Chapter 16
Hearing Alexis open the door to welcome his son, Cameron walked to the doorway of the kitchen and discreetly watched how they interacted with each other. Her warm loving smile lit his son's face as he walked into her open arms without hesitation. She held his son close with one arm and comforted him with the other as she ran her hand up and down his back. Watching Zander stand so comfortably within her arms only served to increase his sense of incompetence as a father. Their words to each other forced his head to drop in regret.
"Hey, Zander."
"Hey, Alexis. You sure this is okay with you?"
"It's fine, Zander. You know I would do anything I could to help you through all of this."
"I know. You've always been there for me. And don't think I don't appreciate it. I do."
"I know, sweetheart. We loners have to stick together, don't we?"
As his son stepped back out of her arms he watched the boy's facial expression change from adoration to bitterness. The boy's question proved his inability to hide a lifetime of hurt.
"Where is he?"
"He's in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee."
"Does he know..."
"Yes, I told him you were on your way and if it's possible, I think he's more afraid to face you than you are to face him."
"I'm not afraid of him, Alexis."
Her face held an abundance of gentle acceptance and understanding as she gazed into the face of his troubled boy. He watched fascinated as she reached up and brushed his hair back from his face and then took his face between her hands.
"Aren't you?" Aren't you afraid that after all is said and done, you might be left alone again... or perhaps in worse shape than you were before he came to Port Charles?"
"It won't end up the way it did last time. There's one big difference this time, Alexis."
"What's that?"
"I have a home here. You and Em made it home a long time ago and you wouldn't leave me alone to face everything by myself like he did. I'm not saying I'd ask for help, but I know it would be there if I wanted it."
Cameron watched her draw his son into her arms again and he barely heard her whisper.
"You're right, sweetheart. You will never have to face anything alone again if I can help it."
His heart was on the verge of exploding with what he felt for the woman his son hung on to as though she were his mother. She was home to his boy now and as much as he wished himself to be what his son needed, he felt the rightness of Alexis' place in Zander's life. Her promise to his son was more than he could take. Feeling the familiar burn behind his eyes he knew if he retained any hope of getting through the evening with his son, he needed to break up the scene he was witnessing between the two most important people in his life. The only two he wanted and ironically they both were more interested in pushing him away than allowing him entrance into their realm of existence. Taking a deep breath he left the comfort of the doorway and walked into the room clearing his throat to announce his intrusion into their private moment.
"Hello, Alexander."
"Dad."
*************** Alexis watched the two men greet each other and her heart cried for both of them. For the father, understanding what it meant to lose a child and to want nothing more than to hold that child in your arms. And for the son, understanding the devastation of losing a parent and a sibling.
Turning toward Cameron she reached for Zander's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"I'll be in the other room. Make yourself at home and take all the time you need... and guys, try to be kind to one another. It's called give and take..."
She caught Cameron's eye and finished her thought.
"... and honesty goes a long way in healing wrongs done and hurts inflicted."
With that she leaned toward Zander and placed her cheek against his once more then moved toward the doorway leading to her bedroom. As she drew close to Cameron she reached up and laid her hand on his heart for a moment then left them alone... together and yet... alone.
Her palm lying so warm against his heart steadied him and as he watched her leave the room he drew a deep breath and turned back to his son.
"Come on in, son."
"I hate it when you call me that."
Cameron let a moment pass before answering his son's first attack.
"Haven't really earned the right to call you that, have I Alexander?"
"I'm surprised you recognized it."
Cameron sat down at the farthest end of the sofa next to the fireplace in order for his son to have free reign of the rest of the place. He didn't want Zander to get the feeling of being trapped in any way.
"I've been forced to face a lot in the past 5 years. It hasn't been easy."
He felt the force of his son's bitter laughter slice into the pit of his stomach like a well honed steel blade and his measured words twisted the knife unmercifully.
"What, all your buddies down at the hospital walk out on you like you walked out on me?"
Looking at his son standing in the same spot as when he entered, Cameron noticed his hands curled into fists so tight the whitened knuckles stood out dramatically against the black of his jeans. He needed to do something to help the boy ease some of his pain... some of the anger against his father. Cameron stood back up and moved to stand in front of Zander. His son's words stopped him cold.
"Do you know how many times I wanted to put my fist in your face for not seeing me and Pete... for not seeing what you were doing to all of us."
"So do it, son. If it will make you feel better, do it."
"What good would it do now?"
He saw his son mentally back down and knew he couldn't let him. Zander needed a release and he needed it now more than he did the day he walked out 5 years earlier. So Cameron pushed him in the only way he could think of that would hit the boy on a level he wouldn't back down from.
"Hitting me would make you feel better and maybe I'll get lucky enough to get a little TLC out of Alexis in the process..."
The first blow he was prepared for... the second sent him flying backward onto the coffee table that crashed under his weight and the weight of his son's anger.
The heads of both father and son turned to see Alexis striding back in with an ice pack in each hand. She stopped at Zander first and looked down to see which hand needed care and placed one ice pack in his other hand.
"I figured it wouldn't take long. Put it on your hand and hold it there a while, Zander."
"I'm sorry about the table, I..."
"The table is replaceable, Zander. You're not."
"He crossed a line and I couldn't let him get away with it."
Cameron watched Alexis take care of his son from his vantage point on the floor and shook his head back and forth. The boy didn't know how lucky he was to have her so close. As he started to pull himself up off the destroyed coffee table her response to Zander stopped him.
"Don't you think he might have crossed that line on purpose so you could let go of some of that anger you have built up inside. I imagine he either said something about your mother or me to cause you to go ballistic on him like that."
"It was you. He made a snarky comment about you."
"If it was about me, then you have my word it was said in an attempt to help you. But, just in case I'm wrong... if he says it again make sure there's no furniture to land on when you hit him again. But, I want you to remember something for me."
"What's that?"
"Zander, he's a friend of mine. I kind of like the big oaf and I've grown accustomed to having him around. I know what he's been through the past five years just as I know what you've been through. Listen to him and make him listen to you. You might learn a lot more than you bargained for if you'll just let him get his foot in the door."
"Ok, Alexis."
When her eyes finally turned to find him he felt himself relax a little. Her eyes were filled with compassion and concern for him. Kneeling beside him she lifted the remaining ice pack and gently placed it along the side of his jaw. Her quiet words doing more for him than the chill of an ice pack ever could.
"Are you okay?"
"I'll live."
"Well that's good, I'd hate to find a man with such intuitive spa capabilities just to lose him before I had the chance to really benefit from such a wonderful adventure."
"You have no idea how crushing it is to be loved just for your skills as a masseuse."
Her eyes locked with his momentarily and before he could say anymore she was pulling away whispering to keep his son from overhearing her.
"Your focus needs to be on your son right now, Cameron. Now see if you can stand up."
Duly reprimanded, Cameron stood up and looked toward his son who stood quietly shifting from one foot to the other.
"I'm fine, Alexis and you're right. It's time I told my son the truth."
Zander's eyes met his fathers and he stopped shifting nervously. He remembered that look. His father possessed the ability to get to him in when truth was involved. Somehow, Zander always knew when his dad was being less than honest with him, but this was not one of those times. Zander knew as his dad stared at him, he would be told whatever he wanted to know and it would be the truth. And suddenly he wondered if he could take it... if he could hold up under the truths his dad held. He watched Alexis turn to leave the room and he felt his heart jump with fear. Her eyes met his and she saw what he was feeling. She saw his fear, his need to feel safe again. And as he knew she would, she stopped in front of him and her arms came around him once more to give him strength. The butterflies in his stomach stilled with her whisper in his ear.
"He's just a man who has made some pretty big mistakes. He's a father that needs his son's forgiveness."
He felt her arms begin to leave him and just before she let go, she turned to his father and her request of him gave Zander a measure of peace and he resolved to stay and listen to anything his father had to say.
"Don't make him ask, Cameron. Tell him everything you told me and tell him everything you've never told anyone. Give your son something to believe in again."
Hearing Alexis open the door to welcome his son, Cameron walked to the doorway of the kitchen and discreetly watched how they interacted with each other. Her warm loving smile lit his son's face as he walked into her open arms without hesitation. She held his son close with one arm and comforted him with the other as she ran her hand up and down his back. Watching Zander stand so comfortably within her arms only served to increase his sense of incompetence as a father. Their words to each other forced his head to drop in regret.
"Hey, Zander."
"Hey, Alexis. You sure this is okay with you?"
"It's fine, Zander. You know I would do anything I could to help you through all of this."
"I know. You've always been there for me. And don't think I don't appreciate it. I do."
"I know, sweetheart. We loners have to stick together, don't we?"
As his son stepped back out of her arms he watched the boy's facial expression change from adoration to bitterness. The boy's question proved his inability to hide a lifetime of hurt.
"Where is he?"
"He's in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee."
"Does he know..."
"Yes, I told him you were on your way and if it's possible, I think he's more afraid to face you than you are to face him."
"I'm not afraid of him, Alexis."
Her face held an abundance of gentle acceptance and understanding as she gazed into the face of his troubled boy. He watched fascinated as she reached up and brushed his hair back from his face and then took his face between her hands.
"Aren't you?" Aren't you afraid that after all is said and done, you might be left alone again... or perhaps in worse shape than you were before he came to Port Charles?"
"It won't end up the way it did last time. There's one big difference this time, Alexis."
"What's that?"
"I have a home here. You and Em made it home a long time ago and you wouldn't leave me alone to face everything by myself like he did. I'm not saying I'd ask for help, but I know it would be there if I wanted it."
Cameron watched her draw his son into her arms again and he barely heard her whisper.
"You're right, sweetheart. You will never have to face anything alone again if I can help it."
His heart was on the verge of exploding with what he felt for the woman his son hung on to as though she were his mother. She was home to his boy now and as much as he wished himself to be what his son needed, he felt the rightness of Alexis' place in Zander's life. Her promise to his son was more than he could take. Feeling the familiar burn behind his eyes he knew if he retained any hope of getting through the evening with his son, he needed to break up the scene he was witnessing between the two most important people in his life. The only two he wanted and ironically they both were more interested in pushing him away than allowing him entrance into their realm of existence. Taking a deep breath he left the comfort of the doorway and walked into the room clearing his throat to announce his intrusion into their private moment.
"Hello, Alexander."
"Dad."
*************** Alexis watched the two men greet each other and her heart cried for both of them. For the father, understanding what it meant to lose a child and to want nothing more than to hold that child in your arms. And for the son, understanding the devastation of losing a parent and a sibling.
Turning toward Cameron she reached for Zander's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"I'll be in the other room. Make yourself at home and take all the time you need... and guys, try to be kind to one another. It's called give and take..."
She caught Cameron's eye and finished her thought.
"... and honesty goes a long way in healing wrongs done and hurts inflicted."
With that she leaned toward Zander and placed her cheek against his once more then moved toward the doorway leading to her bedroom. As she drew close to Cameron she reached up and laid her hand on his heart for a moment then left them alone... together and yet... alone.
Her palm lying so warm against his heart steadied him and as he watched her leave the room he drew a deep breath and turned back to his son.
"Come on in, son."
"I hate it when you call me that."
Cameron let a moment pass before answering his son's first attack.
"Haven't really earned the right to call you that, have I Alexander?"
"I'm surprised you recognized it."
Cameron sat down at the farthest end of the sofa next to the fireplace in order for his son to have free reign of the rest of the place. He didn't want Zander to get the feeling of being trapped in any way.
"I've been forced to face a lot in the past 5 years. It hasn't been easy."
He felt the force of his son's bitter laughter slice into the pit of his stomach like a well honed steel blade and his measured words twisted the knife unmercifully.
"What, all your buddies down at the hospital walk out on you like you walked out on me?"
Looking at his son standing in the same spot as when he entered, Cameron noticed his hands curled into fists so tight the whitened knuckles stood out dramatically against the black of his jeans. He needed to do something to help the boy ease some of his pain... some of the anger against his father. Cameron stood back up and moved to stand in front of Zander. His son's words stopped him cold.
"Do you know how many times I wanted to put my fist in your face for not seeing me and Pete... for not seeing what you were doing to all of us."
"So do it, son. If it will make you feel better, do it."
"What good would it do now?"
He saw his son mentally back down and knew he couldn't let him. Zander needed a release and he needed it now more than he did the day he walked out 5 years earlier. So Cameron pushed him in the only way he could think of that would hit the boy on a level he wouldn't back down from.
"Hitting me would make you feel better and maybe I'll get lucky enough to get a little TLC out of Alexis in the process..."
The first blow he was prepared for... the second sent him flying backward onto the coffee table that crashed under his weight and the weight of his son's anger.
The heads of both father and son turned to see Alexis striding back in with an ice pack in each hand. She stopped at Zander first and looked down to see which hand needed care and placed one ice pack in his other hand.
"I figured it wouldn't take long. Put it on your hand and hold it there a while, Zander."
"I'm sorry about the table, I..."
"The table is replaceable, Zander. You're not."
"He crossed a line and I couldn't let him get away with it."
Cameron watched Alexis take care of his son from his vantage point on the floor and shook his head back and forth. The boy didn't know how lucky he was to have her so close. As he started to pull himself up off the destroyed coffee table her response to Zander stopped him.
"Don't you think he might have crossed that line on purpose so you could let go of some of that anger you have built up inside. I imagine he either said something about your mother or me to cause you to go ballistic on him like that."
"It was you. He made a snarky comment about you."
"If it was about me, then you have my word it was said in an attempt to help you. But, just in case I'm wrong... if he says it again make sure there's no furniture to land on when you hit him again. But, I want you to remember something for me."
"What's that?"
"Zander, he's a friend of mine. I kind of like the big oaf and I've grown accustomed to having him around. I know what he's been through the past five years just as I know what you've been through. Listen to him and make him listen to you. You might learn a lot more than you bargained for if you'll just let him get his foot in the door."
"Ok, Alexis."
When her eyes finally turned to find him he felt himself relax a little. Her eyes were filled with compassion and concern for him. Kneeling beside him she lifted the remaining ice pack and gently placed it along the side of his jaw. Her quiet words doing more for him than the chill of an ice pack ever could.
"Are you okay?"
"I'll live."
"Well that's good, I'd hate to find a man with such intuitive spa capabilities just to lose him before I had the chance to really benefit from such a wonderful adventure."
"You have no idea how crushing it is to be loved just for your skills as a masseuse."
Her eyes locked with his momentarily and before he could say anymore she was pulling away whispering to keep his son from overhearing her.
"Your focus needs to be on your son right now, Cameron. Now see if you can stand up."
Duly reprimanded, Cameron stood up and looked toward his son who stood quietly shifting from one foot to the other.
"I'm fine, Alexis and you're right. It's time I told my son the truth."
Zander's eyes met his fathers and he stopped shifting nervously. He remembered that look. His father possessed the ability to get to him in when truth was involved. Somehow, Zander always knew when his dad was being less than honest with him, but this was not one of those times. Zander knew as his dad stared at him, he would be told whatever he wanted to know and it would be the truth. And suddenly he wondered if he could take it... if he could hold up under the truths his dad held. He watched Alexis turn to leave the room and he felt his heart jump with fear. Her eyes met his and she saw what he was feeling. She saw his fear, his need to feel safe again. And as he knew she would, she stopped in front of him and her arms came around him once more to give him strength. The butterflies in his stomach stilled with her whisper in his ear.
"He's just a man who has made some pretty big mistakes. He's a father that needs his son's forgiveness."
He felt her arms begin to leave him and just before she let go, she turned to his father and her request of him gave Zander a measure of peace and he resolved to stay and listen to anything his father had to say.
"Don't make him ask, Cameron. Tell him everything you told me and tell him everything you've never told anyone. Give your son something to believe in again."