Stumble Into Grace- Chapter 22
-Angel-
I'm very slowly making improvement. I haven't said much to Buffy, especially after the scene we had in the kitchen. I don't want to get her hopes up and I don't want to make her cry like that again. I can't stand it when she cries. It takes every bit of anger I have and drains it right out of me. I don't care if I wanted to murder her seconds before, she starts crying and the only thing I'm capable of doing is cradling her in my arms and doing everything I can to make her tears stop.
It started with me being able to move my foot that night after my dream. A few weeks ago my legs got that tingly feeling like when they fall asleep. Buffy had been sitting on my lap for hours while we watched TV. I started practicing moving my feet or lifting up a leg when she wasn't around. It's hard work. I don't think I've ever worked for anything so hard in my entire life. Even The Asshole is pleased with my progress. I've asked him to keep progress reports to Buffy vague. I want to surprise her.
"So how are things with Buffy?" Patrick asks as I struggle with trying to walk holding onto railings on either side of me.
I stop for a breather. I had a lot of upper body strength before this, now I can hold myself up almost infinitely. "They are good. I think she's happy. There's this thing about her eyes. When she's sad her eyes are gray when she's happy they are green."
"So what color are her eyes?" Patrick asks.
"Mostly green." I say with a smile.
"Good. What the hell are you stopping for? Keep walking." He barks at me.
I grumble and begin the struggle again. Patrick's next question nearly knocks me literally off my feet.
"So are you having sex with her?"
I stumble and fall against one of the rails. I glare up at. It's a glare that has stopped most of the denizens of hell. The Asshole never stops smiling at me.
"That's none of your fucking business." I growl.
"Actually, it is. It's part of your therapy. Have a seat. Let's talk about this." Patrick says.
"I don't want to have a seat. I want to walk and if you're thinking about having an affair with my wife because you think I'm not satisfying her, I can think of a dozen ways to kill you slowly without ever having to stand up." I stare a hole through him.
"I'm not thinking about having an affair with your wife. She's beautiful; I'll give you that but not really my type. Tiny, fragile, blond, they always make me feel like I'll break them." Patrick says.
I manage to struggle my way over to the wheelchair. I sit down and glare at The Asshole again. It pisses me off further because he doesn't ever seem threatened by m glares. I satisfy myself by imagine all the ways that tiny fragile blond could kick his ass.
"So, you're not having sex with her. I'm going to assume it's a can't thing rather then a want thing." Patrick says.
I growl. "It's Buffy, of course I want to."
-Buffy-
I glance at my watch and close my book. Angel should be almost finished with physical therapy by now. He won't let me stay to watch and he doesn't like to talk very much about it. Lately even Patrick has been closed mouthed about his progress. I slip my book into my bag and stand up. I take my coffee with me.
"See you tomorrow, Buffy." The woman behind the coffee counter says. Her name is Sue and we've become friends of a sort. I sit in the coffee shop almost every morning while Angel is at physical therapy.
"Alright, Sue. Have a good day." I smile at her and walk out of the shop. It's a beautiful spring day outside, just chilly enough for a jacket. The trees are beginning to bud out and the grass is that pale green that only comes with spring.
Things are good between Angel and I. We still have those moments where I feel like I'm walking on broken glass and we don't go out of the apartment much, but we have our friends over on a semi regular basis for dinner and DVD's. Angel has even learned how to work the DVD player. I caught him reading the instruction manual one day. The man knows how to use every weapon ever forged, technology baffles him.
By the time I get to the physical therapy room Angel is sitting in his wheelchair. Patrick is telling him something. I've tried to sneak in here early and see how things are. Angel is always waiting for me in his wheelchair. I think he uses our ability to feel each other because he doesn't want me to see him struggle.
Patrick looks up as I walk in the room. He shakes his head and grins. "I don't know how he does it. He always knows when you're near by."
"We feel each other." I say before thinking. I wince. Crap, do you know how hard that is to explain to someone who doesn't know the whole Angel and Buffy history?
Patrick raises an eyebrow and looks back and forth between Angel and I, obviously waiting for an explanation.
Angel surprises me by speaking up first. "Buffy's my soul mate. When she's near by I feel this whispering in my rib cage. It feels like my heart is beating faster and harder. It's been like that since the first time I saw her."
Patrick looks at me, a bit doubtfully. I can almost hear him thinking Angel's meds are making him talk like a crazy person.
"For me it's a tingling at the base of my spine. The closer he gets the tingle spreads so by the time he's standing next to me, my whole body is tingling." I say.
Patrick looks at us both for a moment. "And this happens before you actually see each other?"
"Yes, before I see him or hear him. I don't even have to know he's nearby. I can feel it." I say.
Patrick looks at me like I'm the crazy person now. "Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow, Angel."
"Unfortunately," Angel says.
"Your husband is a very stubborn man." Patrick says to me.
I smile. "Tell me about it."
Angel and I start out to the car. I wait until we're both inside to ask how things went. Angel shrugs. "Okay I guess."
I nod. I'm afraid he's not getting any better. It's the only excuse I can think of for his reluctance to talk about his therapy sessions. "So, that husband wife thing, are we going to actually make it official one of these days or are we just going to pretend in front of your doctors and physical therapist?" I ask.
"Buffy, I've tied you down enough; I don't want to do it legally." Angel says.
"Maybe I do." I say.
He reaches across the van and takes my hand. "When you walk down the aisle, I want to be able to stand at the end of it."
I chasten the tears that come to my eyes. "Alright, but you should know, I just want to walk down the aisle with you at the other end, sitting, standing, it doesn't matter to me."
"It does to me." Angel says.
I shake my head. We've had this conversation a dozen times, if not more. Angel always gives me the same speech he's given me since I was eighteen years old. You should be married to someone who can give you the things I can't, like making love and children. The arguments haven't changed in all those years. My answer to him is the same now as it was then. I love him. I can't change. I'll never change. Not loving Angel would be like not breathing to me. The day it happens will be the day I die. And I know from experience, I'll love Angel even from Heaven.
"Where are we going?" Angel asks, noticing we're not headed back to the apartment.
"Giles needs some help. One of the slayers, Melanie, found something weird last night. Giles wants me to help her with training and he'd like your opinion on what she found." I say.
"Melanie, I don't think I've ever met her." Angel says.
"You haven't. "I say.
"Buffy, I don't know. "Angel starts.
I know he's apprehensive about meeting new people. He hates the idea that they might stare or feel sorry for him or wonder what I'm doing with him. Angel was reclusive before. He's even more so now. There is only a small set of friends he will see.
"Angel, you are a living history book in regards to demons and the supernatural. Giles could really use your help. Melanie is anxious to meet you. All the slayers know who you are." I say.
"Yeah, that makes me so much more anxious to meet her. I want to reminded of my fame as Angelus." He growls.
"Actually, it's me and you that all the slayers know about. Someone decided at some point that we were the Romeo and Juliet of the Supernatural world, complete with the dying for each other part. Our love life is talked about more then this week's celebrity. It's thrilling, really." I say.
"That's even better. I don't suppose they get the edited version?" Angel asks.
I chuckle. "Are you kidding? They make up versions. So you'll come help Giles?"
He sighs. "I'll help Giles, but only because it's Giles."
I beam a smile at him. "Thank you."
I pull up to the magic shop. Getting Angel's wheelchair out of the van and setting it up for him has become second nature to me. He gets into it easily and I hold the door of the magic shop open for him. Giles and Willow are bent over a round table, very like the one in the Magic Box in Sunnydale. They both look up when we walk in.
"Hi Buffy, Angel." Willow says brightly.
"Angel, I'm glad you agreed to help. "Giles says.
Angel nods and wheels over to the table. Giles and Willow have thoughtfully left a spot open at the table for his wheelchair.
"Giles, where's Melanie?" I ask.
"She went to get one of those infernal high caffeine content things you and Willow drink, iced mocha something. She should be back shortly." Giles says.
I smile at his description of the drink. "I wish I'd known. I would have placed an order."
"I told her to get us both one." Willow says with a smile.
"You're the best, Will." I say. "So what's up?" I lean over Angel's shoulder, looking at the books spread across the table.
"I'm not entirely sure. Melanie chased a vampire down into the sewers last night. She staked it but then got turned around. She ended up in a section of the sewers we have previously not explored. She said it was covered with crystals of some sort. There were runes painted on the walls." Giles says.
"Crystals? Did she happen to get a sample of them?" Angel asks.
"She did. She has them with her." Giles says.
As if on cue, Melanie steps through the door into the shop. She has a cardboard drink holder with three ice mocha chinos in it. Melanie is a beautiful girl. She's tall, nearly 6'2, and willowy. She's got long brown hair and really green eyes, not changeable like mine. She's from South Africa. Her parents actually knew what a slayer was and were honored their daughter was one. Melanie has been one of our best slayers.
"Morning, Buffy." She says in greeting.
"Hi, Melanie. I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is Angel." I say.
Melanie flashes a huge smile at him and walks over. She extends her hand to shake his. "Hi, I'm Melanie. You're a total hottie. I mean Dawn showed some of pictures, but you were so pale in them. I guess still a vampire when they were taken. Anyway, nice to meet you."
I grin at Melanie as Angel blushes.
He coughs. "Uhm thanks. Nice to meet you." Angel says.
Melanie turns to me. "So you ready to go train? I've been practicing since our last sparring session."
"Crystals first, then go play." Willow says.
Melanie digs a handful of pinkish crystals out of her pocket and lays them on the table. I get up and we go into the training room Giles keeps in the back of the magic shop, very much like in Sunnydale. It occurs to me that Giles has in essence tried to recreate everything about the Magic Box in this shop.
Melanie and I face off. "Okay, you think you can take me this time?" I ask.
"Don't hold back. I won't." She says.
I grin and take up a defensive fighting stance. "Please don't."
Sometimes, it's good to fight out your frustrations.
-Angel-
I pick up one the crystals and look carefully at it. It looks familiar. "Did these demons try to attack Melanie at all when she went into their lair?" I ask.
"She didn't mention an attack of any sort." Giles says.
I nod. "The last time I encountered anything like this was years ago. We never really found any record of these demons but they looked like huge cockroaches. They seemed to be pretty peaceful. The only reason they attacked us was because I accidentally brought some of their eggs back to the hotel with me. We gave them the eggs back they disappeared."
"Most interesting. You didn't kill them?" Giles asks.
"We tried. They are really strong. We only managed to get one and that was because Fred's mother hit it with a bus." I say.
"A bus?" Giles says. "And I thought Buffy's techniques were strange."
I chuckle. "It just happened to be available. We were attacked in the LA bus station."
"So you don't believe these cockroach demons will pose a problem?" Giles asks.
"I don't think so. They never did in LA, once they got their eggs back. They seem to be sewer dwellers. I really don't even know how you'd go about killing them if you wanted to. When I say we tried, I mean my entire team. It threw me around like a rag doll; this was when I was still a vampire." I say.
"Oh, wow so check one for the strong category." Willow says.
"Very well then. I'll tell Melanie not to concern herself with these, cockroach demons." Giles says.
A customer in the shop steps up to the register. Willow jumps up to help them.
"I've actually got something I want to discuss with you, Angel." Giles says.
"Okay," I say a bit doubtfully.
"As you know, I've been doing a watcher training program here in Cleveland and truthfully the training program is leaving me spread a bit thin. You have personal experience with many things that books can not replace. I would be very honored if you would come work with the Watchers Council, in the capacity of a watcher. Of course we would pay you a salary. You could stay right here in Cleveland and I could concentrate on the training program."
"Melanie's watcher I presume?" I say.
"Melanie is the Hell mouth's permanent slayer. We often have more then one slayer here. "Giles says.
"How old is she?" I ask.
"Melanie turned seventeen last month." Giles says.
I shake my head. "I will never understand why they receive their powers so young."
"I think you could be a great asset to Melanie and the Watcher's Council in general. I'm trying to change it. It's not the stuffy place you once knew. We no longer have the Cruciamentum tests. We do not separate the girls from their parents without much discussion and thought. We no longer keep families in the dark. We try to do the best we can for these girls. We do not regard them as merely weapons in a war. When Willow made all the slayers, Buffy was determined no girl would ever go through her life alone. The new Watcher's Council tries to make sure that doesn't happen." Giles says.
"I won't go anywhere without Buffy." I say.
"Of course, I wouldn't think of trying to separate the two of you." Giles says.
"I guess you've got a new watcher then." I say.
-Angel-
I'm very slowly making improvement. I haven't said much to Buffy, especially after the scene we had in the kitchen. I don't want to get her hopes up and I don't want to make her cry like that again. I can't stand it when she cries. It takes every bit of anger I have and drains it right out of me. I don't care if I wanted to murder her seconds before, she starts crying and the only thing I'm capable of doing is cradling her in my arms and doing everything I can to make her tears stop.
It started with me being able to move my foot that night after my dream. A few weeks ago my legs got that tingly feeling like when they fall asleep. Buffy had been sitting on my lap for hours while we watched TV. I started practicing moving my feet or lifting up a leg when she wasn't around. It's hard work. I don't think I've ever worked for anything so hard in my entire life. Even The Asshole is pleased with my progress. I've asked him to keep progress reports to Buffy vague. I want to surprise her.
"So how are things with Buffy?" Patrick asks as I struggle with trying to walk holding onto railings on either side of me.
I stop for a breather. I had a lot of upper body strength before this, now I can hold myself up almost infinitely. "They are good. I think she's happy. There's this thing about her eyes. When she's sad her eyes are gray when she's happy they are green."
"So what color are her eyes?" Patrick asks.
"Mostly green." I say with a smile.
"Good. What the hell are you stopping for? Keep walking." He barks at me.
I grumble and begin the struggle again. Patrick's next question nearly knocks me literally off my feet.
"So are you having sex with her?"
I stumble and fall against one of the rails. I glare up at. It's a glare that has stopped most of the denizens of hell. The Asshole never stops smiling at me.
"That's none of your fucking business." I growl.
"Actually, it is. It's part of your therapy. Have a seat. Let's talk about this." Patrick says.
"I don't want to have a seat. I want to walk and if you're thinking about having an affair with my wife because you think I'm not satisfying her, I can think of a dozen ways to kill you slowly without ever having to stand up." I stare a hole through him.
"I'm not thinking about having an affair with your wife. She's beautiful; I'll give you that but not really my type. Tiny, fragile, blond, they always make me feel like I'll break them." Patrick says.
I manage to struggle my way over to the wheelchair. I sit down and glare at The Asshole again. It pisses me off further because he doesn't ever seem threatened by m glares. I satisfy myself by imagine all the ways that tiny fragile blond could kick his ass.
"So, you're not having sex with her. I'm going to assume it's a can't thing rather then a want thing." Patrick says.
I growl. "It's Buffy, of course I want to."
-Buffy-
I glance at my watch and close my book. Angel should be almost finished with physical therapy by now. He won't let me stay to watch and he doesn't like to talk very much about it. Lately even Patrick has been closed mouthed about his progress. I slip my book into my bag and stand up. I take my coffee with me.
"See you tomorrow, Buffy." The woman behind the coffee counter says. Her name is Sue and we've become friends of a sort. I sit in the coffee shop almost every morning while Angel is at physical therapy.
"Alright, Sue. Have a good day." I smile at her and walk out of the shop. It's a beautiful spring day outside, just chilly enough for a jacket. The trees are beginning to bud out and the grass is that pale green that only comes with spring.
Things are good between Angel and I. We still have those moments where I feel like I'm walking on broken glass and we don't go out of the apartment much, but we have our friends over on a semi regular basis for dinner and DVD's. Angel has even learned how to work the DVD player. I caught him reading the instruction manual one day. The man knows how to use every weapon ever forged, technology baffles him.
By the time I get to the physical therapy room Angel is sitting in his wheelchair. Patrick is telling him something. I've tried to sneak in here early and see how things are. Angel is always waiting for me in his wheelchair. I think he uses our ability to feel each other because he doesn't want me to see him struggle.
Patrick looks up as I walk in the room. He shakes his head and grins. "I don't know how he does it. He always knows when you're near by."
"We feel each other." I say before thinking. I wince. Crap, do you know how hard that is to explain to someone who doesn't know the whole Angel and Buffy history?
Patrick raises an eyebrow and looks back and forth between Angel and I, obviously waiting for an explanation.
Angel surprises me by speaking up first. "Buffy's my soul mate. When she's near by I feel this whispering in my rib cage. It feels like my heart is beating faster and harder. It's been like that since the first time I saw her."
Patrick looks at me, a bit doubtfully. I can almost hear him thinking Angel's meds are making him talk like a crazy person.
"For me it's a tingling at the base of my spine. The closer he gets the tingle spreads so by the time he's standing next to me, my whole body is tingling." I say.
Patrick looks at us both for a moment. "And this happens before you actually see each other?"
"Yes, before I see him or hear him. I don't even have to know he's nearby. I can feel it." I say.
Patrick looks at me like I'm the crazy person now. "Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow, Angel."
"Unfortunately," Angel says.
"Your husband is a very stubborn man." Patrick says to me.
I smile. "Tell me about it."
Angel and I start out to the car. I wait until we're both inside to ask how things went. Angel shrugs. "Okay I guess."
I nod. I'm afraid he's not getting any better. It's the only excuse I can think of for his reluctance to talk about his therapy sessions. "So, that husband wife thing, are we going to actually make it official one of these days or are we just going to pretend in front of your doctors and physical therapist?" I ask.
"Buffy, I've tied you down enough; I don't want to do it legally." Angel says.
"Maybe I do." I say.
He reaches across the van and takes my hand. "When you walk down the aisle, I want to be able to stand at the end of it."
I chasten the tears that come to my eyes. "Alright, but you should know, I just want to walk down the aisle with you at the other end, sitting, standing, it doesn't matter to me."
"It does to me." Angel says.
I shake my head. We've had this conversation a dozen times, if not more. Angel always gives me the same speech he's given me since I was eighteen years old. You should be married to someone who can give you the things I can't, like making love and children. The arguments haven't changed in all those years. My answer to him is the same now as it was then. I love him. I can't change. I'll never change. Not loving Angel would be like not breathing to me. The day it happens will be the day I die. And I know from experience, I'll love Angel even from Heaven.
"Where are we going?" Angel asks, noticing we're not headed back to the apartment.
"Giles needs some help. One of the slayers, Melanie, found something weird last night. Giles wants me to help her with training and he'd like your opinion on what she found." I say.
"Melanie, I don't think I've ever met her." Angel says.
"You haven't. "I say.
"Buffy, I don't know. "Angel starts.
I know he's apprehensive about meeting new people. He hates the idea that they might stare or feel sorry for him or wonder what I'm doing with him. Angel was reclusive before. He's even more so now. There is only a small set of friends he will see.
"Angel, you are a living history book in regards to demons and the supernatural. Giles could really use your help. Melanie is anxious to meet you. All the slayers know who you are." I say.
"Yeah, that makes me so much more anxious to meet her. I want to reminded of my fame as Angelus." He growls.
"Actually, it's me and you that all the slayers know about. Someone decided at some point that we were the Romeo and Juliet of the Supernatural world, complete with the dying for each other part. Our love life is talked about more then this week's celebrity. It's thrilling, really." I say.
"That's even better. I don't suppose they get the edited version?" Angel asks.
I chuckle. "Are you kidding? They make up versions. So you'll come help Giles?"
He sighs. "I'll help Giles, but only because it's Giles."
I beam a smile at him. "Thank you."
I pull up to the magic shop. Getting Angel's wheelchair out of the van and setting it up for him has become second nature to me. He gets into it easily and I hold the door of the magic shop open for him. Giles and Willow are bent over a round table, very like the one in the Magic Box in Sunnydale. They both look up when we walk in.
"Hi Buffy, Angel." Willow says brightly.
"Angel, I'm glad you agreed to help. "Giles says.
Angel nods and wheels over to the table. Giles and Willow have thoughtfully left a spot open at the table for his wheelchair.
"Giles, where's Melanie?" I ask.
"She went to get one of those infernal high caffeine content things you and Willow drink, iced mocha something. She should be back shortly." Giles says.
I smile at his description of the drink. "I wish I'd known. I would have placed an order."
"I told her to get us both one." Willow says with a smile.
"You're the best, Will." I say. "So what's up?" I lean over Angel's shoulder, looking at the books spread across the table.
"I'm not entirely sure. Melanie chased a vampire down into the sewers last night. She staked it but then got turned around. She ended up in a section of the sewers we have previously not explored. She said it was covered with crystals of some sort. There were runes painted on the walls." Giles says.
"Crystals? Did she happen to get a sample of them?" Angel asks.
"She did. She has them with her." Giles says.
As if on cue, Melanie steps through the door into the shop. She has a cardboard drink holder with three ice mocha chinos in it. Melanie is a beautiful girl. She's tall, nearly 6'2, and willowy. She's got long brown hair and really green eyes, not changeable like mine. She's from South Africa. Her parents actually knew what a slayer was and were honored their daughter was one. Melanie has been one of our best slayers.
"Morning, Buffy." She says in greeting.
"Hi, Melanie. I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is Angel." I say.
Melanie flashes a huge smile at him and walks over. She extends her hand to shake his. "Hi, I'm Melanie. You're a total hottie. I mean Dawn showed some of pictures, but you were so pale in them. I guess still a vampire when they were taken. Anyway, nice to meet you."
I grin at Melanie as Angel blushes.
He coughs. "Uhm thanks. Nice to meet you." Angel says.
Melanie turns to me. "So you ready to go train? I've been practicing since our last sparring session."
"Crystals first, then go play." Willow says.
Melanie digs a handful of pinkish crystals out of her pocket and lays them on the table. I get up and we go into the training room Giles keeps in the back of the magic shop, very much like in Sunnydale. It occurs to me that Giles has in essence tried to recreate everything about the Magic Box in this shop.
Melanie and I face off. "Okay, you think you can take me this time?" I ask.
"Don't hold back. I won't." She says.
I grin and take up a defensive fighting stance. "Please don't."
Sometimes, it's good to fight out your frustrations.
-Angel-
I pick up one the crystals and look carefully at it. It looks familiar. "Did these demons try to attack Melanie at all when she went into their lair?" I ask.
"She didn't mention an attack of any sort." Giles says.
I nod. "The last time I encountered anything like this was years ago. We never really found any record of these demons but they looked like huge cockroaches. They seemed to be pretty peaceful. The only reason they attacked us was because I accidentally brought some of their eggs back to the hotel with me. We gave them the eggs back they disappeared."
"Most interesting. You didn't kill them?" Giles asks.
"We tried. They are really strong. We only managed to get one and that was because Fred's mother hit it with a bus." I say.
"A bus?" Giles says. "And I thought Buffy's techniques were strange."
I chuckle. "It just happened to be available. We were attacked in the LA bus station."
"So you don't believe these cockroach demons will pose a problem?" Giles asks.
"I don't think so. They never did in LA, once they got their eggs back. They seem to be sewer dwellers. I really don't even know how you'd go about killing them if you wanted to. When I say we tried, I mean my entire team. It threw me around like a rag doll; this was when I was still a vampire." I say.
"Oh, wow so check one for the strong category." Willow says.
"Very well then. I'll tell Melanie not to concern herself with these, cockroach demons." Giles says.
A customer in the shop steps up to the register. Willow jumps up to help them.
"I've actually got something I want to discuss with you, Angel." Giles says.
"Okay," I say a bit doubtfully.
"As you know, I've been doing a watcher training program here in Cleveland and truthfully the training program is leaving me spread a bit thin. You have personal experience with many things that books can not replace. I would be very honored if you would come work with the Watchers Council, in the capacity of a watcher. Of course we would pay you a salary. You could stay right here in Cleveland and I could concentrate on the training program."
"Melanie's watcher I presume?" I say.
"Melanie is the Hell mouth's permanent slayer. We often have more then one slayer here. "Giles says.
"How old is she?" I ask.
"Melanie turned seventeen last month." Giles says.
I shake my head. "I will never understand why they receive their powers so young."
"I think you could be a great asset to Melanie and the Watcher's Council in general. I'm trying to change it. It's not the stuffy place you once knew. We no longer have the Cruciamentum tests. We do not separate the girls from their parents without much discussion and thought. We no longer keep families in the dark. We try to do the best we can for these girls. We do not regard them as merely weapons in a war. When Willow made all the slayers, Buffy was determined no girl would ever go through her life alone. The new Watcher's Council tries to make sure that doesn't happen." Giles says.
"I won't go anywhere without Buffy." I say.
"Of course, I wouldn't think of trying to separate the two of you." Giles says.
"I guess you've got a new watcher then." I say.