Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Lord of the Rings or the characters therein, they belong to Tolkien Enterprises and New Line Cinema. If you want to sue, good luck, I don't have a permanent home, a permanent postal address or any money!

Rating: G

Summary: Film-verse – TTT. A few of Pippin's thoughts on the journey so far, as he tries to wake Merry after being captured by the Uruk-Hai.

Author's note: I hope you enjoy this little tale, please take a moment at the end to review!

*~*~*~*~*

Waiting and Worrying by Jera

"Merry!" I hissed out as loud as I dared, but I did not get an answer. "Merry!" I tried again, a little louder but he still would not wake up and answer me. These monsters have been carrying us like sacks for about three days now, I think, everything is so blurred. One of them hit Merry yesterday to stop him talking to me and he hasn't woken up since and there is blood on his forehead. I wish this wasn't happening, I wish we'd never left the Shire, this is all my fault…

On the day Frodo and Sam were leaving it was my idea to go and steal from Farmer Maggot's field again. Merry wasn't keen on the idea but I made him agree to it, I'm sure he only came to try and keep me out of trouble. And of course we ran straight into Frodo and Sam and everything started from there. It all happened so fast after that; running, tumbling down the hill, finding the mushrooms and then Frodo yelling at us to get off the road…

I didn't understand at first why Frodo was so worried, but we did as he said. And then, hiding under that tree while that thing came, it was awful. All those insects crawling all over us, and Frodo looked so ill, I had never been so frightened before, not ever. I didn't know what it was, but Merry called it a 'Black Rider' and he was the one to remember the ferry, although he is a Brandybuck so I suppose that's expected, and he got us there just in time.

And now he's strapped to the back of one of these foul creatures, unconscious, maybe dying. My arms are numb from being tied like this so long and it's hard to breathe as they're stretched so far. "Merry!" I try again but he still does not respond. And to think I thought the trip to Bree was hard!

We had got to Bree in the rain, cold wet and miserable. We were running, supposed to be hiding. I heard Frodo give his name as 'Underhill', yet as soon as a complete stranger, and a Big Person to boot, asks me about 'Baggins', I start babbling everything. 'Of course I know a Baggins!' How could I have been so stupid, I put Frodo in danger, he fell trying to stop me and then he disappeared and gave everyone a shock. We were lucky Strider was there to save us, although we certainly didn't think so at the time.

He his us in his room from those Black Riders, 'wraiths' as he called them. Their screams when they realised they hadn't killed us were terrible, I can't believe they were ever Men. And then we had to go to Rivendell, across country and not by road. I didn't know hobbits could travel so far on so little food but worse was to come. The marshes were horrible, those insects nearly ate us alive, and we were so glad to get out of there we didn't even complain when Strider led us up that hill, Weathertop.

But then I nearly got Frodo killed again, I was the one who wanted a hot meal after Strider had left us and Frodo had gone to sleep. I don't know why Strider bothered giving us those swords, when those wraiths came because of the fire they just shoved us aide. If he had been even seconds later we would all have died there. As it was Frodo was nearly dead when that beautiful elf, Arwen came and took him to Rivendell just in time.

Rivendell. I nearly scream as the beast carrying me stumbles and a sudden agony shoots through my arms. They hurt so much now all this seems unreal, this can't be happening. "Merry!" His name has become a sob but still he does not wake. I try to forget this nightmare and turn my mind back to Rivendell, which seemed like a dream.

Our first surprise was seeing Bilbo there of course, and looking much older than he did at the party, but the elves had been treating him well, he said. The elves. They were just amazing, all so beautiful and so young and merry and yet so old and solemn and powerful, all at the same time. They let us eat as much as we wanted while we waited for Frodo to get better and watched all the strange people who were arriving – more Elves and Dwarves and even Men from distant lands.

I wondered what they were going to do. I thought we'd done our part and got Frodo to Rivendell and I thought us hobbits would be safe to go home to the Shire. But then I persuaded Merry to eavesdrop at that secret Council and hearing Frodo deciding to go on and Sam demanding to go with him I wanted to go as well.

I was thinking of adventure, in just a few days I'd forgotten being tired, cold, frightened and so hungry and was determined to go along. Lord Elrond wasn't too happy that three hobbits had managed to spy on his Council meeting and I don't know why he and Gandalf let us go, but they did. Why they let me go, I mean. Apparently it was Frodo's fate and he needed Sam with him, no question, and maybe Merry too, but I was just a clumsy fool and Gandalf and Boromir and probably all the others too and dead and Merry won't wake up and it's all my fault…

I close my eyes against the tears that threaten to fall and call out again "Merry!" but just as before he doesn't answer. My voice is hoarse and my throat is so dry and I can't even remember the last time I ate. "Merry!" this time I cannot hold back my tears as he remains silent. I choke back another sob as I remember the rest of the Fellowship.

Nine companions, it sounded like such a powerful number. Gandalf was the only one who we'd all known before, but then he seemed to know everyone, everywhere, or at least that's what it always looked like to me. I was glad Strider was going with us too, or Aragorn as I should be calling him. He might not look like much but he certainly knew the way, although his definitions of words like 'shelter' and a 'good meal' certainly weren't up to hobbit standards.

He was a good mediator too; he had a lot of practice, especially at first when our next two companions seemed more intent on killing each other than anything else. Gimli was a dwarf, the son of Glóin, from Bilbo's adventure. Which was the problem really. To us hobbits he was gruff, but kindly and he enjoyed a good bit of pipe-weed, and despite being only a bit taller than us was a fierce warrior with his axe. But he certainly wasn't fond of elves.

And our next companion was the elf Legolas, son of Thranduil, the Elvenking who imprisoned the Dwarves in Bilbo's story. I couldn't believe we were getting to travel with an elf, although Sam was worse, he could barely speak to Legolas at first! Legolas was so graceful, he never looked off-balance and he never seemed to sleep either, when we did he often went scouting yet he never seemed tired while travelling. He was always willing to jest with us and give us a story or a song, but he and Gimli didn't half like to argue, especially about Bilbo's adventure.

Gimli was angry that his father had been imprisoned and proud of their escape and that they'd reclaimed their home from the dragon, but Legolas would always say the wood-elves had saved the dwarves from starvation and spiders and in return had just received insults. He also said that it was the dwarves' fault that the Men's Lake-town had been destroyed and if it hadn't been for the Elvenking the Men's King Bard would have attacked the dwarves when they refused him a share of the dragon's hoard. Their stories were so confusing and contradictory that I didn't know what to believe about Bilbo's adventures in the end.

They argued about other things too, calling each other greedy and arrogant. Us hobbits tried to stay out of it, Strider was braver than we for getting between those two but when we were up on Caradhras I nearly decided to side with Gimli. I'd gotten used to Legolas never being tired, nor seeming hungry, nor managing to get dirty like the rest of us after weeks in the wilderness; but to be able to walk on snow and not even seem cold was a bit much. It just wasn't fair. Gandalf asked the two of them to be friends just before we went into Moria.

Moria… I shudder miserably at that memory. Even before we entered, I was getting us in danger, throwing rocks into the water and waking up that creature, the Watcher, who nearly ate Frodo and trapped us all in the mine in the first place. But when we were in the mine itself my own stupidity put us all in danger again and this time Gandalf paid the price. The noise that skeleton made was tremendous, I thought it would never end. ''Fool of a Took!' Gandalf called me and he was right. 'Why don't you throw yourself in next time and save us all from your stupidity'' those were the last words he spoke to me. I wish now that I had.

The goblins came and that cave troll and Frodo nearly died again. Gandalf led us to that bridge but then that thing that I'd woken up arrived. It was so dark, just flame and ash, but so menacing that my heart nearly stopped just looking at it. Strider led us on but Gandalf stopped to face it. He was so powerful then, he broke the bridge and it fell but its whip caught Gandalf and he fell too. Because of me a wizard is dead.

I can barely remember the journey to Lórien; we were so tired and grief-stricken. Lórien was like Rivendell, it just felt safe, although it didn't feel like it at first when all those elves surrounded us and pointed arrows straight at our heads. Being in Lórien helped us to recover, the Lady Galadriel told me not to blame myself, although it was my fault, and she even gave us gifts when we left. Legolas and Gimli had changed too, they even decided to share a boat together as we set off down the river. But Boromir…

I try to break away from my thoughts, that pain is still too near. I had managed to resist thinking about him so far and didn't want to now. Again my tears flowed and I called out desperately, "Merry!" But he was silent still and I was left with the memories that came to haunt me.

Boromir was quite withdrawn at first. He only knew Gandalf and didn't seem to know quite what to make of four hobbits or an arguing Elf and Dwarf. And on top of all that they only other Man was Strider, who, if I understood it all correctly, was supposed to go and be King of Gondor, which Boromir's father currently ruled. He was very noble and proud and solemn but he still told us stories of his home and even started to teach Merry and I how to use our swords. He was always patient with us and never got angry when we didn't understand, just explained it to us until we got it right.

He didn't like Lórien though, he said he couldn't find any rest there and was glad when we set out in the boats. He shared one with Merry and me and at first it made me rather ill, although of course Merry didn't mind it, Brandybucks and boats and all that. I got used to it eventually though, and was came to the great waterfall and stopped at that place, Amon Hen.

I still don't really understand what happened there. Frodo disappeared, then Boromir, then everyone else and suddenly orcs had arrived and Frodo appeared but Merry said that he was leaving us. And then Merry and I tried to lead the orcs away from Frodo. They were just about to reach us when suddenly Boromir came and defended us. He killed so many of those monsters, even when they shot him he kept fighting on. Merry and I tried to fight but the orcs just grabbed us and started to run. The last thing we saw was that clearing, Boromir with his back to us, kneeling and surrounded by dead orcs. He died for us.

My tears are running freely now. Gandalf died because of me, Boromir died for me. For all I know, Strider, Legolas and Gimli are dead too, I don't even know if Frodo and Sam got away, except that they aren't here with us.

But then I remember Boromir again and the look he gave me when the orcs shot him but he kept fighting on. He believed in me, thought it was worth his time trying to teach me to fight and cared for me enough to fight against hopeless odds to defend me. Suddenly I'm angry with myself. What right do I have to wallow in this self-pity? Boromir didn't give up on us and I won't either.

It's time I pulled myself together, I think firmly. I'm not going to stay a captive of these monsters and I'm not letting Merry die either. He is going to wake up and then we'll figure out a way to escape, I promise myself. "Merry! Merry!" I begin calling again as our captors round a large rock and come to a sudden halt.

The End

Well, what do you think? Thanks for reading and please spare a moment to review!