The OOC Adventures of Kisame and Itachi

Part I I – Of Funnel cakes and Giraffes

Summary & Disclaimer: Why are you reading this if you haven't read the last chapter? Go back and check there, for Pete's sake. Or Pete will cry. Feh, I don't own Naruto.

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Itachi stood there, looking up at the large heading over the gate as if it was the opening to the very mouth of hell itself. Scrawled on the gate, on the body of a cartoon snake (they learned he was the parks mascot, Napoleon, after making a few inquiries), in bright golden letters was "Hidden Neverland Ranch."

The name sent an involuntary shiver down Itachi's spine, but, for what reason, he couldn't place.

I have a bad feeling about this…he thought, but just then; a hand lashed out and grabbed a hold of his arm. Kisame began dragging Itachi towards the entrance, humming an annoying pop song about friendship that they were blaring over the intercom incessantly. The song was already lodged in Itachi's head and he feared it would remain there for the remainder of this experience. They paid for the tickets. That bastard, Orochimaru had sent them the VIP passes, but not the tickets in his typical fashion. Although it was not worth the effort, Itachi let Kisame take out his vengeance on the ticket vender, before they tied her up underneath her desk and locked her in her little booth. Pity that it would take them a while to find her with that gag they tied over her mouth.

Then came the train ride to the actual park itself. It was not a full blown train which comes to mind when you think of trains. No, it was one of those kiddy trains, complete tiny cramped seats and no roof over head to shield from the sun's rays. The conductor even had the stereotypical stripped hat on, overalls, and a little pin with the annoying snake smiling ridiculously at Itachi from where it was fastened to the back of the conductor's bandana.  The conductor kept babbling information about attractions and how the park was constructed, but it wasn't anything that Itachi had not read in the brochure already.

Let's just get this over with, Itachi thought as he looked over at his comrade. Kisame insisted on sitting next to him on the tram though there were many empty seats and Kisame could have at least sat across from him if he wanted to share a compartment. But, oh no, he had to squeeze next to Itachi so that it was difficult to breathe because Kisame's elbow was lodged right below the left hand side of his ribcage and dangerously close to the floating ribs. To make it worse, Kisame had memorized the park's theme song so he kept belching it out over and over, again and again.

He was about to pray that it could not get worse, when the train came to a halt and they were allowed to disembark. As they entered the park, the reality of his situation finally hit him completely in the face.

Everywhere, tiny feet, tiny bodies, smiling faces, annoying high pitched voices flitted about him. Children, children were everywhere. He could feel his eye involuntarily twitching as the little brats darted to and fro, yelling excitedly and making high pitched chatter, clinging to balloons or their parents' hands. He thought he was hallucinating. For an instant, he thought he saw a head of blond spiked hair bobbing here and there in the crowd.  But, there it was again. And look, again! Here and there, several little heads of blond spiked hair were popping in and out of the mass of children.

Itachi did the only thing he thought was reasonable to do. He threw his head back and screamed.

Meanwhile, his partner in crime, Kisame had wandered off by himself. The train ride had made him hungry like, well, like a shark. And something deliciously sweet wafted through the air and pulled him from his partner's side, and down to a little place near a some cheap rendition of a castle.

"Funnel cakes?" He murmured as he read the sign, wondering what those could possibly be, having never had one before. Oh, but the smell made his mouth water. And they were not even bloody or raw or even meat! Not like his favorite food, chum.* They smelt baked, loaded with sugar and calories, hot and crisp.

God, he was starving just from the smell, but then it hit him. Itachi had the money. Itachi always had all the money. Itachi didn't trust him with a cent.

He almost felt like going back and asking Itachi to buy him one, but then he remembered how stingy Itachi was with spending money. That's why they always lived off what they could find in the forest and slept in a tent every night they were away from headquarters. Itachi said it was for secrecy.

"Secrecy, my ass," Kisame mumbled, but the call of the funnel cake was to strong. He knew he would stop at nothing. He wanted one, and it would be his!

Kisame lingered in the bushes, concealing himself skillfully, as a good ninja should. A little girl with brown hair with pigtails wandered up and bought a funnel cake from the vender. There it was, wonderful, golden, and wrapped in brown paper. Kisame had to wipe his mouth on his sleeve to keep from drooling.

He waited until the girl rounded the corner before making his appearance.

"Hey kid, gimme that funnel cake!" He ordered, grabbing a hold of the cake, trying to wretch it from her grasp. He was surprised that such a small girl could have such a firm grip.

"NO! It's mine!"

"Give it to me!" They struggled. It was a tug of war, fight to the finish. Shark against little girl. Finally, after what seemed an eternity to the hungry Kisame, he won the battle and pulled the funnel cake from the girl's hands!

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kisame laughed an evil laugh, and then some, in victory. The little girl drew her hands to her sides in fists, her face bunching up as she began to cry before, WHAMO! She brought her heel down so hard on his toes that the funnel cake went flying out of his hands and into the moat.

"My…Funnel cake…" Kisame mourned, as he watched the golden form first become soggy, then slowly float away before a pair of ducks glided over and began to take claim to his prize. He was distracted long enough to not notice that the girl had skipped away to safety and out of his sight, which was lucky for his sake.

He would have stood their, pouting all day over the loss of his beloved cake, before he spotted them. They were tall, in a pair of two, with long yellow necks, spotted brown, with their heads poking out right over the sign that read 'Petting Zoo.' Boy, oh boy, did they look tasty!

Itachi could catch up later. Kisame already found himself climbing over the fence.

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*Chum is bait that people use to attract sharks. Basically pureed raw fish.