Chapter 12

As soon as Cameron left, Alexis went to the phone and made a quick call then went to the sofa to sit down and wait. What she was about to do was stirring up an ocean of trepidation, but she was not about to back down. It had to be done. Too many lives were at stake. Thirty minutes later, she heard his knock and took a deep breath. 'Well, here we go. You can do this, Alexis. Just remember why you're doing it and you'll do fine. Hell what am I saying, I should be shot in the head for even considering it.' Opening the door she smiled at the familiar handsome face greeting her.

"Hey, Alexis. What's up?"

"Hi, Zander. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink… or anything to…?"

"If you're going to ask me if I want something to eat… I'll just say 'No Thanks" and wait for you to tell me what's going on."

"Why should there be anything going on?"

"Oh I don't know. I get a mysterious call telling me that you have to see me, I walk in and you act like nothing's up; you tell me to make myself comfortable and then offer to feed me. It's a gamble every time you ask me if I want something to eat. I have to ask myself if I've done anything to make you mad at me or do you just want a favor. And by that look you're giving me… I'd say you want something this time."

"Ok, Ok. I admit it. There is something on my mind that I would like to discuss with you. Just sit down and stop with the wisecracks. This may take a while."

"You sound… different."

"And that's one of the reasons you're here. It doesn't take a genius to know when something is bothering me, just someone who cares about me."

She waited for him to sit down then took a place beside him looking at him intently.

"You and I, we've been through a lot together, haven't we?"

"Yeah, I could do with forgetting a bunch of it though."

"So could I. But, that's not reality and you and I live with reality. We don't run from it… we fight our way through it. For someone as young as you are, you've managed to become quite good at fighting your way through the trouble you've been forced to endure, as well as the trouble you've caused yourself."

"You going to lecture me about my dad, Alexis?"

"No, I'm not going to lecture you about anything. Right now, this is about you and I and the fact that we will do just about anything for the people we love. I remember what you put us through when you and Emily were trying to be together during the Sorel mess. And you saw what lengths I would go through to defend someone I cared about..."

"Where're you going with this, Alexis?"

"…so you would agree that we don't give up easily on the things that mean the most to us, right?"

"Yeah… so."

"Alright then. It's time I told you a few truths, but I have to have your word that nothing you hear from now until we finish here ever leaves this room."

"Okay."

"No, Zander. I need a little more than just an okay from you. This is my life we're talking about. I need you to understand that what you are going to hear, if you repeat any of it either accidentally or by any other means, you will cost me everything and everyone that I have ever loved."

"You have my word, Alexis. Nothing leaves here. But, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you and I both get that once words are out there we set ourselves up for a fall whether we intend to or not."

"I don't really have a choice this time. I need your help."

"You got it. Just tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to listen for a while without interrupting. This is going to be hard enough without having to start and stop to answer questions. But, I want you to understand that telling you the truth, putting the words out there as you said, is worth it to me if I can help someone else that I care a great deal about."

"Okay then. My trap is shut."

"I think you know how much my sister's death affected me. And to find out that her death was just a senseless sacrifice on the altar of someone's insane vendetta… Then to have that person show up at the hospital where my daughter lay fighting for her life…"

Zander reached and took hold of Alexis' hand, but remained silent. He could see she was having trouble. He figured she was reliving the whole thing and he was worried about her mental state.

"I went to his hotel room to talk to him. To try and make him understand that if he valued his life, he needed to leave town. I did not go there to kill Alcazar. He came at me and well… short version… we struggled a bit and he fell. He was not murdered… it was self defense."

"Wait a minute. I thought the other personality…"

She took a deep breath to prepare herself to say the words.

"There was never another personality, Zander. I faked the alternate in order to keep from being sent to prison on a charge of 1st degree murder. No one would have believed it was self defense, so I did what I had to in order to survive the ordeal and keep my daughter."

"That was all a fake? You're kidding me?"

"No, I'm not kidding."

"Even that scene in the courthouse when you went after Baldwin…"

"Yes."

"Damn. That's impressive."

"Zander, I'm not proud of the spectacle I made of myself. I did what I thought I had to in order to keep my daughter. But I lost her anyway. And you can't imagine the lengths I have gone to just to see her."

"How did you… wait a minute..."

"Hold on, Zander. Let me finish this. Up until this morning there was only one person who knew everything from the beginning. There was only one person who believed in me enough to stand by me and help me survive the whole mess."

"My dad… WAIT… HE knew all this when we were in the courtroom… when you cut his hand."

His shock was taking over his 'cool, don't care attitude' and Alexis needed to reign him in before things got out of hand. His reactions were bringing the insanity of the whole situation a little to close to home.

"Yes, your dad has put his life on the line for me in more ways than you can imagine."

"Well, I'm glad he stuck it out for somebody."

"He did more than that, Zander. If anything happens and I'm found out… he goes to jail right along with me. But, he's trying to start over, but it's hard for him because he doesn't have a lot of support. Sweetheart, he knows he failed you. He knows he failed your brother. It's tearing him up inside. I know what happened now and I know you have every right to feel the way you do about your father. But, I'm asking you to give him a chance to make right what he did wrong. Just listen to him, Zander. That's all I'm asking."

"Alexis, he didn't even try to find me. It wouldn't have taken much, but he didn't care enough to try and find me."

The anguish in his voice was only matched by the bitterness. There was a war raging in Zander and Alexis saw it all in his eyes. He wanted his dad to be the dad he needed, but the past was still too raw.

"I know. He pointed that fact out to me last night when he asked for my help."

"He asked…"

"Yes, he did. Zander, your father needs you. He wants to be a part of your life and he knows that it won't happen unless you give him the chance to apologize for not being what you needed him to be."

"I can't. Don't you see, if I let him get to me… if he takes off again…"

"He won't, Zander. He has learned a lot over the last few years, but what has stayed with him… tore at him… is that he has a son that he abandoned to face a world he wasn't prepared for. Please just sit down and talk to him. There are things he has to say that I think you would find interesting."

"I don't want to do this, Alexis."

"I know you don't, but I think you won't regret it if you do. But it's up to you, Zander. You've lost so much… suffered so much because of it all. Whatever you decide to do I'll support you."

"You always have, whether I wanted you to or not."

"I love you, Zander. You are a very important part of my life and I wouldn't ask you to do anything that I thought would hurt you."

"You weren't there… you didn't see what…"

He wasn't through fighting yet... he wasn't ready to let go of the anger.

"No I wasn't there, Zander and it would be outrageous of me to say I understand if I didn't have similar experiences in my own past. But, I do understand… more than you could ever know. And I am infinitely aware of what I'm asking of you… It will take every ounce of strength you have to sit down with your father and talk things through. It will take patience and courage. All of which you have inside of you… I know you do because I've seen you stumble and fall so many times; but you've always gotten back up. Zander, where our parents are concerned, all you and I have ever wanted is to know they loved us… mine are gone now. Don't lose this chance, Zander. Fight for what you want… for what you lost. I can assure you, your father is willing to fight for you."

"I'm afraid to trust him, Alexis."

"Then don't. Let him prove himself first. You didn't ask him to throw it all away. You didn't tell him to walk out on you. He was the adult… he had a responsibility to take care of his family… he screwed up. I think he would question your sanity if you were to throw your arms open to him at this point."

He grinned wryly at her attempt to joke with him.

"You seem pretty sure of him."

"Sure enough to put my daughter's future in his hands."

He stood up thrusting his hands into his pockets and stared at her for a moment before answering.

"Can I think about it a while?"

"Absolutely. Just call me when you decide what you want to do. And remember sweetheart, I will support any decision you make."

"Thanks, Alexis and don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I won't let you down."

Standing up beside him she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight trying desperately to swallow the lump in her throat. He was such a special boy to her. Why he had been able to wrap his hands so firmly around her heart, she had no clue. But it felt right. It felt good. Leaning her head toward his ear she hugged him tighter and whispered…

"You never have, Zander. You never have."