God, sometimes you don't pull through. - Tori Amos, God.




I remembered one time that there was a song on the radio sung by a gorgeous female voice, and it was talking about you, Lord. She was singing the truth.

"God, sometimes you just don't pull through."

I'm following your word, consoling others, helping them in their time of need. God, I didn't know Austin had this kind of affect on other people. I didn't even know that people actually looked him to him, found advice other than business life from him...

There was so much more to Steve Austin than what meets the eye. Or... what met the eye.

He's dead now.

I haven't reacted yet.

I'm too worried about the others, wondering how they feel, how their reactions are either intense or subtle, helping out those who cannot control their emotions. I've seen Dwayne scream and storm out of here. I haven't found him. I don't think he wants to be found.

And Hunter... he lost it. I shouldn't converse with a man with such hatred, morbidity, and vileness in him. So I won't.

Jericho is talking with Benoit, so I won't interfere. I am consoling the younger guys, the ones who looked up to Steve. That's what I'm doing, Lord. You told me -- told humanity to help others in their time of need. So that's what I'm doing.

I'm helping them, conversing with them... and they get over it. It doesn't hurt them. It doesn't hurt them at all, Lord. It affects them, because they knew this man. They knew him, talked with him, bonded with him... and now that he's gone, they feel lost.

As long as I have you, Lord, I'm never lost. I guess they're going to rely on me, now, because I have a sense of direction. I know where I'm going and what I'm doing. I'm not going to let these demons control me again. I'm pure, I'm cleansed... I'm complete.

I feel nothing now that Austin's gone. I have no reaction. I stay firm, and true in front of the others, a pillar of strength and a person to rely on. They can all trust me now. They can all rely on me now. Steve's gone, so I'm here.

I feel like a Messiah, Lord. You can be proud of me. I'm giving salvation to these young, naive people. I'm helping them learn to move on, gain experience from this event, and to never reflect on it again. To move on... to trudge forward in life, and never look back.

They're okay, Lord. They're all fine now. They're controlling their emotions, for now, understanding that it was Wrestlemania, and it was time to focus on the task at hand. And so I go back to my locker room, and I close the door, and I automatically kneel, and I pray to you.

And the lyric hits my head.

"God, sometimes you don't pull through."

That makes you human, then. It's said that humanity was made in your image, Lord. So you can make mistakes, because that's who you are. You're a mortal man who happens to have the greatest powers in the universe -- a man who can take and give, create and destroy, life and die.

But Steve Austin is dead, Lord.

What did he ever do? Sure, he drank few too many beers that might not suit your fancy, and cursed up a storm, and flipped the bird at authority, and did such reckless behavior like bringing in a beer truck or a monster truck into the arena.

He was a good man, Lord. He was a very good man, Lord. He loved his children so dearly, I can still remember how he literally teared up and became so real and solemn when he started to talk about how he missed them. He loved his family so much that one time he told me his friends in college wouldn't have been surprised if he left back for Edna, his home.

Steve... he loved joking around with us in the back, still acting the same Steve Austin when he hit it big. He still treated us the same, as equals. He didn't let greed and fame hit his head. He wanted to get the company over, as well as himself, and then get others to where he is. He wasn't selfish, Lord, he wanted to persevere. And he did.

He was a giving man, Lord. He loved helping others. Look at those men in the back -- crying for him. Rocky's bawling somewhere, Hunter went berserk, and I'm...

I'm... just...

I'm just kneeling here, praying to you, Lord.

Praying.

That's all I'm doing as a reaction to the death of Steve Austin.

It's no surprise, though. Me and Steve never got along. We didn't like each other. But... but we had a bond, I think. A faint one. We loved this business, we loved helping others, and we loved our families.

I didn't know if he was a religious man. He was such a private individual, and I respected him for it.

It's no wonder he jumped on me when he said I was flaunting out my religion. He kept his religious preferences to himself. He didn't show them off like I did... like I AM.

Why did you take HIM, Lord? Why not an evil man who raped women or a man who took away innocent souls or a man who commited adultery and was never condemned for it? Where's your justice, God?

Dear Lord, dear God... why did you forsake Steve?

Why did you take him away from the world?

Why, God, why?

Oh Lord, I feel tears staining my eyes. My chest sobs softly, and my clasp hands begin to fall over my mouth in order to stop myself.

This isn't right. Nothing is right anymore. There's no justice anymore. I don't know what you think is right anymore... I've lost my direction, Lord. And y'know what's sad?

The only possibly for me to getting back on track, the only man who would be able to help me, is gone. You took him away from the world, Lord. You took him away from me. From everyone. From his family, friends...

I shouldn't be crying for a man that I had no common bond with. I shouldn't... I shouldn't... this isn't right. Or real. I just shouldn't be crying period. I shouldn't...

But I am. And I can't stop.

That female singer was right, Lord. She was absolutely right. God, sometimes you just don't pull through.

And that's why it's times like these that makes me realize...

... sometimes, just sometimes... I-- hate you.