Guilty Gear Messed Up
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I do not own the Guilty Gear franchise, nor do I own Capcom, Bandai, or authors that appear in this fic! I only own this fic!
However, Nazareth is mine! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM!! Unless you ask.
By the way, I'm only doing this fic for fun, so if any authors in here appear and get hurt, I really don't mean it. Okay?
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[Underwater; a large creature is trudging in the aquatic world; it walks slowly without ever stopping or considering going up for air. A shark swims by and tries to attack the large creature]
Gear [low, studded growl]: ROAR!!!
[The creature grabs the shark, ignoring its razor-sharp skin, and rips the fish in half, letting the lifeless bits drop to the ocean floor; the blood from the shark tainting the small area of ocean, attracting its brethren, possibly to test the animal Gear's strength]
--
[Johnny, Bridget, and Dizzy arrive at the crater]
Johnny: WHAT!? There's nothing! No treasure! No space gold! No NOTHING! This sucks! I'm going back to the ship! [Gets sad; mumbles to himself] No treasure makes Johnny murderous like in Chapter 6...
Dizzy: Aww... I don't like it when Johnny's sad; it always gets me sad.
Bridget: Don't worry Dizzy. You know that's how Johnny is. Just give him some time and put a woman in front of him, and he'll be back to his usual self.
Dizzy: Well, we haven't found any treasure in a while, and we do have to re-stock and fix the Mayship. [Happy] But, I know you're right. I trust you Bridget.
Bridget [blushing]: You do?
Necro: Get away from her, sicko! [Punches the bounty hunter in the face]
Dizzy [angry]: Necro! That was mean! Apologize to him now!
Necro: MAKE ME! [Sticks out his tongue] NYAH!
Dizzy [grabs Necro's tongue]: Now, until you say sorry to Bridget, I'm going to keep you like this! [To herself] Though my hand does feel a little icky doing this...
--
[And now for some comedic relief: Jam and Ky are at a movie theater, showing a movie that looked better in its time (around 2004 if you know what I mean)]
Movie Announcer: And now, our heroes have arrived! Viewtiful Joe and Silvia! Their dynamic moves will surely save us all!
Ky: Why did you bring me to an old retro-like action movie, Jam?
Jam [slapping Ky in the back happily]: Oh Ky, you're too stiff! I heard that this was one of the most popular movies at the time.
[Note: (this) means it's on the movie screen]
(Sexy Silvia): Joe, I think this one's too powerful!
(Viewtiful Joe): Don't worry, Silvia! We've handled much more difficult challenges than this! This'll be a piece of cake! [Peter Griffin-ish laugh]
Ky: Well, I might as well watch it now.
Jam: That's the spirit Ky! [looks at Ky] But it's on a boring part right now! Let's get a little 'off-screen action'.
Ky: You've told me you didn't see this movie y--[gets interrupted by a kiss and a tackle from Jam]
Sol [in the far back of the audience]: KEEP IT DOWN, DOWN THERE! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO WATCH THE MOVIE!
Ky [pushes Jam off him]: Sol!?
Sol: I like a good movie!
Narrator: And... it is unbelievable. The mighty heroes, Joe and Silvia, have been vanquished. Our world, is doomed.
Jam: DAMMIT! That was the best part!
[A dark and mysterious figure appears on the screen]
Evil Ambassador Jim: And now that the forces of good are dead, I can exact revenge on the world that did away with me! But first, [looks at Ky] you will make excellent sacrifices, so I may enter into the world of the living!
Ky: Ooh! Nice visuals!
Jam [scared]: Um, Ky, sweetie, I don't think those are visuals--
[Too late; Jam and Ky are grabbed by the large being]
Ky: WHAT THE!? THIS IS NOT RIGHT! [drops his Thunderseal] Oh NO! Without the Thunderseal, I am powerless! WHY AM I GETTING CAPTURED!?
[And they are carried off into the world of the movies]
Sol: Hmm... [eats popcorn] Do I wanna go in there and save god-boy and his ho? Well, it's not like the movie's gonna advance if I don't do anything. And it'll give me something to do.
Blackheart ZERO: Indeed and forsooth! You must go!
Sol [irritated]: Oh great. Authors... [Sol jumps into the movie screen; is falling] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[Sorry! Scene change]
--
[Back to the quaint countryside; Axl and the little puppy Low are walking with their new friend, Nazareth; in the background, "Calm Passion" is playing]
Nazareth: So, Axl, can I ask you something?
Axl: Of course, mate.
Nazareth: Well, where do you come from?
Axl: Oh. Well, I can't really say anything.
Nazareth: How come, sir?
Axl: Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you that I unintentionally traveled through time.
Nazareth: A time-traveler?
Axl: See? You don't believe me.
Nazareth: I didn't say I didn't believe you.
Axl: Oh. Okay! What about you, kid?
Puppy: Woof.
Axl: Wait a minute! Dogs can't say woof! Who are you really!?
[The puppy pulls the zipper off its puppy suit, and becomes...]
Axl [taken back]: Sheo Darren!?
Sheo Darren: That's right! Now, have you seen these two? [Holds up pictures of two people; these people can't be seen] I'm trying to eliminate them!
Axl: Sorry. Haven't seen them.
Nazareth [with a small vein on his forehead]: You... want to eliminate them?
Sheo Darren [oblivious to pain that is about to come]: That's right. And who might you be?
[Some time later]
Sheo Darren [soaring]: NOOOOOO! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT YOU LOOKED A LOT LIKE THEM! P4 WILL DESTROY YOU! [Ding]
Nazareth: Hmph. Idiot.
Axl: Well, before any more authors come, what are you like, Nazzy?
Nazareth [looking at Axl strangely]: Onegai... don't call me that.
Axl: Okay.
Nazareth: I lived a very happy life. Well, I'm a very shy person, but I make friends very easily.
Axl: I know. It shows.
Nazareth: My mother was once an outsider because of whom she was, but is now an accepted member of society. And my father used to be an irregularity, who worked in a sometimes unprofitable career before he joined the police force headed by a veteran of the Holy War.
Axl: Oh cool! But, can I say something? And if I do, will you not kill me like you did Sheo?
Sheo Darren [off distance]: I'm not dead!
Nazareth [anime smile]: But of course.
Axl: First, your name. It's from a band in the 20th century, Nazareth. You knew that, right?
Nazareth [finger to chin]: ... Now I do.
Axl: And your eyes freak me out! One's like an emerald green, the other's like a crimson red!
Nazareth: Well, yes, that's true. Don't worry, Axl. Everyone said that to me at least once.
Sheo Darren [still off screen]: HELP ME! There are wolves! And Lone Wolf's the alpha!
Axl: You hear something?
Nazareth: I do not think so.
[They notice Zappa sleeping underneath a tree]
Axl: Oy! It's that Australian chap! [Calling out] HEY! Mr. Australian! HEY!
Zappa [wakes up; arms are twisted]: G'day, mate! What's the good word?
--
[Justice is writing a letter]
Justice [writing letter; self dictating]:
Dear certain FanFiction.net writers,
I am sick and tired of people thinking that I am a female, because of the pattern of the bosses in the other games, Dizzy and I-No, being ladies. I AM A MAN! When will you get this through your head(s)? This is all I request.
Love,
Justice
[Justice sends the letter in a mailbox in a happy little neighborhood]
Justice [realizes he put in 'Love']: Dammit...
--
[The alliance of Venom and Millia are now in a sunny park]\
Millia: Now, where could Eddie be?
Venom: I doubt he'll come out in broad daylight.
[Totally debunking Venom's assumption, Eddie is in full jogging gear, with a water bottle on one pocket, and an ice cream--]
Eddie: SORBET!
[...sorbet cone in his hand]
Venom: Well, I assumed the worst.
Millia: Never assume! You gay ass-man!
Venom: Millia! For not watching what you say about society, I'm going to have to pull out my secret WEAPON!
[Venom pulls out a kitty]
Millia: NOOOOO! NOT A KITTEN! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
Venom: But I thought you loved cats! [Tosses Millia the kitten] Now, shut up, and you can play with the putty-tat.
[Millia proceeds to play with the putty-tat. Eddie decides to sit down on a park bench]
Venom: Besides, we cannot make a sound.
[The two assassins are sneaking up on Eddie; Millia accidentally steps on a twig]
Eddie: HUH!?
[Like a panicked animal, he sprouts his shadow wings, flying off]
Eddie: You can't catch me! I AM EDDIE! MASTER--[Eddie gets bean in the face by a toy plane] ORE WA SUROO SUTAATAA NANDA YO! [collapses]
Millia: Well, that was fast.
Venom: And effortless.
[Millia and Venom run up to Eddie, before he sinks into the ground as an escape tactic]
Venom: Damn. Looks like we can't free Zato-sama's body just yet.
[HEY! WHO'S TAKING MY KEYBOARD!?]
Blackheart ZERO: Shut up! I wanna try something!
[Millia approaches Venom carefully]
Millia: Look, Venom. Ever since the first chapter and the events leading up to this, I've grown a certain fondness for you.
Venom: Strange. I feel that same way.
[Kawaii bubbles and flowers and Eddies surround them]
Millia: You gave the last of your food to me yesterday.
Venom: You used your hair to scratch that annoying itch down the middle of my back.
Millia [cute and happy]: I love you Venom.
Venom: And I love you, Millia Rage.
[Millia lifts up Venom's face-covering hair with her own, as they embraced for a kiss.]
TRUE Unknown: Hmm... This actually doesn't seem that bad. I'll work with it!
Blackheart ZERO: And you beat me up last chapter! Remember that!
Shadow-Dio: What about me?
TRUE Unknown: Well, if you're on the topics of dressing Bridget in other females' clothing, then dress him up like Dizzy too.
Shadow-Dio: I'll take that into account.
[Back to me.]
--
[With Sol]
Sol: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[Sorry! Scene change!]
--
Johnny [walking by himself]: Maybe May was right. I just needed to take a walk. [Sees Axl on the road] Oy! Hey Axl!
Axl: Hey Johnny! How's it hanging?
Johnny: Aside from the fact that there's a suspicion that May wants to kill me just to take over my position as Captain even though she's madly in love with me, everything's alright. [Looks at Zappa] And Zappa, how's that mental parasite going?
Zappa [confused]: Mental parasite?? [Reverts to possessed mode] I'LL MURDER YOU ALL!!! [Normal] Oh right, S-ko. I'm working on it. Because one day, I'll be able to control it someday!!!
Johnny: Yes. Quite. [Looks at Nazareth] And… I don't think I met you before, young man. What's your name?
Nazareth: My name is Nazareth, sir.
Axl [looks at the boy strangely]: How come you called him sir?
Nazareth: I can just tell… he has an air of respect surrounding him.
Zappa: I thought he lived in a ship full of little girls! That's not very respectful.
[Johnny face-faults]
Johnny: That wasn't very nice. Well then, Nazareth, why don't I introduce you to some of my crew? You'll just love them! Especially my two new favorites, Dizzy, and my first male on my vessel, Bridget.
Axl: I thought May was your favorite.
Johnny: No… she's out for my blood.
Axl: Ah.
Nazareth [to Axl]: Um, may I speak with you alone for a second?
Axl: Sure thing.
Johnny: Take your time. [Sees the two of them walk off to behind a tree] Something about that boy is familiar.
Zappa [screeching in possession]: BLOOD AND GUTS WILL SMOTHER YOUR LUNGS!!
[With the other two]
Nazareth: It's just as I feared. Axl, I think I have been pulled into the past!
Axl [shocked]: WHAT!? So you're from the future?
Nazareth: Yes, I am. You see, where I am from, that man, Johnny, [points to Johnny] he's been long dead. Caught in an explosion. One of his pirate subordinates, May, took some of his DNA, and bore herself a boy with his genetics. She didn't live. That's where my friend, Mai-Den, came from.
Axl: Holy back-story!
[Back to Johnny]
Johnny: I could swear that kid just pointed at me.
Zappa: Maybe he's the angel of death.
Johnny: Nah! Testament's not around.
[Back]
Nazareth: And the other two he mentioned, Dizzy and Bridget, are my mother and father respectively! Well, in this case, my mother and father to be.
Axl: Whoa… this is too much information to take in under 4 seconds. But are you still gonna go with him?
Nazareth: Yeah. I just wanted to let you know.
Axl: WHAT!? THEN LET JOHNNY KNOW HE'S GOING TO DIE!
Nazareth: I don't know if I should… if I'm in the past, I think any major events that I take part in might alter the history of the world. [Sad and scared] I MIGHT NOT BE BORN!!
Axl: Man, I hate when I do something like that.
Nazareth: Huh?
Axl: Never mind.
Johnny [yelling from the other side]: C'MON ALREADY!
Nazareth: Coming! [runs off to Johnny]
Axl [contemplating]: I think if I tell people what this Nazareth guy told me, I think my brains would explode and leak out of my nose. [Being himself] Well, I'm off! Like Kite!
--
[Scene change]
Kite: You don't even know who I am.
--
Blackheart ZERO: This is probably a first.
TRUE Unknown: What?
Lone Wolf SIX: You wasted some pages just to describe your original character!
Hibiki: What's a Kite?
Blackheart ZERO: Actually, I was going to say the Millia/Venom pairing, but that works too.
Sheo Darren [body cast]: And is that thing you describe in the first paragraph of each chapter Leopaldon? You can just say it!
TRUE Unknown: … No.
Kaiser Ryouga II [speaking through a tape cassette]: Yes yes. Good work. Glitter is gold, May/Dizzy, and the what not.
Person with many aliases: Where is he, anyway?
Shadow-Dio: Dunno.
--
Will Ky and Jam be rescued by Sol?
Sol [still falling]: I'm only doing this because I'm bored. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
Will Millia and Venom kill Eddie?
[Scene change to Millia and Venom walking on a beach, holding hands, letting the tide squish sands in-between their toes; … We'll go back to them next chap]
Will Sheo Darren stop being beaten? … Maybe.
And what relevancy does this Gear have?
Gear… Aw screw it! Leopaldon: ROARRR!!
Find out next time!