Disclaimer: I am a starving college student - I own nothing.

Lady Mandara Snake, Athenakitty, and anyone else who thought the Dursleys got off too lightly: Snape only meant to get revenge on Vernon. Attacking a helpless woman and child would be dishonorable, and would remind Snape too vividly of his Death Eater days (he didn't actually harm Dudley - at least not any more than Hagrid did - that was just thrown in for fun). So, Slytherin that the man is, he harmed them through Vernon. The Dread curse is sort of like Imperius, it doesn't end unless it's lifted. Vernon will live like this until and unless some witch or wizard takes pity on him (not likely). Snape has effectively incapacitated the man - permanently. Dudley and Petunia will surely also suffer as a result of this. Is that harsh enough?

To whoever wrote that this is the best Severitus fic they've read: I appreciate the compliment, but I refer you to Blood Magic by GatewayGirl. That is truly the best.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I'm glad you guys are enjoying!

Chapter 16: Goblins and Gobbledygook

The next day dawned dreary and overcast, much resembling Harry's mood.

Harry groaned as he rolled out of bed: He would much rather stay under the covers.

Harry, thankfully, did not have any lessons scheduled for today and so he took a long, relaxing shower before returning to his bed and opening the book he had begun reading the previous evening. Harry fully intended on remaining in bed, doing nothing more strenuous than eating a hearty breakfast for the next several hours. Harry James Potter was most assuredly not a morning person.

Tap Tap Tap.

"Figures," muttered Harry under his breath as he went to open his door.

Report to the Headmaster's office immediately.

S. Snape

Polite and informative, as always, thought Harry sarcastically before combing his hair, which seemed oddly manageable, and heading to Dumbledore's office. Harry wondered what on earth he could have done to incite the potions master's wrath this time.

Harry soon reached the Gargoyle guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office, his quick stride having quickly brought him to his destination. Harry told the gargoyle the password, earning entry to the spiral staircase. Impatient to be done with this - whatever 'this' happened to be - Harry did not slow his pace as he climbed the moving stairs.

"Come in, Harry," said Dumbledore before Harry had a chance to knock.

Harry entered the office to find Dumbledore sitting behind his desk and Snape standing by a window, looking oddly withdrawn. Something's up, thought Harry. Snape never neglected to pay careful attention to his surroundings.

"Professors," greeted Harry.

Snape seemed to snap out of his trance so quickly, his gaze so sharp as it fixed on Harry, that Harry was forced to wonder if he had imagined it.

"Potter," said Snape, his faced twisted into an ugly grimace as he said Harry's name.

Uh oh, thought Harry. This is most definitely not going to be pretty.

Harry turned his attention to Dumbledore, who had begun to address him.

"Severus and I have something of utmost importance to discuss with you," said Dumbledore, indicating for Harry to sit. "But first, would you like some tea, Harry?"

"Yes, please," said Harry, having the feeling that he would need it.

Was this about Malfoy? Harry hadn't broken his promise yet, he was quite sure. Malfoy hadn't even arrived yet. Not that then, Harry decided. And why had Dumbledore referred to Snape by his first name, when talking to him, Harry?

Harry was confused, and quite glad to accept the steaming cup of tea the headmaster handed to him.

"Severus, if you would?" Dumbledore politely instructed his potions master to take control of the conversation.

"Harry," said Snape, the name sounding forced on his tongue. Now Harry was definitely confused.

"Harry," Snape repeated, attempting to achieve a semblance of normality in his tone. Snape never fumbled with words. Harry was convinced that this could not be good. "Have you any idea why I asked for a sample of your blood?"

No, thought Harry. Nor do I have the slightest inkling as to what possessed me to give you one.

"No, Professor," Harry responded allowed. He really didn't have a clue what Snape had wanted with his blood.

"Human blood is used in a wide array of potions, for purposes good or evil, both or neither," Snape entered full lecture mode. "The potion for use in which I requested a sample of your blood, Harry, was a Paternity Potion."

Snape paused, allowing this information to take effect.

"What would you want with a Paternity Potion, sir?" asked a rather paler Harry, not quite sure he wanted to hear the answer to his question.

"Have you noticed any changes in your appearance?" asked Snape.

"Yes," was Harry's simple response.

Snape didn't even correct him with a "Yes, sir."

"And to what do you attribute that change?" Snape pressed.

"Accidental magic," said Harry hopefully, not liking where Snape was going with this.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Accidental magic? Have you changed your appearance before?"

"Yes, sir," said Harry. "When my Aunt Petunia gave me a horrible haircut once, I regrew my hair overnight."

"That could explain the timing," said Snape contemplatively. "But that is not the cause of these changes."

"Then what is the cause, sir?" asked Harry, his voice betraying the trepidation he felt.

"Your resemblance to James Potter is diminishing, because you are not the son of James Potter," said Snape. "You are my son," said Snape.

Oh, bloody hell! was all Harry could think, but he held Snape's gaze. The two remained locked in this silent state for several moments, before Harry burst out: "That's impossible, that's nonsense! That's… that's gobbledygook!"

"What an interesting choice of words," said Snape, privately amused by Harry's spluttering reaction.

Harry visibly composed himself. He took a few deep breaths, and calmed himself as best he could.

"How?" Harry managed to croak out, recognizing that this was not some cruel joke.

"Surely even you are aware of the steps involved in the conception of a child, Potter?" Snape couldn't help slipping back into his standard sneer.

Harry flinched. "Of course, Professor," Harry responded coolly, emphasizing the title. Well if he's gonna be a Snarky Bastard about it, thought Harry maturely, than so am I. "If that is all, Headmaster?" said Harry, rising to leave.

"Sit back down, Potter," Snape snapped. "And quit acting like a spoilt child."

Harry reddened, though he was capable of admitting to himself that he wasn't exactly acting like an adult.

"Lilly and I had an affair," Snape answered Harry's earlier question, much to the boy's surprise.

Harry nodded. "So my mother placed a charm on me?"

"Most likely," said Snape.

"What of Voldemort?" Harry asked, steering the conversation to an aspect of the situation that he felt more capable of dealing with, such as the serpentine megalomaniac intent on his death.

"I will answer that, if I may?" said Dumbledore.

"Of course, Headmaster," Snape agreed.

"I am currently researching various ways in which to slow the decomposition of the mask you are under. I believe Severus, here, has picked up on the trigger that precipitated these changes. Have you made a conscious decision to take control of your own life, Harry?" asked Dumbledore gently.

"Yes, sir," Harry answered, not quite sure where the Headmaster was going with this.

"It is possible that in doing so, you have undone the magic hiding your true identity," explained Dumbledore.

Bloody wonderful, thought Harry. He really did have a penchant for mucking things up.

As an assortment of emotions fought for dominance over Harry's countenance, Harry's scar burst with pain.

Snape and Dumbledore realized what was occurring simultaneously. This time, Snape wisely remained silent.

"Force him out, Harry," said Dumbledore, realizing too late that eye contact with Harry while the boy could not possibly be in control of his emotions was not the brightest of ideas.

"Come back to us, Harry," Dumbledore tried again when there was no response from Harry.

Harry felt the snake rising up inside him, but he was able to suppress it. His connection with Voldemort was not broken by that however, and Harry found himself discoursing with a what could only be described as a self-righteous goblin.

"… enter a most profitable alliance," Harry said in a voice that was not his own. "Your cooperation will be highly rewarded…"

"Potter, if you don't snap out of it this instant you will serve detention with Filch for a month!" yelled Snape.

That seemed to do the trick, as Harry pulled himself back into reality.

"Goblins," Harry said, still clutching his scar. "Voldemort."

Snape paled. Dumbledore's eyes dulled.

"Do you think the Dark Lord was aware of your presence?" asked a concerned Snape.

"No," said Harry, "I don't thinks so."

"Nor do I," intoned the Headmaster, "I believe that it was Harry's vulnerable state, as well as my presence, that kindled the connection. I don't think this vision was planted." Dumbledore's voice was heavy with worry.