----------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER: If you are actually reading this, then you haven't been reading fanfiction very long.
A/N: Yello everybody. I know I say it every time, but this is probably the saddest of my fanfics yet. Mostly because this is what I am using as an end to all of my C.B. fanfiction. This ends all of my stories with a satisfactory sadness and final explanations. I'm still planning on finishing all of the fics I've planned out, but this is the one you should read after all of the others. (You can still read this as a regular one- shotter, but this feels more complete if you read the others first, ya know?)
Basically, it's about this little fantasy that Spike has right before he dies. I guess it's kind of like a dream that takes place in the very last moments of his life. Oh, and it's in First Person. *Oohs and aaahs arise from the crowd.* Even though it's pretty long to have taken place in the seconds before he dies, you gotta remember that dreams, most of the time, seem to go much more slowly then they really do.
WARNING: There is a little bit of ironic context in here. It's probably because it explains a lot of stuff in the last episode. The reason they use "Blue" as the final song, the reason Spike is smiling when they show that last shot of him after he died, the reason the last thing you see is "See you later...space cowboy." It all derives from this story, This Final Reverie.
To get the full effect of this story, then read it while listening to "In the Rain" from Ep. 5, "Ballad of a Fallen Angel." I wrote it while listening to that song, and it intensifies the story as a whole.
So, for the final time...
Enjoy.
--------------------
I've Got A Little Melody For You, Waiting Inside This Final Reverie – cowboy bebop
---------------------
It's dark.
There's blinding pain everywhere, all over my body. In my chest, my shoulders, my skull, my legs, my sides, my ribs, my arms, everywhere. I've been through some serious shit before, let me tell you, but this was like hell on earth. I felt as though I was being scorched by live flames, consumed by red and orange and yellow monsters.
Slowly but surely the feelings die away and I'm left feeling...nothing. I'm not even sure I'm numb. I just feel...empty. I know this feeling.
'The singing sea
The talking trees
A Silent in a noisy way'
I felt similarly to this when Ed left the Bebop with Ein.
'The stars are bright
But give no light
The world spins backward everyday'
I felt similarly to this when Faye left the Bebop to recover her memories.
'A rainbow rat
A checkered cat
Go tail in tail around the road'
I felt similarly to this when Vicious had sex with the woman I loved.
'The mouse is pleased
The moon is cheese
The sun is shining hot and cold'
I felt exactly like this when Julia died.
The feeling, even then, hadn't lasted very long. The nothing feeling is what you feel immediately after loss. Then it changes into numbness. Then into sadness. Then pain. Then anger. And then back into sadness.
'A golden bird
Today I heard
Sitting upon a silver branch'
Suddenly, there was deeper understanding of the nothingness in my heart. This was the end...wasn't it? I was dying. It shocks me to think that I'd really been alive all these years. I was so sure that I'd died when Julia and Vicious had betrayed me. I'd been so sure.
So sure that I'd locked everyone out. I'd refused to get close to anyone, refused to let myself like anyone...refused to let myself trust anyone.
Trusting is a dangerous business. I had no use for any more danger than necessary.
Just as soon as these things, perhaps my last, have been thought, something starts to appear in the blackness, something that begins as mist, and then develops into a picture.
It isn't a memory. I haven't been here before. And then, I start to feel, too. Am I still dreaming?
No, I can't be. I'm dead. Or, I'm supposed to be. Or, maybe I'm still dying. I'm just not sure. Maybe I'm still even alive. Who can tell?
I can feel grass poking up beside me, trying to escape being crushed underneath me. A slight breeze is blowing across me, across whatever reverie I'm trapped inside. It's the first time...in a long time...that I've even bothered to relax and feel the wind.
My arms are back behind my head and I'm staring up at a blue, blue sky.
I've never seen a bluer sky.
Suddenly, a leaf that has been carried along by the wind settles on top of my nose. I take a deep breath to blow it away, but before I can, I hear someone laugh a little and a small, pale hand with long, slender fingers lifts it off and lets it sail away on the breeze.
Slowly, but surely, I rise into a sitting position and stare at who is sitting beside me.
"Faye?"
'His little song was very long
Which made me sad and start to laugh'
"Hey, Fuzzy," she responds, and I don't have to think before knowing she means my hair.
"W...what's going on?" I ask. "Where are we?" I glance around. Faye is leaning up against a solitary tree, her long legs folded. There are a few bushes beside the tree, and they are filled with, ironically, roses. Even after her death, Julia still taunts me.
'My sister is he'
"We're here, dummy," she responds, smiling. Her short, black hair moves slowly in the wind, and I notice that she's still wearing her yellow outfit. Her emerald eyes are a little sad, and I wonder why.
"What's wrong?" Suddenly I realize that all I'm doing is asking questions.
She takes a moment to answer.
"You're dying, Spike."
Although she tries to hide them by ducking her head, I see the tears in her eyes.
It isn't surprising. I feel only slightly sad.
"I...know."
"Ah," is her only response. She looks away towards the ocean. I wonder where the ocean came from. Had it been there seconds ago?
'My brother is she'
"I can't stay here with you, Spike. I have to leave. If I stay...then you'll be stuck inside another dream."
She's looking at me again, her face void of any true emotion.
"And we all know that isn't what you want."
She rises to her feet, and I do the same.
"Wait. Faye..."
She looks up at me, still stoic.
I don't even know what to say. But I'll do anything that will grant me human companionship, even if it's for moments more.
A silence that is both uneasy and comfortable passes between us.
"I've got to go, Spike."
I take a few seconds to think, and then nod.
She begins to turn away, but then stops.
Her face is filled with regret, sadness, anger.
For a short moment, she embraces me, her arms wrapped around my shoulders and her face in the crook of my neck.
"Goodbye, Spike."
'But there is only me in the family'
I almost sigh - in relief or happiness, I'll never know.
"Goodbye, Faye."
She steps back and smiles a little.
She turns again to leave, but stops.
"See you later, Space Cowboy." Her voice is steady, as though this is a simple goodbye. The sort of farewell you exchange with someone you'll see in a couple of months.
Not the kind of farewell you exchange with someone you'll never see again.
She gives me a short wave, back still turned, and then disappears, along with the gentle surroundings. I'm left to the blackness again.
For the fleeting moments I have before the darkness overtakes me, I wonder... What'll happen to them?
A picture of a tall man with a mechanical arm, a girl with flaming red hair, a short Corgi dog, and then, behind them all, a tall, beautiful woman with emerald eyes, flashes through my head.
'When I grow up'
They'll be fine, a voice tells me.
'I'll go down'
They'll live on and eventually the pain will lessen. They'll all find new lives, new opportunities.
And even as time passes, and the seasons change...
They'll never forget you.
And with the last bit of energy I have inside my disappearing Earthly body....
'The river to the Singing Sea'
...I smile.
[END]
DISCLAIMER: If you are actually reading this, then you haven't been reading fanfiction very long.
A/N: Yello everybody. I know I say it every time, but this is probably the saddest of my fanfics yet. Mostly because this is what I am using as an end to all of my C.B. fanfiction. This ends all of my stories with a satisfactory sadness and final explanations. I'm still planning on finishing all of the fics I've planned out, but this is the one you should read after all of the others. (You can still read this as a regular one- shotter, but this feels more complete if you read the others first, ya know?)
Basically, it's about this little fantasy that Spike has right before he dies. I guess it's kind of like a dream that takes place in the very last moments of his life. Oh, and it's in First Person. *Oohs and aaahs arise from the crowd.* Even though it's pretty long to have taken place in the seconds before he dies, you gotta remember that dreams, most of the time, seem to go much more slowly then they really do.
WARNING: There is a little bit of ironic context in here. It's probably because it explains a lot of stuff in the last episode. The reason they use "Blue" as the final song, the reason Spike is smiling when they show that last shot of him after he died, the reason the last thing you see is "See you later...space cowboy." It all derives from this story, This Final Reverie.
To get the full effect of this story, then read it while listening to "In the Rain" from Ep. 5, "Ballad of a Fallen Angel." I wrote it while listening to that song, and it intensifies the story as a whole.
So, for the final time...
Enjoy.
--------------------
I've Got A Little Melody For You, Waiting Inside This Final Reverie – cowboy bebop
---------------------
It's dark.
There's blinding pain everywhere, all over my body. In my chest, my shoulders, my skull, my legs, my sides, my ribs, my arms, everywhere. I've been through some serious shit before, let me tell you, but this was like hell on earth. I felt as though I was being scorched by live flames, consumed by red and orange and yellow monsters.
Slowly but surely the feelings die away and I'm left feeling...nothing. I'm not even sure I'm numb. I just feel...empty. I know this feeling.
'The singing sea
The talking trees
A Silent in a noisy way'
I felt similarly to this when Ed left the Bebop with Ein.
'The stars are bright
But give no light
The world spins backward everyday'
I felt similarly to this when Faye left the Bebop to recover her memories.
'A rainbow rat
A checkered cat
Go tail in tail around the road'
I felt similarly to this when Vicious had sex with the woman I loved.
'The mouse is pleased
The moon is cheese
The sun is shining hot and cold'
I felt exactly like this when Julia died.
The feeling, even then, hadn't lasted very long. The nothing feeling is what you feel immediately after loss. Then it changes into numbness. Then into sadness. Then pain. Then anger. And then back into sadness.
'A golden bird
Today I heard
Sitting upon a silver branch'
Suddenly, there was deeper understanding of the nothingness in my heart. This was the end...wasn't it? I was dying. It shocks me to think that I'd really been alive all these years. I was so sure that I'd died when Julia and Vicious had betrayed me. I'd been so sure.
So sure that I'd locked everyone out. I'd refused to get close to anyone, refused to let myself like anyone...refused to let myself trust anyone.
Trusting is a dangerous business. I had no use for any more danger than necessary.
Just as soon as these things, perhaps my last, have been thought, something starts to appear in the blackness, something that begins as mist, and then develops into a picture.
It isn't a memory. I haven't been here before. And then, I start to feel, too. Am I still dreaming?
No, I can't be. I'm dead. Or, I'm supposed to be. Or, maybe I'm still dying. I'm just not sure. Maybe I'm still even alive. Who can tell?
I can feel grass poking up beside me, trying to escape being crushed underneath me. A slight breeze is blowing across me, across whatever reverie I'm trapped inside. It's the first time...in a long time...that I've even bothered to relax and feel the wind.
My arms are back behind my head and I'm staring up at a blue, blue sky.
I've never seen a bluer sky.
Suddenly, a leaf that has been carried along by the wind settles on top of my nose. I take a deep breath to blow it away, but before I can, I hear someone laugh a little and a small, pale hand with long, slender fingers lifts it off and lets it sail away on the breeze.
Slowly, but surely, I rise into a sitting position and stare at who is sitting beside me.
"Faye?"
'His little song was very long
Which made me sad and start to laugh'
"Hey, Fuzzy," she responds, and I don't have to think before knowing she means my hair.
"W...what's going on?" I ask. "Where are we?" I glance around. Faye is leaning up against a solitary tree, her long legs folded. There are a few bushes beside the tree, and they are filled with, ironically, roses. Even after her death, Julia still taunts me.
'My sister is he'
"We're here, dummy," she responds, smiling. Her short, black hair moves slowly in the wind, and I notice that she's still wearing her yellow outfit. Her emerald eyes are a little sad, and I wonder why.
"What's wrong?" Suddenly I realize that all I'm doing is asking questions.
She takes a moment to answer.
"You're dying, Spike."
Although she tries to hide them by ducking her head, I see the tears in her eyes.
It isn't surprising. I feel only slightly sad.
"I...know."
"Ah," is her only response. She looks away towards the ocean. I wonder where the ocean came from. Had it been there seconds ago?
'My brother is she'
"I can't stay here with you, Spike. I have to leave. If I stay...then you'll be stuck inside another dream."
She's looking at me again, her face void of any true emotion.
"And we all know that isn't what you want."
She rises to her feet, and I do the same.
"Wait. Faye..."
She looks up at me, still stoic.
I don't even know what to say. But I'll do anything that will grant me human companionship, even if it's for moments more.
A silence that is both uneasy and comfortable passes between us.
"I've got to go, Spike."
I take a few seconds to think, and then nod.
She begins to turn away, but then stops.
Her face is filled with regret, sadness, anger.
For a short moment, she embraces me, her arms wrapped around my shoulders and her face in the crook of my neck.
"Goodbye, Spike."
'But there is only me in the family'
I almost sigh - in relief or happiness, I'll never know.
"Goodbye, Faye."
She steps back and smiles a little.
She turns again to leave, but stops.
"See you later, Space Cowboy." Her voice is steady, as though this is a simple goodbye. The sort of farewell you exchange with someone you'll see in a couple of months.
Not the kind of farewell you exchange with someone you'll never see again.
She gives me a short wave, back still turned, and then disappears, along with the gentle surroundings. I'm left to the blackness again.
For the fleeting moments I have before the darkness overtakes me, I wonder... What'll happen to them?
A picture of a tall man with a mechanical arm, a girl with flaming red hair, a short Corgi dog, and then, behind them all, a tall, beautiful woman with emerald eyes, flashes through my head.
'When I grow up'
They'll be fine, a voice tells me.
'I'll go down'
They'll live on and eventually the pain will lessen. They'll all find new lives, new opportunities.
And even as time passes, and the seasons change...
They'll never forget you.
And with the last bit of energy I have inside my disappearing Earthly body....
'The river to the Singing Sea'
...I smile.
[END]