Chapter 6

"Why do you need him, Cameron? To make yourself feel better or to help him deal with a past that has hurt him just as much as it has hurt you?"

As Cameron related the events that eventually led him to Port Charles he had been absently running his hand up and down the curve of Alexis' foot. At her question his hand stilled and his eyes closed. She was hitting too close to something that felt horrifically familiar in the recesses of his mind. She asked the one question that beat at him constantly day in and day out. He opened his eyes and rolled his head sideways to find her face. The concern… the compassion in her eyes fed him and he confessed his fears finally knowing without any doubt that she wouldn't turn away from him.

"I made a life out of putting what I wanted first… my son suffered because of it. He's still feeling the effects of it. I don't know how to reach him, Alexis. It's so easy to sit and listen to someone else talk about such things. I can spout off so much therapeutic jargon it would make your head spin, but when it comes to my son… I lose my way. Everything I ever learned flies out the window in the face of reality and I'm left facing a boy that is full of hatred and pain. That boy loved his brother. I knew that. But, I stepped between them every chance I got. I didn't want Pete to become as independent and defiant as Alexander was. I didn't want to lose my first son. It tore my heart out that my strongest son… the one who would do anything to survive turned out to be the one who fought me the most… the one who had more courage and determination than I ever did. He's more than I ever thought of being, Alexis. I need him to teach me courage… I need him to teach me how to be loyal to the ones he loves… I want to know where he learned how to love the way he does. Where did he learn compassion? Those are things he did not learn at home."

"He must have learned some of what he knows from his family. He kept a major part of his name. He didn't abandon his family completely, Cameron. His heart is still very much tied to you."

"Alexis… he kept the nickname Pete gave him."

The grief was rolling through him like waves of thunder. Pushing her leg to the floor he stood up and crossed the room in an effort to free himself of some of the anguish he was feeling. His brain was telling him to just keep moving… walk… pace… run… but his heart was beginning to chant a new song. Fight for him. Fight for him. He turned to look back at Alexis who had shifted to the edge of the sofa and was now leaning forward with her arms resting on the top of her thighs… patiently waiting for him to explain.

"Pete called him Zander?"

"Yes. Pete wanted to find a way to let Zander know how much he cared about him without having to actually say the words. So he came up with the nickname. No one was allowed to use it except Pete."

"So, when he left home he took Pete with him in the only real way he could."

"Right. That was a pretty big pill to swallow the first time I heard someone here use that name in reference to my son. It explains the immediate look of defiance he shot me."

"That must have hurt you a lot."

"It did. But, it also told me a lot as well. Alexander's love of his brother out weighed anything I could have ever done to try and separate them. He took with him the only thing that meant anything to him when he left. He took Pete with him."

"Do you have any idea why he chose Smith for a last name?"

"It was his mother's maiden name."

"I see."

"No, not yet you don't. Think about it, Alexis. If you really wanted to find someone who deep down in their soul really wanted to be found; how would you go about it?"

"I would first start searching data bases for names that fit certain descriptions."

"Exactly. How long would it have taken you, given what you now know regarding Alexander, to come up with 'Zander Smith' as an alias."

"I see what you mean. He knows you didn't try to find him and he carries that along with everything else."

"Exactly. Like I said, he has every right to feel the way he does about me."

"I still think that you two can find a way back to each other, but it's going to take a lot of hard work on your part. You've done a lot of damage to him, Cameron. But, I believe in my heart that he wants you to be a part of his life. Everything he has been through here, everything he has done… there is a part of him missing and he wants it back. You can build a relationship with him if you really want to. But, it will all depend on how much you are willing to give… and are you willing to let go of your preconceived notions and accept him for who he is."

Cameron crossed the room back toward Alexis and knelt in front of her. He took her hands in his as a hesitant smile touched his face.

"Look I know you have a lot on your plate right now and I really don't have any right to ask…"

"But,"

"But…" Cameron stopped and shook his head back and forth. It went against everything he believed to ask someone for help where his family was concerned. He should be able to fix his own life… his own mistakes.

"It's a first step, Cameron. You have to be willing to lay down that self-absorption… your pride… and ask. Ask me, Cameron."

He leaned forward slightly and rested his forehead on their entwined hands. The struggle was more than she could imagine… and yet, maybe not. He looked up into her eyes and searched them for several moments. His silent thoughts fought the war within. 'She's known heartbreak… she's known loss. She's lost almost everyone that she's ever loved. Yet, here she is with me. Telling me with the clearest eyes I've ever seen that all I have to do is ask.' He leaned forward again and brought his lips to the back of her hand and lingered for a moment.

"Will you help me find my way back to my son? I don't know where to start, nor what it is he expects of me. Will you help me get my son back, Alexis?"

"Well…… I guess it's the least I could do given what you've done for me this evening. But, I do have one condition."

The twinkle in her eyes set him free. Her voice filled with care and mischief raised the hair on the back of his neck and all of a sudden he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she no longer had breathe in her body.

"Now that I was expecting… Name your condition."

"I get the homemade spa treatment at least once a month."

His hesitant smile morphed into an enormous grin he couldn't contain.

"You realize that our little spa adventure has not yet been completed, don't you?"

"No, I didn't realize it. Cameron, you've done what you set out to do. I'm relaxed, almost ecstatic. I can't really claim a full ecstatic state yet since my daughter won't arrive until 10 in the morning, but all in all I think the evening has been a great success. What more could you possibly have up your sleeve… or in your basket as the case may be."

"I take it you are ready to complete your spa treatment?"

She looked at him warily and leaned back against the sofa.

"It doesn't require me to reveal an extensive amount of skin, does it?"

"Actually, if we are to do this right. You are going to have to completely strip."

Trying to contain the laughter that was threatening to explode from him at her look of shock was like trying to contain a volcanic eruption. He didn't realize her eyes could look so big and so beautiful at the same time. But it was her attempt to casually pull the edges of her 'Dobson' vest closed without drawing his attention to her efforts that was the final straw. He reached out and took her hands within his own and stilled her movements as laughter overtook him. Her exasperated sigh was the only thing that finally brought his laughter under control.

'I'm sorry, Alexis. But, that look on your face was priceless. And just to put your mind at ease, I won't be in the same room with you. Now you sit here a few minutes and let me get everything ready. Also, lest you forget… once this part of your spa adventure is complete, there is this verbal contract we agreed to earlier… remember?"

With resignation she nodded her acceptance and watched him pick up his basket from the coffee table and head toward the hall.

Alexis leaned back and rested her head against the back of the sofa. The last hour had been a bit exhausting. Watching Cameron relive the devastation of his past was heartbreaking. But, one thing she now knew for certain. Cameron wanted Zander in his life and wanted a relationship with him. It was more than she could have hoped for. What she hadn't known until this evening was that Cameron was probably suffering more from the past than Zander was now. As she reclined on the couch, Alexis let the various conversations of the evening replay in her mind and before she knew it she fell asleep again.

He walked back into the living room to pick up something he forgot and found her asleep once more. Walking closer he knelt beside the sofa and for a moment watched her sleep. In sleep, Alexis was more beautiful than ever. He didn't know if it was normal for her to lose the worry lines while sleeping or whether it was because of the different circumstances in which she would see her daughter in the morning. But, he couldn't help wondering and hoping that just maybe, his care of her was part of the reason. Absentmindedly he reached toward her and just before his fingers found her bottom lip, he realized what he was doing and pulled back. What would she think if she woke and found him staring at her like this? She moved restlessly for a moment then settled back again and Cameron grew concerned at the uncomfortable slant of her neck. Standing he reached down gently placed his hands beneath her shoulders and began to turn her around so that she could lay down comfortably. She stirred and began to open her eyes.

"Shhh… I'm just laying you down so that you won't hurt your neck. Go back to sleep, Alexis."

He barely heard her plea as he began to move away from her.

"Don't go."

Leaning over he whispered in her ear, "I'm not leaving you, Alexis."

Straightening back up he finished his thought quietly.

"Not ever. You and I belong together. We just have to find our way through the mess we've gotten ourselves into. Both yours and mine. Then everything will be okay. We'll be okay."

Cameron picked up the blanket from the floor and covered her, then returned to his place at her feet. He doubted she would sleep long. He would wait for her… it wasn't hard. In fact, it was getting easier by the minute…. this waiting on Alexis.