COMMERCIAL BREAK
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
BEGIN CHAPTER
3
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – CORRIDOR
Zane walks
up to Quinn, who stands now alone.
ZANE:
Hey Quinn!
Can we talk?
QUINN:
No. Unless
you contribute to my surgery.
ZANE
What would
you say, when I tell you, how to make a fortune by simply lying on your
back?
Quinn gets a sick and sordid idea.
QUINN: (she
blushes and almost explodes)
… You… you
immoral… I'd rather die!
ZANE: (with
a dirty smirk)
Nah. With
the right doctors there's no risk at all.
QUINN:
What?
ZANE:
You sell one
of your kidneys in an Internet auction. They pay thousands… even ten thousands,
if you've got a rare blood type. Then you lie under the knife, loose an
organ and receive a new face. You even loose weight.
QUINN: (she
gets the picture and calms down)
Ah *yes*…
I *knew* that.
ZANE: (smirking)
So, why were
you so ticked off before?
QUINN: (annoyed)
Nothing, nothing…
But I don't know: Selling parts of my body?
ZANE:
An alternative
would be renting out your whole body.
QUINN: (again
offended)
EWWWW!
I knew it!
Disgusted she runs into a rest room and slams the door.
ZANE: (behind
her)
Allergy experiments!
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – REST ROOM
Inside
Quinn is stomping angry around.
QUINN VOICE
OVER: (She looks at the mirror.)
Allergy experiments!
Renting out my body!…
Hmm… Let's
say I charge 50$ for the First Base, then I need 120 dates for the 6000$.
Second Base…
200$, that's 30 dates… Third Base… 500$… 12 dates… Home Run… 1000$! No
10'000….
(She realizes,
that she's now considering a career in an illegal profession.)
OHMIGAWD!
What I am thinking of? Me becoming a…
(She glances
at some unfamiliar sanitary devices.)
Since when
they'd build those things inside the girls room?
She realized,
that she had run into the men's room and pulls a face. She notes that the
door is opening slowly. Full with horror she jumps into the next open toilet
cabin and shuts the door, before someone can see her.
Joey, Jeffy
and Jamie enter the room, pushed by Zane.
ZANE:
There is no
escape. You guys own me some questions! Why are you making romantic advances
to Trinity?
JOEY, JEFFY
AND JAMIE: (perfect unison)
How do you
found out… ?
(they look
at each other)
What! You
are also making a pass on her… ?
(they glare
at each other)
Shut up! Let
me speak first!
ZANE: (rolls
his eyes)
How can you
guys be interested in her? She is your teacher and 5 years older than you.
JOEY:
So what! Are
you afraid of some competition?
ZANE: (astonish)
HUH???
JEFFY:
We have seen
you hanging around her car!
JAMIE:
You are hitting
on her too!
Zane realizes and starts a villainous smile. He glances quickly at Quinn's shoes, which are visible to him.
ZANE: (innocent)
Why should
I? She isn't that beautiful: She's not as cute as Quinn, whom you usually
chase after. I mean: Her eyes are too tiny, her boobs are too small, her
legs are too skinny, her hair is too fuzzy, her butt is too flat, her lips
are too thin… and her back is a bit crooked. Why does she turn you on?
The 3 J's look at each other. Zane had an argument!
JOEY:
(defending his preferences)
… In detail
she has flaws, but when you combine them, she becomes perfect!
JEFFY:
Yes, she is
beautiful and sexy in her own unique way!
JAMIE:
She's got
a natural cuteness, which makes her hot.
ZANE:
You mean:
When you put all her imperfections together, then it somehow makes her
beautiful?
JAMIE:
Yeah. She
has natural beauty… Further she must be easy! She was in College!
The others J's nod and grin at each other. Zane is not amused.
ZANE: (sinister)
You say she's
an easy piece? If I were you I won't use such language in front of the
male members of the Lane Clan, who defend the virtue of their women.
JEFFY:
Those Lanes
are miles away!
ZANE:
But what about
her youngest brother?
JOEY:
We were told,
that he ran away from Lawndale years ago.
ZANE:
The Lawndale
gossip mill told you a lot. But you never were told what really happened
to her brother.
JOEY:
We know enough!
JEFFY:
We know you've
kicked him from school…
JAMIE:
…all the way
to a South America.
ZANE: (joyfully
sinister)
No.
OMINOUS
MUSIC (THE IMPERIAL MARCH) BUILDS UP
*I* am her
brother.
JOEY:
No!
JEFFY:
That's not
true!
JAMIE:
That's impossible!
ZANE:
Search your
feelings you know it to be true.
The 3 J's realize, that they just have maneuvered themselves into a sticky situation. They decide to run away.
THE 3 J'S:
(leaving the room)
Nooooo! Nooooo!
Zane is left behind and smirks, then he turns to cabin in which Quinn is hiding.
ZANE:
Quinn's shoes!
You can tell Young-Morgendorffer that her training is complete.
He leaves
the room. The music of the Imperial March is played again.
AFTER SCHOOL:
EXT. THE HOME
OF THE LANES – AFTERNOON
Daria walks
into the house and follows the sound of music.
INT. THE HOME
OF THE LANES – CELLAR – AFTERNOON
Daria walks
down the stairs and sees Trinity singing with her electric guitar:
TRINITY:
for putting your heart on the shelf in the back.
You are waiting your turn. Oh. When will you learn?
Your poor heart, I'm giving it freezer burn...
Yeah...
After Trinity has finished the song, Daria starts to speak.
DARIA:
Hey Trinity.
TRINITY:
Hey Daria.
DARIA:
New song?
TRINITY:
Nah, old one.
It's called: "Icebox Woman." I and… Jesse wrote it years ago.
DARIA:
Before you
left the band?
TRINITY:
Yeah… we called
us Mystik Spiral then… we always wanted to change the name though. I wonder
how they call themselves now.
DARIA:
You could
ask them.
TRINITY:
Uh-huh. I
could go to their audition.
Trinity sits down and Daria does too.
TRINITY:
Why did you
come here?
DARIA:
Max and Nick
send me. They bribed me with free backstage tickets. They want you back.
TRINITY:
What about
Jesse?
DARIA:
They say it's
okay with him.
TRINITY:
Jesse never
said anything directly to me…
(She stares
at a wall, then she turns to Daria.)
I never paid
attention to it, till now. I have realized that, we never talk much. We
just exist… it was like a silent understanding. Like magic. Like the Beatles.
DARIA:
But in the
end even the Beatles needed a lot of drugs to stand the sight of each other.
TRINITY: (She
thinks about, what Daria said. Then she chuckles and coughs.)
Yeah, still.
Mystik Spiral was great band… it felt special… There was magic.
DARIA:
Do you regret
leaving them?
TRINITY:
I don't know.
I needed to follow my academic career though.
DARIA:
Academic career?
You can't even remember to have graduated College.
TRINITY:
Actually I
can't even remember to have graduated High School. Perhaps I shouldn't
have left the band at all. Who knows, where I would have been in the last
5 years.
DARIA:
Still living
over your parent's garage?
(she holds
her hand in front of her mouth)
Sorry.
TRINITY:
Maybe you're
right, maybe not.
DARIA:
Yes.
pause
TRINITY:
Uhm… did you
heard any stories about Jesse and me?
DARIA:
Yeah, and
they were quite disturbing, disgusting, trivial and shocking.
TRINITY: (smirks)
As long they
are entertaining…Do you want to know the truth?
DARIA:
…
No. I don't
need to.
TRINITY: (she
stands up, and puts her hand on Daria's shoulder)
Thank you
Daria. I always kind of felt you understood the way I think.
They both smile at each other.
DARIA VOICE
OVER:
If she were
a guy then I would… W H A T A M I T
H I N K I N G ! ! !
LATER THAT
DAY:
INT. THE HOME
OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – KITCHEN – EVENING
The family
is having a lasagna dinner.
QUINN:
Yes, I'm not
perfect, even my nose has inperfections.
JAKE:
That's imperfections
sweetie.
QUINN:
Whatever,
but these *IM*perfections combined make me perfect!
DARIA: (mutters)
Like: "The
Sum of all Fears."
HELEN:
I am so proud
for you Quinn, that you have found such a healthy attitude towards your
looks.
QUINN:
Yes, I don't
need *any* plastic surgery. Well perhaps later, when I leave College… but
not now.
DARIA:
And the fact
that just this afternoon Brook suffered a nasal relapse, has nothing to
do with this new attitude?
QUINN: (a
bit with malicious joy)
Ah yes, I
heard it from Tiffany, who knows it from Doug, who was told from Brenda,
whose cousin works in the emergency room. Her whole new nose just caved
in. You could like see her brain. And her liposuctioned lips and her new
liposuctioned waist, the whole fat on the top, slipped down to the bottom.
Now she looks like one of those beer dogs on TV.
JAKE: (in
the style of Homer Simpson)
Hmm, beer.
(He stands
up and walks to the fridge.)
HELEN:
That's horrible!
The poor girl.
QUINN:
Maybe I should
send her flowers or something.
HELEN:
Well Quinn,
I like your newfound attitude. You're open to life's possibilities.
QUINN:
Well, I don't
want to take all the credit. I couldn't have found to such perception,
if it wasn't for Zane, Joey, Jeffy and Johnny. They thought me today an
important lesson inside the boys room…
Daria and Helen stare at her with huge eyes.
QUINN: (blushes)
Eep! You are
misunderstanding me! Don't look at me like *that*! EWW!
She runs
upstairs.
LATER THAT
EVENING:
INT. THE ZON
– NIGHT
Scarcely
little people are at this joint. Jesse, Max and Nick sit at their instruments,
while watching a guy with a guitar, which performs in front of them.
PUNK FROM THE
EPISODE CAFÉ DISAFFECTO: (plays guitar and sings)
Can't stand
your lips! Can't stand your eyes! Can't stand your teeth! Can't stand your
thighs! The girl I love!!!
(He finishes
his song, by smashing his guitar on the stage floor.)
JESSE:
Cool. He is
good!
NICK:
You're hired.
PUNK FROM THE
EPISODE "CAFÉ DISAFFECTO":
Just a question.
Did you perform in Dakota under the name: "Edgy Criminals"?
MAX:
Yeah! We're
also known as the "Edgy Criminals"! We live life on the edge! We're gonna
take you down!
JESSE AND NICK:
Shhht. Shut
up!
PUNK FROM THE
EPISODE "CAFÉ DISAFFECTO":
Man you guys
were *the* losers.
He walks off the stage.
JESSE:
Cool. That
I call style. Who is next?
NICK: (looking
at his list)
… What Max
Taylor??? But you are the drummer!
MAX:
Yeah! So what?
The drummer of Genesis, Phil Collins also ended up as lead singer.
NICK:
Well, you
certainly got his *good* looks.
MAX:
Yeah…
(he realizes
the insult)
HEY!
The door opens and Trinity with her electric guitar walks in, Daria follows her.
MAX:
Whoa Trinity
and her girlfriend…
(Nick elbows
him)
…her friend
Daria.
TRINITY:
Hey.
JESSE, MAX
AND NICK:
Hey.
She walks to Jesse and hands him a plastic bag. He looks inside.
JESSE: (smiles)
It's the shirt
you own me… thank you.
TRINITY:
Yeah, 100%
cotton.
(While
Jesse dresses himself she turns to the others.)
Need a guitarist?
NICK:
Which song
you want to play?
TRINITY:
"Smells
Like Teen Spirit"
She plugs her guitar in and starts to play. It sounds abstract. Soon rest of the band join in. Weird noise fills the room and Daria decided to go outside, to listen some street noise. The music goes on and sounds awful, so awful, that even Generation X would have join the army, so awful that even the Backstreet Boys sounds good, so awful that... It somehow DOES sound good. So the band played on, since it was their version and nobody could take it from them…
EXT. THE ZON
– NIGHT
Outside
Daria nearly bumps into Zane.
ZANE: (he
nods at the Zon)
What have
you done with my sister?
DARIA:
What have
you done with *my* sister?
ZANE:
I've fixed
her up.
DARIA:
I don't want
to know how you did it. But I'll tell you this: You're paying for my therapy.
ZANE:
By the way,
did Trinity told you what went on between her and Jesse?
DARIA:
It's confidential
Zane.
ZANE:
Hey! I was
confidential to you too.
DARIA:
Well, confidentially
Zane, everything you tell me is in complete confidence, so equally: Everything
Trinity tells me is also in complete confidence, as indeed everything I
tell you is in complete confidence, and for that matter everything I tell
Trinity is in complete confidence.
ZANE:
So?
DARIA:
So in complete
confidence, I am confident that you understand that for me to keep Trinity's
confidence and your confidence, means that conversations between her and
me must be completely confidential, as confidential in fact as conversations
between you and me are completely confidential.
ZANE:
You mean she
didn't tell you?
DARIA:
I mean it's
girls-business. So shoo! Shoo!
Zane smiles
at her and Daria pretends ignoring it. After the end of the song, they
enter the Zon again.
INT. THE ZON
– NIGHT
Inside
Daria and Zane see, that the band is pleased with their achievement.
JESSE, MAX
AND NICK:
YEAH!
TRINITY: (proud)
Whoa! Like
in old days.
CLOSE UP
OF TRINITY'S SMILING FACE
MUSIC:
"THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD" BY "PRINCE"
FADE OUT
THE END
CLOSING
CREDITS.
END NOTES:
There will be 12 Episodes, which will range from Season
1 to Season 5 of the original Daria series. All the other episodes are
skipped, since I have got no intention to rewrite 65 episodes and 2 TV-movies.
If you have any questions, corrections and/or comments,
then please E-Mail me under: ace_trax@yahoo.de
When you want to see the fanart then go to: copyright owner of the TV-Series "Daria" is MTV.
I have no connection with the copyright owners and I
don't have the legal rights to use their material. This fanfiction story
was done without
authorization, permission or approval by their respective
copyright owners.
AUTHOR'S COPYRIGHT:
Please note that this fanfiction is a derivative work,
so it is protected by copyright law as long as the words and syntax are
novel. That means:
Me, as the author of this work do not own the pre-existing
copyrighted stuff, but I do own the whole rest. Those are all the novel
words and
syntax, which make the story.
This story is not for profit, it is a work of pure fandom,
without any financial interests.
Any financial or other uses of this document without
the specific permission of the authors (me and the other copyright owners)
are forbidden.
Text Copyright © 2004, Ace Trax. All rights reserved.
THANKS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
Thanks to the creative minds of MTV, who gave the world
the best TV-series of all time: "The Osbournes".