Stumble Into Grace-Chapter 6
-Spike-
She had another dream about him. She wouldn't tell me about it but I'm not as oblivious as the great pouf thinks I am. She gets this particularly haunted look about her when she's been thinking about him. Her eyes seem to turn this deeper, more despairing shade of gray, almost like the gray before a storm. I use the sewer access to get to the magic shop and catch her before she leaves work. She shrugs my arm off her shoulder and turns her cheek into my kiss. Oh yeah, this one must have been a real doozy for her to act this way.
"Let me take you to dinner. We could have one of those blooming onion things." I say.
She sighs. "I'm really not hungry, Spike. I just want to go home and get patrol done, take a hot shower and go to bed."
"You need to eat, Luv. You're little more then a bag of bones."
She shoots a glare at me. "You weren't complaining about me being a bag of bones last night."
"And I'm not complainin now. I just think you should eat something." I say.
He's still out there. I can feel him. I don't know what he thinks he's going to accomplish with all the stalking. She can feel him too, she just doesn't remember what she's feeling, and it probably feels a bit different with him being human and all. If he doesn't make a decision soon on what his plans are I'm going to make sure he gets a ride back to LA in a body bag. Slayer is miserable enough; she doesn't need him to come in with promises and confessions of unrequited love, only to dash out again because of some noble bullshit. Oh yeah I know all about the Buffy and Angel show, it's the most oft whispered never talked about tidbit 'round here. Not to mention, I lived a good part of it. Bloody prat tried to suck the world into hell because he couldn't get her out of his system. I tried to tell the wanker once that he'd be in love with her until the day he died and in his case, quite possibly longer. Love has nothing to with brains, it's blood screaming to work it's will. Of course he didn't listen to me then he sure as hell won't listen to me now.
She sighs. "Alright, but afterwards I just want to go home, change, and patrol and take a hot bath."
"I'll take over patrols for you, Slayer. We'll have dinner and you can go take your bath." I offer.
She glances up at me from the corner of her eyes. "I'll think about it."
She ordered a salad, a bleedin salad. She ate a little of my onion thing but not enough to constitute dinner. She left most of the lettuce crap on her plate. I try to talk to her about eating more. She stonewalls me. Baby is good at that. I get her to at least agree to let me take her patrols. Not like the bloody city needs her to patrol it. There's only a slayer school here. Somehow there's always a demon that is fairly certain they can operate below the slayer's radar or better yet, that can take the slayer. She's famous, my girl. She's the ungettable get. Every big bad in the world has a story about how they almost took down the slayer and I'm not talking about those half grown little girls that the witch made. I'm talking about real live kick your ass THE slayer.
"You know, if the lot of you had a brain, you'd stay as far away from Cleveland as bloody possible. I recommend Spain. It's nice this time of year." I say as I thoroughly beat on a vampire. I stake the bloke and move on. I'm just not in the mood for this. I light a cigarette and lean up against the wall in the alley.
*
-Buffy-
I drop my robe on the floor and slip into the big tub all the way up to my chin. I used vanilla scented bubble bath tonight. I don't know why. I haven't used that scent in years. I found a tiny bottle from part of a gift set Dawn gave me a couple of years ago for Christmas. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I feel twitchy and restless. It's a different sort of feeling then my standard I need to slay feeling. I close my eyes and lean back in the tub. I am disconnected from everything. My friends, Giles, work, the other slayers, they are all in this little bubble and I'm outside the bubble. I can talk and I hear. I even interact but I'm not a part of it. I know I used to be. It started in college, but even then I had friends and I was part of their lives. I guess I never really came back from Heaven. I mean we pretended, but it didn't go all the way down. I really shut everything off when I came back from LA.
I don't know what I expected. I guess I thought I'd walk in the offices and say I'm done baking and we'd ride off into the sunset together. It didn't work that way, obviously. There's too much between us. We couldn't do it. You know the biggest lie they tell you is that love is enough. It's not. No matter how great the love is, it just doesn't conquer all. So am I cynical, hell yes. You live my life and tell me how you turn out. And if you think you can do better, fuck off. I don't wanna hear it.
*
-Angel-
I know Spike took over her patrol tonight. I don't have any desire to follow him around so I walk. I think about what I want out of life, a human life. There's not much materially I can't have. Wolfram and Hart still has extraordinary resources. I'm paid really well. You think I'd actually work in Hell for less then very high six figure number.
I end up standing in front of a coffee shop. It reminds me of the Espresso Pump in Sunnydale. Buffy and I occasionally met there for our not dates. I decide to go in and get a mocha. I have it with extra foam, just like she used to. I sit in the coffee shop and I indulge in something I promised I wouldn't do. I brood.
"Angel?" a familiar voice says.
I look up from my coffee. It's Willow. I smile slightly at her and nod. "It's me."
"Can I-can we sit?" She asks, gesturing to the empty booth across from me.
I look around the coffee shop for the other half of the we she indicated. I am surprised to see Oz standing at the counter ordering coffee. "Oz?" I ask arching a brow at her.
Willow smiles and blushes. "Yeah, I ran into him in Istanbul. I was there looking for a slayer. I was lost. I walked around a corner and literally ran into him."
Good for her. Willow deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy with the person they love. "Please, have a seat." I say.
She sits down. Oz joins her in a moment. He greets me with a nod of his head. "Hey." He sniffs the air and looks quizzically at me.
"Human." I confess. "End of days prophecy thing apparently." I offer as an explanation.
"Cool." Oz says.
"Wow, human? Normal average Joe human?" Willow says. She's more easily impressed by this information then Oz.
"As normal as you are, only without the magic." I say.
"What are you doing here?" Willow asks.
I sigh. That's not an easy thing to answer. "I'm-I don't know. I haven't been human very long, about two months. I know she's got Spike. I know we're over, but I wanted to make sure she was happy. I sacrificed so many thing in our lives toward that purpose. I couldn't start my human life without knowing. I don't have any plans right now."
There was no need to tell Willow who she was. She is who she's always been, my entire life, all 283 years, if you count the human years, there has only been on she.
"Does she know you're here, Angel?" Willow asks. Her voice is soft and sad.
"No. I don't want her to know." I shake my head. "It will only hurt her. I'm tired of hurting her."
"What do you think it's going to do to her if she finds out you were here and never even said hello?" The little red head begins to color. I know from experience she does then when she's getting angry.
"She won't." I assure her.
"And that worked so well that Thanksgiving in Sunnydale with the Indians. Angel, talk to her." Willow says.
"She's moved on with her life. She's got a boyfriend-"I nearly choke on the word boyfriend, "and a job. I don't have a right to come into her life anymore. If she had wanted to see me she would have let me know by now."
"God, could the two of you be more dense? You won't contact her first and she won't contact you first. You're both like twelve year olds when it comes to each other. She's not living a life. She's existing and unless you've become joy and glee boy, you're doing the same thing. Talk to her. I don't know how it will turn out. She might kick you out of Cleveland on your ass, but she deserves that much. You owe her that much. And look at it this way; she can't stake you if you piss her off." Willow finished with a smile.
I chuckle and shake my head. "It's not that easy, Willow. We've got such a history, so much pain between us."
"So slipping a little more pain in there won't hurt. If she finds out you're here and you didn't tell her, I don't know what it will do her. She's not herself anymore, at least not the way you knew her. It's hard to gage what her reaction to anything will be on any given day. She's cold and hard. She's closed herself off completely to all of us. She can't take many more blows or she'll shatter." Willow says. Her words come haltingly, as if she's searching for them.
I take a deep breath. "I'll think about it. Will you keep my secret for a few days, please?"
Willow sighs. She glances to Oz. He squeezes her hand. "A few days, Angel, but that's it."
"That's all I need. I've just got to figure out what I want." I say.
What a joke. I know what I want. I want the same thing I've always wanted, Her. I'm scared though. I'm scared she doesn't want me anymore.
-Spike-
She had another dream about him. She wouldn't tell me about it but I'm not as oblivious as the great pouf thinks I am. She gets this particularly haunted look about her when she's been thinking about him. Her eyes seem to turn this deeper, more despairing shade of gray, almost like the gray before a storm. I use the sewer access to get to the magic shop and catch her before she leaves work. She shrugs my arm off her shoulder and turns her cheek into my kiss. Oh yeah, this one must have been a real doozy for her to act this way.
"Let me take you to dinner. We could have one of those blooming onion things." I say.
She sighs. "I'm really not hungry, Spike. I just want to go home and get patrol done, take a hot shower and go to bed."
"You need to eat, Luv. You're little more then a bag of bones."
She shoots a glare at me. "You weren't complaining about me being a bag of bones last night."
"And I'm not complainin now. I just think you should eat something." I say.
He's still out there. I can feel him. I don't know what he thinks he's going to accomplish with all the stalking. She can feel him too, she just doesn't remember what she's feeling, and it probably feels a bit different with him being human and all. If he doesn't make a decision soon on what his plans are I'm going to make sure he gets a ride back to LA in a body bag. Slayer is miserable enough; she doesn't need him to come in with promises and confessions of unrequited love, only to dash out again because of some noble bullshit. Oh yeah I know all about the Buffy and Angel show, it's the most oft whispered never talked about tidbit 'round here. Not to mention, I lived a good part of it. Bloody prat tried to suck the world into hell because he couldn't get her out of his system. I tried to tell the wanker once that he'd be in love with her until the day he died and in his case, quite possibly longer. Love has nothing to with brains, it's blood screaming to work it's will. Of course he didn't listen to me then he sure as hell won't listen to me now.
She sighs. "Alright, but afterwards I just want to go home, change, and patrol and take a hot bath."
"I'll take over patrols for you, Slayer. We'll have dinner and you can go take your bath." I offer.
She glances up at me from the corner of her eyes. "I'll think about it."
She ordered a salad, a bleedin salad. She ate a little of my onion thing but not enough to constitute dinner. She left most of the lettuce crap on her plate. I try to talk to her about eating more. She stonewalls me. Baby is good at that. I get her to at least agree to let me take her patrols. Not like the bloody city needs her to patrol it. There's only a slayer school here. Somehow there's always a demon that is fairly certain they can operate below the slayer's radar or better yet, that can take the slayer. She's famous, my girl. She's the ungettable get. Every big bad in the world has a story about how they almost took down the slayer and I'm not talking about those half grown little girls that the witch made. I'm talking about real live kick your ass THE slayer.
"You know, if the lot of you had a brain, you'd stay as far away from Cleveland as bloody possible. I recommend Spain. It's nice this time of year." I say as I thoroughly beat on a vampire. I stake the bloke and move on. I'm just not in the mood for this. I light a cigarette and lean up against the wall in the alley.
*
-Buffy-
I drop my robe on the floor and slip into the big tub all the way up to my chin. I used vanilla scented bubble bath tonight. I don't know why. I haven't used that scent in years. I found a tiny bottle from part of a gift set Dawn gave me a couple of years ago for Christmas. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I feel twitchy and restless. It's a different sort of feeling then my standard I need to slay feeling. I close my eyes and lean back in the tub. I am disconnected from everything. My friends, Giles, work, the other slayers, they are all in this little bubble and I'm outside the bubble. I can talk and I hear. I even interact but I'm not a part of it. I know I used to be. It started in college, but even then I had friends and I was part of their lives. I guess I never really came back from Heaven. I mean we pretended, but it didn't go all the way down. I really shut everything off when I came back from LA.
I don't know what I expected. I guess I thought I'd walk in the offices and say I'm done baking and we'd ride off into the sunset together. It didn't work that way, obviously. There's too much between us. We couldn't do it. You know the biggest lie they tell you is that love is enough. It's not. No matter how great the love is, it just doesn't conquer all. So am I cynical, hell yes. You live my life and tell me how you turn out. And if you think you can do better, fuck off. I don't wanna hear it.
*
-Angel-
I know Spike took over her patrol tonight. I don't have any desire to follow him around so I walk. I think about what I want out of life, a human life. There's not much materially I can't have. Wolfram and Hart still has extraordinary resources. I'm paid really well. You think I'd actually work in Hell for less then very high six figure number.
I end up standing in front of a coffee shop. It reminds me of the Espresso Pump in Sunnydale. Buffy and I occasionally met there for our not dates. I decide to go in and get a mocha. I have it with extra foam, just like she used to. I sit in the coffee shop and I indulge in something I promised I wouldn't do. I brood.
"Angel?" a familiar voice says.
I look up from my coffee. It's Willow. I smile slightly at her and nod. "It's me."
"Can I-can we sit?" She asks, gesturing to the empty booth across from me.
I look around the coffee shop for the other half of the we she indicated. I am surprised to see Oz standing at the counter ordering coffee. "Oz?" I ask arching a brow at her.
Willow smiles and blushes. "Yeah, I ran into him in Istanbul. I was there looking for a slayer. I was lost. I walked around a corner and literally ran into him."
Good for her. Willow deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy with the person they love. "Please, have a seat." I say.
She sits down. Oz joins her in a moment. He greets me with a nod of his head. "Hey." He sniffs the air and looks quizzically at me.
"Human." I confess. "End of days prophecy thing apparently." I offer as an explanation.
"Cool." Oz says.
"Wow, human? Normal average Joe human?" Willow says. She's more easily impressed by this information then Oz.
"As normal as you are, only without the magic." I say.
"What are you doing here?" Willow asks.
I sigh. That's not an easy thing to answer. "I'm-I don't know. I haven't been human very long, about two months. I know she's got Spike. I know we're over, but I wanted to make sure she was happy. I sacrificed so many thing in our lives toward that purpose. I couldn't start my human life without knowing. I don't have any plans right now."
There was no need to tell Willow who she was. She is who she's always been, my entire life, all 283 years, if you count the human years, there has only been on she.
"Does she know you're here, Angel?" Willow asks. Her voice is soft and sad.
"No. I don't want her to know." I shake my head. "It will only hurt her. I'm tired of hurting her."
"What do you think it's going to do to her if she finds out you were here and never even said hello?" The little red head begins to color. I know from experience she does then when she's getting angry.
"She won't." I assure her.
"And that worked so well that Thanksgiving in Sunnydale with the Indians. Angel, talk to her." Willow says.
"She's moved on with her life. She's got a boyfriend-"I nearly choke on the word boyfriend, "and a job. I don't have a right to come into her life anymore. If she had wanted to see me she would have let me know by now."
"God, could the two of you be more dense? You won't contact her first and she won't contact you first. You're both like twelve year olds when it comes to each other. She's not living a life. She's existing and unless you've become joy and glee boy, you're doing the same thing. Talk to her. I don't know how it will turn out. She might kick you out of Cleveland on your ass, but she deserves that much. You owe her that much. And look at it this way; she can't stake you if you piss her off." Willow finished with a smile.
I chuckle and shake my head. "It's not that easy, Willow. We've got such a history, so much pain between us."
"So slipping a little more pain in there won't hurt. If she finds out you're here and you didn't tell her, I don't know what it will do her. She's not herself anymore, at least not the way you knew her. It's hard to gage what her reaction to anything will be on any given day. She's cold and hard. She's closed herself off completely to all of us. She can't take many more blows or she'll shatter." Willow says. Her words come haltingly, as if she's searching for them.
I take a deep breath. "I'll think about it. Will you keep my secret for a few days, please?"
Willow sighs. She glances to Oz. He squeezes her hand. "A few days, Angel, but that's it."
"That's all I need. I've just got to figure out what I want." I say.
What a joke. I know what I want. I want the same thing I've always wanted, Her. I'm scared though. I'm scared she doesn't want me anymore.