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Chapter 28: Harry Potter, Professional Prankster

Harry Potter paid a knut to the owl that had just flown into his room for his copy of the Daily Profit, which he had taken to reading again since his talk with Tonks: he figured he had best keep up on the happenings in the wizarding world. Harry had also taken to thinking of the paper as the Profit, rather than the Prophet. He found it all together more fitting. Then again, the Washing Machine would also be a fitting name, seeing as all the paper seems to be good for is brainwashing its readers.

Harry grinned as he read the headline: "Ministry in Turmoil as Accusations Abound: Did Minister Fudge Knowingly Allow He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to Return to Full Power?"

Reading through the article, Harry was glad to see that it was Mr. Weasley who was actively stirring up popular opinion against Fudge. Sneaky it was though, playing on peoples fears that way. Aw well, thought Harry, that's what they get for living in denial for so long.

Being for once pleased with what he was reading in the morning paper, Harry rolled it up, deciding to go down to the lake and read in the sunshine. Perhaps afterward he would go for a fly around the quidditch pitch: it was a particularly nice day, and Harry was worried that if he spent any more time in the dungeons he'd end up looking like Snape, charms to maintain his resemblance to James Potter in place or no. Besides, he had nothing to do until his potions lesson that afternoon. His defense lesson with Lupin and Tonks wasn't until that evening.

As Harry approached the lake, he saw the last sight he wanted to see: Draco Malfoy had apparently had a similar idea this sunny day and was sitting at edge of the lake, his feet dangling in the water as he skipped stones. Maybe the squid will get him, thought Harry hopefully.

Harry quickly changed course, making for Hagrid's instead. When Harry got to Hagrid's, he noticed that it was oddly quiet inside. Harry knocked anyway, but was not surprised when Hagrid didn't answer: he was probably in the forest tending to Grawp. Harry briefly considered heading into the forest himself, though he quickly set the notion aside. Harry was worried for Hagrid though: the centaurs could be brutal, and they had warned Hagrid not to enter the forest again. Hagrid was fully capable of taking care of himself, though.

Deciding that he wouldn't be deterred by a Slimy Slytherin, and fully aware that he already had been, Harry headed back to the lake.

As Harry sat down a good distance away from his blond nemesis, he noticed another owl soaring toward him. Harry figured it would be from Ron or Hermione, and so was surprised to see that it was from the Twins Weasley. Harry thanked the owl, which he assumed to be one newly in the service of the two redheads, the poor creature, before telling it to go to the Owlery for some food.

To our much-esteemed Partner in Crime,

We hope this missive finds you in good health, and prankful fortune. During a recent trip to the apothecary in Knockturn Alley for certain supplies, and thanks to the dear old Extendibles, we have learned that you are currently in the company of both Snape and Malfoy. This seemed too good of an opportunity to let pass (and Fred and I need some feedback on some products we are currently developing). We are (almost) certain that none of the enclosed samples will cause permanent or serious damage to the Pranked.

Remember the Marauders!

- Fred and George Weasley

Harry frowned. Enclosed? But the letter had come alone. Had the package been intercepted? Oh! Harry grinned. "I solemnly swear, I am up to no good," said Harry, tapping the parchment with his wand. The parchment instantly transformed into a package full of Weasley Wizard Wheezes. Harry looked through the contents, which were different from the ones he had received for his birthday: those had mostly been meant to use on oneself, such as the Skiving Snackbox, while these were clearly meant to be used against an adversary.

And Malfoy was sitting not a hundred yards away... No, no, no, I can't, I can't, I can't. I promised Dumbledore! thought Harry desperately.

Harry glanced over at Malfoy, who was looking at him curiously. When Malfoy saw Harry look up, though, he quickly looked away. Odd, thought Harry, he would normally have picked a fight by now. For that matter, the boy seemed oddly contemplative this morning: Harry wondered what was up, but shrugged it off. It wasn't as if he go over and ask.

Pranking Malfoy was out of the question, for now at least, but Snape... Harry still owed his father for the blue hair, to say nothing of Tonks. Harry grinned mischievously, and dug through the package of goodies the twins had sent.

Harry was particularly intrigued by the Embezzling Elves: according to the instructions, you just let one loose with instructions on whom to annoy, and the elf would... misplace that persons possessions. Harry decided that one would have to be saved for Snape.

As for Tonks, Harry settled on the Miniature Miniaturizing Mice. The mice were the size of a fingernail, and they would shrink anything they were instructed to. Harry would be putting the mice to use this evening.

For now, Harry would leave Malfoy be.

Just as Harry's mind was contemplating all the damage he could do... er, fun he could have, yet another owl headed for him. What now? thought Harry irritably: he had pranks to plan!

Harry untied the not that was attached to the owl's leg.

You're presence is requested in the Headmaster's office at once.

S. Snape

Snape couldn't know about the box of goods, could he? Of course not, Harry told himself, though he was still a bit nervous.

Wondering what this was about, Harry made his way to Dumbledore's office. Before reaching the castle, Harry tapped the box he was holding, whispered the words "mischief managed," and put the letter that the box had reverted to into his pocket. He had a single elf with instructions to annoy Snape stored in his other pocket.

Once inside Dumbledore's office, Harry realized that Dumbledore wasn't even there: only Snape was.

"I trust you are quite recovered from yesterday's misadventure?" asked Snape.

"Yes, sir," said Harry, still not sure what he was doing there.

"Good. Then we can practice your Occlumency. I've decided it would be best to keep the meetings irregular, so as not to raise suspicions with Mr. Malfoy. It would not do for him to know that we are meeting behind closed doors," Snape explained the hastily arranged meeting.

Harry was relieved that that was the only reason he had been summoned to Dumbledore's office, though he quickly shut away all thoughts of the twins' package. It would not do for Snape to find out about that.

"On the count of three," said Snape. "One, two, three, Legilimens," said Snape.

Harry fought his emotions back with all his might, he pushed back any thought that threatened to surface. He concentrated purely on the sight in front of him, not allowing his thoughts to wander from the here and the now: his career as a prankster depended on it, not to mention his life, if Snape were to find out what he was planning.

So Harry fought. He fought with all he had.

"Excellent," said Snape, a true smile on his face. Realizing what he had just done, Snape quickly corrected his facial features, and in a more serious, dignified tone he said, "I could not break into your mind. Well done, Harry."

"Thank you, Professor," said a grinning Harry.

"What did it?" asked Snape, apparently curious at his student's sudden progress.

"I've been practicing a lot," said Harry with a straight face. Snape would definitely not be finding out why Harry truly managed it this time. Strange, though, thought Harry, that with all the incentives to succeed at Occlumency that I've been given, this would be the one to cinch it.

Harry now felt a bit guilty about his plan to infuriate Snape, though he quickly shoved that guilt aside. Snape had it coming to him for dying Harry's hair blue, after all. Justifying his decision, Harry pointed out to himself that he had instructed the elf only to move around articles of clothing, so as not to endanger Snape or anyone else by moving around Important Items or Incriminating Evidence. If Snape found his shoes in his underwear drawer, surely no harm would come of it... well, no serious harm, anyway: the glassware in Snape's quarters might want to watch out for itself though. If Harry was one of Snape's tumblers, he'd be shaking in his figurative boots right now.