have some perfume somewhere, and I can get one of the Ginyu Girls to lend you some high heels! They'll make your legs look sexier than they do now!" He threw his head back and laughed throatily.
Barely resisting the urge to knock the grin off of Dodoria's face, Zarbon crossed his arms and waited for his colleague to stop laughing. When Dodoria's laughter finally died down, Zarbon added tightly, "I need to borrow your girdle; Chestra's nightgowns fit a bit snug on me."
Dodoria cracked, "Yeah, but I bet Chestra fits even snugger on you, eh?"
Zarbon rewarded him by seizing him by his collar and slamming him into the wall. Dodoria's head crashed hard into the metal wall, leaving quite a few dents. Zarbon hissed, "You keep your filthy mouth shut about her, do you understand me?" Angrily, he finally released him.
Dodoria growled, no longer in a jovial mood, "Fine, fine, but you didn't have to attack me! It's not my fault you lost your stupid bet with the monkey prince; you should be blaming Jaden. If she hadn't entered the Miss Frieza contest, under disguise and then had to drop out—"
"
Reccoom would have won anyway," Zarbon concluded wearily. "Jaden and Chestra's prank just delayed the inevitable. Perhaps, I should have blamed her, but her presence made no real difference."
"Yeah, but if she had stayed as Cypress, she would have won—and oh, wait, that meant Jaden would have become Miss Frieza—ugh! Nah, Zarbon, it's just as well that Reccoom won, even if you do have to wait on Vegeta. So what's our little royal monkey orderin' for breakfast today?"
"Three huge steaks, half a dozen fried eggs, ten pieces of buttered toast, and a gallon of juice," Zarbon sighed. "I'm on my way to pick it up for him now."
"You could put somethin' in his food to give him indigestion."
"Actually thought about doing that, believe it or not, but Saiyans have an amazing number of taste buds; Vegeta would know something was wrong in a heartbeat."
"You know he's up for Top Elite now, right?"
Zarbon sighed, "Yes, and Chestra just told me last night that she actually agreed to recommend Vegeta, but wanted my opinion on it. I wasn't happy about it, but I said it was up to her. As much as I don't like Vegeta being equal to us, he would make a fine Top Elite officer, as annoying as he can be sometimes—"
"Sometimes?"
"Okay, all of the time. But, giving a rare unprejudiced opinion, Jaden's right about Vegeta being Top Elite material. Of course I'm not going to express that openly by actually recommending him myself. Besides, after the beauty contest fiasco, Lord Frieza's unlikely going to look favorably upon Vegeta being in Top Elite anytime soon--thank Kami for that! He still hasn't completely forgiven Vegeta, Reccoom, and Jaden for making him look like a laughingstock on his own birthday."
"I take it Reccoom's going to recommend his sponsor as well?"
"Unfortunately, but even with those required signatures, Lord Frieza will likely come up with a good excuse not to even consider Vegeta at this time."
Dodoria grinned, thankful that the chance of Vegeta becoming his equal wouldn't happen anytime soon. "Yeah, true, and at least he's gettin' teased about kissing Jaden as much as you're gettin' picked on for having to dress in drag and wait on him."
Zarbon smirked, feeling better for the first time today. He chuckled softly, knowing that Vegeta was enduring a lot of ribbing from his colleagues and superiors. Maybe fate was a bit kinder than he had hoped for.
"Well, I've got to get dressed now, Zarbon, but I'll try to find that girdle for you; maybe tomorrow Chestra's next nightie won't be snug on you, eh?"
Zarbon bit his tongue and held his temper, just barely. After all, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed that girdle. "I suppose not, Dodoria. Thank you, and let me know when you find it."
"I will, Zarbon, thanks. Good luck puttin' up with Vegeta."
"Thanks, because I'll need it desperately."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"How many more toilets do we have to scrub, Nappa?"
"Five more in here, and then we've got one more restroom to do, but that's it, thank Kami. This is the last restroom we have to do for a while. At least until tonight."
"And how much longer are we stuck with doing more of Frieza's dirty work than we already do?"
"Just thankful we've been allowed to live, Raditz. Believe me, I don't like cleaning stinking restrooms anymore than you do, but at least we get to keep our lives and our body parts for now."
"Yeah, thanks to Eclipse. I don't know how she sweet-talked Frieza into sparing our skins, but we owe her one."
"Yeah, I agree. Eclipse had to use all her charms into convincing Frieza that any men in our position would have done what we did. She even asked Frieza, if he would ever do the same for a woman he loved, and Frieza even said he might have. She played on what nobleness he had by pointing out that even though we screwed up, we did it for a good cause. She really did calm him down; I'll give her that. So, we only got sentenced to janitorial duties for a month, instead of getting flogged and having our pay suspended."
Raditz wrinkled his nose, trying not to gag at the stains of waste, as he vigorously scrubbed under the rims of a particularly nasty toilet. In the next stall over, Nappa was spraying antibacterial cleaner over all over the toilet he was working on. They had already cleaned the mirrors, walls, and floor, deciding to leave the toilets and their stalls for last.
They had been allowed to return, unharmed, from space, only just yesterday, after Eclipse's eloquent pleas to Frieza to spare their lives. Eclipse and Journa luckily received no punishment; Frieza had grudgingly declared that it wasn't their faults that their mates were morons. Eclipse later told Nappa that Journa had to use much self-restraint to prevent herself from lashing out at the tyrant for insulting her fellow Saiyans; Journa had said that a Saiyan insulting another Saiyan was one thing, but someone outside of their race doing it was something not to be tolerated.
"I know one thing," Nappa said. "Our planet will be restored, before I will EVER judge another beauty contest."
Raditz grunted in agreement, as he flushed the toilet he had just scrubbed. As he sprayed antibacterial cleaner onto his toilet, he heard the clicking of boots on the freshly washed tile floors. His tail swished past the door, and out in the open, and the owner of the boots gasped.
"Who's in here?" Diamonique asked. "Journa?"
"Nope, it's us," Raditz called to her. "And we're cleaning in here."
"Oh, I see," Diamonique softly crooned. "Have either one of you seen Vegeta?"
"No, and he doesn't want to see you," Nappa blurted out. "He's still recovering from the—"
"Awful Jaden/Cypress incident? Poor prince, but it does serve him right, in a way. However, I could just kill Jaden! How dare she steal my Vegeta! Ugh! Why would she even think that someone like Vegeta would want someone like her?"
"He'd prefer her over someone like you," Raditz quipped. Even though he and Nappa had both thought her attractive at one time, neither one of them would touch her now because of the way she had treated Vegeta in the past.
Diamonique laughed arrogantly, her laughter resembling the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Both Saiyans visibly cringed at the awful sound of her amusement. "Please, you two! Anyone knows that I'm far more desirable, and I don't have to shape-shift to become that way. Vegeta will see that someday, that I'm the one for him." She strolled over to a stall that had not been cleaned yet and gagged in disgust.
"Ugh! Why haven't you two cleaned this toilet yet?"
"We're getting there," Nappa grumbled. "Just go use another restroom and let us finish."
"No way! Just let me use one of the cleaner stalls, and you two leave."
"We're not leaving 'til we done," Raditz asserted. "The other ladies' restroom is just an elevator's ride away."
"Hmmph, fine, treating me with such disrespect," Diamonique huffed. "But I am going to check my makeup before I leave." She walked over to the mirror and frowned when she saw streaks. "Who cleaned this mirror?"
The mirror had been hastily cleaned, and not very well. Streaks could be seen mixed within the cloudy surface. Nappa had forgotten that one mirror when he had to use one of the stalls to relieve himself.
"We'll get it," Nappa told her stiffly.
Diamonique sniffed. "You two know nothing about cleaning anything. Just like at this sink—it's still filthy! And this soap scum on the tile—why do you know that…"
She ranted on for several minutes while Nappa and Raditz privately wondered if she was having her time of month. They both ignored her, however, until she declared:
"Even though I would never stoop so low as to do menial work like this, I could do a better job. This bathroom would sparkle, if I had my way."
Raditz grinned within the stall, and a devilish idea occurred to him.
"You really think you could do a better job than us, Diamonique?"
"I know I could!"
"Then why don't you show us how it should be done? Maybe Nappa and I could learn something from you."
"Good, I will," Diamonique replied, boldly accepting his challenge.
Peering out of his stall, Nappa winked sideways at Raditz, as he spoke, "Perhaps someone with high standards such as you could show us how to do a better job on the toilets." And with unusual meekness, he handed her his toilet bowl brush.
Diamonique arrogantly snatched the brush from him, and then Nappa grandly stepped aside for her to walk past him and enter the stall he had been working on.
"I'll show you two how this should be done," Diamonique huffed, as she knelt onto her slender knees and poked the bowl brush under the toilet rim. Scrubbing under the rim with the same elaborate care she used in brushing her hair, she started to slowly notice that the rusty streaks running along the sides would not even fade. She scoured harder, but still the stains remained.
She hissed, as she scrubbed, increasingly frustrated her efforts did no good. Finally, she demanded more bowl cleaner, which Nappa cheerfully gave. And after much more scrubbing the stains did disappear.
She applied the same amount of attention with the rest of the toilets, and then rewashed the walls, wiped away all dirt and streaks on the mirrors, until the restroom was blindingly sparkling. Nappa and Raditz grinned at each other, after Diamonique declared that the restroom was finally cleaned right.
"Now I'll show you two some more. We're going to the men's room. Run anybody in there out."
Raditz almost remarked that Diamonique had had no problems entering an occupied men's restroom before, but Nappa put his finger to his lips to warn his partner to be quiet, as he shook his head. Raditz took the hint and nodded.
When they entered the men's room, they handed over all their cleaning supplies to Diamonique. Determined to show her superiority over the two Saiyans, Diamonique arrogantly sprayed down the mirrors, walls, and sinks.
Proudly, she began her cleaning, and on that day, not even the regular janitors could have eliminated every germ and speck of dirt or mildew the restroom had contained.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Where in the hell is that thing?"
Dodoria's suite was not normally neat, except when it came time for room inspections, and it was no neater now. The few clothes he could decently wear were draped over a couple of chairs, the bed was halfway stripped of its covers and sheets, and numerous crumpled, empty drink and food cartons smothered the floor, concealing enormous, ancient food stains on the thin carpet.
Every storage space and container had been searched and the trashcans had been dumped out, but the precious girdle that Dodoria had used on the rare occasions when he actually cared about his appearance was nowhere to be found.
"Curses!" he roared, clenching his fists and kicking over a cluttered chair. "How in the hell could that girdle be missing? How in the--"
Two demanding, booming knocks on the metal door interrupted his tirade. "Hey, Dodi, you in there?"
"No, Guido!" Dodoria yelled sarcastically. "It's my maid!"
Well, that maid needs to come more often then. Open up!"
Dodoria allowed Guido's remark to pass for now; he'd squash the four-eyed bug later. Right now, he had that girdle to find. Trudging grudgingly to the door, he pressed the button to allow Guido to enter.
His wide jaw dropped when he saw what the grinning green creature held in his hand--Dodoria's girdle!
He shoved his face down towards Guido's and hissed, "How did you get my girdle?"
Guido snickered, delightedly ignoring Dodoria's deadly glare. He dangled the satiny garment tauntingly in front of his colleague's contorted face, as he said with a chuckle, "Oh, Reccoom wanted me to return this to you. He wanted to thank you for letting him borrow it."
"I didn't let that oaf borrow it! He must have stolen it!" Dodoria growled. "How did he do it?"
Guido shrugged, not really caring how Reccoom ended up with Dodoria's girdle.
"Beats me, Dodi; all he told me was that Jaden got it for him somehow, and--EEP!"
Guido was now crushed against the doorway with Dodoria's massive hand clamped around his throat. Dodoria said in a slow, deliberate voice, "Now, just how did Jaden get a hold of my girdle?"
Too startled to think much, Guido could barely gulp with Dodoria holding his throat so tightly. "D-Don't know, r-really. All-all, I know is that J-Jaden g-got it for Reccoom...oh, yeah, and something about Vegeta talking her into it...that's about it!"
After abruptly snatching the girdle away, Dodoria flung Guido into the hallway and angrily smashed his fingertip pressing the button to shut the door. He heard Guido mutter, "He could have at least thanked me for returning it, the ungrateful fatty!" and then storm off, but he paid little mind.
"I should have known Vegeta would have pulled something this underhanded, and of course, Jaden prob'ly did it for him 'cause she's got the hots for the monkey. I'm gonna kill both of 'em! In fact, I'm gonna to go right to Jaden's room and give her a piece of my mind right now!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Have you got around to forgiving Nappa and Raditz yet?" Jaden asked Vegeta. Leaning against the edge of the bar, she gulped down the last of her Crystal Blue Persuasion and idly picked a few nuts out of the bowl that Tipsy had just set between her and Vegeta.
"I allowed them to live, didn't I?" Vegeta retorted, accepting the fresh cup of coffee that Tipsy set before him.
"I figured you were taking time to figure out a proper 'punishment', in your words, for those two."
Vegeta took an unrepentant gulp of his coffee. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw little Eyelet flinch at his daring to drink a hot, bitter brew so quickly. The purple housefly was resting near his elbow, sucking on a sugar cube with her proboscis. She had offered to bring him a cube for his coffee, but he had declined, preferring his coffee always black.
"I should, but I'll admit those idiots have been punished enough. Anyway, I won, and that's what's important, so I can afford to be generous. I was even nice enough to send Journa and Eclipse flowers for their brief victory."
Jaden grinned, but didn't comment or snicker about Vegeta's highly unusual gesture of sending flowers to anyone. After all, he had privately sent her some as well, although neither one of them would admit it to anyone.
Eyelet withdrew her proboscis from her cube. "Is it really true then, Prince Vegeta, that Commander Zarbon has to wear women's clothing? I haven't had a chance to see him yet, poor fellow."
Vegeta smirked, glancing at her briefly. "Don't feel too sorry for him, Eyelet. He should have known better what he was getting into. Besides, it won't hurt for him to be humbled a little, don't you agree?"
Um..." Eyelet began uncomfortably, uncertain how to answer him. She giggled nervously, desperate to change the subject now. "I hear you and Commander Jaden are going on a date today. Is that true?"
"IT'S NOT A DATE! IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT!" The force of the mighty voices of both Jaden and Vegeta nearly blew poor Eyelet off of the bar's surface.
"S-Sorry," Eyelet stammered quickly, seizing her sugar cube between her legs. In less time than it took to blink, Eyelet zoomed to the top of one of the glass racks for safety, far above the heads of Jaden and Vegeta.
Thankful that Eyelet had been allowed to live, Tipsy glanced furtively toward's Vegeta's direction, now remembering that the Saiyan prince and Commander Jaden had a date tonight. Even he, who usually remained neutral, had been tempted to tease or ask them about seeing each other, but he wisely kept quiet. He had seen the two bruised, bloody bodies of the two male Mid-Elite officers, who had dared to make several lecherous remarks about Jaden and Vegeta, lying on the stretchers, as they were being carried away to the regeneration tanks from the bar. Vegeta's bloodied gloves were resting limply over the bar next to their volatile owner, and no one in the restaurant had dared to comment anymore on Vegeta and Jaden as a couple. It seemed to everyone that Vegeta was as intent on defending Jaden's honor these days, as well as his own.
Jaden took a deep breath, trying to restrain herself. "Eyelet, Vegeta is repaying me for a favor I did for him, that's all."
"Oh...okay, sorry, no problem." Eyelet was still trembling. "But, may I ask you, Commander Jaden, why you are wearing that pretty black dress? I don't believe I've seen you in one before."
"Mark it as a rare moment in history, Eyelet, because you'll never witness it again. Vegeta and I just decided to go to a different burger place, supposed to be great, but strange enough, real fancy. Cloth napkins, actual silverware and stuff like that." Jaden toyed with a piece of lace on the formal gown that Reccoom had lent her for the evening; she still remembered the ribbing he gave her when she asked. She just hoped the food would be worth the trouble that the heavy, tight dress was already causing her. At least, she had been smart enough to wear her old combat boots; she didn't understand how Eclipse, Diamonique, and Chestra could wear those fancy, but uncomfortable high heels on their days off. It was foolish of them to wear shoes that could hurt or cripple their feet after only two hours.
Curses, that dress was tight! She just hoped she didn't look fat; she should have insisted that Reccoom keep Dodoria's stolen girdle for one more day. Tugging at the sides of her gown, hoping to stretch the fabric a little, she saw Nappa and Raditz stroll into the bar, leaning against each other and laughing.
Vegeta snorted, crossing his arms. "You two finished cleaning the restrooms that quickly?"
Nappa and Raditz just continued laughing, as they stumbled merrily to the bar near Vegeta and Jaden.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Huffing and puffing, with beads of sweat clinging to his face, Dodoria was angrily pounding on Jaden's door.
"Open up, you wench; I know you're in there! Answer this door, or I'm goin' to Lord Frieza! I know you stole my girdle for your monkey lover-boy!" He bashed his fists against Jaden's door and continued ranting for another five minutes.
Kiwi strolled by Dodoria's heaving form and called out casually, "You're wasting your time, Commander! Commander Jaden just left for her date with Vegeta!"
"Oh, she did, did she?" Dodoria growled, clenching his fists. "Fine, then! I want to know immediately when she returns."
"Sure thing, Commander," Kiwi replied indifferently. "So, what's the problem anyway?"
"The wench stole my girdle, that's what! All to please her monkey prince!"
Kiwi snickered, covering his mouth. "A girdle! You wear a girdle?" He chuckled and chortled.
Dodoria raised his clenched fist threateningly. "Yeah, so?"
Still unfazed, Kiwi wheezed, "Apparently, Commander Jaden or Vegeta is getting more use out of it than you've been!"
He was lucky to have excellent reflexes, for after that remark, Dodoria started swinging at him with his fist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After Diamonique had finished with the men's room, she turned around towards the restroom doorway, but she didn't see Nappa and Raditz.
"Nappa? Raditz? Where did you two go?"
Jaden strolled up to the doorway and poked her head in. His expression displayed half-contempt and half-pity for her beautiful colleague. "Oh, you're looking for those two? They've been drinking it up in the Elite Lounge And Bar for the past twenty minutes, laughing and bragging about how they stuck a dumb Top Elite broad with doing their work. After I heard Raditz tell how proud he was of sticking the 'army's main entertainment center' with finishing his and Nappa's work, I figured out what happened. Sorry, Diamonique."
Diamonique's eyes widened, and her lovely jaw dropped, finally realizing exactly what those two horrible men did to her. She was so shocked that she did not even realize Jaden's strange, glamorous apparel, or remember that Jaden was spending the evening with Vegeta.
In the next few minutes, Jaden almost lost her superb hearing, thanks to Diamonique's outraged, glass-shattering screams of shame and humiliation.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Are you feeling any better these days, sire?"
Frieza sighed to Ginyu, as he idly fingered the crumbs of the remains of his elaborate piece of birthday cake, "Yes, Ginyu, just about."
Ginyu nodded, relieved, as he tore off a piece of his share of cake.
Also standing near Frieza's desk, Reccoom and Jeice were eating cake off of napkins, with Reccoom greedily licking icing and cake crumbs off of his huge fingers while Jeice ate politely with a fork, not wanting to get cake or icing all over himself or Frieza's floor.
Ginyu leaned against the edge of Frieza's desk and grinned. "Don't worry, sire! Next year, you're birthday will be much better, I'm sure of it. In fact, if you allow me and my fellow Ginyu Force members to be the judges of next year's beauty contest, we'll see that--"
He stopped abruptly, when Frieza slammed his tiny, but powerful fists onto his desk. Everything either tipped over, or toppled to the floor; Ginyu barely jumped out of the way in time. "There will NEVER be another Miss Frieza Beauty Contest again, is that clear? Next year, I'm celebrating my birthday quietly and alone--where no one can find me!"
Reccoom moaned, disappointed. "No more beauty contests, ever? Really?"
Frieza replied with exaggerated patience, "Yes, Reccoom. You will be known as the only Mister Miss Frieza, because there will never be another one."
Looking at Reccoom's downcast face, Ginyu reached up and patted his broad shoulder. "Don't be too sad, Reccoom. Remember, we're already planning on entering you in the Miss Cold Beauty Pageant two months from now."
"MISS COLD BEAUTY PAGEANT?" Frieza roared.
Jeice replied cheerfully, crossing his arms, "Yes, sire. Why, Head Commander Brutu just told the Cap'n yesterday. King Cold's having his own beauty contest in honor of his birthday, which is not too long after Lady Snowflake's--man, is she a babe! Hey, sire, would you object to me asking your gorgeous sister out on a date?"
Smiling, Frieza said benevolently, "Not at all, Jeice, just let me know in advance how you want me to destroy you afterwards." He could have cared less whom his despised sister chose for a date, but he certainly wasn't going to allow one of his men to court her. It would mean having to see her much more than necessary.
Jeice gulped and ran his scarlet hand through his snowy mane. "Umm...never mind, sire; I wasn't really that interested in her anyway."
"I didn't think you were, Jeice, so that's alright." Frieza's smile remained.
Ginyu continued blithely, paying no mind to Jeice's dashed hopes for a chance with Snowflake, "We're already priming Reccoom for the contest. Only, this time we're going to be in charge of Reccoom's preparations, not Vegeta."
"Speaking of Vegeta, have he and Jaden tried to get it on any more since the last contest?" Reccoom wanted to know.
Ginyu's eyes widened, and his eyebrows nearly shot up to his horns. "Kami, I hope not! Can't imagine those two together. I understand Jaden doesn't have many choices when it comes to men, but even she can do better than some monkey, even if he is a prince."
"I don't know, though," Reccoom replied slowly. "Vegeta may have strange taste in women, but he's sure great at helping people win beauty contests. Are you sure we can't get him to help us, Cap'n?"
"For the last time, Reccoom, no! 'Sides, I doubt he'd be interested, anyway."
"Yeah, he's too busy gloating over his victory over Zarbon and trying to do it with Jaden," Jeice commented, snickering.
"Ugh!" Frieza growled, slamming his fists on his expensive desk. "If anyone here mentions Jaden and Vegeta doing--whatever--together one more time, I will--" He was interrupted by his scouter beeping. "Yes?" he asked impatiently.
"Sire, do you know when Jaden and Vegeta are due back from their date?"
"No, Dodoria, and right now, I really don't care! Now, what do you want?"
"Jaden stole my girdle--for Vegeta!"
"WHAT?"
Ginyu, Jeice, and Reccoom snickered and chortled, having heard every loud word.
"I know, sire, isn't that awful? I did get it back though, but it's the point that Jaden stole it for Vegeta! I knew those two were getting it on--those two sickies!"
"Dodoria! You contacted me to tell me about a girdle?"
"Um...yes, sire."
"You got it back, so you handle the matter, yourself! And do not mention Jaden's and Vegeta's names in the same sentence to me again, is that clear?"
"But-but, sire, you're not going to do anything about it?"
"I'm going to send you to hell, if you don't get off my channel now!"
"Yes, my lov--I mean, my lord--goodbye!"
After Dodoria cut off communication, Frieza glared at his still snickering men. "Just what is so funny?"
"Um...nothin' really, sire," Ginyu spoke quickly. "May we please be excused?"
"Yes, you may. Actually, I'd prefer it. Go now!"
He didn't have to repeat his order twice. He did, for a moment after the three Ginyu Force members left, wonder about the loud bursts of laughter in the corridor outside his office.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that evening...
Dodoria was still incensed about his girdle being stolen--and perhaps more so about the thought that Jaden possibly used it during a tryst with Vegeta. While Zarbon currently had possession of the girdle, Dodoria was determined to confront two errant "lovers" about taking his private property without his permission.
As he stomped towards Jaden's door, after learning from Hectar that she had returned, Dodoria turned on his scouter and grinned maliciously when he picked up a high ki reading. Good, the thieving wench had returned!
But his grin melted into a shocked O when his scouter caught a second ki reading, higher than that of most soldiers, but not as high as any Top Elite's. Must be Chestra visiting Jaden.
No, that wasn't it. Dodoria remembered that Chestra was spending the night in Zarbon's suite to "console" him after the abuse and ridicule he had been taking lately. But who else could be in there with Jaden? Jaden rarely allowed any visitors in her suite besides Chestra, Zarbon, or certain "Elitist Potential" recruits that she was training.
Well, it didn't matter. He'd find out soon enough. Furiously, he pounded on Jaden's door. "JADEN! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!"
A half-sleepy voice growled back irritably, "What the hell do you want, Dodo?"
"You have some nerve insulting me, wench! I know you stole my girdle for your lover-boy-monkey-prince!"
"You got it back, didn't you? Guido said he returned it. Reccoom needed it at the time. I was even nice enough to have it cleaned. Now go away; I'm trying to sleep!"
"I'm not goin' away 'til you open the door! And who's in there with you, anyway?"
"None of your business!"
"I'll camp out here all night!"
"Have fun! Floor's not that comfy, though."
"I'll keep yellin' and poundin' 'til you let me in!"
"Fine, fine, whatever," Jaden grumbled from the other side of her door. "Just come in, say your piece, and hurry up!"
The sliding door opened, and Dodoria marched directly into Jaden's suite. But before he could open his mouth to yell at Jaden for taking his girdle, his jaw plummeted to his chest, and he screamed hoarsely, "NOOOO!"
His obese body trembled, and sweat rained down his face, and tears formed at the corner of his eyes.
For Jaden was laying in bed--cuddled up against a bare-chested Vegeta, who was glowering at Dodoria with his arms crossed and mashed into the covers. Despite her shock, her reptilian head lay pressed against her bed partner's shoulder.
"How dare you interrupt us?" Vegeta hissed. "Can't lovers get some privacy around here?" In an unusually protective gesture, he hurried to check to see that Jaden (who appeared to be topless as well) was properly covered. To be on the safe side, he pulled the covers up to her chin, but her head shot up and forward, a dark missile aimed at her room's invader.
"Dodo, are you satisfied now?" she growled, baring her teeth. "I was having the greatest night of my life, courtesy of Vegeta, of course, and you have to spoil it! Just because you can't get any, that doesn't mean you have to wreck it for the rest of us!"
"What you two are doing--did--is di-disgusting!" Dodoria cried, still not completely out of his shock. Even though he tried to keep the anger in his voice, he was visibly shaken, in the way that sweat drops wiggled down his plump cheeks. The spikes on his head and arms trembled on top of his body fat.
Vegeta's agitated form was nearly halfway out of bed. "How dare you call what we did disgusting! What we did was no different from what you and the others around here do on a regular basis!"
Jaden took his arm and tried to pull him back into bed. "Now, Vegeta, calm down--"
"No, I will not calm down, Jaden! Dodoria had no business bothering us in the first place! He got his precious girdle back, so that should have been the end of the matter! I am tempted to challenge him right now for insulting us both and ruining what was a fantastic night!"
"Forget him, Vegeta," Jaden ordered firmly, tugging on his arm. "He can leave now, right, Dodoria?" she added pointedly, staring at him menacingly.
"Gladly!" Dodoria exclaimed, now fully furious. He crossed his arms and huffed. "You both make me sick! I'm tellin' Lord Frieza first thing in the mornin'!"
"Do that," Jaden dared him. "Neither one of us is on a no-copulation order, so we did nothing wrong. Now get the hell out of my room!"
Dodoria would have done just that, but just after he slammed his fingertip in opening the door, he saw Diamonique with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a diaphanous robe, frothy as a strawberry shake, that barely concealed a sheer, scarlet gown. Her once blistered and rashy face was nearly healed, but no one could tell under the thick, lavender cream concealing it.
"What is going on here?" she screeched.
"Hello, Diamonique!" Vegeta called from Jaden's bed, almost too cheerily. "You're looking better these days!"
Jaden lightly socked him in his arm. "Oh, thanks, Vegeta! I give you one of the best times you ever had with a woman, and you go complimenting your former lover minutes afterwards!"
The peachy-blueness of what could be seen of Diamonique's complexion had drained away, leaving a pale, trembling woman, with lips pursed in a horrified O and ebony eyes bursting to escape from their sockets.
"No, no!" she whispered tearfully, as her eyes glimmered dangerously. "Please, please tell me I'm having a bad dream!"
"I wish I could, Diamonique," Dodoria replied slowly. "But this is no dream--it's a nightmare!"
"J-Jaden and V-Vegeta in b-bed t-together?" Diamonique choked out. She backed away several steps from Dodoria, jerked her head backwards and screamed in a voice loud enough to flip Frieza's ship over.
Dodoria, Vegeta, and Jaden covered their ears, as Vegeta cried out, "Someone, make that woman shut up!"
"My ears!" Jaden moaned, as Diamonique continued to scream.
"HOW COULD YOU TWO DO THIS TO ME? WHY?"
"Shut up!" Dodoria yelled, unable to take any more of Diamonique's cries. With a loud smack, his palm slammed into her cheek, and she nearly toppled over. It was a powerful blow, enough to make her stop--temporarily.
Unfortunately, the sudden silence would not last for long.
"How can you do this to me?" Diamonique wailed, now thrusting herself past Dodoria and towards Jaden's bed. Desperately, she seized Vegeta's hand and ignored his angry attempts to yank it away. "Why, Vegeta, why? What does SHE have that I don't?" Tears shot from her eyes, as she cried openly into his struggling hand.
Jerking his hand out of his former lover's desperate grasp, Vegeta hissed, "If you haven't figured that out by now, you never will. Now go away! I'm not your mate, so I don't have to explain my actions to you!"
Diamonique snapped, clenching her small fists, "Tell me what attracts you to her, Vegeta!"
It took him a few seconds to calm down and come up with a response guaranteed to anger Diamonique enough to leave him and Jaden alone. Mustering his best wicked smirk, he replied smoothly, "Other than the way she pleases me in bed, it's refreshing to be with a woman who never calls out any other man's name, but mine."
Diamonique exploded into anguished tears. "Go to hell, both of you! Jaden, you're nothing but a traitor--you knew I wanted Vegeta! You stole him from me! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" And then she punched a sizable dent into Jaden's wall.
"I can't steal from you what wasn't yours to begin with," Jaden replied in an unusually calm and jovial voice. Smiling slightly she leaned against her headboard and Vegeta's shoulder.
Diamonique blew an unladylike raspberry with her lips, and after folding all her other fingers down on her hand, she stabbed her middle finger in the air towards Jaden. Her rival merely shrugged, as Diamonique, half-sobbing, half-cursing, stomped out of Jaden's suite, shoving past Dodoria and disappearing into a quickly gathering crowd around Jaden's door.
By this time, everyone in the Elite sleeping quarters, roused by Diamonique's screams, was clustered around Jaden's doorway, and the lovers and Dodoria heard gasps of horror, the thumps and thuds of several soldiers fainting, and a few snickers from those not stunned enough by what they were seeing.
Yet, besides the snickers, not a intelligible word was spoken, until Zarbon shoved several Elites aside to squeeze into the doorway. He sucked in his breath, his golden eyes wide, his mouth expanded to the size of a dinner plate, and he shook his head, trying to catch what remained of his breath.
"J-Jaden...why?" he gasped. "Why him of all people? You could do so much, well--"
"Were you about to say 'better', Zarbon?" Vegeta interrupted in a deadly, silky tone, with a note of menace in his seemingly benevolent smile. "I am still a prince, you know; how could Jaden do any better than yours truly?"
Jaden shook her head at him. "Still as arrogant as ever, aren't you?"
Vegeta smirked at her. "You know you like me that way. I certainly heard no complaints earlier."
Zarbon clenched his fists and gnashed his teeth. "How could you do what you did to her, Vegeta?"
Vegeta grinned, as he smoothly ran a palm along Jaden's thick, muscled arm. "She didn't try to stop me, you know, Zarbon. I assure you that our time together was mutually consensual."
A wobbling Ginyu was leaning against Zarbon's back for support. "But-but, I didn't think that you two could even, well, you know--"
"Screw, get it on, whatever, Ginyu?" Jaden prompted. "Yeah, it was definitely possible, trust me."
Chestra's head popped in between the trembling bodies of Ginyu and Zarbon. Her jade-green eyes threatened to burst from their sockets, and her mouth was in a small, surprised O. A low, involuntary gasp escaped from her lips.
Vegeta grinned at her. "Hello, Chestra, how are you? Relax, my dear; Jaden will be glad to tell you later all about my amazing prowess."
Before Chestra could think of a response, Jaden pounded her fist into Vegeta's arm to reward him for his remark. "Prick!" she cried, half-indignantly. Vegeta merely chuckled in response.
"What in the HELL is going on here?" Frieza's voice roared from behind Ginyu. Everyone stared at their ruler, mildly surprised to hear him use such language, and even more surprised to find him up at this hour. Although he was in his traveling pod, he could not see over the heads of the taller Ginyu and Zarbon.
"Um...sire, you really don't want to know," Ginyu told him truthfully.
"He's right, milord," Dodoria added. "Why don't you get back to bed, and I'll bring you some warm milk, fluff your pillows, tuck you in..." He stopped speaking when everyone, especially Frieza, glared at him. "I mean, well, maybe you'd prefer to rest for now, sire."
"I want to know what is going on--now," Frieza ordered in a steely tone that left no room for argument.
Zarbon gulped, feeling reluctantly that it was up to him to soften the blow of Jaden and Vegeta's recent liaison. With sweat drops clinging to his forehead, he said slowly, "Vegeta apparently convinced poor Jaden into having a small--very small, I assure you--tryst recently."
Vegeta halfway remarked that it didn't take much convincing on his part to seduce Jaden, but Jaden cleared her throat warningly before he could finish, and he fell silent.
"JADEN AND VEGETA SLEPT TOGETHER?" Frieza roared.
Everyone else nodded very meekly, but Diamonique flung herself upon Frieza's pod and sobbed wildly. "Sire! It's truly horrible! Please tell me you'll punish Jaden, please!"
Frieza shoved her off of his pod with one annoyed hand, and she collapsed to the floor. He turned his reddish eyes to Zarbon and said in a tone between shock and anger, "Zarbon, please tell me that this is a bad joke you Elites decided to play on me!"
Zarbon, feeling as if he wanted to cry, shook his head slowly.
"Tell Jaden to come out here immediately!"
Before Zarbon could carry out that order, Jaden herself pushed past Dodoria and Ginyu to enter the crowded corridor. She pulled her plain black robe tighter around her massive body and looked at Frieza expectantly.
Frieza crossed his arms and tried to use his best threatening glare to intimidate Jaden into quick remorse and fear, but suddenly he felt his stomach eating at itself, and his expected sharp rebuke twisted into a painful groan:
"Jaaadennn...I...know you...don't have many...choices for...lovers...but even...you...can do...better...than...Vegeta." His subordinates would have laughed at Frieza's pitiful attempt to scold Jaden, but none of them were that eager to die.
The normally confident Jaden wasn't sure whether to grin and brag a bit about Vegeta's performance in bed, or to show her own brand of remorse and assure Frieza grudgingly that she wouldn't have another tryst with her Saiyan lover. Before she could decide, Frieza clutched at his stomach and started his pod with his free hand.
"Zarbon, Dodoria! Find me antacids immediately!"
"Y-Yes, sire!" both men echoed.
"And...Z-Zarbon, talk to Jaden about this matter, not that she'll listen, but do so anyway!"
"Of-of course, sire!"
Groaning loudly, Frieza continued to hold onto his stomach, as his pod started floating away. Zarbon ordered Dodoria to go fetch Frieza's medicine, and afterwards, he started waving at his fellow Elites with both hands.
"Alright, everyone, show's over! Go to bed, all of you! Nothing more to see!"
"Hell, if there isn't," one Lower-Elite catlike male hooted. "I'm stayin'!"
Zarbon fired a warning ki blast at his feet.
"Um...never mind, Commander, you're right, you're right! I'm goin'!"
Reluctantly, the others slowly started to leave, with Diamonique still cursing and crying. Only Chestra remained hesitantly by Zarbon's side, and they were both looking at Jaden in tempered shock. The corridor was eerily silent, except for the monotonous hum of the air vents.
Jaden merely shrugged her wide shoulders. "Look you two; what Vegeta and I did was no different than what you two do all the time...I'm happy, okay? Never been better. Vegeta's quite the lover, you know."
"Of-of course," Chestra stammered. "But-but him of all people?"
Jaden grinned and patted Chestra's shoulder. "Yeah, him. Diamonique was right about one thing--the younger, the better. Don't worry about me; I'm a grown woman and can take care of myself. Zarbon, relax, will you? You look like you're about to faint. Why don't you and Chestra go back to one of your suites?"
"But-but, Jaden--" Zarbon began, but Jaden held out her hand.
"Zarbon, be happy for me, will you? Yeah, I know Vegeta's young, but he's more man than you know. I'm content. You two go."
Zarbon nodded weakly, suddenly longing for one of Frieza's antacids himself, as Jaden waved at him and Chestra nonchalantly. She strolled back into her suite.
As the door slid closed, she leaned against the wall. Cautiously, she cocked her head towards the door and held her breath, listening for several minutes for any noise outside her room. To her relief, Chestra and Zarbon's retreating footsteps could no longer be heard.
The corners of her mouth twitched involuntarily, and her usually strong hand, which had been covering it, could restrain it no longer. Stifled chortles escaped from her mouth, as she collapsed to the floor.
Vegeta's eyes widened when he saw his partner fall to the floor, but he did not rush to her immediately. His concerned frown curled up into a grin, and he threw back his head, with his wiry hair brushing the wall above Jaden's headboard. Wicked, raucous chuckles burst forth from his throat.
Jaden, rolling around on the floor, was laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. She pounded the floor excitedly with hammering fists and thumping tails. Between laughs, she choked out, "Hah, Vegeta, I can't believe it! I didn't think anyone would really fall for our gag!"
Vegeta calmed his laughter a little. He placed his hands behind his head and smirked. Still chuckling, he said, "Why didn't you believe it? Everyone already thought we were seeing each other anyway!"
Taking deep, panting breaths, Jaden grinned. Laying on one side lazily, she replied, "Yeah, Vegeta, but I don't think anyone really wanted to believe it. The looks on everyone's faces were priceless."
"They had it coming to them!" Vegeta insisted. "It was clever of us to suggest to Reccoom that he have Guido return Dodoria's girdle. I knew Dodoria would force that four-eyed weakling to tell him the truth and then come after us. We just barely escaped Dodo in time this afternoon, and we were fortunate enough to return in time for him to catch us like he did."
"Frieza will be gobbling the remains of his antacids, but tonight was worth it, Vegeta, I'll give you that."
Vegeta stretched his arms and arose out of Jaden's bed, wearing only his pants. Jaden scratched at her chest through her robe; the dark blue bandage she had worn to convince everyone that she had been topless in front of Vegeta was itchy.
As she started to arise, Vegeta strolled towards her, as he pulled on his shirt. Before she could stand up full straight, he leaned over and kissed her quickly on her cheek. She could do nothing to prevent her involuntary smile or the faint stains of scarlet on her leathery, dark cheeks.
"Heh, thanks," she said quickly and gruffly. "But what was that for?"
"For everything, of course," he replied simply. "Good night, Jaden. I suppose we'll have to eventually let everyone know the truth, won't we?"
She tried to banish the burning warmth from her face, but she couldn't. "Ah...nah...let 'em sweat for about a week--or until Frieza runs out of antacids, whichever comes first."
Vegeta chuckled, holding his waist firmly with his hands. "Now everyone will really have something to talk about. Of course, we probably should stay out of Frieza's firing range for a while. Good night. Sleep well."
'Night, Vegeta."
But before her door could close behind Vegeta's departing back, she heard Dodoria's anguished cries:
"Sire, please, please forgive me, but Dr. Katsen said that there are...no more antacids on the ship."
Frieza's furious "WHAT?" through Zarbon's scouter reverberated throughout the corridor.
THE END
Three days later…
"Hey there, beautiful! Love the nightgown! Can you tell me where to get one for my woman?"
"You're looking good, Head Commander!"
"Hope Commander Chestra doesn't mind you wearing her nightie!"
"If Commander Zarbon looks hot, imagine what Commander Chestra must look like in that thing! Maybe I should ask, if she'll try it on for me one day!" a brown Lower Elite doglike soldier hooted.
He would have said more, but a pale green hand shot out and seized his throat. The Lower Elite gulped, as he stared into the angry gold eyes of Head Commander Zarbon. Zarbon's circlet jewel dangled menacingly across his folded forehead, as he used his capable thumbs to squeeze the soldier's throat tighter.
"Any other comments you'd like to make about my attire or my mate?" he asked coolly.
The Lower Elite sweated, and he whimpered, "No, Commander."
"Anything else you would like to say?" Zarbon added.
"Umm…I'm sorry?"
Zarbon released him and thrust him against the slick metal wall. "Apology accepted," he said icily. He looked towards his other commentators, a mix of Lower-Elites and Mid-Elites and glared at them, daring them to say anything else. The others mumbled hasty apologies, hoping that their Head Commander would not pick today to end their lives. Fortunately for them, Zarbon turned away from all of them and stormed away down the corridors, trying to remain as dignified as possible in his short, black satin-and-lace teddy that just barely went down to his knees.
Even after three days and numerous threats from him, most of his subordinates and colleagues dared to mock and make fun of him every time they saw him dressed in Chestra's nightwear. Biting his lip agitatedly, he wondered what ever happened to the high respect that a Top Elite, especially the Head Commander, was supposed to receive, no matter how ridiculous he or she behaved or appeared.
As he walked towards the Elite sleeping quarters, he was greeted with more whistles, snickers and lecherous comments. Of course, most of those remarks and noises were silenced once Zarbon threatened a few of them, but even then, he knew they would go on making fun of him behind his back.
Grumbling and making covert plans to give some of the more serious offenders extra purging and raiding assignments, Zarbon stomped past Dodoria's door, just as the huge, pink minion was coming out. Dodoria was standing in black satin pajamas (decorated with a small silk-screened picture of Frieza's face on the left front); today, he actually had a day off, and the way his corpulent body jiggled reminded Zarbon of something that he had to ask his colleague.
"Dodoria," Zarbon whispered, waving his finger towards himself. "I need to ask you something. There's something I need to borrow, if you'll let me."
Grinning, Dodoria joked, "Sure, Zarbon! I might have some perfume somewhere, and I can get one of the Ginyu Girls to lend you some high heels! They'll make your legs look sexier than they do now!" He threw his head back and laughed throatily.
Barely resisting the urge to knock the grin off of Dodoria's face, Zarbon crossed his arms and waited for his colleague to stop laughing. When Dodoria's laughter finally died down, Zarbon added tightly, "I need to borrow your girdle; Chestra's nightgowns fit a bit snug on me."
Dodoria cracked, "Yeah, but I bet Chestra fits even snugger on you, eh?"
Zarbon rewarded him by seizing him by his collar and slamming him into the wall. Dodoria's head crashed hard into the metal wall, leaving quite a few dents. Zarbon hissed, "You keep your filthy mouth shut about her, do you understand me?" Angrily, he finally released him.
Dodoria growled, no longer in a jovial mood, "Fine, fine, but you didn't have to attack me! It's not my fault you lost your stupid bet with the monkey prince; you should be blaming Jaden. If she hadn't entered the Miss Frieza contest, under disguise and then had to drop out—"
"
Reccoom would have won anyway," Zarbon concluded wearily. "Jaden and Chestra's prank just delayed the inevitable. Perhaps, I should have blamed her, but her presence made no real difference."
"Yeah, but if she had stayed as Cypress, she would have won—and oh, wait, that meant Jaden would have become Miss Frieza—ugh! Nah, Zarbon, it's just as well that Reccoom won, even if you do have to wait on Vegeta. So what's our little royal monkey orderin' for breakfast today?"
"Three huge steaks, half a dozen fried eggs, ten pieces of buttered toast, and a gallon of juice," Zarbon sighed. "I'm on my way to pick it up for him now."
"You could put somethin' in his food to give him indigestion."
"Actually thought about doing that, believe it or not, but Saiyans have an amazing number of taste buds; Vegeta would know something was wrong in a heartbeat."
"You know he's up for Top Elite now, right?"
Zarbon sighed, "Yes, and Chestra just told me last night that she actually agreed to recommend Vegeta, but wanted my opinion on it. I wasn't happy about it, but I said it was up to her. As much as I don't like Vegeta being equal to us, he would make a fine Top Elite officer, as annoying as he can be sometimes—"
"Sometimes?"
"Okay, all of the time. But, giving a rare unprejudiced opinion, Jaden's right about Vegeta being Top Elite material. Of course I'm not going to express that openly by actually recommending him myself. Besides, after the beauty contest fiasco, Lord Frieza's unlikely going to look favorably upon Vegeta being in Top Elite anytime soon--thank Kami for that! He still hasn't completely forgiven Vegeta, Reccoom, and Jaden for making him look like a laughingstock on his own birthday."
"I take it Reccoom's going to recommend his sponsor as well?"
"Unfortunately, but even with those required signatures, Lord Frieza will likely come up with a good excuse not to even consider Vegeta at this time."
Dodoria grinned, thankful that the chance of Vegeta becoming his equal wouldn't happen anytime soon. "Yeah, true, and at least he's gettin' teased about kissing Jaden as much as you're gettin' picked on for having to dress in drag and wait on him."
Zarbon smirked, feeling better for the first time today. He chuckled softly, knowing that Vegeta was enduring a lot of ribbing from his colleagues and superiors. Maybe fate was a bit kinder than he had hoped for.
"Well, I've got to get dressed now, Zarbon, but I'll try to find that girdle for you; maybe tomorrow Chestra's next nightie won't be snug on you, eh?"
Zarbon bit his tongue and held his temper, just barely. After all, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed that girdle. "I suppose not, Dodoria. Thank you, and let me know when you find it."
"I will, Zarbon, thanks. Good luck puttin' up with Vegeta."
"Thanks, because I'll need it desperately."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"How many more toilets do we have to scrub, Nappa?"
"Five more in here, and then we've got one more restroom to do, but that's it, thank Kami. This is the last restroom we have to do for a while. At least until tonight."
"And how much longer are we stuck with doing more of Frieza's dirty work than we already do?"
"Just thankful we've been allowed to live, Raditz. Believe me, I don't like cleaning stinking restrooms anymore than you do, but at least we get to keep our lives and our body parts for now."
"Yeah, thanks to Eclipse. I don't know how she sweet-talked Frieza into sparing our skins, but we owe her one."
"Yeah, I agree. Eclipse had to use all her charms into convincing Frieza that any men in our position would have done what we did. She even asked Frieza, if he would ever do the same for a woman he loved, and Frieza even said he might have. She played on what nobleness he had by pointing out that even though we screwed up, we did it for a good cause. She really did calm him down; I'll give her that. So, we only got sentenced to janitorial duties for a month, instead of getting flogged and having our pay suspended."
Raditz wrinkled his nose, trying not to gag at the stains of waste, as he vigorously scrubbed under the rims of a particularly nasty toilet. In the next stall over, Nappa was spraying antibacterial cleaner over all over the toilet he was working on. They had already cleaned the mirrors, walls, and floor, deciding to leave the toilets and their stalls for last.
They had been allowed to return, unharmed, from space, only just yesterday, after Eclipse's eloquent pleas to Frieza to spare their lives. Eclipse and Journa luckily received no punishment; Frieza had grudgingly declared that it wasn't their faults that their mates were morons. Eclipse later told Nappa that Journa had to use much self-restraint to prevent herself from lashing out at the tyrant for insulting her fellow Saiyans; Journa had said that a Saiyan insulting another Saiyan was one thing, but someone outside of their race doing it was something not to be tolerated.
"I know one thing," Nappa said. "Our planet will be restored, before I will EVER judge another beauty contest."
Raditz grunted in agreement, as he flushed the toilet he had just scrubbed. As he sprayed antibacterial cleaner onto his toilet, he heard the clicking of boots on the freshly washed tile floors. His tail swished past the door, and out in the open, and the owner of the boots gasped.
"Who's in here?" Diamonique asked. "Journa?"
"Nope, it's us," Raditz called to her. "And we're cleaning in here."
"Oh, I see," Diamonique softly crooned. "Have either one of you seen Vegeta?"
"No, and he doesn't want to see you," Nappa blurted out. "He's still recovering from the—"
"Awful Jaden/Cypress incident? Poor prince, but it does serve him right, in a way. However, I could just kill Jaden! How dare she steal my Vegeta! Ugh! Why would she even think that someone like Vegeta would want someone like her?"
"He'd prefer her over someone like you," Raditz quipped. Even though he and Nappa had both thought her attractive at one time, neither one of them would touch her now because of the way she had treated Vegeta in the past.
Diamonique laughed arrogantly, her laughter resembling the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Both Saiyans visibly cringed at the awful sound of her amusement. "Please, you two! Anyone knows that I'm far more desirable, and I don't have to shape-shift to become that way. Vegeta will see that someday, that I'm the one for him." She strolled over to a stall that had not been cleaned yet and gagged in disgust.
"Ugh! Why haven't you two cleaned this toilet yet?"
"We're getting there," Nappa grumbled. "Just go use another restroom and let us finish."
"No way! Just let me use one of the cleaner stalls, and you two leave."
"We're not leaving 'til we done," Raditz asserted. "The other ladies' restroom is just an elevator's ride away."
"Hmmph, fine, treating me with such disrespect," Diamonique huffed. "But I am going to check my makeup before I leave." She walked over to the mirror and frowned when she saw streaks. "Who cleaned this mirror?"
The mirror had been hastily cleaned, and not very well. Streaks could be seen mixed within the cloudy surface. Nappa had forgotten that one mirror when he had to use one of the stalls to relieve himself.
"We'll get it," Nappa told her stiffly.
Diamonique sniffed. "You two know nothing about cleaning anything. Just like at this sink—it's still filthy! And this soap scum on the tile—why do you know that…"
She ranted on for several minutes while Nappa and Raditz privately wondered if she was having her time of month. They both ignored her, however, until she declared:
"Even though I would never stoop so low as to do menial work like this, I could do a better job. This bathroom would sparkle, if I had my way."
Raditz grinned within the stall, and a devilish idea occurred to him.
"You really think you could do a better job than us, Diamonique?"
"I know I could!"
"Then why don't you show us how it should be done? Maybe Nappa and I could learn something from you."
"Good, I will," Diamonique replied, boldly accepting his challenge.
Peering out of his stall, Nappa winked sideways at Raditz, as he spoke, "Perhaps someone with high standards such as you could show us how to do a better job on the toilets." And with unusual meekness, he handed her his toilet bowl brush.
Diamonique arrogantly snatched the brush from him, and then Nappa grandly stepped aside for her to walk past him and enter the stall he had been working on.
"I'll show you two how this should be done," Diamonique huffed, as she knelt onto her slender knees and poked the bowl brush under the toilet rim. Scrubbing under the rim with the same elaborate care she used in brushing her hair, she started to slowly notice that the rusty streaks running along the sides would not even fade. She scoured harder, but still the stains remained.
She hissed, as she scrubbed, increasingly frustrated her efforts did no good. Finally, she demanded more bowl cleaner, which Nappa cheerfully gave. And after much more scrubbing the stains did disappear.
She applied the same amount of attention with the rest of the toilets, and then rewashed the walls, wiped away all dirt and streaks on the mirrors, until the restroom was blindingly sparkling. Nappa and Raditz grinned at each other, after Diamonique declared that the restroom was finally cleaned right.
"Now I'll show you two some more. We're going to the men's room. Run anybody in there out."
Raditz almost remarked that Diamonique had had no problems entering an occupied men's restroom before, but Nappa put his finger to his lips to warn his partner to be quiet, as he shook his head. Raditz took the hint and nodded.
When they entered the men's room, they handed over all their cleaning supplies to Diamonique. Determined to show her superiority over the two Saiyans, Diamonique arrogantly sprayed down the mirrors, walls, and sinks.
Proudly, she began her cleaning, and on that day, not even the regular janitors could have eliminated every germ and speck of dirt or mildew the restroom had contained.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Where in the hell is that thing?"
Dodoria's suite was not normally neat, except when it came time for room inspections, and it was no neater now. The few clothes he could decently wear were draped over a couple of chairs, the bed was halfway stripped of its covers and sheets, and numerous crumpled, empty drink and food cartons smothered the floor, concealing enormous, ancient food stains on the thin carpet.
Every storage space and container had been searched and the trashcans had been dumped out, but the precious girdle that Dodoria had used on the rare occasions when he actually cared about his appearance was nowhere to be found.
"Curses!" he roared, clenching his fists and kicking over a cluttered chair. "How in the hell could that girdle be missing? How in the--"
Two demanding, booming knocks on the metal door interrupted his tirade. "Hey, Dodi, you in there?"
"No, Guido!" Dodoria yelled sarcastically. "It's my maid!"
Well, that maid needs to come more often then. Open up!"
Dodoria allowed Guido's remark to pass for now; he'd squash the four-eyed bug later. Right now, he had that girdle to find. Trudging grudgingly to the door, he pressed the button to allow Guido to enter.
His wide jaw dropped when he saw what the grinning green creature held in his hand--Dodoria's girdle!
He shoved his face down towards Guido's and hissed, "How did you get my girdle?"
Guido snickered, delightedly ignoring Dodoria's deadly glare. He dangled the satiny garment tauntingly in front of his colleague's contorted face, as he said with a chuckle, "Oh, Reccoom wanted me to return this to you. He wanted to thank you for letting him borrow it."
"I didn't let that oaf borrow it! He must have stolen it!" Dodoria growled. "How did he do it?"
Guido shrugged, not really caring how Reccoom ended up with Dodoria's girdle.
"Beats me, Dodi; all he told me was that Jaden got it for him somehow, and--EEP!"
Guido was now crushed against the doorway with Dodoria's massive hand clamped around his throat. Dodoria said in a slow, deliberate voice, "Now, just how did Jaden get a hold of my girdle?"
Too startled to think much, Guido could barely gulp with Dodoria holding his throat so tightly. "D-Don't know, r-really. All-all, I know is that J-Jaden g-got it for Reccoom...oh, yeah, and something about Vegeta talking her into it...that's about it!"
After abruptly snatching the girdle away, Dodoria flung Guido into the hallway and angrily smashed his fingertip pressing the button to shut the door. He heard Guido mutter, "He could have at least thanked me for returning it, the ungrateful fatty!" and then storm off, but he paid little mind.
"I should have known Vegeta would have pulled something this underhanded, and of course, Jaden prob'ly did it for him 'cause she's got the hots for the monkey. I'm gonna kill both of 'em! In fact, I'm gonna to go right to Jaden's room and give her a piece of my mind right now!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Have you got around to forgiving Nappa and Raditz yet?" Jaden asked Vegeta. Leaning against the edge of the bar, she gulped down the last of her Crystal Blue Persuasion and idly picked a few nuts out of the bowl that Tipsy had just set between her and Vegeta.
"I allowed them to live, didn't I?" Vegeta retorted, accepting the fresh cup of coffee that Tipsy set before him.
"I figured you were taking time to figure out a proper 'punishment', in your words, for those two."
Vegeta took an unrepentant gulp of his coffee. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw little Eyelet flinch at his daring to drink a hot, bitter brew so quickly. The purple housefly was resting near his elbow, sucking on a sugar cube with her proboscis. She had offered to bring him a cube for his coffee, but he had declined, preferring his coffee always black.
"I should, but I'll admit those idiots have been punished enough. Anyway, I won, and that's what's important, so I can afford to be generous. I was even nice enough to send Journa and Eclipse flowers for their brief victory."
Jaden grinned, but didn't comment or snicker about Vegeta's highly unusual gesture of sending flowers to anyone. After all, he had privately sent her some as well, although neither one of them would admit it to anyone.
Eyelet withdrew her proboscis from her cube. "Is it really true then, Prince Vegeta, that Commander Zarbon has to wear women's clothing? I haven't had a chance to see him yet, poor fellow."
Vegeta smirked, glancing at her briefly. "Don't feel too sorry for him, Eyelet. He should have known better what he was getting into. Besides, it won't hurt for him to be humbled a little, don't you agree?"
Um..." Eyelet began uncomfortably, uncertain how to answer him. She giggled nervously, desperate to change the subject now. "I hear you and Commander Jaden are going on a date today. Is that true?"
"IT'S NOT A DATE! IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT!" The force of the mighty voices of both Jaden and Vegeta nearly blew poor Eyelet off of the bar's surface.
"S-Sorry," Eyelet stammered quickly, seizing her sugar cube between her legs. In less time than it took to blink, Eyelet zoomed to the top of one of the glass racks for safety, far above the heads of Jaden and Vegeta.
Thankful that Eyelet had been allowed to live, Tipsy glanced furtively toward's Vegeta's direction, now remembering that the Saiyan prince and Commander Jaden had a date tonight. Even he, who usually remained neutral, had been tempted to tease or ask them about seeing each other, but he wisely kept quiet. He had seen the two bruised, bloody bodies of the two male Mid-Elite officers, who had dared to make several lecherous remarks about Jaden and Vegeta, lying on the stretchers, as they were being carried away to the regeneration tanks from the bar. Vegeta's bloodied gloves were resting limply over the bar next to their volatile owner, and no one in the restaurant had dared to comment anymore on Vegeta and Jaden as a couple. It seemed to everyone that Vegeta was as intent on defending Jaden's honor these days, as well as his own.
Jaden took a deep breath, trying to restrain herself. "Eyelet, Vegeta is repaying me for a favor I did for him, that's all."
"Oh...okay, sorry, no problem." Eyelet was still trembling. "But, may I ask you, Commander Jaden, why you are wearing that pretty black dress? I don't believe I've seen you in one before."
"Mark it as a rare moment in history, Eyelet, because you'll never witness it again. Vegeta and I just decided to go to a different burger place, supposed to be great, but strange enough, real fancy. Cloth napkins, actual silverware and stuff like that." Jaden toyed with a piece of lace on the formal gown that Reccoom had lent her for the evening; she still remembered the ribbing he gave her when she asked. She just hoped the food would be worth the trouble that the heavy, tight dress was already causing her. At least, she had been smart enough to wear her old combat boots; she didn't understand how Eclipse, Diamonique, and Chestra could wear those fancy, but uncomfortable high heels on their days off. It was foolish of them to wear shoes that could hurt or cripple their feet after only two hours.
Curses, that dress was tight! She just hoped she didn't look fat; she should have insisted that Reccoom keep Dodoria's stolen girdle for one more day. Tugging at the sides of her gown, hoping to stretch the fabric a little, she saw Nappa and Raditz stroll into the bar, leaning against each other and laughing.
Vegeta snorted, crossing his arms. "You two finished cleaning the restrooms that quickly?"
Nappa and Raditz just continued laughing, as they stumbled merrily to the bar near Vegeta and Jaden.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Huffing and puffing, with beads of sweat clinging to his face, Dodoria was angrily pounding on Jaden's door.
"Open up, you wench; I know you're in there! Answer this door, or I'm goin' to Lord Frieza! I know you stole my girdle for your monkey lover-boy!" He bashed his fists against Jaden's door and continued ranting for another five minutes.
Kiwi strolled by Dodoria's heaving form and called out casually, "You're wasting your time, Commander! Commander Jaden just left for her date with Vegeta!"
"Oh, she did, did she?" Dodoria growled, clenching his fists. "Fine, then! I want to know immediately when she returns."
"Sure thing, Commander," Kiwi replied indifferently. "So, what's the problem anyway?"
"The wench stole my girdle, that's what! All to please her monkey prince!"
Kiwi snickered, covering his mouth. "A girdle! You wear a girdle?" He chuckled and chortled.
Dodoria raised his clenched fist threateningly. "Yeah, so?"
Still unfazed, Kiwi wheezed, "Apparently, Commander Jaden or Vegeta is getting more use out of it than you've been!"
He was lucky to have excellent reflexes, for after that remark, Dodoria started swinging at him with his fist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After Diamonique had finished with the men's room, she turned around towards the restroom doorway, but she didn't see Nappa and Raditz.
"Nappa? Raditz? Where did you two go?"
Jaden strolled up to the doorway and poked her head in. His expression displayed half-contempt and half-pity for her beautiful colleague. "Oh, you're looking for those two? They've been drinking it up in the Elite Lounge And Bar for the past twenty minutes, laughing and bragging about how they stuck a dumb Top Elite broad with doing their work. After I heard Raditz tell how proud he was of sticking the 'army's main entertainment center' with finishing his and Nappa's work, I figured out what happened. Sorry, Diamonique."
Diamonique's eyes widened, and her lovely jaw dropped, finally realizing exactly what those two horrible men did to her. She was so shocked that she did not even realize Jaden's strange, glamorous apparel, or remember that Jaden was spending the evening with Vegeta.
In the next few minutes, Jaden almost lost her superb hearing, thanks to Diamonique's outraged, glass-shattering screams of shame and humiliation.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Are you feeling any better these days, sire?"
Frieza sighed to Ginyu, as he idly fingered the crumbs of the remains of his elaborate piece of birthday cake, "Yes, Ginyu, just about."
Ginyu nodded, relieved, as he tore off a piece of his share of cake.
Also standing near Frieza's desk, Reccoom and Jeice were eating cake off of napkins, with Reccoom greedily licking icing and cake crumbs off of his huge fingers while Jeice ate politely with a fork, not wanting to get cake or icing all over himself or Frieza's floor.
Ginyu leaned against the edge of Frieza's desk and grinned. "Don't worry, sire! Next year, you're birthday will be much better, I'm sure of it. In fact, if you allow me and my fellow Ginyu Force members to be the judges of next year's beauty contest, we'll see that--"
He stopped abruptly, when Frieza slammed his tiny, but powerful fists onto his desk. Everything either tipped over, or toppled to the floor; Ginyu barely jumped out of the way in time. "There will NEVER be another Miss Frieza Beauty Contest again, is that clear? Next year, I'm celebrating my birthday quietly and alone--where no one can find me!"
Reccoom moaned, disappointed. "No more beauty contests, ever? Really?"
Frieza replied with exaggerated patience, "Yes, Reccoom. You will be known as the only Mister Miss Frieza, because there will never be another one."
Looking at Reccoom's downcast face, Ginyu reached up and patted his broad shoulder. "Don't be too sad, Reccoom. Remember, we're already planning on entering you in the Miss Cold Beauty Pageant two months from now."
"MISS COLD BEAUTY PAGEANT?" Frieza roared.
Jeice replied cheerfully, crossing his arms, "Yes, sire. Why, Head Commander Brutu just told the Cap'n yesterday. King Cold's having his own beauty contest in honor of his birthday, which is not too long after Lady Snowflake's--man, is she a babe! Hey, sire, would you object to me asking your gorgeous sister out on a date?"
Smiling, Frieza said benevolently, "Not at all, Jeice, just let me know in advance how you want me to destroy you afterwards." He could have cared less whom his despised sister chose for a date, but he certainly wasn't going to allow one of his men to court her. It would mean having to see her much more than necessary.
Jeice gulped and ran his scarlet hand through his snowy mane. "Umm...never mind, sire; I wasn't really that interested in her anyway."
"I didn't think you were, Jeice, so that's alright." Frieza's smile remained.
Ginyu continued blithely, paying no mind to Jeice's dashed hopes for a chance with Snowflake, "We're already priming Reccoom for the contest. Only, this time we're going to be in charge of Reccoom's preparations, not Vegeta."
"Speaking of Vegeta, have he and Jaden tried to get it on any more since the last contest?" Reccoom wanted to know.
Ginyu's eyes widened, and his eyebrows nearly shot up to his horns. "Kami, I hope not! Can't imagine those two together. I understand Jaden doesn't have many choices when it comes to men, but even she can do better than some monkey, even if he is a prince."
"I don't know, though," Reccoom replied slowly. "Vegeta may have strange taste in women, but he's sure great at helping people win beauty contests. Are you sure we can't get him to help us, Cap'n?"
"For the last time, Reccoom, no! 'Sides, I doubt he'd be interested, anyway."
"Yeah, he's too busy gloating over his victory over Zarbon and trying to do it with Jaden," Jeice commented, snickering.
"Ugh!" Frieza growled, slamming his fists on his expensive desk. "If anyone here mentions Jaden and Vegeta doing--whatever--together one more time, I will--" He was interrupted by his scouter beeping. "Yes?" he asked impatiently.
"Sire, do you know when Jaden and Vegeta are due back from their date?"
"No, Dodoria, and right now, I really don't care! Now, what do you want?"
"Jaden stole my girdle--for Vegeta!"
"WHAT?"
Ginyu, Jeice, and Reccoom snickered and chortled, having heard every loud word.
"I know, sire, isn't that awful? I did get it back though, but it's the point that Jaden stole it for Vegeta! I knew those two were getting it on--those two sickies!"
"Dodoria! You contacted me to tell me about a girdle?"
"Um...yes, sire."
"You got it back, so you handle the matter, yourself! And do not mention Jaden's and Vegeta's names in the same sentence to me again, is that clear?"
"But-but, sire, you're not going to do anything about it?"
"I'm going to send you to hell, if you don't get off my channel now!"
"Yes, my lov--I mean, my lord--goodbye!"
After Dodoria cut off communication, Frieza glared at his still snickering men. "Just what is so funny?"
"Um...nothin' really, sire," Ginyu spoke quickly. "May we please be excused?"
"Yes, you may. Actually, I'd prefer it. Go now!"
He didn't have to repeat his order twice. He did, for a moment after the three Ginyu Force members left, wonder about the loud bursts of laughter in the corridor outside his office.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that evening...
Dodoria was still incensed about his girdle being stolen--and perhaps more so about the thought that Jaden possibly used it during a tryst with Vegeta. While Zarbon currently had possession of the girdle, Dodoria was determined to confront two errant "lovers" about taking his private property without his permission.
As he stomped towards Jaden's door, after learning from Hectar that she had returned, Dodoria turned on his scouter and grinned maliciously when he picked up a high ki reading. Good, the thieving wench had returned!
But his grin melted into a shocked O when his scouter caught a second ki reading, higher than that of most soldiers, but not as high as any Top Elite's. Must be Chestra visiting Jaden.
No, that wasn't it. Dodoria remembered that Chestra was spending the night in Zarbon's suite to "console" him after the abuse and ridicule he had been taking lately. But who else could be in there with Jaden? Jaden rarely allowed any visitors in her suite besides Chestra, Zarbon, or certain "Elitist Potential" recruits that she was training.
Well, it didn't matter. He'd find out soon enough. Furiously, he pounded on Jaden's door. "JADEN! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!"
A half-sleepy voice growled back irritably, "What the hell do you want, Dodo?"
"You have some nerve insulting me, wench! I know you stole my girdle for your lover-boy-monkey-prince!"
"You got it back, didn't you? Guido said he returned it. Reccoom needed it at the time. I was even nice enough to have it cleaned. Now go away; I'm trying to sleep!"
"I'm not goin' away 'til you open the door! And who's in there with you, anyway?"
"None of your business!"
"I'll camp out here all night!"
"Have fun! Floor's not that comfy, though."
"I'll keep yellin' and poundin' 'til you let me in!"
"Fine, fine, whatever," Jaden grumbled from the other side of her door. "Just come in, say your piece, and hurry up!"
The sliding door opened, and Dodoria marched directly into Jaden's suite. But before he could open his mouth to yell at Jaden for taking his girdle, his jaw plummeted to his chest, and he screamed hoarsely, "NOOOO!"
His obese body trembled, and sweat rained down his face, and tears formed at the corner of his eyes.
For Jaden was laying in bed--cuddled up against a bare-chested Vegeta, who was glowering at Dodoria with his arms crossed and mashed into the covers. Despite her shock, her reptilian head lay pressed against her bed partner's shoulder.
"How dare you interrupt us?" Vegeta hissed. "Can't lovers get some privacy around here?" In an unusually protective gesture, he hurried to check to see that Jaden (who appeared to be topless as well) was properly covered. To be on the safe side, he pulled the covers up to her chin, but her head shot up and forward, a dark missile aimed at her room's invader.
"Dodo, are you satisfied now?" she growled, baring her teeth. "I was having the greatest night of my life, courtesy of Vegeta, of course, and you have to spoil it! Just because you can't get any, that doesn't mean you have to wreck it for the rest of us!"
"What you two are doing--did--is di-disgusting!" Dodoria cried, still not completely out of his shock. Even though he tried to keep the anger in his voice, he was visibly shaken, in the way that sweat drops wiggled down his plump cheeks. The spikes on his head and arms trembled on top of his body fat.
Vegeta's agitated form was nearly halfway out of bed. "How dare you call what we did disgusting! What we did was no different from what you and the others around here do on a regular basis!"
Jaden took his arm and tried to pull him back into bed. "Now, Vegeta, calm down--"
"No, I will not calm down, Jaden! Dodoria had no business bothering us in the first place! He got his precious girdle back, so that should have been the end of the matter! I am tempted to challenge him right now for insulting us both and ruining what was a fantastic night!"
"Forget him, Vegeta," Jaden ordered firmly, tugging on his arm. "He can leave now, right, Dodoria?" she added pointedly, staring at him menacingly.
"Gladly!" Dodoria exclaimed, now fully furious. He crossed his arms and huffed. "You both make me sick! I'm tellin' Lord Frieza first thing in the mornin'!"
"Do that," Jaden dared him. "Neither one of us is on a no-copulation order, so we did nothing wrong. Now get the hell out of my room!"
Dodoria would have done just that, but just after he slammed his fingertip in opening the door, he saw Diamonique with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a diaphanous robe, frothy as a strawberry shake, that barely concealed a sheer, scarlet gown. Her once blistered and rashy face was nearly healed, but no one could tell under the thick, lavender cream concealing it.
"What is going on here?" she screeched.
"Hello, Diamonique!" Vegeta called from Jaden's bed, almost too cheerily. "You're looking better these days!"
Jaden lightly socked him in his arm. "Oh, thanks, Vegeta! I give you one of the best times you ever had with a woman, and you go complimenting your former lover minutes afterwards!"
The peachy-blueness of what could be seen of Diamonique's complexion had drained away, leaving a pale, trembling woman, with lips pursed in a horrified O and ebony eyes bursting to escape from their sockets.
"No, no!" she whispered tearfully, as her eyes glimmered dangerously. "Please, please tell me I'm having a bad dream!"
"I wish I could, Diamonique," Dodoria replied slowly. "But this is no dream--it's a nightmare!"
"J-Jaden and V-Vegeta in b-bed t-together?" Diamonique choked out. She backed away several steps from Dodoria, jerked her head backwards and screamed in a voice loud enough to flip Frieza's ship over.
Dodoria, Vegeta, and Jaden covered their ears, as Vegeta cried out, "Someone, make that woman shut up!"
"My ears!" Jaden moaned, as Diamonique continued to scream.
"HOW COULD YOU TWO DO THIS TO ME? WHY?"
"Shut up!" Dodoria yelled, unable to take any more of Diamonique's cries. With a loud smack, his palm slammed into her cheek, and she nearly toppled over. It was a powerful blow, enough to make her stop--temporarily.
Unfortunately, the sudden silence would not last for long.
"How can you do this to me?" Diamonique wailed, now thrusting herself past Dodoria and towards Jaden's bed. Desperately, she seized Vegeta's hand and ignored his angry attempts to yank it away. "Why, Vegeta, why? What does SHE have that I don't?" Tears shot from her eyes, as she cried openly into his struggling hand.
Jerking his hand out of his former lover's desperate grasp, Vegeta hissed, "If you haven't figured that out by now, you never will. Now go away! I'm not your mate, so I don't have to explain my actions to you!"
Diamonique snapped, clenching her small fists, "Tell me what attracts you to her, Vegeta!"
It took him a few seconds to calm down and come up with a response guaranteed to anger Diamonique enough to leave him and Jaden alone. Mustering his best wicked smirk, he replied smoothly, "Other than the way she pleases me in bed, it's refreshing to be with a woman who never calls out any other man's name, but mine."
Diamonique exploded into anguished tears. "Go to hell, both of you! Jaden, you're nothing but a traitor--you knew I wanted Vegeta! You stole him from me! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" And then she punched a sizable dent into Jaden's wall.
"I can't steal from you what wasn't yours to begin with," Jaden replied in an unusually calm and jovial voice. Smiling slightly she leaned against her headboard and Vegeta's shoulder.
Diamonique blew an unladylike raspberry with her lips, and after folding all her other fingers down on her hand, she stabbed her middle finger in the air towards Jaden. Her rival merely shrugged, as Diamonique, half-sobbing, half-cursing, stomped out of Jaden's suite, shoving past Dodoria and disappearing into a quickly gathering crowd around Jaden's door.
By this time, everyone in the Elite sleeping quarters, roused by Diamonique's screams, was clustered around Jaden's doorway, and the lovers and Dodoria heard gasps of horror, the thumps and thuds of several soldiers fainting, and a few snickers from those not stunned enough by what they were seeing.
Yet, besides the snickers, not a intelligible word was spoken, until Zarbon shoved several Elites aside to squeeze into the doorway. He sucked in his breath, his golden eyes wide, his mouth expanded to the size of a dinner plate, and he shook his head, trying to catch what remained of his breath.
"J-Jaden...why?" he gasped. "Why him of all people? You could do so much, well--"
"Were you about to say 'better', Zarbon?" Vegeta interrupted in a deadly, silky tone, with a note of menace in his seemingly benevolent smile. "I am still a prince, you know; how could Jaden do any better than yours truly?"
Jaden shook her head at him. "Still as arrogant as ever, aren't you?"
Vegeta smirked at her. "You know you like me that way. I certainly heard no complaints earlier."
Zarbon clenched his fists and gnashed his teeth. "How could you do what you did to her, Vegeta?"
Vegeta grinned, as he smoothly ran a palm along Jaden's thick, muscled arm. "She didn't try to stop me, you know, Zarbon. I assure you that our time together was mutually consensual."
A wobbling Ginyu was leaning against Zarbon's back for support. "But-but, I didn't think that you two could even, well, you know--"
"Screw, get it on, whatever, Ginyu?" Jaden prompted. "Yeah, it was definitely possible, trust me."
Chestra's head popped in between the trembling bodies of Ginyu and Zarbon. Her jade-green eyes threatened to burst from their sockets, and her mouth was in a small, surprised O. A low, involuntary gasp escaped from her lips.
Vegeta grinned at her. "Hello, Chestra, how are you? Relax, my dear; Jaden will be glad to tell you later all about my amazing prowess."
Before Chestra could think of a response, Jaden pounded her fist into Vegeta's arm to reward him for his remark. "Prick!" she cried, half-indignantly. Vegeta merely chuckled in response.
"What in the HELL is going on here?" Frieza's voice roared from behind Ginyu. Everyone stared at their ruler, mildly surprised to hear him use such language, and even more surprised to find him up at this hour. Although he was in his traveling pod, he could not see over the heads of the taller Ginyu and Zarbon.
"Um...sire, you really don't want to know," Ginyu told him truthfully.
"He's right, milord," Dodoria added. "Why don't you get back to bed, and I'll bring you some warm milk, fluff your pillows, tuck you in..." He stopped speaking when everyone, especially Frieza, glared at him. "I mean, well, maybe you'd prefer to rest for now, sire."
"I want to know what is going on--now," Frieza ordered in a steely tone that left no room for argument.
Zarbon gulped, feeling reluctantly that it was up to him to soften the blow of Jaden and Vegeta's recent liaison. With sweat drops clinging to his forehead, he said slowly, "Vegeta apparently convinced poor Jaden into having a small--very small, I assure you--tryst recently."
Vegeta halfway remarked that it didn't take much convincing on his part to seduce Jaden, but Jaden cleared her throat warningly before he could finish, and he fell silent.
"JADEN AND VEGETA SLEPT TOGETHER?" Frieza roared.
Everyone else nodded very meekly, but Diamonique flung herself upon Frieza's pod and sobbed wildly. "Sire! It's truly horrible! Please tell me you'll punish Jaden, please!"
Frieza shoved her off of his pod with one annoyed hand, and she collapsed to the floor. He turned his reddish eyes to Zarbon and said in a tone between shock and anger, "Zarbon, please tell me that this is a bad joke you Elites decided to play on me!"
Zarbon, feeling as if he wanted to cry, shook his head slowly.
"Tell Jaden to come out here immediately!"
Before Zarbon could carry out that order, Jaden herself pushed past Dodoria and Ginyu to enter the crowded corridor. She pulled her plain black robe tighter around her massive body and looked at Frieza expectantly.
Frieza crossed his arms and tried to use his best threatening glare to intimidate Jaden into quick remorse and fear, but suddenly he felt his stomach eating at itself, and his expected sharp rebuke twisted into a painful groan:
"Jaaadennn...I...know you...don't have many...choices for...lovers...but even...you...can do...better...than...Vegeta." His subordinates would have laughed at Frieza's pitiful attempt to scold Jaden, but none of them were that eager to die.
The normally confident Jaden wasn't sure whether to grin and brag a bit about Vegeta's performance in bed, or to show her own brand of remorse and assure Frieza grudgingly that she wouldn't have another tryst with her Saiyan lover. Before she could decide, Frieza clutched at his stomach and started his pod with his free hand.
"Zarbon, Dodoria! Find me antacids immediately!"
"Y-Yes, sire!" both men echoed.
"And...Z-Zarbon, talk to Jaden about this matter, not that she'll listen, but do so anyway!"
"Of-of course, sire!"
Groaning loudly, Frieza continued to hold onto his stomach, as his pod started floating away. Zarbon ordered Dodoria to go fetch Frieza's medicine, and afterwards, he started waving at his fellow Elites with both hands.
"Alright, everyone, show's over! Go to bed, all of you! Nothing more to see!"
"Hell, if there isn't," one Lower-Elite catlike male hooted. "I'm stayin'!"
Zarbon fired a warning ki blast at his feet.
"Um...never mind, Commander, you're right, you're right! I'm goin'!"
Reluctantly, the others slowly started to leave, with Diamonique still cursing and crying. Only Chestra remained hesitantly by Zarbon's side, and they were both looking at Jaden in tempered shock. The corridor was eerily silent, except for the monotonous hum of the air vents.
Jaden merely shrugged her wide shoulders. "Look you two; what Vegeta and I did was no different than what you two do all the time...I'm happy, okay? Never been better. Vegeta's quite the lover, you know."
"Of-of course," Chestra stammered. "But-but him of all people?"
Jaden grinned and patted Chestra's shoulder. "Yeah, him. Diamonique was right about one thing--the younger, the better. Don't worry about me; I'm a grown woman and can take care of myself. Zarbon, relax, will you? You look like you're about to faint. Why don't you and Chestra go back to one of your suites?"
"But-but, Jaden--" Zarbon began, but Jaden held out her hand.
"Zarbon, be happy for me, will you? Yeah, I know Vegeta's young, but he's more man than you know. I'm content. You two go."
Zarbon nodded weakly, suddenly longing for one of Frieza's antacids himself, as Jaden waved at him and Chestra nonchalantly. She strolled back into her suite.
As the door slid closed, she leaned against the wall. Cautiously, she cocked her head towards the door and held her breath, listening for several minutes for any noise outside her room. To her relief, Chestra and Zarbon's retreating footsteps could no longer be heard.
The corners of her mouth twitched involuntarily, and her usually strong hand, which had been covering it, could restrain it no longer. Stifled chortles escaped from her mouth, as she collapsed to the floor.
Vegeta's eyes widened when he saw his partner fall to the floor, but he did not rush to her immediately. His concerned frown curled up into a grin, and he threw back his head, with his wiry hair brushing the wall above Jaden's headboard. Wicked, raucous chuckles burst forth from his throat.
Jaden, rolling around on the floor, was laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. She pounded the floor excitedly with hammering fists and thumping tails. Between laughs, she choked out, "Hah, Vegeta, I can't believe it! I didn't think anyone would really fall for our gag!"
Vegeta calmed his laughter a little. He placed his hands behind his head and smirked. Still chuckling, he said, "Why didn't you believe it? Everyone already thought we were seeing each other anyway!"
Taking deep, panting breaths, Jaden grinned. Laying on one side lazily, she replied, "Yeah, Vegeta, but I don't think anyone really wanted to believe it. The looks on everyone's faces were priceless."
"They had it coming to them!" Vegeta insisted. "It was clever of us to suggest to Reccoom that he have Guido return Dodoria's girdle. I knew Dodoria would force that four-eyed weakling to tell him the truth and then come after us. We just barely escaped Dodo in time this afternoon, and we were fortunate enough to return in time for him to catch us like he did."
"Frieza will be gobbling the remains of his antacids, but tonight was worth it, Vegeta, I'll give you that."
Vegeta stretched his arms and arose out of Jaden's bed, wearing only his pants. Jaden scratched at her chest through her robe; the dark blue bandage she had worn to convince everyone that she had been topless in front of Vegeta was itchy.
As she started to arise, Vegeta strolled towards her, as he pulled on his shirt. Before she could stand up full straight, he leaned over and kissed her quickly on her cheek. She could do nothing to prevent her involuntary smile or the faint stains of scarlet on her leathery, dark cheeks.
"Heh, thanks," she said quickly and gruffly. "But what was that for?"
"For everything, of course," he replied simply. "Good night, Jaden. I suppose we'll have to eventually let everyone know the truth, won't we?"
She tried to banish the burning warmth from her face, but she couldn't. "Ah...nah...let 'em sweat for about a week--or until Frieza runs out of antacids, whichever comes first."
Vegeta chuckled, holding his waist firmly with his hands. "Now everyone will really have something to talk about. Of course, we probably should stay out of Frieza's firing range for a while. Good night. Sleep well."
'Night, Vegeta."
But before her door could close behind Vegeta's departing back, she heard Dodoria's anguished cries:
"Sire, please, please forgive me, but Dr. Katsen said that there are...no more antacids on the ship."
Frieza's furious "WHAT?" through Zarbon's scouter reverberated throughout the corridor.
THE END