Chapter 15

The low ring of the phone jarred him from sleep and it took a moment to realize where he was. He couldn't move his arms or legs and looked down to see what held him immobile. At some point while they slept Alexis had turned toward him and lay her head on his chest. One arm lay over him trapping his arm underneath hers and one long slender leg found its way across his thigh. No matter how much it thrilled him to know that in sleep she could allow herself to reach out to him; if she woke to find herself wrapped around him in such a manner it would cause her immense embarrassment and more distress. So as quickly and gently as he could he moved his leg out from under hers and using his knee pushed her leg into what he hoped she would consider her own personal space. He then moved her arm from around him and tucked it close to her chest then laid his arm across her. His intent, if she woke and became offended at their closeness, was to steer the blame in his direction. As the phone rang a fourth time he felt her begin to stir and closed his eyes. If she thought him asleep, it would give her enough time to assess her situation and handle it as discreetly as she wished.

It took half a moment for her to begin to extricate herself from within his arms and the hitch in her breathing confirmed his concerns. Just as he felt her completely leave his touch, he heard her pick up the phone.

"Hello."

Such a seductive voice... how could any man resist the sound of her voice.

"Hi, Zander."

His insides jumped as she greeted his son. Looking toward her, she sat on the side of the bed with her back to him. He waited... and listened.

"Are you sure, Zander? Are you really sure you want to do this?"

"Are you okay?"

"Well... that's... that's because he's here."

He could hear the blush in her voice at having to admit his whereabouts to his son. A concerned frown settled on his face. So, his son was looking for him and unable to find him called Alexis. Her words to his son drew his attention again.

"You know I don't mind, Zander and no, it's not a problem. Whatever you want, I'll do what I can to help."

"When?"

"No, that's fine with me. So I'll see you when you get here and remember sweetheart, I love you and I only want you to be happy."

He heard her lay down the phone and felt her shift to look at him. He couldn't open his eyes... not yet. Soft as a feather he felt her touch wipe away the trail of an undisciplined tear that slid from the corner of his eye.

"You're so easy with him. No wonder the boy loves you so much."

"He's not a boy anymore, Cameron. He's a man. He just proved it."

He looked up with questioning eyes to find her.

"He's on his way here... to talk to you."

He sat up quickly and stared at her in amazement.

"When did you...?"

"After you left this afternoon, I called him."

"That was why you asked me to leave; so you could call my son. How did you get him to even consider...?"

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

Something darted across her face as she answered him. It was there and gone before he could recognize what it was leaving her face void of any expression that would give her away. Taking a moment to study the situation and what he knew of both his son and Alexis, it suddenly dawned on him. He stood up moved a step away from the bed and turned back to face her, dazed by what she did for him.

"You put yourself on the line for me, didn't you? You gave away your secrets to my son to get him to at least give me a chance..."

She stood up quickly and turned away from him. It was her way. He wasn't allowed to see what her decision to reveal herself cost her, but he knew. She didn't fool him a bit. He knew from the set of her shoulders... the arms crossed tightly in front of her; fingers gripping the seams of her blouse as if to hold herself together... but so much more in an effort to hold him at bay. She was in effect telling him that he did not have the right to challenge her decisions regarding her life or who she chose to risk it for. Her words proved him correct.

"I did what I had to do to get you two in the same room together for a while and if you blow this chance Cameron Lewis, you will not only blow your chance with your son but you might well end up damaging my relationship with him."

She turned back around to face him with the face of a mother fighting for her young... for his son.

"And I promise you... if you hurt him again... you and I are finished. I'll make you rue the day you ever stepped foot in Port Charles again."

He sat down heavily on the side of her bed and dropped his head into his hands. He asked for help and it came before he was given time to prepare. The son he loved... his only remaining son was on his way to face him and Alexis would be there on the sidelines... cheering more for his son than for him. The irony of it hit him full force until a thought began to take root in the back of his mind. Here? He's coming here? He raised his head and looked over his shoulder at her.

"Why here?"

"It's... neutral ground."

Her voice caught a bit and the slight shuffling of her feet told him more than he wanted to know.

"It's okay, Alexis. My son chose his friends well. You don't have to say it. Your apartment is far from being neutral territory, but if it's support my son needs in order to do this, then I'm glad it's you he turned to. I'm glad he has someone on his side... someone he trusts and can depend on."

He turned back around and stared at the wall wondering how he would get through it all without her support... without her to turn to if he got in trouble. The mattress sank slightly as he felt her sit down beside him. Eyes that needed to look at her... to see her face remained fixed on the wall in front of him. 'I deserve this. I have to stand before my son and take responsibility for my actions. I can't expect her to stand with me when my son needs her so much.' A warm comforting arm found its way around his waist and his head fell forward from the relief that flooded him at her touch. He could feel her eyes on him pleading with him to look at her. A plea he could not refuse. He looked... and she saw. Once again he was guilty of being jealous of his son and the bile in his stomach rose.

"I love my son... but I'm in love with the woman he seems to enjoy regarding as a maternal figure in his life."

Her quiet words took him by surprise.

"You would not be jealous of your son if you were assured of having your love returned. If you had been assured of your son Peter's love, you would not have been jealous of Zander then either. You are in need of love just as much as your son is. If you two can come together and find the love you've been missing for so long it will go a long way in healing a lot of the hurts you've both endured over the years."

It did not escape him that she left herself completely out of the equation; that she again ignored his profession of love. But, her words held so much truth that he needed time to absorb them. Gazing into her eyes he wondered how a woman who spent the bulk of her life fighting for something that still remained so elusive to her could have such a grasp on the intricacies of it.

"You have a point. I could not look at either one of my sons and see anything but fear and disappointment in their eyes. They looked at me as though I were a stranger. Pete always had fear in his eyes. He was always so afraid of not being everything I wanted him to be... or his mother, his teachers, his priest... his brother. Alexander looked at me with anger and disgust. And there were times when they both looked at me and all I saw was what they wanted me to be; what they wished I were. But, there was always something else to do, something else for them to do to prepare for the future I mapped out for them... always something else that would feed my ego."

"And where is that ego now, Cameron?"

"Oh it's still there. But every morning when I wake up and remember what it cost me... when I remember my oldest son took his own life to get away from me and my youngest son decided that he preferred taking his chances out in the world alone rather than be anywhere near me. Facts like those can pretty much send any man's ego into hiding."

"So why don't we just sit right down here in the middle of the floor and throw ourselves a pity party. We have all the ingredients... and it is something that we can do together and maybe share a few laughs at our own expense. What do you say?"

His head whipped around to stare at her and sure enough... not only had her voice been laced with sarcasm but her eyes bore the same. He reached over and gently patted her knee twice as he chuckled knowing she was right. He stood up pulling her with him and pointed her toward the door. With his hands on her shoulders he led her out of the room and back toward the living room. It was time for him to prepare to meet his son.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to make a cup of coffee before Alexander arrives. It has the makings of becoming a very long evening. You know, you might regret setting yourself up like this."

She glanced back at him with a smile of confidence on her face.

"I'm not worried. I have a lot of faith in both the father as well as the son. They won't let me down... neither one of them. The son is not the only one who knows how to pick his friends."

Friend. Such a beautiful word... a word that possessed infinite possibilities between two people. A word filled with warmth and love, of care and concern. It meant having someone to share with... to confide in... to be silly with and to whisper your most intimate secrets to. It was a word that described what you felt hearing his or her voice on the phone when you thought there was no one in the world who could understand how much you were hurting. It was standing beside them in support as they defended their beliefs... or standing in front of them to protect them when they couldn't protect themselves from the betrayals of life.

It was the sound of their knock on your door when you were at your lowest and just needed someone to care. It was sharing a private joke in the middle of a crowd and laughing because no one else was important enough to share it with. It was getting in your car at 3 in the morning to go sit with them because something in their voice didn't sound right. It was stuffed animals, silly nicknames and sitting on the porch being quiet enjoying the simple pleasures of companionship. It was laughter and tears... It was holding their hand in death... and in life. Friend. More than a word... a blessing... a gift... a treasure.

He leaned against the kitchen counter with his cup of coffee in hand and nodded his head absently. She was his friend and he was hers. They shared all of the classic rituals of friendship. But there was so much more that he wanted from Alexis. He wanted passion and desire. He wanted to give her the one thing she craved most. He wanted to love her as no one else ever had. He wanted to be able to reach for her in the night to find her reaching for him. He wanted her. 'Want'... a small unassuming word, overlooked more often than not. It's relatives... need, crave, desire and covet. Small words until they're gone and you're faced with what's left without them. Alone... Isolated... Lost... Empty...

Empty. Life without Alexis would be empty. And love... without Alexis... was just another four-letter word.