MORE THAN A FEW REGRETS
Aila didn't waste any time getting behind the wheel of her Bronco. She didn't care if Frank managed to get in the vehicle or not. All she could think of was Ethan. She barely had time to blink. However, Frank was there. Right beside her. It took twenty or so minutes to get to the hospital and Aila would be hard pressed to remember the trip at all. She left Frank behind in the Bronco as she ran toward the ER. He caught up to her readily enough.
Pearlie Blane looked up when she heard the sound of frantic trotting. It was her daughter, still in uniform, moving toward her at a breakneck pace. Just behind her was a tall, lanky fellow. She recognized him as Ethan's father. "Aila, baby, just calm down," Pearlie began.
"Momma, what's wrong, what happened," Aila asked frantically.
"Baby, you're bleeding…"
"Mother, forget me. Tell me about my boy. What's wrong?"
"His fever kept going up and nothing Lila could do would break it. She tried calling you, but you were out of pocket. She brought Ethan to my house and she stayed with Dad. Aila, baby, you look awful. Maybe you need…"
"Momma, I…" She turned to look at Frank. "We want to see him."
Pearlie led the way to Ethan's room. Aila covered her mouth with her hand. She had never seen her son in a hospital bed before. It seemed to swallow his little body. She felt tears coming to her eyes. If she had stayed home like she wanted, maybe this wouldn't have happened to her son. She looked up for a brief moment and saw that Frank had gone over to the opposite side of the bed. It was one of a few times that she saw tears in his eyes. His eyes met hers and she felt some animosity fading slowly away. He wanted to say something to her. It was easy to see. Yet, something was holding him back. He became aware of the length of time she was looking at him. The 'look' became something of a gaze. When Aila realized that, she quickly looked away and then down at Ethan's tiny hand. She touched it and he immediately grasped her fingers. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. She didn't want to start blubbering in front of him. It would only serve to scare him more than he was already scared. She watched as Frank ran one large paw across his forehead, likely checking for signs of fever. However, nothing made Aila feel better than Ethan's eyes coming open. He blinked owlishly at both of his parents as if he hadn't seen them before.
"Momma, Ethan want go home," he said.
Both Frank and Aila shared a nervous, but relieved chuckle. "I know you do, baby," Aila said. "Soon. Okay?"
As it turned out, Ethan stayed one day in the hospital. It took heavy urging from Pearlie and Frank to convince Aila to see a doctor herself. Her wound was no more than a graze, but it still needed tending. The doctor on staff wanted to admit her, but she wouldn't have it. She needed to be there for her son. Frank also refused to leave the hospital. It was awkward between them. A new tentativeness had sparked amongst them and it was hard to describe. It almost felt like the first day he saw her again, before he knew about Ethan. Aila said goodbye to Frank at the hospital and brought her son home. She wasn't sure how much longer the team would be in Kansas. There was still a lot of garbage to clean up and Aila wasn't certain what she wanted anymore. Thurman Herren was gone and he would never hurt anyone else again. Yet, even that seemed like a dull victory. The only thing she was certain of was that she wanted to get her boy home where he belonged.
Once she had Ethan home, she settled him in his own bed for a long nap. It was then that her doorbell rang. Unsure of the identity of her guest, Aila hesitated before answering the door. She halfway expected it to be the mayor or some of the other city council members. They were pressuring her to announce her decision on whether or not she would be running for reelection. She wasn't sure she even wanted it anymore. She wasn't sure of anything. Shrugging it all away, she approached the door and opened it. It was Frank. She wasn't quite expecting him. He knew she had just brought Ethan back home today and he had even said he wouldn't be coming over to see the boy until much later.
"Frank?"
Her blue eyes were gazing up at him with mass confusion clouding them. "Do you mind if I come in?"
"No," she said. "I don't mind. I just put Ethan down, though. He might be out for a while."
He nodded. "I know," he said. "It's you I came to see. I need to talk to you."
She moved away from the door so that he could enter the room. She wasn't sure what he wanted, unless he decided how he wanted to visit his child. She said nothing as he moved past her so he could sit on the couch. As if sensing it, he had chosen her favorite spot in which to sit. It was bizarre. What in the world was on his mind? Did he want to fight with her? She didn't want to fight with him. She didn't have the energy.
"Could you join me," Frank asked.
She noticed that he wasn't quite looking at her. "Sure." She sat down beside him and immediately noted how tense he was. "What is it, Frank?"
His eyes finally met hers. "I'm sorry for all the hurtful words I said to you."
"I think I deserved it," she said lamely.
"Aila, you're not listening to me," he began. "I didn't mean any of it. It hurt and I wanted to hurt back. Not once did I consider what my behavior toward you would do to our son. I was thinking of myself."
"Frank," Aila began, trying to protest.
"Please," he said. "Let me." He sighed before he ran his tongue briefly over his lips. "Something happened to me when I saw you fall. I thought you were dead and I snapped. The way it looked, your last memory of me would be one of hatred and bitterness. I came here partly due to a case, but I mostly came to see you. After three years, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Day in. Day out. I wondered what I could have done to keep you with me. Although I had no idea you were pregnant when you left, I can't blame you for everything. I never made it easy for you. Just when you were able to read me, I'd shift and push you away."
"Frank, you didn't…"
He took her hands in his. "I did," he insisted. "I came around three years ago and was finally ballsy enough to buy you an engagement ring. I wanted to marry you more than anything, but you decided to do your own pushing. I didn't fight for you like I should have. For God's sake, Aila, you were carrying my child, but you were too afraid to tell me because of the way I was, the way I've always been." He stopped speaking for a moment to garner the necessary courage he needed to complete his thoughts. "The point of all this, Aila, is that even after three years, I still love you. I lost sight of that just after I learned the truth about Ethan, but it hit me full force again when I saw Thurman Herren holding that gun to your head. I don't expect a second chance or reciprocation. I just had to let you know and apologize for everything."
He released her hands and stood. He had said his piece and now he was heading for the door, but she wouldn't let him leave. Not yet. She reached out for him and took hold of his hand. She stood to face him. "Frank, wait." He gazed at her quizzically. What was she going to say to him? What was going through her mind? There were a thousand things she could say and do, but she wouldn't. After such sheer hell, he had made a startling confession to her, one she hadn't expected. And now, it was her turn. "I still love you, too."
Could he turn away after her confession? He had thought all along that it was a fruitless fantasy that she could possibly still love him. He hadn't lied when he said his wake up call had been when he saw that gun to her temple. He had forgotten the betrayal and was solely focused on this woman he knew he loved more than his own life. He wanted to ask her a dozen questions, but one stood out above them all. What now? Yet, he could see the answer in her beautiful ice blue eyes. She didn't have to speak at all. It was there, written clearly and wonderfully. Without hesitation, without waiting a millisecond, his lips covered hers.
Aila moaned within their kiss and part of her wanted to push him away, but she couldn't listen to that part. She listened to the side that still wanted him. Everything that had happened in the last few days came crashing back to her. As if sensing her pain, he deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue into her mouth and he held onto her tightly. He wanted her so very badly, wanted every inch of her, but he was so afraid that she wouldn't have him. He broke the kiss and gazed down at her. Her eyes were half-lidded and her lips slightly parted. It was enough to drive him over the edge. He touched her cheek, wanting to say something to her, but he was at a loss for words. He had treated her so roughly. Why would be believe that she would take him into her bed?
He began to back away, to finally get out of her life after wrecking it. However, she held onto his hands. "Stay," she whispered.
"Are you sure," he asked. "After everything that I said?"
"It doesn't matter. I love you."
He kissed her again and plunged his hands into the silky fall of her black hair. The taste of her was incredible. How in the hell had he allowed her to get away from him? She broke the kiss this time and tugged on his hand. He allowed her to lead him into her bedroom. Standing before each other, they slowly began to undress. As they began to reveal their bodies inch by painstaking inch, Frank realized that Aila had never looked so lush and beautiful. When their bodies were as bare as the day they were born, she approached him for another searing kiss. His large, warm hands wandered over her naked back and then down to her buttocks. He cupped them for only a moment to press her lower body into his. She moaned when she felt the length of him against her. It had been far too long since he had last touched her, since any man had last touched her. His lips broke away from hers and he buried his face in the side of her neck. After inhaling her scent, his lips and teeth began to assault her flesh. She threw her head back when his hands cupped her breasts. A moment later, his lips encircled one nipple. He drew the hardened peak between his lips and suckled delicately. He didn't ignore its mate. He drew it into his mouth just as delicately. Before she had the chance to plunge her hands into his hair, he moved to kiss her again.
At that point, she began to gently pull him forward toward her bed. Their kiss ended as soon as the back of her thighs hit the bed. He stood back and watched as she slid onto the bed, awaiting him and his touch. Her wait was short, as he joined her just moments after she lay down. Skin against skin, his mouth covered hers again. This time, she didn't hesitate to plunge her hands into his hair to hold him in place until she was sated. Oh, the feel of his skin against hers, the way his scent enveloped her body, his probing hands. It was all almost too much to believe. The kiss broke and his mouth moved from hers back down to her breasts. He suckled each nipple again, taking his time, swirling his tongue around them as if they were the sweetest fruit ever grown on the face of the planet. Eventually, he ended the torture and moved his mouth even lower. Just above her navel, he whispered 'I love you so much' against her skin. He didn't venture lower. Instead, he moved back up to take her lips again.
Their bodies changed position and it was Aila's chance to make him squirm. Her mouth attacked his flesh, her nostrils taking in the heated, masculine scent of him. Her teeth made small nibbling bites along his neck, down onto his chest, and then further still to his flat abdomen. His groans and growls increased the more she moved. His hands were already in her hair. He wanted to see her face. Not once did he want it to be out of sight. When he felt her breath on him, he swallowed hard and bit out a tortured command: "Aila, don't." She didn't listen. He was immediately nestled in her warm mouth. He drew in a hissed breath as her mouth began its wonderful up and down dance. She didn't keep up her pace long. She could sense he wanted inside her and she wanted him there as much as he wanted to be there. She moved to sit astride him and she ran her hands along his chest, up his neck, and over his cheeks. Although he would argue with her, she thought he was just as beautiful as their son. She moved slightly to allow him to sit up.
"Every day, I wanted you," he said. "Every day, I denied you. It was foolish."
"You bet your ass it was," she said with a smile.
He kissed her again and she felt her body drifting to the bed. She arched her body toward his, giving him a clear indication that she wanted him badly. From the feel of him, she could tell that he felt the same. She sighed ever so slightly as she felt the tip of him easing into her. Bit by bit, he pushed himself inside her until he was fully sheathed within. Together, they moved slowly, allowing the passion to build. Three years of unrequited need was expressed in their lovemaking. When he met his release deeply inside her, he didn't immediately break their connection. He couldn't. It had been far too long and he loved her far too much.
When Frank could finally speak, he said, "I've still got the ring."
Her answer: "I still have a finger."
* * *
Some months later, Aila lay back with a wide smile on her face. Both Darien and Ethan were running their father ragged. She couldn't help but laugh at her little family. Agent Donovan with the guns and the badge was nothing up against two of his children. The third was due in a few weeks. Aila was sure this one would do her own share of harrowing behavior. Aila was still laughing when Frank approached her and collapsed to the blanket she had laid out on the ground. Under the close supervision of her father and stepmother, Darien was keeping track of her baby brother. The two children were no more than a foot away from the adults. They were in the park having a picnic together. It had been Aila's idea, because as of tomorrow, Darien would return to her mother. She and Frank wouldn't see the girl for a good bit of time and Darien loved taking care of Ethan. It was hard not to indulge the kid. Aila wasn't sure how the two would react to each other when they first arrived in Chicago, but after the initial confusion, Darien immediately prided her new role as a big sister. Ethan was Ethan. He simply found someone new to love, someone new to love him.
Of course, Ethan had also taken to his Aunt Terra just as quickly. Aila remembered that at the wedding, Terra had made it plain that she had bitched out Frank but good. She also didn't make it any secret that she knew her brother had been pining for three years. I told him he was going to marry you, but he thinks he knows everything, Terra had said. He kept the ring and everything. He was crazy about you, but too ignorant to act on it. Desmond the Dope. Aila had actually put Terra in the wedding, and she had mouthed 'I told you so' toward Frank during her walk down the aisle ahead of the bride. It was an exasperating moment for Frank, but one hilarious for everyone else.
"I thought I was in shape," Frank said, panting dramatically. "They're wearing me out."
Aila smiled and ran her hand over her swollen middle. "And there's another about to make her entrance into the world. I hope you realize it's too late for you to decide you're too old for parenthood again. Perhaps we should have talked that night instead of…well…um…"
He chuckled. "Okay, I suppose you're right. Perhaps I can make it."
Aila focused her eyes on Darien and Ethan. Darien was trying to show him something, but he refused to look. Some other object in the grass, perhaps a grasshopper, had gotten his attention. Every few minutes, she could hear his indignant wail: "Stop, Sissy. Ethan busy." Aila had no idea where her son had picked up the word 'busy,' but he loved saying it. He was growing more and more like his father by the day. For a moment, a frown creased Aila's face. All of this. All of the sweetness was nearly taken from her. It was a disturbing thought, but one that stuck in her mind. Yet, all the drama had brought Frank back into her life and had culminated in a marriage and a new baby. She hadn't expected either to happen, but she welcomed it. None of it seemed touchable, but it was hers. For the first time in her life, she felt settled and grounded.
"Aila?"
She came out of her daze and focused her eyes on Frank's face. "Yeah babe?"
"Are you okay? Is the baby bothering?"
She shook her head and smiled. Every grunt and groan she elicited brought on a new wave of worrying. "No," she said as she ran her hand over her middle for the second time. She was greeted with a swift kick. Their unborn daughter was quite active. Any day now, she would be born. "She's fine and kicking the shit out of me. I was drifting, that's all. I was thinking about everything that could have gone wrong ten months ago. It's not a pleasant thought, but one I can't shake."
"No, it isn't, but nothing happened," he said.
"No, nothing did, but Sybil didn't have to die. I still don't understand that. She had no malice toward me, Frank. She just fell in love. I can understand how powerful that is, but I never understood how desperate she was until I realized how deeply in trouble she was."
He reached out to her and took her hand. He kissed her fingers, but didn't immediately release her hand. "Stop punishing yourself. You couldn't stop her. You tried and she kicked you out. Remember that."
She nodded vaguely. "I know, but it still smarts, that's all," she said. "I'm sorry for dragging this up again."
"Don't apologize. It was a major part of your life. One you won't ever forget. Just stop blaming yourself. You don't need the grief."
"Nope, you're right about that. Any day now, I'll have my hands full enough to last two lifetimes. I won't have time to think about it."
"No you won't," he said with a chuckle.
"Thank God for those amicable partings, huh?"
He kissed her forehead. "No. Thank God for new beginnings."
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Finis…