Claimer: The Serpedes are mine. grins
Apologies: I didn't mean to annoy you all with a cliffhanger. I suppose I should have waited until this chapter was completed and posted the both at once.
As for this chapter: it was unadulterated chaos at the office today: the SEC decided to gift us with an astonishing amount of electronic paperwork (e-work?) for the new year (I'll be sure to send them a thank-you note). So: I'm Bloody Beat. If this chapter becomes nonsensical at any point, point it out to me and I'll revise and replace the chapter.
Review Replies: Next time - too sleepy.
Chapter 18: Talks and Tension
"How are you," asked Snape, eyeing Harry shrewdly.
"Lovely," Harry responded sarcastically. What did the man expect?
"Potter," Snape growled warningly.
Harry raised an eyebrow. Does Snape think I'm going to off myself just because he turned out to be my father? wondered Harry. The man thinks altogether too highly of himself, Harry decided.
"I'm not going to do anything stupid, if that's what you're worried about, Professor," said Harry smugly.
Snape narrowed his eyes at the boy. "I should hope not."
Dobby decided on that moment to arrive with the tea tray. Harry was a bit calmer now that he had several hours to cool down by breaking glass objects in the Room of Requirement. Snape had been right: breaking glass was more satisfying.
Harry took a cup and poured tea for Snape, then took another and poured for himself. He was going to be perfectly polite, he decided. And he was going to be perfectly difficult. There was no way he was going to make this easy for the Greasy Git, and it would be amusing to watch the man fume.
Silence reigned for a few moments before anyone spoke again. Harry let Saholna* climb down his leg and go play by the fire.
"Do you have any questions, Harry?" asked Snape.
Harry was taken by surprise. The Bloody Bastard was going to allow him to ask questions? And he was actually going to answer them? Perhaps Harry would have to rethink his plan of attack.
"What happened between you and my mum?" Harry asked the question that had been burning his mind all day.
"We had an affair," said Severus. "It was short lived."
Harry nodded to himself. That's what he had assumed, little though he liked the idea. Ok, he didn't like the thought at all.
"Did my father know?" Harry wasn't ready to stop thinking of James Potter as his father.
Snape merely raised an eyebrow at the title Harry assigned to James Potter.
"To my knowledge he never found out. Lilly and James had had a row that day. Lilly and I encountered one another at a Halloween gathering that evening. The details are immaterial. We never spoke of what had happened again."
Harry was confused. He understood everything perfectly, but he wasn't really sure what to think of it all. He was angry, but he wasn't sure at whom. He was slightly afraid, but he didn't quite know why. He was worried: what if Voldemort found out? What would Remus think? Ron? Hermione?
And Harry was annoyed: he could feel Snape prying into his mind. The bastard would have to do that when he knows I have no hope of shutting down my emotions.
"The werewolf already knows, he is the one who figured it out. And you should always be able to control you emotions: it could mean the difference between life and death."
"Remus knows?" asked Harry, surprised. "And what do you mean he figured it out? How?"
"Yes. He pointed out the physical changes that you have undergone since the end of the previous school year. I suspect that he smelled the difference before he saw it, but wished to downplay that aspect when he spoke to me," said Snape.
Harry was surprised that Snape was being so candid with him. Harry couldn't help but wonder what the man had up his sleeve.
Snape seemed uncomfortable for a moment.
"You realize, Harry, that no one an know about this? The Dark Lord mustn't learn of our connection."
"Of course," said Harry. He had assumed that that much went without saying.
"I cannot take custody of you, nor can I treat you any differently in the presence of others. In fact, it would be best if we dealt with the physical implications of this information and then promptly reverted to our usual teacher-loathing-student relationship." Snape seemed oddly apprehensive as he said this.
"Of course," Harry said again, his voice much weaker now. Of course. Harry couldn't bear it any more. He felt trapped. He needed air. He needed space.
"If that will be all, Professor?" Harry managed to croak out. He wanted to be alone.
"Harry," said Snape, taking the boy's chin in his hand. "I'm sorry."
With that, Snape took his leave, black robes billowing as he pivoted, and then he was gone.
Harry let out a choked sob. He didn't know why he was so upset: It wasn't as if he wanted Snape as a father. But there he sat, trying to hold back the tears that welled in his eyes and failing miserably.
Hmm…thought Harry, maybe Snape wasn't just being full of himself earlier.
Harry wasn't about to go and kill himself, but going and getting himself killed was another matter altogether. Harry felt sorely tempted to leave the castle, consequences be damned. Perhaps he had spoken too soon when he said he wasn't about to do anything stupid: after all, he did stupid things on a regular basis.
No. Harry told himself firmly. He would stay put, like a good little boy. He would remain at Hogwarts. He would once again evade Voldemort at the end of his sixth year, and he would defeat him at the end of his seventh. Harry wasn't completely clueless: he could make out a pattern when it danced in front of him like a house elf in a tutu.
But Harry was sick of it. "No," Harry repeated to himself, this time out loud. Harry wanted to run and shout 'no' at the top of his lungs. He wanted to smash something against the wall, and then run the lengths of the grounds to the gates of Hogwarts, and to freedom. Harry was suffocating.
But Harry composed himself. He grabbed his wand, and quietly left the castle.
Once outside, Harry was able to think a bit more clearly. He couldn't leave Hogwarts: He had nowhere to go. Going back to the Dursleys' was out of the question, and nowhere else was safe for him. He couldn't go anywhere in the magical world, and the Death Eaters seemed to be spying on the castle, as they had tracked him the last time he had gone into the Muggle world.
Harry's feet were pulling him toward the gates while his mind yelled at him not to be a bloody idiot.
Harry's feet and mind compromised: he would go and retrieve his Invisibility Cloak before leaving. And Harry was LEAVING. He wasn't going for a midnight escapade: he was leaving.
Harry went back to his rooms, got his cloak and anything else that could be useful, let Saholna crawl onto him, took one last look around, and left.
On his way out of the castle, Harry stopped at the Owlery.
"'Lo, Hedwig," said Harry. "I can't take you with me, but you can find me, right girl?"
Hedwig hooted in the affirmative. She would find him, Harry was sure.
Harry quickly donned his cloak, then made his way to the Forbidden Forest. Memories of Sirius swam up in his mind, but Harry ruthlessly quashed them as he went in search of a thestral. He would go somewhere where nobody would think to look for him: Egypt, perhaps. He would get to an airport, and sneak onto a plane under his Invisibility Cloak. Nobody would suspect that.
*Saholna: Made this one up. It's an anagram for 'not a snake' in Hebrew (and I think also in Aramaic, thought I'm not certain. I also considered Zelenka (Czech for 'little green one'), and I might still change it. Input?