Dedication: The smoochies and naked Angel are for Ashley. She listened to
me whine for at least three hours last night about having writers block on
msn so I figure she deserved something.
A/N In regards to the mentions I make of slayer speed in here, we see some episodes where Angel is literally there and then gone in the next blink of an eye. Or he's behind the bad guy, bad guy takes a step and Angel is in front of him. I figure slayer speed is a lot like vamp speed, possibly a bit slower but not by much or they'd never last.
Stumble Into Grace-Chapter 23
-Buffy-
Angel has been Melanie's watcher for a month now. He's really good at it. Melanie is more then a little dazzled by him. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little bit. Melanie is almost the same age I was when Angel and I started getting serious. And thanks to nifty vampire non aging habits, Angel is the same age he was then too. Melanie is also absolutely gorgeous. Not that I think Angel would do anything, because it's Angel. Ok I'm rambling, did I mention jealous much?
Anyway, Angel seems to have become more content lately, now that he's actually doing something besides brooding and staring out the windows. Giles has enlisted me to take over Melanie's training. We spend an hour, sometimes two, every day training. Angel watches and makes suggestions. Melanie is good too. The first time I sparred her it was a walk in the park to take her down. She makes me work for it now.
I'm sitting in the living room reading a book. I'd never tell Angel but he's gotten me hooked on the old books. Sometimes I have to grab him and have him translate something that Shakespeare wrote but for the most part I get the jest of the stories. Angel is taking a bath. Soaking in hot water seems to help the muscle spasms he's recently begun having. There's a big crash in the bathroom. I run in there using every bit of my slayer speed. There is a moment where the panic is so strong I think I'm going to pass out. Angel is lying on the floor. He's holding his head and there's blood everywhere. I crouch down on the cold tile floor.
"Move your hands, Baby, let me look." I say.
Angel moves his hand. There's blood all over the left side of his face. I snatch a white towel from the bar and hold it over the cut. With all the blood I can't tell if it's serious or not. One thing I've learned about head injuries, even tiny ones bleed like crazy.
"What happened, Angel?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "Just slipped getting out of the tub."
"Baby, you should have called me." I say pulling the towel away from his head. The blood is already slowing down and it doesn't look bad at all.
"I didn't want to bother you." He says.
"It's not a bother." I kiss his forehead lightly. "I don't think this needs stitches just some antiseptic and band aids."
He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my stomach. He's taking deep shaky breaths. I run my fingers through his hair. I can feel his body start to hitch with sobs. He's trying so hard to hold it in.
"Just let it go, Angel. I can handle it. Just let it go." I say.
"I hate this. I hate you having to move me around. I hate not being able to defend you. I hate not being able to pick you up and I hate not being able to make love to you." He sobs.
I hold him and let him cry, the cut on his head forgotten for now. I don't say anything. There's nothing I can say that will make him hate any of those things any less and besides I hate most of them too. What's been done to Angel, to us, isn't fair, not even in the least. There's also nothing we can do about it. We have to play the hand we're dealt, even when it sucks. And to be truthful, I'd rather have this then the hand I was dealt a few years ago, the one without Angel in it.
I lean over and kiss the curve of Angel's neck. I run my hand along the expanse of his bare back. Now that the panic over his being hurt is gone, I realize Angel is still naked from getting out of the tub. Angel is a beautiful sight to behold, naked Angel is literally breathtaking. My fingers trace his jaw line. I tilt his face up and kiss his lips. I slide down the tile floor until I'm lying flush against him. His hands tangle in my hair. He nips at my bottom lip and I moan softly into his mouth. He moves his mouth down, taking little bites of my neck. He pauses at my scar, his mark. That is the most sensitive place on my body. When Angel licks or nips at that scar the adrenaline spikes through my body and brings with it waves of ecstasy. I arch into his body. His hand slips under my tank top and slides up my rib cage, just brushing the side of my breast. I bite down on the thick vein in his neck, impatient. He is breathless for a moment. I quickly shed my tank top. I need to feel his skin against mine. It's been to long and I feel like I'll burn up if I'm not touching him. His hands span my waist. He makes me feel fragile and powerful and beautiful all at the same time.
"Buffy, maybe we should-"he starts.
My fingers find his lips and cover them. "Shhh just kiss me." I don't want to think. I don't want to wonder. I just want to feel. I tangle one hand in his hair, not giving his mouth a chance to leave mine. I unbutton my jeans and start sliding them off with my other hand. Angel realizes what I'm doing. He smiles against my mouth. Soon his hands are all over my body, sliding clothes off. I sigh in relief. His skin is next to mine, his body flush with mine. I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I'm whole. I put one leg over his hip and pull myself closer to him. I feel him tense up.
"Its okay, Baby, we'll take it slow" I splay my hand over his cheek and keep my eyes on his as I kiss him.
He nods slightly. I can see fear in his eyes and I want to kiss it away. I want to make sure sorrow and fear never touch those beautiful soulful eyes again.
"I love you, Angel." I whisper, tears gathering in my eyes.
"Oh, God, I love you so much, Buffy." His voice is shaky and thick with emotion.
"Trust me." I say.
He nods.
-Angel-
I roll into physical therapy whistling. The Asshole does a double take. A slow shit eating grin spreads across his face.
"You got laid." He says.
"Fuck you." I say.
"No thank, but I'd lay money down that a little blond did." He grins at me. "Come on, get your happy ass up off that wheelchair and let's see what we can do about getting your legs to working as well as other body parts seem to."
For once The Asshole has said something I agree with. I park my wheelchair and haul myself up on my feet using the railings on either side of me.
"Try putting some weight on your legs." Patrick says.
I look up at him doubtfully. "I fell last night doing that. They won't hold me."
"That explains the gash on your head. You've got the railing to hold onto. Don't let go of it, I just want you to shift the weight from your arms to your feet. You can be able to move your feet all day if you can't put weight on them it won't do you any good. You'll get to graduate from a wheelchair to canes and braces, maybe." He says.
I glare at him. I don't know why. Never in four months of working with The Asshole has he ever backed down from any of my glares, no matter how murderous. I do what he wants me to though. I always do. He's the expert in this area, or so he says. My legs are shaky underneath me. I've been on a machine that works them but it's not the same as actually putting weight on them. I take one slow very shaky step and glance up at The Asshole. He's grinning at me like a bloody idiot. I growl but take another step. At least half my weight is still on my arms.
"If you're going to dick around and waste my time, just tell me. I have better things to do." Patrick says.
"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm doing what you asked." I snap back.
"No, you're playing it safe. You've fallen and you don't want to fall again. I could go into all the psychological shit about why you're doing it but it's easier to tell you to cowboy up. Put all of your weight on your legs. If you don't want to do that, sit your ass back down in your wheel chair and wait for Buffy to come get you." Patrick turns his back to me.
Asshole, who the hell does he think he is? He's not the one that fell, smacked his head on the tub and had to have his wife come pick him up off the floor. I growl and slowly test my weight. He is not going to get the better of me, not some ordinary human. It doesn't occur to me in my anger I'm an ordinary human too. I take slow, small steps like those old men you see walking down the sidewalk. I'm concentrating so hard I don't feel Buffy.
"Oh, God, Angel." She says.
I twist quickly to see her standing in the doorway. It throws me off balance and I start to fall. I make a mad grasp for the railings and my hand slips off them. She catches me. The next thing I know we're both sitting on the padded floor. She caught me.
"Wow, you're-you're faster then anyone I've ever seen in my life and strong." Patrick says. Awe and disbelief color his voice.
Buffy nods. Her attention is focused completely on me. She didn't even think twice about showing off her slayer speed and strength in front of someone, not when it meant something as little as making sure I didn't fall.
The Asshole is still staring at us. Buffy is murmuring softly to me and running her fingers over my face and through my hair. Her fingers skim the cut on my head so lightly. She's smiling at me. I don't feel any pain when Buffy is smiling at me. I grasp her fingers in my hand and pull them to my lips. I kiss her fingers.
"I'm okay. You caught me." I say.
"You always caught me. I figure I owe you one." She says with a smile.
"I love you." I whisper looking up into green eyes.
The world comes back into focus when The Asshole clears his throat. Could he not have just walked the hell out of the room?
"Uh, sorry to break up this, whatever." He apologizes.
Buffy smiles and shakes her head. "No, it's okay. Who knows when Angel and I would have come back down to earth? Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm supposed to work with Melanie to day on swords and I think we're late."
Buffy wraps her arm around my waist and helps me get to my feet. She's supporting most of my weight but to anyone watching, Patrick, it would look like I'm helping more then I am. Using the railings and Buffy for support I manage to get into the chair.
"Why didn't you tell me you were getting so close to walking?" Buffy asks.
I shrug. "Because I'm not. I can move my legs but today was the first time I tried putting very much weight on them. You saw what happened." I say.
"But, Angel, that's like a huge step." She says.
"No, it's not, not yet. I've got a lot of work if I want to actually be able to walk without a walker or braces or something." I say.
"I'm still impressed. It's so much more then I thought it would be." She says.
I look at her confused. "You would really spend the rest of your life with me in this chair?"
"Angel, I'd spend the rest of my life with you if you were paralyzed from the neck down. You've never really gotten that. I want my life to be with you, no matter what that means." She says.
I'm beginning to get that and it's a scary, wonderful feeling.
-Buffy-
He walked, or he almost did and he acts like it's nothing. He doesn't even realize it's everything. I don't want to make too much of it though. I don't want to make him think that our future hinges on his walking. It doesn't, it never has, it never will. I can hardly concentrate on the training session with Melanie. I'm introducing her to swords today and I really should be on my game, since we're fighting with real ones, granted the edges have been blunted but they could still do some damage in the hands of a slayer.
"You okay today, B?" Melanie asks. "You seem off your game."
"I was taking it easy on you. You think you're ready to play with the big girls?" I say.
"Oh yeah." Melanie says. There are times she reminds me of a less damaged Faith.
I shake my head to clear it. Angel is sitting in the corner watching us. I wanted him there to give suggestions and pointers. I'm the slayer. I've fought with swords plenty of times. Angel fought with swords for a couple hundred years or so. He's got a bit of an advantage on me.
Melanie and I parry and dodge, careful to hit each other with the flats of the blunted blades. Neither of us has gotten a killing blow, but we've both gotten some hits in, me more then her.
"She feints to her left, Mel. Stay on her." Angel says.
"Hey! You're not supposed to give my secrets away." I say teasingly as I duck a slice that would have been my neck.
"Sorry, Baby, you know I love you but I have to train my slayer." He says.
I chuckle, easily parrying one of Melanie's strikes. "And I used to be your slayer."
"You'll always be the slayer of my heart." He says.
Aww, I know, cheesy line but that's the thing about Angel. He means all those cheesy lines. Melanie takes advantage of my Aww moment. She slaps my sword away. It flies against the wall. She advances strong. I can only backpedal. I let her get me down. This is exactly the sort of situation I want her to be prepared for.
Melanie backs me up against a wall. I don't have anywhere to run. A familiar scene from my past runs through my mind.
"Now that's everything, huh? No weapons......no friends......no hope."
"Take all that away and what's left?"
Melanie draws her sword back and thrusts it at my chest. With slayer reflexes I swing up both my arms and catch the blade between my palms.
"Me."
I shove the sword hilt back into her face. She narrowly avoids being hit by it. The force throws her across the room. I stand up and look over at Angel. I know he remembers the same scene I just re-enacted.
"So, what did you learn?" I ask.
"You're strong as holy hell." Melanie grumbles as she stands up, holding her hand to the back of her head. She must have bumped it on the wall. "I think I got the gyp end of the slayer strength."
"Relax, we're like vampires. We get stronger, faster, more powerful with age." I say. "What you should have learned is this. Never under estimate your opponent. They are never down and out until they are dead. The other thing that you should have learned about yourself is this. You're the slayer. You don't need weapons. You are a weapon. Lesson over."
Melanie looks at Angel like she expects him to say something to me.
"She's right. If Buffy had relied on weapons that day, I would have killed her. There is no one and nothing you can rely on except yourself. Remember that. It might keep you alive one of these days. I'm going to go help Giles with a translation. "Angel says as he wheels himself out of the training room.
Melanie and I lean against the gymnastic horse sipping on cold bottles of water.
"You did good today. I tricked you into that situation." I say.
"Angel tried to kill you?" Melanie says.
I take a long drink of water. "Angel's demon tried to kill me, Angelus. He did the exact same thing to me that I let you do to me. He thought he'd won. He thought that without weapons or friends I had nothing. He underestimated me and I won the battle that day." I say.
"I don't understand. He's not dead." Melanie said.
I consider my options. I can take the easy out and just gloss over the story. I can tell her something like it's not always about the kill. Every win doesn't end in death, there are other options. I ask myself if it wasn't about Buffy and Angel would I tell her? Does she need to know that sometimes the win doesn't equal a kill, that sometimes emotions enter into battles and that sometimes there are decisions you have to make even though they kill you to make them. She's the slayer. She needs to know. I take a deep breath. "Okay, short version because the long one is too painful. Angelus is Angel without a soul, or was. He lost his soul. He tried to suck the world into hell through Acathla. He and I fought with swords. Willow put his soul back in at the last moment, literally before I cut his head off. It was too late. Acathla was already sucking the world into hell. The only way to stop it was to send Angel to hell, so I made a decision that I hope you don't ever have to make. I sacrificed the person I love most in this world, for the world. I sent Angel to Hell. If you need a more complete story, ask Giles. Tell him I said its okay for you to read his journals."
"Wow. He came back and he still loved you?" Melanie says.
I nod. "A hundred years in Hell didn't change anything. A thousand years in Hell wouldn't have changed anything. What Angel and I have, it never changes it just grows stronger, deeper whether you want it to or not. Ok, that's all I can handle of the pain that is Buffy and Angel history."
"I bet he was amazing to watch fight." Melanie says a bit of envy and awe in her voice.
"He was breathtaking to watch fight. Sometimes I'd watch him with tears in my eyes he was so beautiful." I say, my heart aching.
A/N In regards to the mentions I make of slayer speed in here, we see some episodes where Angel is literally there and then gone in the next blink of an eye. Or he's behind the bad guy, bad guy takes a step and Angel is in front of him. I figure slayer speed is a lot like vamp speed, possibly a bit slower but not by much or they'd never last.
Stumble Into Grace-Chapter 23
-Buffy-
Angel has been Melanie's watcher for a month now. He's really good at it. Melanie is more then a little dazzled by him. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little bit. Melanie is almost the same age I was when Angel and I started getting serious. And thanks to nifty vampire non aging habits, Angel is the same age he was then too. Melanie is also absolutely gorgeous. Not that I think Angel would do anything, because it's Angel. Ok I'm rambling, did I mention jealous much?
Anyway, Angel seems to have become more content lately, now that he's actually doing something besides brooding and staring out the windows. Giles has enlisted me to take over Melanie's training. We spend an hour, sometimes two, every day training. Angel watches and makes suggestions. Melanie is good too. The first time I sparred her it was a walk in the park to take her down. She makes me work for it now.
I'm sitting in the living room reading a book. I'd never tell Angel but he's gotten me hooked on the old books. Sometimes I have to grab him and have him translate something that Shakespeare wrote but for the most part I get the jest of the stories. Angel is taking a bath. Soaking in hot water seems to help the muscle spasms he's recently begun having. There's a big crash in the bathroom. I run in there using every bit of my slayer speed. There is a moment where the panic is so strong I think I'm going to pass out. Angel is lying on the floor. He's holding his head and there's blood everywhere. I crouch down on the cold tile floor.
"Move your hands, Baby, let me look." I say.
Angel moves his hand. There's blood all over the left side of his face. I snatch a white towel from the bar and hold it over the cut. With all the blood I can't tell if it's serious or not. One thing I've learned about head injuries, even tiny ones bleed like crazy.
"What happened, Angel?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "Just slipped getting out of the tub."
"Baby, you should have called me." I say pulling the towel away from his head. The blood is already slowing down and it doesn't look bad at all.
"I didn't want to bother you." He says.
"It's not a bother." I kiss his forehead lightly. "I don't think this needs stitches just some antiseptic and band aids."
He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my stomach. He's taking deep shaky breaths. I run my fingers through his hair. I can feel his body start to hitch with sobs. He's trying so hard to hold it in.
"Just let it go, Angel. I can handle it. Just let it go." I say.
"I hate this. I hate you having to move me around. I hate not being able to defend you. I hate not being able to pick you up and I hate not being able to make love to you." He sobs.
I hold him and let him cry, the cut on his head forgotten for now. I don't say anything. There's nothing I can say that will make him hate any of those things any less and besides I hate most of them too. What's been done to Angel, to us, isn't fair, not even in the least. There's also nothing we can do about it. We have to play the hand we're dealt, even when it sucks. And to be truthful, I'd rather have this then the hand I was dealt a few years ago, the one without Angel in it.
I lean over and kiss the curve of Angel's neck. I run my hand along the expanse of his bare back. Now that the panic over his being hurt is gone, I realize Angel is still naked from getting out of the tub. Angel is a beautiful sight to behold, naked Angel is literally breathtaking. My fingers trace his jaw line. I tilt his face up and kiss his lips. I slide down the tile floor until I'm lying flush against him. His hands tangle in my hair. He nips at my bottom lip and I moan softly into his mouth. He moves his mouth down, taking little bites of my neck. He pauses at my scar, his mark. That is the most sensitive place on my body. When Angel licks or nips at that scar the adrenaline spikes through my body and brings with it waves of ecstasy. I arch into his body. His hand slips under my tank top and slides up my rib cage, just brushing the side of my breast. I bite down on the thick vein in his neck, impatient. He is breathless for a moment. I quickly shed my tank top. I need to feel his skin against mine. It's been to long and I feel like I'll burn up if I'm not touching him. His hands span my waist. He makes me feel fragile and powerful and beautiful all at the same time.
"Buffy, maybe we should-"he starts.
My fingers find his lips and cover them. "Shhh just kiss me." I don't want to think. I don't want to wonder. I just want to feel. I tangle one hand in his hair, not giving his mouth a chance to leave mine. I unbutton my jeans and start sliding them off with my other hand. Angel realizes what I'm doing. He smiles against my mouth. Soon his hands are all over my body, sliding clothes off. I sigh in relief. His skin is next to mine, his body flush with mine. I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I'm whole. I put one leg over his hip and pull myself closer to him. I feel him tense up.
"Its okay, Baby, we'll take it slow" I splay my hand over his cheek and keep my eyes on his as I kiss him.
He nods slightly. I can see fear in his eyes and I want to kiss it away. I want to make sure sorrow and fear never touch those beautiful soulful eyes again.
"I love you, Angel." I whisper, tears gathering in my eyes.
"Oh, God, I love you so much, Buffy." His voice is shaky and thick with emotion.
"Trust me." I say.
He nods.
-Angel-
I roll into physical therapy whistling. The Asshole does a double take. A slow shit eating grin spreads across his face.
"You got laid." He says.
"Fuck you." I say.
"No thank, but I'd lay money down that a little blond did." He grins at me. "Come on, get your happy ass up off that wheelchair and let's see what we can do about getting your legs to working as well as other body parts seem to."
For once The Asshole has said something I agree with. I park my wheelchair and haul myself up on my feet using the railings on either side of me.
"Try putting some weight on your legs." Patrick says.
I look up at him doubtfully. "I fell last night doing that. They won't hold me."
"That explains the gash on your head. You've got the railing to hold onto. Don't let go of it, I just want you to shift the weight from your arms to your feet. You can be able to move your feet all day if you can't put weight on them it won't do you any good. You'll get to graduate from a wheelchair to canes and braces, maybe." He says.
I glare at him. I don't know why. Never in four months of working with The Asshole has he ever backed down from any of my glares, no matter how murderous. I do what he wants me to though. I always do. He's the expert in this area, or so he says. My legs are shaky underneath me. I've been on a machine that works them but it's not the same as actually putting weight on them. I take one slow very shaky step and glance up at The Asshole. He's grinning at me like a bloody idiot. I growl but take another step. At least half my weight is still on my arms.
"If you're going to dick around and waste my time, just tell me. I have better things to do." Patrick says.
"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm doing what you asked." I snap back.
"No, you're playing it safe. You've fallen and you don't want to fall again. I could go into all the psychological shit about why you're doing it but it's easier to tell you to cowboy up. Put all of your weight on your legs. If you don't want to do that, sit your ass back down in your wheel chair and wait for Buffy to come get you." Patrick turns his back to me.
Asshole, who the hell does he think he is? He's not the one that fell, smacked his head on the tub and had to have his wife come pick him up off the floor. I growl and slowly test my weight. He is not going to get the better of me, not some ordinary human. It doesn't occur to me in my anger I'm an ordinary human too. I take slow, small steps like those old men you see walking down the sidewalk. I'm concentrating so hard I don't feel Buffy.
"Oh, God, Angel." She says.
I twist quickly to see her standing in the doorway. It throws me off balance and I start to fall. I make a mad grasp for the railings and my hand slips off them. She catches me. The next thing I know we're both sitting on the padded floor. She caught me.
"Wow, you're-you're faster then anyone I've ever seen in my life and strong." Patrick says. Awe and disbelief color his voice.
Buffy nods. Her attention is focused completely on me. She didn't even think twice about showing off her slayer speed and strength in front of someone, not when it meant something as little as making sure I didn't fall.
The Asshole is still staring at us. Buffy is murmuring softly to me and running her fingers over my face and through my hair. Her fingers skim the cut on my head so lightly. She's smiling at me. I don't feel any pain when Buffy is smiling at me. I grasp her fingers in my hand and pull them to my lips. I kiss her fingers.
"I'm okay. You caught me." I say.
"You always caught me. I figure I owe you one." She says with a smile.
"I love you." I whisper looking up into green eyes.
The world comes back into focus when The Asshole clears his throat. Could he not have just walked the hell out of the room?
"Uh, sorry to break up this, whatever." He apologizes.
Buffy smiles and shakes her head. "No, it's okay. Who knows when Angel and I would have come back down to earth? Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm supposed to work with Melanie to day on swords and I think we're late."
Buffy wraps her arm around my waist and helps me get to my feet. She's supporting most of my weight but to anyone watching, Patrick, it would look like I'm helping more then I am. Using the railings and Buffy for support I manage to get into the chair.
"Why didn't you tell me you were getting so close to walking?" Buffy asks.
I shrug. "Because I'm not. I can move my legs but today was the first time I tried putting very much weight on them. You saw what happened." I say.
"But, Angel, that's like a huge step." She says.
"No, it's not, not yet. I've got a lot of work if I want to actually be able to walk without a walker or braces or something." I say.
"I'm still impressed. It's so much more then I thought it would be." She says.
I look at her confused. "You would really spend the rest of your life with me in this chair?"
"Angel, I'd spend the rest of my life with you if you were paralyzed from the neck down. You've never really gotten that. I want my life to be with you, no matter what that means." She says.
I'm beginning to get that and it's a scary, wonderful feeling.
-Buffy-
He walked, or he almost did and he acts like it's nothing. He doesn't even realize it's everything. I don't want to make too much of it though. I don't want to make him think that our future hinges on his walking. It doesn't, it never has, it never will. I can hardly concentrate on the training session with Melanie. I'm introducing her to swords today and I really should be on my game, since we're fighting with real ones, granted the edges have been blunted but they could still do some damage in the hands of a slayer.
"You okay today, B?" Melanie asks. "You seem off your game."
"I was taking it easy on you. You think you're ready to play with the big girls?" I say.
"Oh yeah." Melanie says. There are times she reminds me of a less damaged Faith.
I shake my head to clear it. Angel is sitting in the corner watching us. I wanted him there to give suggestions and pointers. I'm the slayer. I've fought with swords plenty of times. Angel fought with swords for a couple hundred years or so. He's got a bit of an advantage on me.
Melanie and I parry and dodge, careful to hit each other with the flats of the blunted blades. Neither of us has gotten a killing blow, but we've both gotten some hits in, me more then her.
"She feints to her left, Mel. Stay on her." Angel says.
"Hey! You're not supposed to give my secrets away." I say teasingly as I duck a slice that would have been my neck.
"Sorry, Baby, you know I love you but I have to train my slayer." He says.
I chuckle, easily parrying one of Melanie's strikes. "And I used to be your slayer."
"You'll always be the slayer of my heart." He says.
Aww, I know, cheesy line but that's the thing about Angel. He means all those cheesy lines. Melanie takes advantage of my Aww moment. She slaps my sword away. It flies against the wall. She advances strong. I can only backpedal. I let her get me down. This is exactly the sort of situation I want her to be prepared for.
Melanie backs me up against a wall. I don't have anywhere to run. A familiar scene from my past runs through my mind.
"Now that's everything, huh? No weapons......no friends......no hope."
"Take all that away and what's left?"
Melanie draws her sword back and thrusts it at my chest. With slayer reflexes I swing up both my arms and catch the blade between my palms.
"Me."
I shove the sword hilt back into her face. She narrowly avoids being hit by it. The force throws her across the room. I stand up and look over at Angel. I know he remembers the same scene I just re-enacted.
"So, what did you learn?" I ask.
"You're strong as holy hell." Melanie grumbles as she stands up, holding her hand to the back of her head. She must have bumped it on the wall. "I think I got the gyp end of the slayer strength."
"Relax, we're like vampires. We get stronger, faster, more powerful with age." I say. "What you should have learned is this. Never under estimate your opponent. They are never down and out until they are dead. The other thing that you should have learned about yourself is this. You're the slayer. You don't need weapons. You are a weapon. Lesson over."
Melanie looks at Angel like she expects him to say something to me.
"She's right. If Buffy had relied on weapons that day, I would have killed her. There is no one and nothing you can rely on except yourself. Remember that. It might keep you alive one of these days. I'm going to go help Giles with a translation. "Angel says as he wheels himself out of the training room.
Melanie and I lean against the gymnastic horse sipping on cold bottles of water.
"You did good today. I tricked you into that situation." I say.
"Angel tried to kill you?" Melanie says.
I take a long drink of water. "Angel's demon tried to kill me, Angelus. He did the exact same thing to me that I let you do to me. He thought he'd won. He thought that without weapons or friends I had nothing. He underestimated me and I won the battle that day." I say.
"I don't understand. He's not dead." Melanie said.
I consider my options. I can take the easy out and just gloss over the story. I can tell her something like it's not always about the kill. Every win doesn't end in death, there are other options. I ask myself if it wasn't about Buffy and Angel would I tell her? Does she need to know that sometimes the win doesn't equal a kill, that sometimes emotions enter into battles and that sometimes there are decisions you have to make even though they kill you to make them. She's the slayer. She needs to know. I take a deep breath. "Okay, short version because the long one is too painful. Angelus is Angel without a soul, or was. He lost his soul. He tried to suck the world into hell through Acathla. He and I fought with swords. Willow put his soul back in at the last moment, literally before I cut his head off. It was too late. Acathla was already sucking the world into hell. The only way to stop it was to send Angel to hell, so I made a decision that I hope you don't ever have to make. I sacrificed the person I love most in this world, for the world. I sent Angel to Hell. If you need a more complete story, ask Giles. Tell him I said its okay for you to read his journals."
"Wow. He came back and he still loved you?" Melanie says.
I nod. "A hundred years in Hell didn't change anything. A thousand years in Hell wouldn't have changed anything. What Angel and I have, it never changes it just grows stronger, deeper whether you want it to or not. Ok, that's all I can handle of the pain that is Buffy and Angel history."
"I bet he was amazing to watch fight." Melanie says a bit of envy and awe in her voice.
"He was breathtaking to watch fight. Sometimes I'd watch him with tears in my eyes he was so beautiful." I say, my heart aching.