Well, that's enough yapping on my part. Enjoy Chapter 12 as it represents some of my best writing in ages. 'Till next time!
P4Pancho
Chapter 12 – Insults, Curses, and BloodThe arm-wrestling was taking longer than the three judges expected.
Junior, who was kneeling beside the table where Cruton and Senza were battling it out, rested his head on his crossed arms as his brother tried to psyche out the tight-lipped pirate.
"I have a question," Cruton began, a bead of sweat slithering down his pointed nose, "how does it feel being so damn ugly?"
Tiredly, Junior looked over to Senza to see if he would respond to the insult, but as he expected the bearded pirate simply stared at the table and breathed. Junior returned his gaze to their clenched hands, which slowly neared Senza's rag, a familiar sight. For more than ten minutes, Cruton had had his opponent on the ropes several times only to be pushed back to the center by a colossal effort on Senza's part. Sure enough, inches away from defeat, the pirate summoned another burst of strength and fought the Zarep off for the moment, at least.
Junior respected the effort but knew that the pirate couldn't hold out forever. Out of all the men under Tetra's command, Senza had bothered him the least. Out of all of them, only he knew the value of silence. He reminded him of his brother Joe.
Cruton, on the other hand, behaved as if he didn't know the meaning of the word.
"If you were an animal, what would you be? A pig? Maybe a gull, or a guppy or something? Me, I think I'd be one of those man-fishes people are always talking about, you know? The ones that pop out of the water and talk to you? Yeah, if I could be any animal in the Great Sea, I'd pick the one that could talk, definitely.
"You know what other animal can talk? Well, do ya? Actually, I don't know if it's an animal, really—monster's probably a more fitting name, but what the hell, right? Moblins—I think that's what they're called—can talk. It kind of comes out all grunty, though—I hear those guys have horrible grammar. 'Me Garbor! Me gonna stab you in da neck and eat your eyeballs,' that sort of thing.
"You know… Now that I think about it, you know what?
"Yeah… You look exactly like a one of those moblins! Yeah, I mean, look at you. With that disproportionately large head, beady eyes and that wide nose of yours, well, you could probably stroll into the Forsaken Fortress and have dinner with one of those stinkin' monsters and nobody would be the wiser! Speaking of stinking, when's the last time you bathed, boy? You smell like a pork ass in heat…."
And all of that he said within the first five minutes,
In fact, Junior had tried to shut his brother up early on in the match on the grounds that he was being unsportsman-like, but Senza had merely shook his head. "No, it's okay. Let him talk if he wishes…."
And so he did. Constantly. So much so, in fact, that he was running out of material. Junior rolled his eyes as Cruton thought of a million ways to call Senza ugly when in reality he was no homelier looking than anybody else on the ship.
"You probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm talking serious now. You know you're ugly don't you? I mean, you have mirrors on this rig, I've seen'em. How can you walk around looking the way you do and not feel guilty about exposing people to such unpleasantness? Seriously, you should be ashamed of yourself. I mean, for the love of Nayru… did your father get your ass and your face mixed up when it came time to beat you or something, I mean yeesh…."
"You're so ugly that when you look at the ocean, the seas part."
"If I had a face like yours, I don't know what I'd do. Is suicide against our religion, Junior? Do we even have a religion? And would it really be considered suicide and not urban beautification?"
"Two chu-chus are sitting on the beach, minding their own business, and in comes Senza wearing nothing more than his knickers… You know, I'd finish this joke if the punch-line weren't so gosh-darned predictable…."
"You're ugly, you're ugly, you're ugly, you're ugly, you're ugly, you're ugly, you're ugly…."
"Hey, pal. Quick before someone sees—brush that thing off your face… Oh! You mean it's a beauty mark? Who says irony's only found in books?"
"If I had the choice between looking like you and being castrated by a cannon ball and a piece a string… Well, let me put it this way—LET HER RIP!"
"You can hear me right? And see me? Sorry, but anything that looks like that has got to be broken somehow…."
"Gosh darn you're ugly. Your mother should be thrown in prison for releasing upon the world the virulent repugnance that is you…."
"You know, in all fairness, you should be disqualified for using an illegal distraction—your face."
"Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ug-guh-lee!"
"You're so ugly that looking at you leaves a bad taste in my mouth… If I could, I'd put a 'Beware of Face' sign on your face… They say there's someone for everyone, but I think you're the exception—aren't there laws against bestiality? Imagine how this guy's kids are gonna look like, Junior… for their sake I hope they're born with hoofed feet and snouts and take after—"
And that's when it happened. Arm trembling, less than an inch away from defeat, Senza finally lifted his eyes and spoke. "Your mother?"
Junior raised his head as his brother self-destructed.
"What?!" shouted Cruton in a mixture of anger and disbelief. Senza felt the Zarep's grip ease for only a moment—it was more than enough.
The loud thump that filled the room as Senza drove Cruton's wrist into the rag and his knuckles onto the splintering wood of the table caused everyone, including the two remaining pairs of wrestlers, to gaze in the direction of the first defeat of the night.
As the others watched on in silence, Cruton slumped in his chair, his jaw slack, staring at the pirate as he rose to his feet. Wrist in hand, Senza again lowered his gaze. Junior eyed his brother in silence.
After a while, Senza looked to Cruton with only the tiniest smidgen of satisfaction on his face. "I didn't mean it by the way…." he said before walking over to Nudge's match.
Cruton turned to his brother unbelievingly. The head Zarep simply shrugged and proclaimed Senza the winner of the first match. If there was resentment in his voice, the others didn't notice.
Link stood between Gonzo and Flammy like the neglected child of two warring parents. Never before had the young boy from Outset heard such salient filth spew from the mouths of men. His pointed ears literally burned when Tetra, upon hearing a particularly crude remark, turned to him as if he were the one with the sailor's tongue. Not knowing what else to do, he simply shrugged and tried, once again, to calm the two competitors before they killed one another.
Carefully placing his hands on their shoulders, Link pleaded.
"Gentleman, is the language really necessar—"
"Why don't you just give up, pirate?" asked Flammy through clenched teeth. "Can't you see that your strength is no match for mine, or are you too stupid to know when you're beat?"
"Hah!" returned Gonzo, a bead of sweat slipping between the furrows of his brow. "Big talk for one whose team is down by one, yeah? A lot of good all those gum-drop muscles did your brother when Zuko fell him!"
"Zuko," seethed Flammy, "is a liar and cheat—a dirty, stinkin' cheat…."
"Better than a razor-nosed snake who doesn't know when to shut his bloody yap!"
"Why you!"
Link grimaced as once again the exchange devolved into a swearing bout. His grandmother had always disapproved strongly of the use of swears, so rarely did the boy ever partake in them. Even then, hundreds of miles away from home, on a ship filled with foul-mouth sailors, Link could not bring himself to say anything above the "B-word"—bastard—and even then he saved it for particularly taxing situations. Now, in the midst of a verbal onslaught between two very angry men, the boy had come to realize that there were words much, much, much worse than the B-word—S-words, A-words, the dreaded F-word, and even L and V-words that he didn't even know existed! Link thanked the Gods that his grandmother was not there to hear them….
After several minutes of mindless insult, Flammy lowered his head and took the conflict to another, more dangerous place. When he spoke, his voice was dry and low. Link couldn't help visualizing Orca's sword sitting at the bottom of his boat, out of reach, as he listened to the Zarep's threat.
"Pirate, I swear to you, if you insult my family one more time—"
Flammy did not flinch. "You'll what?" he asked, snarling. "Kill me? I would love to see you try…."
Link watched as Flammy's expression changed at the mention of death; it was as if some of the anger had diminished in his eyes, replaced by a gaze that was both distant and vacant.
It was a change that lasted only a moment.
"You're crazy, pirate. The only person thinking about killing is you. I wouldn't go farther than beating you within an inch of your life, which is what will happen if you insult my family one more time—"
"You should talk! Ever since you boarded our ship, you Zareps haven't showed us even a drip of respect—"
"Oh, just because we don't stick our tails between our legs and whimper at the sight of you in the halls? Because we dare to walk around with dignity, as men? Besides, why in the hell should any of us show even a speck of respect to a banana nosed ogre like yourself—"
It was then that Gonzo said something really bad.
Link slowly turned to the rapidly reddening mass of wrinkles and teeth that was Flammy's face.
"W-w-what did you say?!"
Before Gonzo could repeat his curse, Flammy began reciting a list of ill-deeds allegedly committed by the pirate's family members. Link gasped as the Zarep outlined, point by point, why Gonzo's mother was a very bad woman.
Not to be outdone, Gonzo offered a case of his own, proving, without a shadow of a doubt, that Flammy's mother was the source of all venereal diseases.
Link had long since given up on officiating the match and had resigned himself to watching as both men tried to pale the redness of the others face. It was getting to the point that Gonzo's entire body was approaching the same color as his nose! As a result, the two men were beginning to look more and more alike as time passed and fury increased to vein-popping proportions.
In the case of Gonzo the pirate, it seemed that the only thing fueling his limb in the face of Flammy's overwhelming strength was his rage.
However, just as it had happened in the previous match, at the moment when all seemed lost for the pirate, something unexpected happened—Gonzo broke Flammy's nose. His blow came at such an incredible speed that the only witness, the young judge with the burning ears, perceived it as only a quick vibration of the air followed by the appearance of Gonzo's arm spanning the distance between his shoulder and Flammy's face like a bridge of muscle and sinew—a marble monument to schoolyard violence.
Then they parted, the fist from the face, a highly pressurized ribbon of blood leaping from the Zarep's right nostril, hovering in the air like a crimson mist, as the body from which it came crashed onto the floor with a sound only a slab of flesh could make.
Everyone—Link, Cruton, Zuko, Tetra, Nudge and Joe—stopped dead in their tracks to witness the beginning of what would surely end in a fight to the death.
Despite the fact that their brother was lying on the ground bleeding, the three remaining Zareps did not come to his aid. Even more surprising was the fact that Tetra, who normally didn't tolerate violence of any sort amongst her men, said nothing. She just stood there, eyes wide, mouth agape, not believing what she heard come out of the mouth of Flammy Zarep shortly before being knocked out.
What he said to Flammy had been so vile, so mean-spirited, so unspeakable that it bordered on sacrilegious. No one on that boat, nay, no one in the entire Great Sea could fault Gonzo for what he did that night.
He approached the still body and motioned Link to wake him. Visibly shaken by the sudden violence (and the preceding curse) Link stared at the pirate, hesitating.
"Come boy," said Gonzo cradling his wrist, " we can't just leave him there, yeah?" His severe expression eased into a weary smile.
Somewhat relieved, Link kneeled down and began calling Flammy's name. The Zarep responded by snoring loudly.
"Slap him in the face." suggested Gonzo.
Linked looked at him wildly. Was he crazy…?
Junior and Cruton walked toward their brother.
"Yeah, that should do it, alright." said Junior matter-of-factly.
Cruton craned his head to inspect Flammy's nose, then looked to Link. "Yeah, this happens more often than you probably think. A good slap to the cheek oughta wake him right up."
Still in the middle of his own match, Joe took the time to ask if Flammy was alright, to which Cruton replied, "Yeah, yeah…"
Forsaking his better judgment, Link struck Flammy across the face and rolled backwards as the large man lurched forward and clutched his still bleeding nose. After a while, he looked to Gonzo with murderous eyes.
The pirate took a step forward and stood inches away from the Zarep. Those watching looked on with bated breaths.
Finally, Gonzo spoke. "You know, Flammy, there are some things in this world that I can take and others that I can't. One of them is hearing filth spoken in front of a lady," he pointed to Tetra; the young captain rolled her eyes, "now I've endured plenty of that tonight, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that someone would dare say that-that filth that you said in the presence of not just a lady, but a child…"
Tetra started what sounded like a protest, but Gonzo continued. "You should be ashamed."
Still glaring at the pirate, Flammy clutched his nose and with a sickening pop returned it to its original location. Breathing hard through the pain, it was a long time before he responded.
"So—is that how you feel about it, then?"
Gonzo lifted his head. "Yeah, I do."
Flammy nodded his head with that same vacant stare as before. It was if he were looking past Nudge.
"Fine," he said finally, "I'm sorry then."
Link's jaw dropped as a smile spread across the Zarep's face. He turned to Gonzo, who, amazingly enough, was also smiling. He didn't seem very surprised at the sudden turn of events at all.
He offered his hand to Flammy, who stared at it for a second before taking it. As he rose from the floor, he commented on how Gonzo had a "pretty good right hook."
The pirate chuckled. "So, no hard feelings then?"
"Nah," said Flammy, reaching for his towel, "I would've done the same—I crossed the line."
"Well, maybe just a little… let's go watch Nudge win, shall we?"
"Hah! That'll be the day… By the by, you wouldn't happen to have any red potion handy, would you?"
With that, the two men—one of whom was bleeding profusely into a towel—walked off, laughing and joking as if they were old friends.
Alone, Link stood limply thinking about what had just occurred. Then he announced that "by way of disqualification due to illegal knock-out" Flammy Zarep was the winner of the second match…
Although, in reality, he wasn't really sure of anything after that…
Inwardly, Tetra was saddened by what she saw. Nudge's arm trembled from exertion yet made no progress. His body seemed ready to collapse—every muscle was taut, the veins of his wrist seemed ready to burst, sweat glistened off his flesh like a second skin. And yet, it was not enough. Nothing the pirate could do would stop Joe's advance. It saddened her greatly to see him succumb without ever really having a chance.
Outwardly, however, her expression was impartial. It was important that neither side, the Zareps, particularly, perceived a bias on the part of the judges—any notion of foul play would only serve to exasperate what was already a tense situation. She just stood there waiting for the inevitable fall.
A droplet of sweat slipped from Nudge's nose and onto the wooden table where it pooled with the other drops. His head hung low, like Zuko's had, but not in defiance. Exhaustion was overtaking him. All of his being was being channeled into his right arm, leaving little for anything else. His breath came in shallow heaves.
Tetra's eyes turned to Joe. His face was blank. There was no anger in his eyes, no joy, no hunger for victory, nor fear of defeat. Just a blank stare directed at Nudge who sat there crumbling before him. No sympathy. No weakness.
Throughout the entire match, save for the one moment in which he asked for his brother, he had not spoken a single word. Not once since the instance when he and Nudge first locked hands did his look ever waver.
Joe was a sign with no writing, that pointed nowhere.
Behind her, Tetra heard Flammy and Gonzo whispering to each other.
"Your boy's putting up a pretty good fight, Gonzo, but he doesn't look too well. Perhaps the Cap'n should put a stop to it?"
"Can it, Flammy, we ain't gonna give it to you that easy."
"Guess I can't fool you, now can I?"
"Yeah."
"Seriously though, he does look quite bad."
"Yeah."
"But you're right, she shouldn't stop it. It wouldn't be right."
Tetra looked to Nudge again. His faced was hidden beneath his hair, which hung like wet rags in the sun. His arm was shaking less now; he was quickly approaching a forty-five degree angle.
What's so wrong with stopping it now? thought Tetra. Don't tell me these Neanderthals are still caught up on that whole pride and honor thing…
She peered to the right of her where Link sat kneeled beside Nudge. He was offering words of encouragement, urging him not to give in, to fight, fight, fight—basically what she herself would have been doing had she not been judge.
The look in his eyes, however, were alien to her. There was sympathy, yes, but with it were glimmers of fire—fraternal emotions of pain, blood, and war.
Admiration…
Link admired Nudge for fighting a losing battle. Perhaps he even dreamt of doing so himself one day—perhaps he already had…
Men are such idiots…*
Nudge's arm was now past the half-way point.
"Come on, Nudge, don't give up!" shouted Zuko.
Surprised by his uncharacteristic outburst, Tetra stared at the usually quiet pirate. Zuko was normally one of the most level-headed and rational members of her crew. That he could prescribe to such outdated concept as honor puzzled her. The ferocious look in his eyes startled her.
She looked around. That same look was on everyone's faces. Pirate or Zarep, it made no difference. There was a battle afoot and, as men, they were bound to participate, even if it meant doing so indirectly. Her men cheered on their champion, and even in the expressions of the three invaders, there gleamed the passion of suffering.
It was on the face of every man present—save for Joe. Never Joe.
Nudge's wrist was less than an inch away from the rag. The encompassing roar grew dimmer as the end neared.
As if in accordance with the cheer of his supporters, Nudge's breathing also slowed until it seemed as if it had stopped all together. Several moments passed in which his body was still. Tetra and the others slowly looked to him—what happened?
Before anyone could voice his or her concern, Nudge's body heaved violently. His back and chest expanded like a barrel filled to bursting, its copper rivets shivering from the stress. Then came a low rumbling from deep within his lungs. A rattling growl that was both an expression of rage and sickness.
For the first time Joe's face changed. His eyes grew wide and his teeth were bare as Nudge's arm began trembling beneath him. And it moved!
"Go, Nudge!"
"Yeah, Nudge, yeah!"
"You can do it!"
"Come on! FIGHT!"
"Keep going, you filthy pirate!"
Tetra turned to Junior in surprise. He simply smiled at her before cupping his hands and shouting to Nudge: "Things are finally getting interestin'! Get the lead out, Nudge!"
Nudge clenched his teeth and eyes and seethed as the union of hands approached and passed the half-way point. For the first time since the match had begun, the pirate was on the offensive and Joe did not seem prepared for that…
*Before you guys get up in arms about this, know that I myself am of the male species and don't particularly agree with this statement. It's Tetra talking, after all—if she lived in our times, she'd probably have a crew-cut and play golf for a living…
…just kidding.
On the next chapter of The Wind Waker 2, a hand falls, a secret will be unearthed, and puppy love takes an ugly turn towards Hurtsville.
Expect it Spring 2004…
…just kidding (part 2…)