Disclaimer: I asked for ownership of Harry Potter and all that for my birthday, but all I got was 50 bucks. Life stinks.
A/N: Tanks for all the reviews. That's really all I have to say, other than this chapter contains a bit of swearing. And a lot of angst. But what fun is a story with no angst?
Lunaris - I doubt you're an idiot. Yes, poor them. It gets worse. Much worse. *ominous laughter*. And I would probably gush if I saw them kissing too. Something about them is just unbelievably cute. Thanks a lot!
Nolwe the Lady Dragon - Is this soon enough? Speaking of soon, where's the next chapter of "Sleeping Beauty"? Huh?
Ronda-Silverpaw - Why thank you. I get so much pleasure out of being
evil - who doesn't?
Akuma Malik - The streak is unbroken. As for the spell, I'm glad you're impressed by it. I didn't think I went into enough detail, but I guess I did. Thanks a lot.
FadingSlowly - No more waiting. Well, I suppose there is if you were waiting for the twist - but in that case, it's soon. Probably next chapter. Thanks!
Renia Sparrow - I'm glad you enjoyed it. I can't get a direct ling, but here's the story ID: 1652306. Hope this helps!
Enjoy!
Before Stone Walls
By: Hawkeye's Seductress
Chapter 3 - New Beginnings
"I don't care, Moony, I don't like it!" Sirius followed Remus as he stormed though the flat. "Yes, well, it's not your decision, is it?" Remus shot back. Sirius curled his hands into fists. "Look, Remi, I know what silver does to you. It's not a cut, like it is for the rest of us. It burns you!"
"I know that!"
"Well then why go through with it at all?"
Remus stared. "Because it's essential to protecting Lily and James," he said, as though explaining to a small child. "If a few minutes of pain on my account is going to keep them from being murdered, then I'll live through it!"
"It's not a few minutes - Remus, I've seen silver burn you before, I know what it does to your skin. There must be some other way!" Remus shook his honey coloured head. "Trust me, I checked it out. If it's not done this way, the spell won't work fully."
"Better that then inflicting you with silver!"
The minute the words left his mouth, Sirius knew he had gone too far. Remus's amber eyes bore into him. "You would sacrifice the power of the spell to keep me from a miniscule amount of pain?" he said softly. Sirius winced. When Remus yelled, it was bad, but if he went from yelling to quiet that fast, then something was really wrong. "Remus, I - "
"You'd sacrifice your best friend's lives for that? Or - " his eyes darkened with anger. "Or is that what you want? Do you want the spell to fail, Sirius? Do you want Lily and James to be without protection?"
Sirius stared into the burning eyes of his lover. "Oh, God.you think I'm the spy!" Remus looked away, then back again. "I'm having a hard time thinking otherwise, Sirius," he said quietly, all anger gone from his face. "Oh my God, Remus, I can't believe this!" Sirius exploded. "You think that I would want to kill my best friend and his wife and their child - my godchild? Do you really know me that little, cause if you do, tell me now. Now that we're being honest with each other!"
Remus jerked his head up, colour rushing into his pale face. "Damnit, Sirius, don't be like this," he pleaded. "Just don't be like this." Sirius gestured wildly. "Be like what? Be upset? You're fucking right I'm upset! How would you feel if I told you I thought you were the spy? Hmm? Could you sit there all calm and take it? Well, good for you if you can, but I can't. I'm not like you, Remus. I can't sit there all cold and calm. We can't all be perfect."
"Godamned, Sirius, this is not about being perfect!" Remus shouted. "This is about what's best for Lily and James. And if you're refusing to take part in their protection, then what else can I think of you? What else can I do?" Sirius stopped pacing. "You could trust me, for one thing," he snapped. "You could believe me. But no. Dumbledore's announced that there's a spy here, and you think just because I'm not always here and because I don't want you hurt that it's me. Well, that's just fan - fucking - tastic, Remus. If this is how you feel, then I'm surprised we've lasted this long."
"So am I."
The words were cold, cruel, so unlike Remus. Sirius gasped as though someone had just cut into his skin with a knife. "Alright, Remus, you want it like this? Fine. I'm out of here." Grabbing his cloak, he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
The werewolf stood a few seconds more, staring at the spot Sirius had just been, before he collapsed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered. "Forgive me."
And just outside the door, Sirius sank to the floor, his voice barely audible. "I love you."
* * *
Remus stepped into Dumbledore's office some time later, face calm and cool as always. There was no indication as he opened the door that he and Sirius had practically broken up just a few hours prior. He was greeted with a number of voices, all deep in discussion.
Sirius sat by the window, the one silent figure among all the others. His forehead rested against the smooth plane of the glass as he watched the tiny figures on the Quidditch pitch below, darting back and forth like dragonflies. He was removed from the conversations, his mind elsewhere.
Remus approached Lily and James, who were talking to Alastor Moody. " - it's getting worse, and I don't like it," the grizzled Auror said with conviction. His magical eye was swirling about the room, and Remus could feel its power on him. "Hello, Lupin," Moody said, turning to focus both eyes on the werewolf. Remus nodded. "Alastor." He settled down next to Lily, who was pale and clammy, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. He was just about to ask what was wrong when Dumbledore entered.
"I am glad to see you are all here," he said, his eyes skimming over Peter and the Longbottoms for rest on Sirius and Remus, sitting not quite together, but not quite apart. "It is time to begin our work on the Concealious Charm."
Lily stood abruptly, a set look of determination in her vibrant green eyes. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Professor," she said, her voice tight with pain. "But I really must get to St. Mungo's." She looked over at James. "It's time, sweetheart."
James leapt to his feet. "Oh Merlin, let's go, we have to get you to the hospital!" he began to run about the room, strongly reminding Remus of a chicken with its head cut off. "James, calm down," he commanded, rising to his feet and helping Lily to sit down again. "Panicking is not going to help your wife." James shrugged. "You try and be calm when you're about to become a father," he said weakly, now as pale as Lily.
* * *
"OK, dearie, let's give you a Painless Potion," the plump, cheery nurse said, handing Lily a goblet of an electric blue potion. "It'll help with those nasty contractions." Lily gripped James's hand as another pain ripped through her once slender body.
By the window, Remus and Sirius sat together, hand in hand, their previous fight put aside in light of this new event. James was pacing up and down, as far as he could move with one hand clutched in both of Lily's. "James, sit down," she snapped. "You're driving me mad." James dropped into a chair by her side.
"What names have you decided on?" Remus asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. "Harry James for a boy, and Angela Lee if it's a girl," Lily replied. "Which it will be."
"It's a boy," James countered. "A wonderful, strong young lad that I can teach to play football and Quidditch and rugby and everything else." Sirius nodded. "Yep. A good, mischievous kid I can get in trouble with."
"No, it's a girl," Remus said. "A lovely young woman with her mother's hair of spun fire and her father's eyes of melted chocolate. She'll be quiet and respectful - with a sharp mind, and her godfather's determination." His eyes met Sirius, who turned away, still put out with Remus. "Can't say anything without mentioning chocolate, can you, Remus?" James teased, his panic forgotten momentarily. Remus shrugged. "I can't help it. I'm seriously addicted." Again, his eyes searched out Sirius, who was staring fixedly at the floor.
Suddenly, Lily gasped. "Healer," she called. The Healer hurried in, unceremoniously elbowing James out of his way. James promptly collapsed, inches from the floor before Remus swooped forward and caught him. "No, no, no," he warned. "You will not pass out and abandon your lovely wife when she needs you most." He heaved James to his feet, and returned to his chair.
* * *
A baby's cry broke out across the small room, followed by Lily's exhausted, but ecstatic laugh. Remus and Sirius moved forward to see the tiny, red faced and wailing baby cradled in his mother's arms. "What's wrong with his head?" James cried, pointing to the baby's darkly coloured skull. "That's his hair," the Healer replied. "By the looks of him, he's going to have hair just like you." She rumpled James's already wild hair, earning a blush from him and a glower from Lily, who reached out to take a possessive hold of her husband's hand.
The Healer moved away, and Sirius and Remus hung back, not wanting to intrude on the little family before them. As if she read their minds, Lily looked up. "Come here, you two," she said softly, beckoning them closer. "You two are family. You more than any other." Flushing slightly, both men moved closer, staring down at the tiny new life, screaming at the top of his lungs. "He's perfect," Sirius said quietly, reaching out a hand to stroke the baby's velvet cheek.
Welcome to the world, Harry James Potter, Remus thought. May you have a better time of it than I have. He glanced at Sirius, whose eyes shone with proud tears as he gazed at his godson, then back at the baby. May you never know the pain and tragedy that I know.
There was a knock on the door, and Dumbledore stuck his silver head in. "May I come in?" he asked. Lily smiled. "Of course, sir," she said. The old man stepped into the room, gazing almost reverently at the now sleeping child. "Ah, new life," he said softly. "Is there anything more perfect or more beautiful? I see greatness in your child. Greatness beyond the likes that which you or I can imagine." He laid a gentle hand on Lily's bright head, briefly grasped James's shoulder, and swept out of the room.
James grinned weakly at Remus. "Told you it'd be a boy," he said. Sirius let out a whoop, and he and the proud new father danced about the room, while Remus and Lily looked on, amused. "Congratulations, Prongs, you idiot, you finally did something right!" Sirius crowed, slapping James on the back. "Hey! I don't see you having done much right in your life," James retorted.
Remus stood suddenly, brushed past the two men and left the room, slamming the door behind him. "What was that?" James asked, arching his eyebrows. "Remus, slamming a door? I've seen it all now,"
But Sirius wasn't listening. He was striding across the room, opening the door, and charging out into the hall. He caught a glimpse of black robes swishing around the corner, and ran after his werewolf. "Remus - Remus, wait, will you?"
Remus whirled. His face, usually so bloodless, was pink, his cheeks flushed. His eyes burned like molten gold, and his sensually shaped lips were curled back in a snarl, revealing perfect white teeth, sharper and longer than normal. He was, Sirius decided, absolutely gorgeous. "Wait for what?" he demanded. "Wait for what, Sirius. I'm through with waiting for you." His voice lost its edge and his lips trembled. "I'm not waiting any longer. If you want to be with me, you'll have to come along now." He turned, running down the hall.
He skidded to a stop just outside the hidden entrance to the Hospital, chest heaving and eyes stinging. He looked towards the entrance, but there was no one. No one running after him, no one calling his name. Always no one. Choking back a sob, he rubbed his face furiously. "Get a grip, Remus," he said aloud. "You're used to being alone. It's what you're destined for."
"Not if I have anything to say about it." The voice was quiet but forceful, causing Remus to spin yet again. Sirius was leaning against the brick wall, arms folded across his chest. He could have been waiting for a bus, such was his casual grace. But as he pushed off the wall and walked forward, Remus could see his set jaw and dark eyes glinting with some emotion he could not identify.
"I'm here, Moony," Sirius said, spreading his hands. "I came along now. And if that's not proof enough that I love you, I don't know what is."
Abandoning his indifferent pose, Remus threw himself at the dark haired man, clinging to him as though the world was ending. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeated, words muffled into Sirius's robes. Sirius tipped his chin up, forcing him to meet dark blue eyes. "Don't. We were both stupid, and we both know we're sorry. Don't waste words on apologies. I don't need to hear them." He closed the insignificant distance between them, capturing Remus's lips in a fierce kiss.
"I love you," he said, breaking the kiss. "Don't you ever forget that. I'll always love you." He grinned down at the smaller man, brushing golden hair from his eyes. "Now come on, I want to spend more time with my new godson." Hand in hand, they returned to the room.
It wasn't until years later that Remus realized he had never echoed Sirius's words.
~TBC~
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