Chapter 21

Psychedelic Hollow

Itsmeocean@hotmail.com

Recovering from that twinge of jealousy which strangely pricked him with the needles of guilt as well, Joe tried to find humor again in Marcie's shocked expression as he tottered behind the rest of them up the stairs but failed. He was envious, yes, but not because of Nancy's blatant admiration for Frank. In a way, it could be anybody else and he would still be a little sore. He knew there was always an underlying competitive current beneath the placid waters of brotherly love between him and Frank. Friendly, constructive and nothing detrimental. Yet, there were times when the little brother in him just wanted to measure up to his big brother- and even surpass Frank. He wanted to be the one to genteelly intrude into the meeting; the one who could stun a draconian to speechlessness; the one with the cocky arched brow, extremely sure of himself.

Frank, probably sensing was amiss, stopped for a moment while Nancy continued walking almost alongside Marcie; and glanced behind, smiling at Joe who reciprocated weakly. He could still see the victorious glint in Frank's dancing brown eyes, which, as he realized now, was more than just arrogance. There was relief in the depths and through the look; Joe caught his brother's silent message.

This is it, kiddo.  We'll have some answers very soon.

Rather shamefully remembering that it wasn't competition that mattered now but  Justin's name and innocence, Joe smiled wider and jogged up the stairs two steps at a time to make up for the distance which he was lagging behind.

Silly me. Frank's feeling triumphant not because he thought he upped everybody but because there's a breakthrough finally. A breakthrough that can help everyone involved in this stupid mess find peace, Joe self-chided  as he caught up with his brother and Nancy.

Sorry, Justin. I wasn't focusing. This is about you and only you. I'll clear your name; I know how you must have felt before you left us for heaven.

Marcie led them up the stairs and down the hallway on the second floor to a room tucked right at the back, away from the sun. Without preamble, she reached for a key in her pants' pocket and turned it in the lock, throwing the door open to reveal a murky interior.

"He's inside," Marcie coldly informed them, her eyes fixed on the room with unhidden disgust, "Lying on the bed since I fetch him from the station. Soon, he'll morph into his father."

"Thank you, Mrs. Brown. I think we'll like to have some time alone with him." Nancy requested politely and Marcie grunted, spun on her heels and marched away wordlessly, the sound of her stilettos clicking against the floor reverberated frostily off the walls.

Nancy and Frank exchanged a quick glance before entering the room, making Joe feel rather left out, as usual. If Colin's a pretty girl, then maybe there would be some role for him. But since Colin's a guy and, together, Nancy and Frank had a combine IQ of probably 350, Joe didn't mind just following behind them and letting them do all the work, witnessing, as an indirect guilty party, the chemistry reacting between them; very much like old times.

"Hi, Colin. You have met us before. I'm Nancy. The man beside me is Frank and Joe's there by the doorway. Isn't it a little dark in here? Can we draw the curtains back?"

There was no sound from the pile covered by a blanket on the double bed. The only thing assuring Joe that Colin was indeed underneath the blanket was the rising and falling movements, indicting breathing.

"I'm going to draw the curtains now, Colin. And then we are going to ask you some simple questions. All you have to do is answer us very honestly, all right? We have some news for you too- bad news, I'm afraid." Nancy spoke, as if in a monologue due to the unresponsiveness of the subject, as she walked steadily towards the windows and drew the drapes aside, allowing bright sunlight to filter in. As if a curse had been lifted, the room seemed less ominous and when she pushed opened the windows to let fresh air in, Joe had a weird feeling of being freed from some suffocating bondage.

Colin growled under his covers but didn't move. Frank pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down while Joe took his place at one corner, leaning against the wall. Nancy stood beside Frank and it was she who pulled the covers sharply away, revealing a disheveled, unshaven and irritated young man.

"What the hell?" Colin muttered and turned away from Frank, only to face Joe who smiled and waved languidly. He glowered and tried to lift the covers over himself again when Frank grabbed his right hand and dangled a packet of tiny, white pills over Colin's eyes.

The sight of those pills caused Nancy's eyes to widen in surprise.

"Colin, I want some straight answers and if you do count Justin as your friend, then you better come clean with me. This, along with some colored pills along with packets of powder labeled 'K', the latter which I'll assume is Ketamine, is found in your dad studio's safe. He told he lost the key long ago and I found it hidden in the garage. Care to enlighten me on my findings?"

"I don't know what they are. If you believe my dad, then you're just as much of a fruitcake as he is." Colin spat, wrestling with Frank for control of his blanket.

"Colin, I don't want to be the one to break this news to you but it seemed like you have no idea about it. Justin died early this morning. From what I know, he didn't even regain consciousness to bid anyone farewell..." Frank eyed Colin gravely, setting the packet aside. Colin's expression changed from one of insolence to astonishment in an instant. He shook his head vigorously, giving a low, sarcastic chuckle.

"You detectives ran out of tactics? Resorting to emotional blackmail? Justin is fine. Ecstasy doesn't kill anyone."

"It does, Colin. It killed Justin." Nancy repeated the news softly, "Justin died with his name tainted. If you know anything that can help your friend rest in peace, do tell us. I can help you bargain for better terms."

Colin sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes darting from Frank to Nancy and then to Joe. Justin's death weighing heavily on his chest, Joe couldn't do anything to meet Colin's questioning look but keep his eyes solemnly downcast.

"I know you care for your friend. You helped us find him once. And only close friends who knows each other very well can guess one another's intentions like you guessed Justin's whereabouts so accurately," Frank said gently, "And you know Justin well enough to be able to tell us if he…"

"I don't know." Colin mumbled, interrupting Frank's implorations, "I don't know anything. You can talk to my lawyer or my mother. I don't know anything."

"Colin…"

"Please go. I don't want to have anything to do with liars." Colin curled up in a fetus position and held a pillow close to his chest, burying his face into its side. "Just go."

"Colin…" Frank prompted again but Colin cut him off, shouting into his pillow.

"GO AWAY! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE ALL OF YOU! ALL OF YOU! GO! GO AWAY!!!!"

***

"…so our only lead is this Tobias guy. But he's not in Bayport now, according to his fiancée. Most likely, he's in New York City and I'll want him to be in New York City." Nancy updated Frank on her findings while Joe listlessly and deftly twirled a pencil with his fingers, having heard everything before and feeling extremely disheartened by the events. Justin's death didn't get easier to deal with each passing second. In fact, it got even more strenuous on his emotions. Couple that with Colin's reluctance to talk despite knowing about the news, Joe felt like some useless thing just hovering around Frank and Nancy who managed to keep their feelings in check to work effectively on the case. Maybe it was because they hadn't talk to Justin like he did or maybe they had nothing in common with Justin. Whatever the reason, Joe was morbidly affected, and it got harder and harder to concentrate.

Another part of him was vaguely amused. How could Frank and Nancy shift into such professional gear with all that had transpired among them and Callie? Kudos to his brother for really knowing how to separate affairs of the heart from business. Now, it seemed like nothing had happened as they both mulled over the case in Frank's office. There was no apparent awkwardness as the both of them simply just dove into the case when they reached Hardy Investigations.

"Why? Nan, is there something that you didn't tell us earlier?" Frank hunched over the work desk, holding Nancy in close scrutiny. Nancy leaned back against the swivel chair and smiled grimly.

"The FBI actually has suspected very indistinct links between the supply of Rofomyn in the US with a mafia group called the Calabornes. The Calabornes' stronghold is in NYC and they conduct their businesses under very legit set-ups. Whatever we can bust only scratch the surface of their illicit dealings as they hide behind layers and layers of scapegoats. However, we only have suspicions, hunches and the word of very untrustworthy informants who can easily defect. Mine disappeared on me recently and I'm very sure if we are successful in this case, I'll see him in the round-up… hey… this chair rocks… where did you buy this kind of combination swivel arm…"

Frank's anxious tone broke Joe away from his pre-occupation. "Nan, don't rock too…"

The chair! I have forgotten to fasten the screw!!!!!

"OUCH!"

Oops…

Crashing down onto the floor, Nancy struggled to sit up, rubbing her pelvic. Joe jumped up from the spare chair to help her up, so did Frank. She glared at both of them, refusing their assistance as she pushed herself up painfully by grabbing the table top. Frank threw him an annoyed glance and he grinned sheepishly at Nancy, rubbing the back of his neck simultaneously.

"Is this a trick or something?"

"No, Nan. Joe happened to the chair. Joe, let Nancy sit on your chair."

"Roger." Joe scampered over, happy for something to do, letting Frank handle the delicate situation. Frank was apologizing profusely to Nancy while Joe switched their chairs, checking to see that the chair he was sitting on was secured.

"What did you do to it? And why didn't you warn me? I think my butt's bruised." Nancy groused, sitting down very carefully onto the safe seat, grimacing as she tried to make herself comfortable, "I'm going to be sore for days."

"If it's any consolation, at least it's not your face!" Joe chimed, clamming up immediately when Nancy shot him a deadly look. Frank sniggered uncontrollably, earning the same glower from her.

"Joe loosens screws on chairs so he can double them up as rocking chairs… I'm so sorry. Joe, from now on, you can only do this to your own chair outside…" Frank chided him with as straight a face as possible, "Unless I command you otherwise."

"Your wish is my command, Boss. Sorry, Nan… really. I guess I wasn't focusing."

"Then you should. Joe, we need your brains as well and we can see you're very affected by what happened. But we're a team and I'm sure you want to prove Justin's innocence fast, right?" Nancy's anger dissolved into serious concern. Frank smiled at him consolingly and patted his shoulder.

"Right bro. When it comes to work like ours, we cannot afford to be distracted. Other people depend on us. We can always grieve later."

"I know. But… I mean, I talked to the guy…" Joe sank down onto the rickety chair and leaned over, rubbing his face vigorously, "I thought I can practice control like the both of you but sometimes, I wonder if the two of you are heartless! Or too jaded! I can't, all right? Justin's dead; Colin's not talking; we have a Tobias whose face we don't even know!"

"Joe, listen. We not saying we can't feel. We're just saying that we have to put our priorities right. And right now, the case is more important than our emotions. Conrad didn't pay us to grieve for his brother." Frank reasoned a little too sternly for Joe's liking. He uncovered his face and bit his lips, looking away from Frank.

"Frank's right, Joe. Why don't you go wash your face and then come back?"

"Conrad didn't pay us to grieve but I like to think that I'm a human being." Joe shot back, "With feelings! You don't seem to care about anything! Not Justin's death, not Callie's anger at you, both of you. And yah, looking back, when you broke the news to Colin, you really sounded like you're using the information to blackmail Colin and it probably didn't even matter if Justin's dead or not!"

A tense silence blanketed the small office and Joe knew immediately after the words tumbled out of his mouth that he had taken a cheap shot at Frank. Whatever the reason, whether he honestly begrudge Frank for being able to immerse in work so easily or that he was still angry at Frank for last night's fight, or that he really didn't like the close proximity still existing between Nancy and Frank,  he knew it was wrong of him to accuse Frank like that. Frank made sense- people depended on his equanimity in chaos and despair to get the job done. 

"Go wash your face, Joe." Frank mumbled, taking his place behind the work desk. Nancy gazed at Joe earnestly, as if she wanted Joe to just apologize and end this argument.

"I'm sorry, bro. Sorry, Nan. You're right, I need to get my priorities right." Joe muttered, his hands in his pockets. Frank shook his head and waved him on.

"Nothing to apologize for. I know we have our emotions, and more importantly, I know you." Frank mustered a strained smile, "I hope you know me too."

"I know. I… I think I want to go home for a while." Joe shrugged, smiling resignedly at himself. There, his motor-mouth had done it again. What was it with this case? Why had it caused him and Frank to keep flaring up at each other? Joe didn't want their relationship to sour but it seemed like there were too many underlying issues between the both of them.

"I will discuss the case with Nan for a while more too." Frank replied, his lips still stretching grotesquely with that smile which seemed more like a mark of disappointment. Joe glanced at Nancy and pointed to the door.

"I'll be going now, ahm, bye, Nan. I'm really, really sorry."

"Bye, Joe. Have a good rest. Maybe we can catch up in a couple of hours."

With that, he left the office for home, feeling like a reprimanded dog with its tail between its legs.

***

"Are you all right?" Nancy gazed at him worriedly after Joe left. Frank stared at her blankly for a while before laughing softly.

"Yes, I am. Don't worry. Joe's under stress. I didn't take it to heart."

"He mentioned something about you and Callie and me… I think I need to tell you something, Frank…"

"Nan…" He interrupted her, not wishing to talk about anything but work. It kept him sane and seemed less complicated than his own life. If Colin could talk and with the new tidbit offered up by Nancy, maybe they would wrap the case up soon. The only problem now, as he saw it, was getting Colin to open up.

"Frank, it's pretty important…" Nancy persisted, her blue eyes gazing into his intently, "I…"

"I'm more interested in the Calabornes. Don't worry, Nan. It's not your fault. It's all mine. Whatever it is, I should have been a better fiancé to Callie. Who knows? Maybe Callie and I are just not meant to be."

"Did she come and find you?"

Frank dropped his head for a brief second, trying to swallow down the lump lodged in his throat, "We are keeping our marriage plans on hold indefinitely."

"Oh…" Nancy squeaked, "I…"

"So!" He exclaimed, injecting some enthusiasm to chase away the gloom, "The Calabornes?"

Nancy stretched her lips thin and stared at him contemplatively for a moment before letting out a deep sigh, "The Calabornes are filthy rich and disgusting animals. We know they have a hand in every vice that exists on Earth and maybe even invented some. But we don't have anything on them. We have very sketchy links between them and Rofomyn but nothing concrete. If we were to make hasty moves, we'll only be able to catch the small fries. Then they will lie low and clean up their tracks. The cycle will begin again and we'll never be able to penetrate their heart. Outwardly, they seemed to turn legit with flourishing businesses. We have tried to establish their outfits as fronts for their malicious activities but so far…" She wrinkled her nose and shook her head dejectedly.

"Maybe they will slip up this time."

"Maybe." Nancy remarked dryly.

Frank glanced at the clock. Time slipped away fast when they were racing against it for an urgent purpose. "Do you want to have dinner with me? We can order pizza delivery. I don't feel like going anywhere right now."

"Neither do I." Nancy reached across the table and took his hands in hers. It was probably a friendly touch of comfort but it just broke his heart even more. Knowing full well that he shouldn't be near her unless strictly necessary since his mind was made up, he was still unable to let her go. With resolve, he pulled his hands away and she jerked back, as if electrocuted.

"I'm sorry." She said quickly. He merely shook his head and nodded towards the door.

"Maybe I should send you back."

"Yup, maybe that's the best thing we can do right now." She acquiesced. They made their way to the front door of Hardy Investigations and Frank waited until she was out before switching off all the lights.

There. Just like my life. All dim, cluttered and lonely.

He drove her to her hotel and they made small talk along the way. Somehow, he knew he would always remember the car ride as the end of something beautiful but finished, like a poignant painting already framed and hung. Any lingering bonds between them were cut, paving way for new connections like innocent friendship. They didn't openly acknowledge that of course. They simply know.

Returning to his apartment, he switched on the lights and stood by the doorway, looking into his living space as if it was all alien to him- the furniture, the colors, the ornaments. He felt detached from them. Sure, he had seen his own apartment many times before but never quite like this. An image from the past interlaced with his present. He was sitting on Joe's bed two days after his brother took off- the same feeling of loneliness covering him like an abhorrent cloak which had chose to clothe him, promising to never leave him.

"Look, Laura! Look at your fine son! He gave his brother money to run away- elope! Frank, are you suddenly stupid? Where can Joe go? How will he support Vanessa and the baby?"

"Better than anyone can, dad!  At least he wants to! And the baby has a name! Hallie!"

For months he had been alone. Callie's love couldn't warm him. His dad wouldn't talk to him and his mom couldn't hide her disappointment. Frustration, rage and anxiety caused them to be exceptionally hostile creatures and home an ice palace. The only place he found some solace was Joe's room, going through every word and action of that fateful night he drove his brother to Vanessa's place, looking for assurance that he hadn't done the wrong thing and absolution if he had.

Until Joe's first email came and he knew his brother was alive, married and their baby was healthy, active and extremely chubby. How he cried silently as he read the mail from his computer screen, his tears a mixture of selfless joy and selfish sorrows. Then he printed it out and slipped the letter underneath his parent's bedroom door- it was that exact moment his loneliness dispelled as he took the first step to healing his family.

Nope, Joe didn't know the hell they went through. Joe didn't have to know.

Then it came back to him again when he decided to leave Nancy, knowing their love, which he abandoned Callie for, was futile- intense, passionate but nonetheless in vain. Loneliness, a friend obsessed, haunted his every step. Who was his savior then? Callie. Callie came back and somehow, with her concern, love and wiles, yes, wiles, she made a home in his heart. They had a love better than before; everlasting and indomitable they became. He scrimped and saved for the ring. And when his career took off, he bought this apartment.

This apartment. Ah. Now he knew why it was so foreign. All the furniture, colors, ornaments and layouts- he chose with her in mind. They picked many stuff together and everything was decided just so when they married, she would be able to call this place her own as well. Everything inside shared a common dream and served a common purpose.

Now that the dream was gone, everything inside lacked life and lustre. The home became an empty house serving the needs of the body but unable to provide the spirit a sanctuary. Unlike when Joe left, unlike when he broke up with Nancy, this time, this loneliness seemed permanent because he knew her.

She's not coming back, he thought to himself, eyes welling up as his chest was crushed most painfully.

He stepped inside this house which no longer welcomed him and closed the door. Alone again, he slumped down onto the cool couch and gazed at the empty screen of the television.

I know you, Callie. You're not coming back to me.