I can't wake up, but surely this isn't really happening. Kate holds his wrist in one hand and she has the desperate look of a cornered animal in her eyes. She doesn't want to say the words out loud to me. Say it. Say it.
"Is he?" I choke on the last syllable.
"Not yet, but you don't have long." Her voice runs hoarse, the underlying implication is that this is my last opportunity for a goodbye. Beneath his body the pool of blood has nearly stopped growing but I can tell just by looking that he's already lost practically every drop in him and that a transfusion would be useless right now. The hole in his chest is large gauge and a straight shot through his heart. Even if there were a transplant available there aren't any facilities or instruments available out here. Knowing that it won't make any difference now I shift his body so that his head and shoulders rest against my stomach.
No one speaks, not even a whisper of noise dares show itself around us, even despite the raging fires all around us. His hazel eyes blink open for a moment and focus blearily on my face. "You gave us a scare, I thought that we'd lost you for a minute." My voice sounds foreign to me, like another person in another place and time. "I'm glad that you're okay though, I wanted to tell you earlier, but you're going to be a daddy."
The focus is slowly slipping from his gaze and his breaths are coming slower and shallower like those of a child going to sleep. "You should sleep now darling, I love you."
"Love you."
He doesn't speak again or open his eyes, only the slight rise and fall of his mangled chest betrays the smallest sign of movement.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
I love that moment exactly before dawn when the whole world seems to quiver with its own light. When under a dark blue sky all of creation seems united in a breath just as sun breaks the horizon and inextricably starts time anew. It is exactly at this moment of the morning, just as the first rays of sunshine strike his face that his last breath shudders and mingles with the light. The thin pulse beneath my fingers stops, and the weight of his body across my lap changes infinitesimally, becoming heavier. We sit like that for the last age of the earth.
The blades of the helicopter beat out a staccato rhythm. Joshua holds me in his arms letting my head lay against the hot glass of the window. I'm not crying. Their voices are pressing in on the outside of my world. I wish my world was dead. They're saying that it's a tragedy and Kate is telling them all about the baby. Thank god for that they say. A reminder of him, for her to hold onto. Something for her to live for. They have it all wrong though. Bad, wrong, don't want a reminder of him. Want him gone from my head so that it will stop. I want it to stop. They think that the baby will stop me. That it's a substitute, but it isn't. Kate will make a better mother than I will. Anyone would make a better mother. As soon as our daughter is born, I'm leaving, going to join him.
Fin
Coming Soon the Final Story of the Series: Trouble in a Green Paradise
Special Thanks to ACB, M/A Fan, and Glitterina for reviewing so much,
And also to Stacey, candybabble, dom-letty-fan, nat452, MirellaM, flash, panda007, ting, msredux, staytooned, Brynnmissy, RFC, the-true-cat, jennzabell, and Firehand.
I know this book ended darkly, but I promise that things will lighten up soon :0)