Chapter 26
Dreams. Sometimes filled with laughter and inexpressible joy. Sometimes filled with rage or at times paralyzing fear. But, always filled with that which preys on the mind in the light of day. Dreams. Little boys chasing each other around a back yard… running in and out of the forced spray of hosed water. Laughing and shouting at the thrill of being away from the cares of the world. A precious little baby… spirited away in a mass of confusion… shrouded beneath the tears of love and loss. A gentle loving woman growing smaller, fading from view… fading into a gray haze as time steals hope; vanishing as fingers stiff with fear reach out too slowly and meet the icy chill of a brick wall of mist. A last faint cry falling upon deaf ears as hope is suddenly stilled by death.
Bolting upright, one whispered name forced itself past his stupor of fear.
"Alexis."
Cold sweat poured from his face and body. His hand reached for her quicker than his eyes could find her and touched down on the coolness of the sofa beside him. Gone. She was gone. It seemed only moments before that he was finally able to coax her into a troubled sleep. Looking at his watch proved that two hours had passed since he thankfully watched her eyes finally close. When did she leave his side? Why did he not feel her leave him? Silence filled the apartment. No sound at all met his ears; only the eerie darkness of silence.
"Alexis?"
Still, no sound… no movement… no release from the fear that gripped him.
"Angel?"
He finally stood and with heavy feet began to search for her. Walking into the kitchen he snorted in disgust at his stupidity for looking in the last place she would probably go to in the middle of the night. Making his way slowly to her bedroom he prayed that he would find her asleep finally giving in to his earlier plea for her to relax and fall asleep in the comfort of her own bed rather than curled up on the sofa.
"I don't want to go to bed, Cameron. It's… it's too far away."
"I don't understand, Alexis. Too far away from what?"
She grinned shyly at him before the blood rushed to her cheeks as she answered.
"Not from what… from who?"
"You're going to have to elaborate. I've slept beside you before. We've proven that we can be close without it morphing into something else."
"That was before."
"Before what?"
"You know… before."
His eyes finally lit with understanding.
"Oh you mean before I undressed and redressed you for bed."
"Well there is that… and… there was the poetry and the whiskey and.."
"I get the picture. I'm just a little too familiar now for you to be comfortable in the same bed with me. You don't trust me to be discreet, is that it?"
Quiet words… words spoken to the glass she held in her hand, yet stealing their way to ears that heard and a heart that danced.
"No… I don't trust me."
He let the words find their place in his heart and left them there, refusing to tell her what they meant to him. Later, later when all was right… he would tell her. Tonight he would allow her to have whatever she needed to pass the time as comfortably as possible.
"I'll go get your pillow and we'll stay right here, angel. We can just talk until we're tired enough to drop off and in the morning I'll make us some breakfast and we'll go from there."
It was the right thing to say. He knew it when he heard her sigh of relief. So they sat there and talked until Alexis began to drift off and he reached to pull her legs out from under her and stretched them out across his lap. Laying an arm across the back of the sofa, he smiled as he felt her fingers find his and pull them down to rest within hers on top of her stomach. Leaning his head back to rest against the sofa he waited and listened until he finally heard her breathing change to the rhythm of sleep.
Now… two hours later, he found himself searching for her, horrified that she could leave his side without him knowing it. Drawing to a standstill in the doorway of her bedroom, the moonlight cast its rays across the emptiness of her bed. With her bed empty, there was only one place she could be unless she had completely left the apartment. He turned with heavy feet and took the few remaining steps to the door that had always been shut upon each of his visits. Tonight it was open and a faint light illuminated the hall just enough to tell him where his angel escaped to. Stepping up to the door he quietly peeked in and drew a sharp breath reaching for the door to steady himself.
She lay on the floor beside the crib amidst a host of stuffed animals with one soft furry lamb clutched to her breast. Kneeling beside her, he reached out and gently brushed her hair aside and watched a smile play across her face. Alexis was dreaming. She had finally found enough peace within the world of her dreams to allow herself to finally relax into a deep sleep. He reached down to touch her toes and found them chilled as he expected.
Retrieving the comforter and a pillow from her bed he then opened her dresser and pulled a pair of woolen socks from its depth and returned to her side quietly shoving some of the stuffed animals out of the way. Gently sliding his hand under her head he lifted just enough to place the pillow underneath her then moved down to her feet covering them with the socks. Gazing down at the relaxed smile that graced her sleeping face he found it impossible to leave her alone in the midst of all the articles of baby care that had never been used. So instead lay down beside her covering them both with the comforter.
They would both be stiff in the morning, but if this was the only way Alexis could find rest then so be it. He would watch over her and just to make sure she didn't leave him again, he put his arm around her and sighed as her hand reached to find his and pull it to her wrapping them both around the little furry lamb. He heard a soft chuckle then a happy call. "Cameron look. Look at Kristina run." He never knew she talked in her sleep and as he smiled at her inclusion of him in her happy dream, a grieving tear fell from the corner of his eye and another quickly followed. Only in sleep could she find happiness. Only in sleep could his angel be free.
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Tick tock Tick tock… click clack click clack. Her fingernails beat a rhythmic echo of the clocks passage of time. She stared at the plate in front of her playing with the omelet as her fingernails continued the assault on the tabletop and his sanity. The chime of the clock finally announcing the passing of another hour was met with the sound of her fork tapping the side of her plate. He couldn't take it anymore. He slid his napkin toward her and as she lifted her fingers once more to begin the passing of another minute he slipped the napkin underneath the offending fingernails. It took her a second to realize the change in sound and looked up to find the reason. Noticing the napkin she looked up sheepishly at Cameron.
"I'm driving you nuts, aren't I?"
"Not anymore."
"Sorry."
"No need to be. I handled it."
"You do that rather well, don't you?"
"What?"
"Handle things… or more to the point, me."
"Don't know what you mean."
Laying down her fork she pushed her plate away from her and gazed at him intently.
"Yes you do, Cameron. It doesn't matter what I throw at you; you handle it without too much fuss. Like last night for instance."
"Last night?"
"Yeah. I can't think of anyone who would join me on a cold hard floor in the middle of the night just so I could get some rest. Why Cameron? Why do you insist on torturing yourself the way you do where I'm concerned?"
Leaning forward he rested his forearms on the table and returned her intense stare.
"That doesn't compute. The idea of you and torture in the same sentence… it just doesn't fit. Besides I wouldn't have missed hearing you talk in your sleep for anything in the world."
He chuckled at the look of feigned indignation on her face.
"I DON'T talk in my sleep."
"Yes, you do. And I must say I couldn't have gone to sleep with anything sweeter in my ears."
She leaned forward placing her arms on the table just as he had. Her face was a mass of indecision. Should she give in to curiosity or leave it alone. Curiosity won.
"What did I say?"
"You said, 'Cameron, look. Look at Kristina run'."
She smiled wistfully and ducked her head nodding a couple of times before returning her gaze to him.
"I've had that dream before. It just seems appropriate that you would be with us. It usually starts with me carrying her to the park and we play for awhile and then all of a sudden you're standing beside me and she starts to run."
"Nice dream."
She reached over and lay her hand on his.
"She runs to you, Cameron."
An anvil slammed into his chest. He couldn't breathe. He never dreamed he could feel such happiness in the midst of such turmoil. What did he do that was so great to deserve such a woman in his life? He reached and covered her hand with his own.
"I promise you on my life, Alexis; I won't let you down. I won't let Kristina down. It doesn't matter anymore what that judge says. One way or another we are going to get her back and no one is ever going to threaten you or her again. I won't let you down, angel."