Chapter 4

"What's your favorite color?"

The richness of his voice roused her from the thoughts that had stolen her attention from Cameron. Her focus was captured by the deep red hue of the cabernet as it followed the circular motion of the goblet. His question finally registering, she looked up curiously.

"I beg your pardon."

"Color Alexis. Blue? Red? Black?"

"Oh, color. It depends."

"On what?"

"Well, are you referring to clothing… décor… or in general?"

Cameron chuckled at the response he received. He shook his head a couple of times and rested his eyes on her.

"Nothing is ever easy with you is it?

"I think that was a very easy question. It just has more than one answer. Maybe you should have asked the question in a more specific manner."

"Okay. What's your favorite meal?"

"Take out, restaurant or at home?"

Cameron growled with a small amount of frustration, "Alexis…"

"I told you to be more specific with your questions when you asked me my favorite color, which by the way, you never let me answer. And why the impromptu questionnaire?"

Cameron was sitting at the end of the sofa where he fell asleep earlier. He wasn't going to analyze his need to be close to her, he was just going to relax and enjoy the fact that she was allowing him to be with her and take care of her if only for a little while. The short naps she had taken since leaving the Quartermaine's worked in allowing her to rejuvenate a little and he could see a bit of light coming back into her eyes. For him, the evening was still young and there was more he wanted to do for Alexis.

They were both full from their evening meal and were now just sitting back and resting for a while. Cameron sensed the moment Alexis' thoughts left him and his quest to coddle her and move on to whatever problem had arisen during the day. Her face was again a mask of hurt, betrayal, fear and loss. She needed more time away from her troubles so he thought that by asking her a few questions it would steal her away from 'them' and bring her back to him.

"Well, I thought maybe you would indulge my insatiable curiosity where you are concerned."

"Insatiable? Are you sure that's the right word?"

"Yes. It is definitely the right word and you are entirely correct. I never did allow you to answer the first question. So, what are your favorite colors."

Cameron saw a brief twinkle in her eyes and knew he was successful in bringing her full attention back to him.

"In the area of apparel… I prefer dark colors in the courtroom. It gives an air of professionalism and the suits I wear are designed in such a way that make me feel powerful, precise and a winner. Around the house I like big comfy sweats with a lot of room to move around in. Casual… jeans and sweaters or light jackets over a blouse. Décor… I like soft colors. Colors that make it easy to breathe. Soft yellows, beige, muted golds and tans. So, how is that for an answer?"

"Almost completely thorough."

"Almost?"

"What color do you like to wear out on the town… on a date?"

He watched helplessly as her eyes clouded over and the smile fell from her face. There was so much he didn't know and so many holes he could fall into with the blindness he possessed regarding her past. His ears faintly heard her reply.

"I've been told red looks nice on me."

Her voice was filled with sadness and the wine glass she held in her hands shook slightly. It was time to change the subject. Lightening his tone he challenged her again.

"So what about your favorite meal… breakfast, lunch or dinner… or overall?"

"Muffins for breakfast, something really light for lunch… in the winter, I like soup and I do salads a lot as well. For dinner… if I'm home I'll usually order in take out, but my most favorite meal is a bowl full of popcorn. Just can't beat a good bowl of popcorn and I have to admit I do pop a mean bowl of it too."

Cameron relaxed a little when he saw Alexis relax a bit. Just keep the questions easy and trouble free and maybe she would melt back into the sofa again the way she had before he served her dinner.

"Do you like pets… wait a minute, let me rephrase that. Do you like dogs or cats?"

His heart jumped when he heard her laugh.

"It depends. I like certain kinds of cats and certain kinds of dogs. But never in my home. I just can not take a lot of animal hair all over the place."

"What's your favorite movie?"

"In what genre?"

She was teasing him now and he loved every minute of it.

"Never mind, Alexis."

"Well you started this little game, I didn't."

"I know. But, I should have prepared myself for the struggle."

"What struggle?"

"The struggle to get a straight answer out of you about the most innocent of topics?"

They were both laughing now and Cameron was taking in the sight of her face, memorizing it just as it looked in that moment. She was breathtakingly beautiful, but when the sadness and fears fell away… when the troubles took a small vacation from her heart and mind… there was no one more beautiful in the world to him. He sighed with contentment as he felt her feet move toward him and slip just underneath his leg. He could feel the chill of her toes and wanted to shout his elation that she felt at ease enough with him now to allow herself to take a little comfort from him without asking or apologizing for doing so. Without drawing attention to what he was doing he reached down and drew her feet closer as he asked the next question.

"What is your favorite hobby… pastime activity?"

"With or without my daughter?"

"Both."

"With my daughter… holding on to her for dear life, reading to her, watching her kick her little legs…"

As her voice trailed off he encouraged her to continue.

"And when you're not with her… "

"Spending every waking minute trying to find a way to get to my daughter."

Watching her begin to fidget restlessly he silently cursed himself and tried again.

"What kind of music do you like?"

"I'm more into lullabies these days."

He wasn't going to win this one. He could see it already. It appeared that what little time he had upon their arrival to calm and settle her was all he was going to be able to accomplish. So, maybe it was time to get a little more serious and just maybe there were things that Alexis would now be willing to discuss with him. He wanted… needed to know more about Alexis.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

She looked up a bit startled at his question, then looked back down at the glass she still held. Her face told him she was studying the question very carefully. He waited patiently for her to answer. It didn't take as long as he thought it would, but her answer, when it did come was laced with the smallest degree of bitterness and it concerned him a great deal.

"Absolutely not. I don't know that I believe in love at all anymore."

"I never pictured you a quitter."

"Who's quitting? I'm simply speaking from experience."

Not wanting to get into anything deeper than was needed for the evening he let her response go and asked her another question.

"Other than obtaining custody of your daughter do you have any personal goals?"

"I would like to rebuild my law practice. I miss the challenges, the legal push and pull. But, I don't think I'll rebuild in Port Charles. My daughter deserves a better life than what she would get here. And… "

He felt her looking at him, waiting to finish her sentence until she had his complete attention.

"I don't want to discuss it any further at this time, okay?"

Her question was a statement voiced as gently as she could to keep from offending him and he would respect her wishes. Besides, things were going to get a lot heavier. He wanted to know more and Alexis seemed willing to be more open with him than ever before. He felt a pang of guilt knowing he was taking unfair advantage. But, if he was going to help her… he needed more.

"What is the greatest loss you've ever suffered?"

She looked up sadly and stared at him for a moment. Her hands were gripping the glass in her hands so tightly that Cameron reached to take it from her to keep her from cutting herself in case the glass broke. Setting the glass down on to the coffee table he picked up her napkin and placed it gently in her hands. She watched his every move and when he leaned back to wait she smiled softly.

"Tell me something, Cameron. Did you take care of your wife as well as you take care of me?"

Her question caused a sharp pain in his chest and he took a deep breath and let it out slowly until the pain passed. Reaching up he ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times in an effort to still the anguish within. He briefly regretted starting his little question game with Alexis. Had he known what turn it would take, he would have thought twice about it. But, it was only fair that she be allowed to ask whatever questions she had regarding his past. He took another deep breath before answering.

"No, I didn't."

He couldn't help the emotion that spilled out with those 3 words. He couldn't stop what the admission did to him in his heart. The only thing that saved him from making a total fool of himself was the gentle pressure of soft hands falling as gently as a leaf to rest on his. He looked down at the hands that covered his, then up to gaze into eyes that pulled him inside and soothed his heart as nothing else could. Tears that should have spilled years ago were again safely locked away.

"Sorry. You caught me a little by surprise with that one."

"Is this not what you intended, Dr. Lewis? A little truth session! If you want truth from me, you're going to have to give a little of your own. It's a two way street."

"Actually what I intended was a nice leisurely evening with nothing on the menu except giving you an absolute untroubled few hours. I just wanted you to rest and relax… I wanted to pamper you and make everything go away for awhile. You didn't cooperate with me, though."

Alexis smiled at him and lifted her hand to smooth back a lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead.

"I thought I did very well at letting you 'pamper me'. I will admit that it was a little disconcerting to have someone lift me into position so I could eat my dinner. I'll have to remember that one for the next time."

His head shot up and he searched her face to see if she was being serious or teasing him again. What he saw excited him. She was in fact teasing him, but her eyes told him more. Her eyes were willing. He relaxed and pulled one of his hands out from under her hold and then covered them.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Which one?"

"What is the greatest loss you've ever suffered?"

Alexis pulled her feet out from under Cameron then turned to sit beside him lifting her feet to rest on the coffee table.

"You answer that question first, then I'll answer it. Deal?"

Cameron studied her for a moment. He couldn't believe she was going to open up and talk to him… really talk to him. He reached around her and picked up the blanket he covered her with earlier then lay it across her legs tucking it around her feet to keep her warm then leaned back and draped his arm across her shoulders.

"Deal."

He took a minute to still the anxiety in him then wriggled deeper into the sofa and began to answer his own question.

"I thought my answer would have been my son, Pete. But after the last 5 years, coming here and finding Alexander. I have to say he is my greatest loss."

"But you haven't lost Zander, Cameron. He's here. Alive and well."

"Alive and yet dead to me it seems. He isn't aware of it, but I watch him… all the time. It's like both of my sons are gone. He looks at me like I'm no more than the dirt under his feet. Hell, that's putting it mildly. The boy hates me. I can handle Pete being dead. I can even handle my own part in the reasons Pete died. What I can't handle is Alexander's animosity of me. I want…"

"Do you love him, Cameron?"

"He's my son."

"I didn't ask you if he was your son. I asked you if you loved him?"

"Yes. I love my son."

"So tell him. It's a place to start."

"I can't. He won't listen. I don't know how to talk to my son."

"The same way you're sitting here talking to me, Cameron. You just open your mouth and say the words."

"It's different with you. You don't hate me."

"And neither does Zander. He's hurt, Cameron."

"He has every reason to be. I treated him pretty bad."

"Well, I'll have to agree with you on that one… given the boy who showed up here a few years ago."

"How did you get involved with my son? What did you see in him that I couldn't? That boy worships the ground you walk on. He would do anything for you. How did you reach him, Alexis?"

The more he spoke the more impassioned he became until he found himself pacing back and forth across the room. He didn't remember getting up from his place beside her and when he realized where he was, a feeling of loss struck him deep inside. Her soft voice fell on his ears and he was able to relax enough to return to sit back down beside her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice like that."

"Don't apologize for loving your son so much that his welfare inspires that level of care in you. Now sit back and I'll tell you what I see in your son."

Cameron leaned back again settling comfortably beside Alexis and before he had a chance to put his arm around her he felt her reach over and take his hand in hers. She sat quiet for a moment putting her thoughts together. A tingle went up his arm as she unconsciously rubbed her thumb back and forth across his.

"He was so scared when I first met him. And I don't doubt for a minute that if he heard me say that, he would swear by all that's right and holy that I was lying. But, Zander has never been able to hide what he felt. His eyes are just as full of expression as his father's are."

She nudged him teasingly before continuing not waiting on a response from him.

"Zander was hurting pretty bad when he came to Port Charles and he was full of anger. No one knew where he came from or where he was going. Well, his anger got him into trouble. Every time that boy gets a full head of steam going about something, he loses every bit of common sense he ever had. If he's hurt he lashes out and doesn't care what kind of trouble it gets him into. In fact, he goes looking for it. I guess he figures if he can find enough trouble to get into then maybe the hurt will go away. So he comes to town, gets himself into a load of trouble and needed help whether he wanted it or not. I was in the right place at the right time to help him… on more than one occasion. And it didn't hurt that we kind of hit it off. Zander was in desperate need for someone to care about him. He needed to know that he was worth something. And it just so happens that I have a thing about bringing home strays. All Zander needed was a little guidance and a lot of love. He is such an intelligent boy. I want him to go back to school, but he has ideas of his own so I support him any way I can and let him be his own man. It's all he's ever really asked of me."

Cameron's head slipped down and his chin was resting firmly against his chest. At some point while Alexis talked to him about his son, he had taken her hand in both of his and leaned forward absently playing with her fingers. Her words made him feel guilty… a failure… She gave more to his son in the few short years she had known him than he and his wife had his whole life. As he sat with her hand in his he noticed a tear land on the back of her hand and looked up sharply to see what it was that caused her to shed tears again.

He frowned in confusion. Her eyes were clear… dry. Alexis wasn't crying. He looked back down and just as he did another tear joined with the first and Cameron realized the tears were his own. As her hand came up to rest along his cheek he leaned over and lay his head on her shoulder. 'Just for a moment', he told himself. What would it hurt to lay the burden down for just a little while? What little restraint he had left trickled away as he felt her arms enclose him and pull him closer to her breast. 'Just for a moment…', he thought. 'Just for a moment.'

"Cameron, why were you jealous of Zander?"

Words so soft, they floated into his ears taking hold of his heart to gently cradle it. His own words, just as soft…. just as surprising… never before finding breathe to ride upon…

"He had more of Pete's heart than I did."