Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss, Harry Potter belongs to JK.
Summary: A super-uber-mega crossover that will, by the end, include just about anyone you can imagine, in situations you'd rather not. Details are not important, and flames will be chortled over, then mocked publicly.
Crossing Over
Chapter 1: Through a Portal
Buffy was walking around the streets of LA, looking for vampires to slay and thinking. Since the destruction of Sunnydale and the calling of all the mini-Slayers, there had been an extreme shortage of one activity and an overabundance of the other.
One of the main topics in Buffy's mind was that of Spike. Sure, she had told him she loved him, but what did that mean? She couldn't decide whether she had said it out of love or pity, or whether she had meant that she loved him for dying to save the world. That had been super of him.
Either way, it was certainly more boring with him dead. It didn't help that Dawn had jaunted off to England with Giles, both eager to begin the reconstruction of the Watcher's council. Angel was boring, too, all involved with his new demonic law firm. He would come out of CEO mode for long enough to make random passes at her, but Buffy was so over that.
And then there were all the new Slayers running around, but this didn't excite Buffy either. Been there, done that. She had decided early on to leave the training and everything to Faith. After all, if you couldn't trust a former homicidal maniac to shape the tender young minds of girls suddenly endowed with power beyond their wildest imaginings, who could you trust?
Suddenly, Buffy's attention was grabbed by shadows moving through a conveniently placed cemetery. She crossed the street and paused at the gates, searching for potential lovers… err... vampires. Instead she saw an everyday, run-of-the mill sorcerer waving his arms about and chanting. He looked harmless enough, but a cloaked man speaking Latin in the middle of a cemetery was usually not a good thing. Plus, Buffy was itching for a fight.
She began to make her way stealthily towards him, but being out of practice her stealth just wasn't what it used to be. She tripped on a broken headstone and fell noisily onto the ground.
"Damn it," she swore.
When she got up, the sorcerer had gone. In his place was a big, glowing portal, and Buffy could only assume the guy had already gone through. She approached the portal.
"Hmm… glowy," said Buffy. Her experience with portals had not been good up to this point, so everything in her was screaming to just leave. She felt that she shouldn't leave a big random portal sitting in the middle of LA, though.
"Hello?" called Buffy into the portal. There was no answer. She picked up a clod of dirt and chucked it in. Waited a minute. Nothing.
Buffy looked around the cemetery for anything she could use to either cordon off the portal, or maybe something to make a sign with.
Unknown portal, enter at your own risk, had a nice ring to it. Unfortunately, there was nothing to write on or with in sight.
Buffy sighed. Her experience had also taught her that the best way to close a portal was for someone to go through it. Maybe she could pitch in a random passer-by…
No, this was a job for the Slayer, decided Buffy. Besides, she was really, really bored. Quickly checking to make sure she had a few weapons on her, she stepped up to the portal and walked in.
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Harry entered the Great Hall and quickly joined his friends, Ron and Hermione, at the Gryffindor table to eat his lunch. As he loaded his plate with steak and kidney pie, he happened to glance up in the direction of the Slytherin table. His eyes immediately locked with the icy blue eyes of Draco Malfoy, git extrordinaire.
As Harry watched Draco scowl and make rude gestures he thought, I know a few ways I could wipe that smirk off your face, Draco. One involves my tongue. Harry choked on his pie. Where the bloody hell did that come from? I'm not gay! I've never once shown any indication that I could be gay!
After a panic attack and spell by Hermione to clear his breathing passages, Harry decided to never look Draco in the face again. Ever.
"So Harry, how do you think we'll do this year in quidditch? I think we've got a chance for the cup again!" Ron asked Harry excitedly.
"Absolutely! I can't wait to get on my broom to practice!"
It was only the first week of classes at Hogwarts, and the Gryffindor quidditch team hadn't set up a practice schedule yet.
"I've been shining up my Firebolt," continued Harry, "She'll be in good shape for the games."
Harry thought of all the polish he'd put on the shaft of the broom. Rubbing it up and down, back and forth. Hmm… the shape of a broom handle is awfully similar to...
Suddenly there was a loud plop, and a chunk of what appeared to be dirt landed in the middle of Harry's plate. Automatically, everyone at the Gryffindor table shielded their own plates and looked up, expecting to see a laughing Peeves.
Instead they saw that the sky ceiling had become overcast, and a small glowing circle of light was getting bigger and bigger. The rest of the room quickly noticed and turned to watch also, talking excitedly amongst themselves.
Harry shielded his eyes and continued to stare at the portal. Next to him, Ron shoveled another load of potatoes into his mouth.
"A bit boring, isn't it," commented Ron after swallowing.
At that moment a body plummeted out of the portal. It took Harry a moment to realize that he was sitting at ground zero.
"Everybody, move!" he yelled, pushing away from the table. Ron grabbed his plate and followed suit, and then all the rest of the table. The body landed directly on top of Harry's pie.
A silence fell over the Great Hall. Dumbledore, moving quite quickly for an old man, appeared by Harry's side. Even he seemed a bit at a loss.
The body on the table moaned and sat up, revealing that it was in fact a girl in her twenties. As she shifted to get off the table, her hand went into the squished mass that used to be Harry's dinner.
Looking at the goo that covered her hands and much of her clothing, she frowned.
"What the hell is this?" demanded the girl.
Harry shifted nervously.
"Um… steak and kidney pie," he said.
She brought her hand up to her nose and sniffed it. Then she just barely licked her finger.
"Hmm… yummy."