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Chapter 29: Wear and Tear

Grinning evilly, Harry let out the MiniMice, as he had come to call them. He was hiding behind a suit of armor, once again playing hide and seek with his tormentors... er, defense instructors.

Lupin had hit him with a well placed curse that forced him to tap dance, and he had just managed to allay his feet of the need to tap out the steps of some inane rhythm that only his feet could hear.

Harry watched on in amusement as Tonks carefully and quietly searched every hiding place, just waiting to hex him. Harry saw the mice approach Tonks and bite her shoes.

Harry had to refrain from bursting out in laughter as Tonks seemed to mimic his own earlier compulsion to tap dance. The mice had bit her shoes, making them too small for her feet. Tonks stumbled around the dungeons, yelping like a dog that had its tail stepped on.

A much incensed Snape opened his door, looking to see what all the raucous was about. He just managed not to collide with Tonks as he stepped out of his chamber. Snape sneered at the woman before closing his door with a bang. Apparently, seeing Tonks trip over her own feet was not a new sight for the professor.

Harry couldn't wait to see what happened when Snape's stuff started moving about seemingly of its own free will. Being caught in his musings, however, rendered Harry vulnerable, as a curse from behind soon made him realize.

Lupin. Damn. Harry felt disoriented as he could no longer hear what was going on around him. His ears seem to have turned into yams. Damn the wolf.

Lupin countered the hex for Harry.

"I think that's enough for tonight," said Lupin. "What Tonks thinks she's doing is beyond me, though. What did you do to her, anyway?"

Harry grinned. "I had a bit of help with that one," said Harry.

"Help? From who?" asked Lupin.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," said Harry matter-of-factly.

"Spill," said Lupin.

"My favorite pair of redheads," said Harry. Considering the twins took after the Marauders, Harry felt he owed it to Lupin to tell him. "Some little mice shrunk her shoes."

Lupin chuckled. "Well, let's leave her to it. Once she pauses to think for a moment, she'll remember that she's a Metamorphmagus and shrink her feet. Would you like to sit down for a cup of tea?"

"Sure," said Harry. "We can go to my room, Dobby will be around."

Harry and Lupin went to Harry's room, which was right around the bend.

"I still can't believe Dumbledore commissioned a house elf to spy on you," said Lupin, shaking his head.

And then it hit Harry. It had been Dobby who had prevented him from finding a thestral that night. Harry was furious, though whether his anger was directed toward the elf or the Headmaster, Harry hadn't the foggiest notion. Damn them both, the conniving, spying, interfering, meddlesome...

Harry's mental stringing of synonyms was interrupted by Remus.

"Harry," said Remus tentatively. "Is everything alright?"

Harry was sure his countenance attested to the fact that he was now extremely peeved.

"You can't believe Dumbledore would do something that sneaky and underhanded?" asked Harry. "I don't see why not, it's perfectly in character."

"Harry," said Lupin firmly. "You know very well that it is your own childish behavior that necessitated Dumbledore's actions, so don't go blaming it on him."

Harry was silent for a second as he ushered Lupin into his rooms.

"May I ask you something, Remus?" said Harry at last, once the two were settled in front of the fireplace.

"It was my childish behavior that got Sirius killed. You tell me not to blame myself," here Harry looked Lupin straight in the eye, "but do you blame me for it? Do you think me responsible?"

Lupin glanced away from Harry's gaze, and in that instant Harry knew the answer.

"The truth, Remus. I'm sick of hearing lies," said Harry. He knew the answer now, but he wanted to hear it from Remus's own mouth.

Dobby picked that instant to set tea before the two, giving Lupin a moment to choose his words. Harry was annoyed: They hadn't even gotten around to asking Dobby to bring tea. And Dobby was not off the hook yet...

"Partly," said Remus, picking up his tea.

"I also blame myself, Albus, Bellatrix, Kreacher, Voldemort, your father. We all made mistakes. It doesn't do to dwell on what cannot be undone. Harry." Remus again looked Harry in the eye. "Don't become bitter, Harry. Whatever you do, don't become bitter, and don't wallow in guilt. It will eat away at your soul, much like it did at your father's. His guilt was different. He made conscious decisions to do certain things. But you're so like him, in so many ways, that I worry for you anyway."

"That's hardly likely," said Harry.

It's unlikely I'll live long enough to become old and bitter, Harry added bitterly, internally smirking at the irony of that thought.

Lupin narrowed his eyes at Harry. "I mean it, Harry."

Harry sighed. He knew Remus meant well. He had gotten the answer he had wanted, he didn't know why he was being snarky with Lupin, who he considered to be a friend, even if he was only being snarky in his head.

"Harry, look at me," said Lupin. Harry looked up and could see the concern etched on Remus's face. It wasn't fair of him to make Remus worry like that, he knew. "You did what you did because you loved Sirius. We all do stupid things for love: that particular emotion has been proven to disable one's capacity to think logically," Remus smiled weakly, showing that he was half-joking. "Trust me, Sirius wasn't the type to take exception to such actions. You thought he was in danger, so you forsook caution to go help him. He found out that you were in danger, and he did the same."

"Thanks, Remus," said Harry softly. "I think I needed to hear that."

No. Harry knew he had needed to hear that. All of it.

"Sorry for acting like a whiny prat," Harry added with a sheepish grin.

"Not at all, Harry. Not at all," said Lupin.

Harry was relieved that Remus didn't blame him. He felt that Remus was the only person he could really trust right now. Lupin was also the last link he had to the past that he had thought had been his: to the father he had thought had been his.

"Remus?" said Harry.

"Yes?"

"What would Sirius have done, knowing that James wasn't really my dad?" asked Harry. This question had been gnawing at him since he had found out what he had, though he had done his best to suppress it.

"He probably would have hexed Snape into oblivion, then demanded that Snape have absolutely no contact with you whatsoever, possibly kidnapped you to get you away from his pernicious influence," said Remus, grinning. "Nothing you wouldn't expect, really."

Harry grinned. He was feeling much better for having gotten his worries off of his chest.

* * * * *

Harry sat by the fire long after Remus had left. He was glad he had talked with Remus. He didn't know where his sudden outburst had come from, he had just been feeling emotionally wrung. He knew that he and Remus both missed Sirius terribly. He was also relieved that Remus didn't hate him, he wasn't sure he would be so forgiving if their positions had been reversed.

Harry yawned. It had been a very long day. The one other thing that Harry's mind kept returning to was Malfoy's odd behavior in potions. He had nodded at Harry and said "Potter" by way of greeting, then had neither said nor done anything else to Harry for the remainder of the lesson. Odd, that. Maybe Dumbledore had said something to him that had hit home, or maybe Snape had. Harry grinned. He couldn't wait to see Snape's reaction to the Elves.

Harry fell asleep by the fire, not noticing the small sound made by something slipping in under his doorframe.

Note: I know this chapter's utter shite. I hate portraying Harry as weak, but this chat needed to happen.