Stumble Into Grace- Chapter 15
-Angel-
I'm making progress with her. I get to hold her hand almost anytime I want to. I generally get a brief kiss hello and goodbye and I get to hold her as long as I want to. We fall asleep on my couch holding each other more often then not. It doesn't sound like much I know. I've worked almost 2 months to get to the point I am now. And Buffy's eyes, they are mostly green.
She's still so hurt. She has nightmares almost every night. She wakes up crying in my arms if I'm there. If I'm not she calls me on the phone just to make sure I haven't left town in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to her. This never fails to break my heart and after I hang up the phone I lie in bed for hours mentally beating myself up for the things I have done to her. I almost convince myself that it would have been better if I'd left her alone, if I hadn't come to Cleveland and then I remember her eyes are mostly green now.
I can't stand the pain she goes through though. I can't stand to see the way she comes out of a dream in a panic, fear written all over her face, all over her body, her eyes that hopeless slate gray they were when I first came here. I hate the way she shivers in my arms while I try to reassure it was only a dream. I hate the haunted look that resides in her eyes afterwards. And I hate that the only reason she calls me first thing in the morning is to make sure I'm still here.
I pace my apartment. Willow should be here in minute now. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but if it stops her from hurting it will be enough. There's a soft knock on the door and I know it's Willow. I open it and the little redhead smiles. I step aside to let her in.
"Can I get you some tea?" I ask.
"Please." She says and sits down on the couch. I walk across the room to the kitchen and put on a kettle of water. I return to the living and sit next to the redhead. She looks at me quizzically. "You still do that." She says.
"Do what?" I ask.
"Avoid the patches of direct sunlight." She answers.
I chuckle. "Two and a half centuries of behavior is hard to overcome in a few short months."
"But you go out in the daytime." She reasons.
I nod. "I do, often. The patches of sunlight though, it's an unconscious thing. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Sometimes I'll stand in front of the window and let the sun pour over me though."
She nods.
I stand up to pace. "Willow, I'm sure you know I asked you to come here for a reason, other then to discuss that I avoid patches of sunlight. It's about Buffy."
"She's doing good though, mostly, I think. I mean you two look all coupley and she's talking more now, not a lot but more. She even smiles sometimes, you know that smile she has where her eyes wrinkle up and all her teeth show and her face kind of lights up."
I smile at Willow's description. "Her sunshine smile," I say.
Willow looks oddly at me. "Sunshine smile?"
"I love that smile. It used to make me forget that I hadn't seen the sun in two hundred years." I explain.
"Oh. Well I've actually seen that smile a couple of times, usually when she's talking about something the two of you are going to do or did do." Willow says with a smile.
"She still has nightmares, almost every night. She's still terrified I'm going to leave her and she's still in so much pain, Willow. I'm trying to make it go away but I don't know if it's getting any better or not."
"I don't know if you can, Angel. Sometimes I think the pain will always be there. Just, eventually, hopefully the happiness outweighs the pain and the pain doesn't matter so much anymore." Willow says.
"I want you to do a spell, Willow. Not necessarily a forget spell but something like that, that makes the pain go away." I say.
"Angel, I don't know. I did that once and it wasn't good. It made everyone forget everything including their names. I mean, Tara left me after we all remembered what happened." Willow says.
"I remember Buffy telling me about that. She said you accidentally burned an entire bag of Lethe's Bramble. You'll be careful this time. You'll stay and watch to make sure the spell goes right. I'll be with Buffy and make sure things go alright on that end."
"Angel, I really don't think-"She starts.
"I just want her to stop hurting. I want to see her smile and laugh. I want the girl back that I fell in love with. I want the old Buffy. Don't you?" I ask her.
Willow looks away from me and smiles. "Yah, I do. Of course I do. I'll do some research and see what I can come up."
"Thank you, Willow."
*
Two days later Willow calls me from the magic shop.
"I think I've got it. It's a modified forget spell combined with a pain killer spell. It's technically for physical pain but I think I've altered it enough that combined with the forget spell, it will do what we want it to." Willow says.
"It's not going to make her forget anything, is it?" I ask. I've taken enough memories from her, I don't want to take anymore even at the cost of her pain.
"Not in terms of memories. It should only make her forget the pain the memories and events caused her." She says.
"Ok, when do you want to do it?" I ask.
"Tonight? Giles is off; I know Buffy is going over there. I think tonight would be as good as any time." Willow says.
My throat closes. I wasn't really ready to do this so soon. I mean I want her to stop hurting but I had thought it would take more time for Willow to research, or something. I forget she's so powerful now; this is probably like brushing her teeth.
"Okay, uhm she's coming over around 6, we're going to eat and watch movies. She insists I have to see something called the Ringwald Era. She says they are classics." I say.
"Oooo I hope she brings over Pretty In Pink, that's my favorite." Willow says. "Okay, so around 9 or so I'll start the spell. She's gonna get really sleepy once I do it so don't let her drive home or even walk home. Once she's asleep she might be hard to wake up for a few hours. Don't worry; it should knock her out pretty good."
"Alright, I'll just keep her here. We usually fall asleep on the couch watching movies anyway." I say.
"Good. Okay, so if anything other then the sleepiness happens, you can call me. I gotta go get some of this stuff ready and make sure I know what I'm doing." Willow says.
I hang up the phone and try to prepare for that fact that in a few hours, I'm going to be watching something called Pretty In Pink.
-Buffy-
I find myself humming in the video store. The sound surprises me. It's been so long since I hummed or sang in the shower that it sounds weird to me. My guard is slipping, actually slipping is an understatement. Angel is sending my guard crashing down around me. I'm trying not to let him. I feel like I'm running around trying to catch all the pieces as they fall and hurriedly put them back up before he can hurt me. I can never get all those pieces back up. He's been here two months, but it's not like that's a record for him. He stayed almost three years the first time, if you don't count the time he was in Hell and I mean really is it fair to count that time.
I snag some Twizzlers from the candy aisle. The video stores have those great big packages like at the movies. I decide to rent The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink. Angel completely missed the eighties somehow. I'm trying to introduce him slowly. I walk to Angel's apartment and take the elevator up. I use the key on my key ring without thinking and step inside.
"Hey, I'm here." I yell. It's not until Angel steps into the living room from the kitchen that I notice I let myself in. "Sorry, didn't mean to just barge in. I-I didn't think about it."
He smiles at me. It's something between that big goofy smile I am beginning to love and my smile. This whole not being a Broody Boy is taking some getting used to. I never knew Angel had more then one kind of smile. There was always just my smile.
"It's fine. I gave you a key for a reason. I want you to feel comfortable here. I ordered Chinese food. I hope that's okay."
"Chinese food is good. Did you get some of those little pot sticker things? And fortune cookies?" I ask.
"Pot sticker things? I'm not sure. Fortune cookies, definitely." He says and pulls me close. We stand like that a moment, the crown of my head resting in the crook of his neck. I wish time could stop and we could exist inside this little bubble of denial where there is no past, no future only this moment. Surely even Angel and I can't hurt each other with only a moment. There is a knock on the door and we are forced to pull apart.
Angel pays for the food; I set up the movie because he's really still not so good with the DVD player. He sets an impressive array of food out on the coffee table. We sit down to eat with chopsticks, because it's fun even though I know I'm going to drop half of what I pick up with them.
"Ok, so these are classics?" Angel says.
I nod. "I know you're thinking Shakespeare and stuff but really they don't put his stuff on film much, except Romeo and Juliet. I saw the one with Leonardo Di Caprio and Claire Danes. This is eighties classic with Molly Ringwald. She epitomized everything about the eighties." I tell him.
"Buffy, I remember the eighties. I was there." He says.
"No, Angel, you were doing the fringe of humanity thing in the eighties that doesn't count. Here have a bite of sesame chicken." I feed him a piece with my chopsticks.
"Mmm. I want some more of that. Trade you, I've got beef chow mien." He says.
We switch boxes of Chinese food. Watching movies like this with Angel is fun. He's always Mr. In the Know with the history and the demonology. When it comes to movies though, movies of my generation, I'm the one that knows. It's like getting to teach an 80's history course, or in some cases a High school 101 course since Angel sort of skipped high school.
"Did you ever have to do this?" Angel asks.
"Detention you mean?" I say.
He nods. "Well, not on a Saturday but I had to stay after school in my old school a couple of times. Snyder never made us because he wanted every kid off school campus as soon as demonly possible."
He nods again. I'm not really sure he gets the whole movie. He'll understand Pretty In Pink a little more, since he did sort of kind of live my prom with me. We crack open fortune cookies. I smile at mine.
"Do not ruin today's happiness with tomorrow's worries." I read out loud. I giggle and remember a game we used to play in high school. "In bed!" I add with a shout.
Angel looks at me like I'm crazy. I rein in my giggles and explain. "It's a really silly, high school game. You read your fortune and no matter what it says you add the words In Bed on the end of it. So you read yours."
"Anything important enough to find, isn't worth losing..." He glances up at me and quirks a grin, "In bed."
I dissolve into peals of giggles. I'm not really sure why but the idea of Angel playing a game I played in high school is funny.
"You need to do that more often." He says.
"What? Make you play stupid games?" I ask.
"If it makes you laugh like that, yes." He answers.
I get the Twizzlers out for the next movie. It's nice; sitting like this snuggled together, munching on Twizzlers. Angel and I never got to do anything this normal in our old lives. I bite off both ends of my twizzler and stick it in my can of coke. I drink coke through it like a straw.
"Buffy, what are you doing?" Angel asks.
"It's a straw. It makes twizzler flavored coke." I say. He just keeps looking at me like I'm wonderful and extremely strange at the same time. "Oh come on, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Just bite off both ends and take a drink."
Hesitantly, Angel tries it. I beam at him. Wow, when was the last time I did that, beam I mean. It's a pretty big expression for me and it came naturally. It doesn't feel bitter or hard or forced, so I keep smiling at him. He gives me that big dufus ear to ear grin and I wiggle a twizzler out of the package. I use it like a whip and smack him lightly on the arm.
"Hey!" He says a bit shocked.
"Twizzler war!" I shout and whip his arm again. He grabs another twizzler and comes after me. I jump over the back of the couch and he takes the bait. We end up running all over the house, whipping each other with twizzlers. I know his neighbors are going to complain about the noise. I don't care I keep running, letting him get just close enough to "whip" me or for me to smack him before taking off again. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to I guess, somewhere inside, but I ran into his bedroom and let him "catch" me there. I could have kept away from him. He is only human now. Maybe that's why I let him catch me, he is only human now.
He's lying on top of me, a twizzler held not so threateningly in his hand. His breath is coming hard. Mine is too, but not for the same reasons. His lips brush mine, whisper soft, asking. I slide my hand up into his hair and increase the pressure of the kiss, granting. He kisses my upper lip, that place just below my nose and then my bottom. We spend a long time kissing with open mouths but no tongues, just getting used to, and remembering. The heat consumes us both, the way it always has. I don't know why I thought his turning human would change anything. The heat starts in my stomach and then flares, like when you pour lighter fluid on a flame, and rockets everywhere, singeing the ends of my nerves, stealing my breath, but it doesn't matter. I breathe his touches, his kisses. I unbutton his shirt, frantic suddenly to feel his bare chest. Warm, hard I can not help but pause over his heart and thrill at the soft thud there. I slide his shirt over his shoulders and run my hands down his back. His back was always one of my favorite parts of his body. And I remember the gryphon, the first time I saw his back.
"Wait, wait, I have to check." I whisper and wiggle out from underneath him. I apply pressure to his shoulder, coaxing him to twist. I smile. It's still there. He's warm and he breathes but there's tangible proof in the gryphon that he's still the guy I bandaged so long ago, the guy I fell in love with so long ago. Tears come unbidden to my eyes.
"What's wrong?" he whispers.
I shake my head. "So much about you has changed; I wanted to make sure some things were still the same."
He smiles. He seems to understand, which is amazing because I don't. I fall back into our kisses. His hand slides across the bare skin between the waist of my pants and my shirt. His fingers rest lightly there and it is so hot it's unbearable. I have to feel his hands on the rest of me. I need to. I can't breathe if I don't feel him. I know he won't make the first move though. I pull my shirt over my head and toss it across the room. He looks at me in wonder. He's amazed. I feel a delicious shiver go through me. I'm proud I can still amaze him. His lips find my neck. He pauses at the scar, his mark, still evident on my neck. He laves the raised skin with his tongue and rumbles low in his throat. He nips at the scar with his blunt teeth. "Mine," he whispers.
"Always," I whisper back and it's true. I may have shared my bed and even pieces of my heart with men over the years but I was always his. I have been since the beginning of time and when time ceases to exist I will be his still.
He undoes the catch on my bra. Soon it has gone the way of my shirt. When did the air get so hot and close? My mouth finds his again, much better. I can breathe now. The air is bearable. I fumble with the button and zipper on his pants. His hand covers mine, his mouth comes away from mine and he looks at me. His eyes are all passion and hunger. I know he wants me. I can see me reflected in his eyes and I know I look as wanton and hungry as he does.
His voice, when it finally comes, is thick and husky "Buffy, are you sure?"
"Angel, don't, don't ask me because then I have to think and if I have time to think all those defenses go back up and I don't want them to, just make love to me."
-Angel-
Her warm, naked little body is curled up against mine. Her head rests on my shoulder and her breath wafts across my chest with each exhalation. I glance at the clock on the nightstand. It reads 9:45. Willow would have done her spell by now. I kiss the top of Buffy's head and curl my body around hers. I close my eyes and sleep more peacefully then I have in years.
-Angel-
I'm making progress with her. I get to hold her hand almost anytime I want to. I generally get a brief kiss hello and goodbye and I get to hold her as long as I want to. We fall asleep on my couch holding each other more often then not. It doesn't sound like much I know. I've worked almost 2 months to get to the point I am now. And Buffy's eyes, they are mostly green.
She's still so hurt. She has nightmares almost every night. She wakes up crying in my arms if I'm there. If I'm not she calls me on the phone just to make sure I haven't left town in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to her. This never fails to break my heart and after I hang up the phone I lie in bed for hours mentally beating myself up for the things I have done to her. I almost convince myself that it would have been better if I'd left her alone, if I hadn't come to Cleveland and then I remember her eyes are mostly green now.
I can't stand the pain she goes through though. I can't stand to see the way she comes out of a dream in a panic, fear written all over her face, all over her body, her eyes that hopeless slate gray they were when I first came here. I hate the way she shivers in my arms while I try to reassure it was only a dream. I hate the haunted look that resides in her eyes afterwards. And I hate that the only reason she calls me first thing in the morning is to make sure I'm still here.
I pace my apartment. Willow should be here in minute now. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but if it stops her from hurting it will be enough. There's a soft knock on the door and I know it's Willow. I open it and the little redhead smiles. I step aside to let her in.
"Can I get you some tea?" I ask.
"Please." She says and sits down on the couch. I walk across the room to the kitchen and put on a kettle of water. I return to the living and sit next to the redhead. She looks at me quizzically. "You still do that." She says.
"Do what?" I ask.
"Avoid the patches of direct sunlight." She answers.
I chuckle. "Two and a half centuries of behavior is hard to overcome in a few short months."
"But you go out in the daytime." She reasons.
I nod. "I do, often. The patches of sunlight though, it's an unconscious thing. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Sometimes I'll stand in front of the window and let the sun pour over me though."
She nods.
I stand up to pace. "Willow, I'm sure you know I asked you to come here for a reason, other then to discuss that I avoid patches of sunlight. It's about Buffy."
"She's doing good though, mostly, I think. I mean you two look all coupley and she's talking more now, not a lot but more. She even smiles sometimes, you know that smile she has where her eyes wrinkle up and all her teeth show and her face kind of lights up."
I smile at Willow's description. "Her sunshine smile," I say.
Willow looks oddly at me. "Sunshine smile?"
"I love that smile. It used to make me forget that I hadn't seen the sun in two hundred years." I explain.
"Oh. Well I've actually seen that smile a couple of times, usually when she's talking about something the two of you are going to do or did do." Willow says with a smile.
"She still has nightmares, almost every night. She's still terrified I'm going to leave her and she's still in so much pain, Willow. I'm trying to make it go away but I don't know if it's getting any better or not."
"I don't know if you can, Angel. Sometimes I think the pain will always be there. Just, eventually, hopefully the happiness outweighs the pain and the pain doesn't matter so much anymore." Willow says.
"I want you to do a spell, Willow. Not necessarily a forget spell but something like that, that makes the pain go away." I say.
"Angel, I don't know. I did that once and it wasn't good. It made everyone forget everything including their names. I mean, Tara left me after we all remembered what happened." Willow says.
"I remember Buffy telling me about that. She said you accidentally burned an entire bag of Lethe's Bramble. You'll be careful this time. You'll stay and watch to make sure the spell goes right. I'll be with Buffy and make sure things go alright on that end."
"Angel, I really don't think-"She starts.
"I just want her to stop hurting. I want to see her smile and laugh. I want the girl back that I fell in love with. I want the old Buffy. Don't you?" I ask her.
Willow looks away from me and smiles. "Yah, I do. Of course I do. I'll do some research and see what I can come up."
"Thank you, Willow."
*
Two days later Willow calls me from the magic shop.
"I think I've got it. It's a modified forget spell combined with a pain killer spell. It's technically for physical pain but I think I've altered it enough that combined with the forget spell, it will do what we want it to." Willow says.
"It's not going to make her forget anything, is it?" I ask. I've taken enough memories from her, I don't want to take anymore even at the cost of her pain.
"Not in terms of memories. It should only make her forget the pain the memories and events caused her." She says.
"Ok, when do you want to do it?" I ask.
"Tonight? Giles is off; I know Buffy is going over there. I think tonight would be as good as any time." Willow says.
My throat closes. I wasn't really ready to do this so soon. I mean I want her to stop hurting but I had thought it would take more time for Willow to research, or something. I forget she's so powerful now; this is probably like brushing her teeth.
"Okay, uhm she's coming over around 6, we're going to eat and watch movies. She insists I have to see something called the Ringwald Era. She says they are classics." I say.
"Oooo I hope she brings over Pretty In Pink, that's my favorite." Willow says. "Okay, so around 9 or so I'll start the spell. She's gonna get really sleepy once I do it so don't let her drive home or even walk home. Once she's asleep she might be hard to wake up for a few hours. Don't worry; it should knock her out pretty good."
"Alright, I'll just keep her here. We usually fall asleep on the couch watching movies anyway." I say.
"Good. Okay, so if anything other then the sleepiness happens, you can call me. I gotta go get some of this stuff ready and make sure I know what I'm doing." Willow says.
I hang up the phone and try to prepare for that fact that in a few hours, I'm going to be watching something called Pretty In Pink.
-Buffy-
I find myself humming in the video store. The sound surprises me. It's been so long since I hummed or sang in the shower that it sounds weird to me. My guard is slipping, actually slipping is an understatement. Angel is sending my guard crashing down around me. I'm trying not to let him. I feel like I'm running around trying to catch all the pieces as they fall and hurriedly put them back up before he can hurt me. I can never get all those pieces back up. He's been here two months, but it's not like that's a record for him. He stayed almost three years the first time, if you don't count the time he was in Hell and I mean really is it fair to count that time.
I snag some Twizzlers from the candy aisle. The video stores have those great big packages like at the movies. I decide to rent The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink. Angel completely missed the eighties somehow. I'm trying to introduce him slowly. I walk to Angel's apartment and take the elevator up. I use the key on my key ring without thinking and step inside.
"Hey, I'm here." I yell. It's not until Angel steps into the living room from the kitchen that I notice I let myself in. "Sorry, didn't mean to just barge in. I-I didn't think about it."
He smiles at me. It's something between that big goofy smile I am beginning to love and my smile. This whole not being a Broody Boy is taking some getting used to. I never knew Angel had more then one kind of smile. There was always just my smile.
"It's fine. I gave you a key for a reason. I want you to feel comfortable here. I ordered Chinese food. I hope that's okay."
"Chinese food is good. Did you get some of those little pot sticker things? And fortune cookies?" I ask.
"Pot sticker things? I'm not sure. Fortune cookies, definitely." He says and pulls me close. We stand like that a moment, the crown of my head resting in the crook of his neck. I wish time could stop and we could exist inside this little bubble of denial where there is no past, no future only this moment. Surely even Angel and I can't hurt each other with only a moment. There is a knock on the door and we are forced to pull apart.
Angel pays for the food; I set up the movie because he's really still not so good with the DVD player. He sets an impressive array of food out on the coffee table. We sit down to eat with chopsticks, because it's fun even though I know I'm going to drop half of what I pick up with them.
"Ok, so these are classics?" Angel says.
I nod. "I know you're thinking Shakespeare and stuff but really they don't put his stuff on film much, except Romeo and Juliet. I saw the one with Leonardo Di Caprio and Claire Danes. This is eighties classic with Molly Ringwald. She epitomized everything about the eighties." I tell him.
"Buffy, I remember the eighties. I was there." He says.
"No, Angel, you were doing the fringe of humanity thing in the eighties that doesn't count. Here have a bite of sesame chicken." I feed him a piece with my chopsticks.
"Mmm. I want some more of that. Trade you, I've got beef chow mien." He says.
We switch boxes of Chinese food. Watching movies like this with Angel is fun. He's always Mr. In the Know with the history and the demonology. When it comes to movies though, movies of my generation, I'm the one that knows. It's like getting to teach an 80's history course, or in some cases a High school 101 course since Angel sort of skipped high school.
"Did you ever have to do this?" Angel asks.
"Detention you mean?" I say.
He nods. "Well, not on a Saturday but I had to stay after school in my old school a couple of times. Snyder never made us because he wanted every kid off school campus as soon as demonly possible."
He nods again. I'm not really sure he gets the whole movie. He'll understand Pretty In Pink a little more, since he did sort of kind of live my prom with me. We crack open fortune cookies. I smile at mine.
"Do not ruin today's happiness with tomorrow's worries." I read out loud. I giggle and remember a game we used to play in high school. "In bed!" I add with a shout.
Angel looks at me like I'm crazy. I rein in my giggles and explain. "It's a really silly, high school game. You read your fortune and no matter what it says you add the words In Bed on the end of it. So you read yours."
"Anything important enough to find, isn't worth losing..." He glances up at me and quirks a grin, "In bed."
I dissolve into peals of giggles. I'm not really sure why but the idea of Angel playing a game I played in high school is funny.
"You need to do that more often." He says.
"What? Make you play stupid games?" I ask.
"If it makes you laugh like that, yes." He answers.
I get the Twizzlers out for the next movie. It's nice; sitting like this snuggled together, munching on Twizzlers. Angel and I never got to do anything this normal in our old lives. I bite off both ends of my twizzler and stick it in my can of coke. I drink coke through it like a straw.
"Buffy, what are you doing?" Angel asks.
"It's a straw. It makes twizzler flavored coke." I say. He just keeps looking at me like I'm wonderful and extremely strange at the same time. "Oh come on, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Just bite off both ends and take a drink."
Hesitantly, Angel tries it. I beam at him. Wow, when was the last time I did that, beam I mean. It's a pretty big expression for me and it came naturally. It doesn't feel bitter or hard or forced, so I keep smiling at him. He gives me that big dufus ear to ear grin and I wiggle a twizzler out of the package. I use it like a whip and smack him lightly on the arm.
"Hey!" He says a bit shocked.
"Twizzler war!" I shout and whip his arm again. He grabs another twizzler and comes after me. I jump over the back of the couch and he takes the bait. We end up running all over the house, whipping each other with twizzlers. I know his neighbors are going to complain about the noise. I don't care I keep running, letting him get just close enough to "whip" me or for me to smack him before taking off again. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to I guess, somewhere inside, but I ran into his bedroom and let him "catch" me there. I could have kept away from him. He is only human now. Maybe that's why I let him catch me, he is only human now.
He's lying on top of me, a twizzler held not so threateningly in his hand. His breath is coming hard. Mine is too, but not for the same reasons. His lips brush mine, whisper soft, asking. I slide my hand up into his hair and increase the pressure of the kiss, granting. He kisses my upper lip, that place just below my nose and then my bottom. We spend a long time kissing with open mouths but no tongues, just getting used to, and remembering. The heat consumes us both, the way it always has. I don't know why I thought his turning human would change anything. The heat starts in my stomach and then flares, like when you pour lighter fluid on a flame, and rockets everywhere, singeing the ends of my nerves, stealing my breath, but it doesn't matter. I breathe his touches, his kisses. I unbutton his shirt, frantic suddenly to feel his bare chest. Warm, hard I can not help but pause over his heart and thrill at the soft thud there. I slide his shirt over his shoulders and run my hands down his back. His back was always one of my favorite parts of his body. And I remember the gryphon, the first time I saw his back.
"Wait, wait, I have to check." I whisper and wiggle out from underneath him. I apply pressure to his shoulder, coaxing him to twist. I smile. It's still there. He's warm and he breathes but there's tangible proof in the gryphon that he's still the guy I bandaged so long ago, the guy I fell in love with so long ago. Tears come unbidden to my eyes.
"What's wrong?" he whispers.
I shake my head. "So much about you has changed; I wanted to make sure some things were still the same."
He smiles. He seems to understand, which is amazing because I don't. I fall back into our kisses. His hand slides across the bare skin between the waist of my pants and my shirt. His fingers rest lightly there and it is so hot it's unbearable. I have to feel his hands on the rest of me. I need to. I can't breathe if I don't feel him. I know he won't make the first move though. I pull my shirt over my head and toss it across the room. He looks at me in wonder. He's amazed. I feel a delicious shiver go through me. I'm proud I can still amaze him. His lips find my neck. He pauses at the scar, his mark, still evident on my neck. He laves the raised skin with his tongue and rumbles low in his throat. He nips at the scar with his blunt teeth. "Mine," he whispers.
"Always," I whisper back and it's true. I may have shared my bed and even pieces of my heart with men over the years but I was always his. I have been since the beginning of time and when time ceases to exist I will be his still.
He undoes the catch on my bra. Soon it has gone the way of my shirt. When did the air get so hot and close? My mouth finds his again, much better. I can breathe now. The air is bearable. I fumble with the button and zipper on his pants. His hand covers mine, his mouth comes away from mine and he looks at me. His eyes are all passion and hunger. I know he wants me. I can see me reflected in his eyes and I know I look as wanton and hungry as he does.
His voice, when it finally comes, is thick and husky "Buffy, are you sure?"
"Angel, don't, don't ask me because then I have to think and if I have time to think all those defenses go back up and I don't want them to, just make love to me."
-Angel-
Her warm, naked little body is curled up against mine. Her head rests on my shoulder and her breath wafts across my chest with each exhalation. I glance at the clock on the nightstand. It reads 9:45. Willow would have done her spell by now. I kiss the top of Buffy's head and curl my body around hers. I close my eyes and sleep more peacefully then I have in years.