Chapter 25

itsmeocean@hotmail.com

Nancy sat across Tobias Anderson in the interrogation room. The man was clearly tired after hours of fruitless questioning by the police. She hadn't taken over until then because she was investigating and putting together certain findings, drawing correlations and expounding theories. Now, even if Tobias should deny anything, it wouldn't matter as they had a compiling case against him and a new insight into Rofomyn which could, perhaps if the Bureau was lucky, bring down the Calabornes as well.

But that would be in the future. For now, she had broken new, important ground. Maybe the veterans would take over. Nancy was due for a break and some commendation.

A part of her smiled delightfully.

Maybe not.

They found him embracing a quivering Lisa McCain tightly in the basement of their house- its entrance hidden underneath the carpeting. It was that sight of a slight man, probably only about five foot seven and thin as a stick, trying his best to protect his fiancée which tempered Nancy's judgment of him. The future, though, didn't look good for the soon to be separated lovebirds.

"I'm FBI Agent Drew."

"Lisa told me you visited her."

Nancy smiled grimly, "I hear from the police that you haven't been co-operative."

"What's there to be co-operative about? You probably think you know everything anyway. Even if I was to insist I'm innocent, it makes no difference." Tobias raised his head, his black hair falling limply over his sunken dark eyes, "I have a crooked nose and a too-sharp chin. One look and the jury will determine me as guilty."

Yes. You have nothing to be co-operative about. It's the Calabornes you crossed. Damned if you tell us everything, damned if you don't. Makes no difference, you're right.

Still, she opened up the manila folder and then threw him a blank look, "I have with me your previous addresses, convictions, your mobile phone records as well as those of Ol'Bart and the hit-men, Sean and Gerald Brody. Funny how the four of you have called this common number- you and Ol'Bart on quite a few occasions, and Sean and Gerald on the day news of Kimberly Crawell's death hit the media. The number belonged to a guy called Reginald Orson, the CE of a pharmaceutical firm based in New York, called LifeMinerals. Do you know that Orson had long been suspected by the FBI to be linked to a mafia group headed by the Calabornes?"

Tobias shrugged and smiled at Nancy wearily. She decided to continue, watching his expression carefully. It was as if as she spoke, a pall had descended upon his face and in his eyes, he was already facing his executioner.

"You and Ol'Bart thought to kill Justin and Colin via Ecstasy pills. The police were hot on Justin about the Rofomyn and you know sooner or later, they will trace it to Ol'Bart and then you if Justin broke down and reveal what he knew. And you have dipped your hands before in contaminated batches, haven't you? Each town you stayed in have one or two cases of teenagers succumbing to ill-effects from contaminated Ecstasy. Anyway, no one will have suspected foul play and it would have worked perfectly if Colin had taken those blasted pills as well. But fate should intervene and Colin, unluckily for you, didn't ingest those pills. But looking at the phone records before me, I'll gather it makes no difference if you killed Colin and Justin or not. The moment Kimberly Crawell's death is made public, the Calabornes placed a bounty on your head because you are directly linked to Orson and thus, you are too close- too dangerous."

Tobias laughed nervously, shaking his head.

"Is Kevin McCain in on it too? You know about his financial difficulties. You offered him money for the use of his warehouses as rave parties' sites. The money is good, isn't it? There's no way you could have afford all that you have given Lisa on a salesman salary. Last we check, you don't even have an occupation. Last we checked, you have a huge supply of drugs, including Rofomyn in a locked trunk in your attic and your fingerprints are all over the packages inside."

"Kevin isn't in on it, neither is Marie or Lisa." Tobias spoke finally, his reedy voice soft with regrets, "I rented the place from Kevin, telling him I was doing some business on the side and needed some place to stash some of my goods. He was grateful for the help."

"You checked out of the hotel you were staying at in New York on the day that Ol'Bart died. What made you think that your life, and Lisa's, were in danger?"

"I don't." Tobias clammed up again, "I only saw two men coming towards my house with guns so I hid with her in the basement."

Nancy closed the file and looked at Tobias intently, "I'll let you think about your answers. Either way, it doesn't look good for you. If you help us arrest the Calabornes, you may even be granted immunity, as a witness."

Tobias narrowed his gaze at her, his eyes contemplating gravely but he said nothing else.

***

Nothing could have prepared them for the sight.

The day of Justin funeral was also the day for Colin's court case. It was almost ominous how the skies cried that morning- how melancholic gray dawn was when they woke up. Even though the rain pouring, there was no lightning or thunder- the heavens were not striking out in vengeance. Cold and tragic, the rain pelted the leaves of trees, hammered the droopy flowers, pounded onto the ground, demanding an answer and yet, receiving the hollow answer of nothingness in return.

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry. All my life, I know I have been the blight that caused you to clench your hands with regret, the pebble in your shoe that you just can't shake away. Yet, I also know you loved me the best you can. And that's enough, really. I'm not even a Brown but you let me have the name. I am the manifestation of your mistake and I guess I am a pretty good personification of it as well. It's okay. You gave me life and despite many qualms I have against it, there are moments, deep, joyous moments that being alive for even a second it worth it.

Policemen cordoned off the garage and tried to steer onlookers away- especially the few who were so curious such that they didn't know they were inching too close towards the tragedy for comfort. Harold Wain leaned against a wall, his gaze hollow and his mouth gaping, as if in shock. The wails of a mother- wounded cries of a heart shattered by regrets, anger and anguish- pierced the air chillingly. Marie Brown, dressed in uncoordinated t-shirt and jeans, her hair uncombed, was cradling the dead body of her son, Colin, rocking him to and fro as if he was still a baby and needed that calming motion to help him sleep, soothing him with a lullaby that could wake the dead.

You see how I talk about life as if it's a dreadful thing? Truth is, mom, my life is extended by the compassion shown by someone for a stranger. In the basement toilet of my school, long debased by boys who couldn't aim, the blade almost kissed my wrist. But he saw me, mother. Justin, my only friend, the one you hated, saw me and stopped me. We didn't even know each other then. But he reached out his hand and I took it. We became friends. Those were the moments I believe I lived for as it was only when I'm around him that I felt truly alive. How can I not? He gave my life back to me.

Colin- the difficult young man. A noose hung at rest above him His eyes were closed, his palsied skin cold and slack. A bluish tinge colored his lips- lips that would never open, lips forever closed to halt those sarcastic barbs. No one would ever know the workings of his mind because all who cared were already dead. Perhaps it was then that Marie felt the closest to her son. She did loved him, after all. Joe could tell. He shivered a little and Frank draped an arm across his shoulders. Calming down, grateful for the support, Joe leaned a little against his brother, hawking down a lump constricting his throat.

I know you will never be able to understand the world I live in. I don't understand it myself too. It got so that I begin to wonder which is real- this world or the one I retreat to? The psychedelic swirls, the dances with wolves and yes, crinkled skies splitting apart, raining down beams of neon lights… I remembered laughing and I remembered waking. I remembered the hollow I felt as the colors I saw echoed before my eyes. I honestly don't know which hell I prefer. But I think I'm going to find out.

There was a suicide letter and a confession. Nancy already told them that the log book she found in Ol'Bart's apartment was flooded with entries of all who bought drugs from him. Under Colin's initials, CB, there was a record for ten Rofomyn pills. Frank found only nine in Colin's stash.

Yet, knowing Colin used one pill wasn't the same as knowing why. The confession shocked many to silence and disbelief. Colin had much to hide- Justin hadn't known just how much of a friend he was to Colin.

I owe Justin three lives, mom. I owe him Kimberly's life, his life and my own. So now, I'm giving one back to him. That night, mom, is something I can never live with. Up till now, I don't even know where I found the guts to perform such perversity and why I didn't have the courage to face up to it. Yet, when someone is so near and yet so far, the yearning is impossible to comprehend and the devastation of my heart each day is impossible to bear.

He is innocent, mom. Let the world know that. I cannot, after all, betray a friend and let his name be poisoned by the venom of lies. That night, it was I, in my moment of folly, who drugged the drink. But the drink wasn't for Kimberly. She came along and said she was thirsty. He kept the colored pills but handed her the drink.

I can't say a thing, mom. I watched her drink it down. I remembered bitterly thinking about the waste before being hit by the guilt and disgrace. I thought it shouldn't matter. Maybe things will work out. He will have what he was shamefully dreaming off during the hottest hours of the humid nights. And I will not have turned most vilely traitorous towards the one I love the most.

But she died.

Mom, do you see? I am scared to death; fear and shame had rendered my soul cold with fright. The colors aren't pretty anymore- I see hues and shapes forming into putrid, rotting monsters coming to shackle and torment me for eternity. I'm so frightened, mom… you will never know. You will never understand. But can you hold me like how you used to hold me? Close to your bosom, singing me a song, easing the hollow I feel eating me up from the pits of my guts. I remember those moments from my childhood. I remember them everyday of my life.

I do love you, mom. I do love dad too. In my own, hostile and thorny nature, I do love all of you. And I know the both of you do love me too. It's just that sometimes in life, now I know, things just don't work out the way we want them too. But I'm a coward. I really can't bear to stand trial.

So hold me mom, for as long as you can for once they bury me, you're never going to hold me again. Remember you have me as a son just for today and forget me for always. You have brother and sister, they do you proud. It'll be okay. I know you're a strong woman. You will move on. And you will help dad along. I know you love him too. There is really nothing standing between you and him now. Your love will no longer be scandalous.

Your son,

Colin

P/S: I always wanted to be a writer, mom, not a bum ensnared in his own psychedelic prison.